From Glowing Embers (6 page)

Gray rested his face against her hair. “Poor little kid,” he said, choking on the words.

“My daddy always managed to find a drink after that. He stopped speaking to everybody, too. The only person he spoke to was Nancy Sue, but she wasn’t there to hear him anymore. He died six months later.”

“And that’s why you’re afraid of storms.”

“It could have been me. It probably should have been.”

“Don’t say that.”

Her voice was thick with tears. “I was older than she was. I should have stayed with her instead of running off.”

“You were trying to get the door open for her.”

“I know. I tell myself that, but it doesn’t help much.”

He rolled to his side, shifting her so that they were face-to-face. “What good would it have done if you’d died, too? I’m glad you didn’t stay with her. I never would have known you if you had.”

“You’d never have known what you were missing.”

He stared into the blue eyes he was beginning to see in his dreams. He knew her last sentence had been said just to lighten the mood. She was close to tears, and she was trying not to cry. She’d been absolutely accurate, though. If he hadn’t met Julie Ann, he wouldn’t have known what he was missing. She had taught him so much about courage and strength. About prejudice.

“I might not have known what I was missing,” he murmured, “but I would have known
something
was. I feel real when I’m with you.”

She drew in a quick breath, as if that was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to her. “Thank you.”

It was such a short distance from his mouth to hers. Gray breached it easily. The kiss was meant to be reassuring, but as soon as his lips touched hers, he wondered which of them needed the reassurance. He tried to remind himself that this was Julie Ann he was kissing, the girl he called funny kid, the girl who was probably the best friend he’d ever had.

None of his reminders helped. This was Julie Ann, all right, and Julie Ann was sweet and warm and completely acquiescent. She didn’t struggle or hold back. The storm and story had torn down all the walls she had built around her feelings.

He drew her closer without breaking their kiss. Face to face, body to body, he could feel how fragile she really was, and he wanted to protect her. At the same time he felt a fierce desire to make her his. He wanted to possess all the fine things about her, her mind, her spirit, the body lying against his own.

His hand crept under her blouse to feel her skin against his fingertips. His tongue found hers and stroked it in exploration. When she didn’t withdraw, he pushed her back against the pillows until he was half over her. Her eyes were clear and untroubled as he moved one hand up to caress her breasts.

She wasn’t wearing a bra, and that revelation was almost his undoing. He understood why she hadn’t bothered; she was so slender that her breasts were too small to need one. But what they lacked in size they made up for in the perfection of their shape and in their velvet softness. He stroked his thumb across each nipple, feeling them harden at the same time that she arched toward him, shutting her eyes.

He kissed her face, her neck, as he caressed her. Both of them had forgotten about the storm. Overhead, thunder roared, but Julie Ann still lay in his arms, pliant to his touch. Gray’s fingers were unsteady as he unbuttoned her blouse. His mouth played over her torso, learning each hollow, each peak, each place that increased her pleasure.

Her long slender fingers tangled in his hair as she held his mouth to her. There was nothing practiced about the movement of her body or the sweet sounds coming from her throat, but Gray had never been more excited. The ache building inside him was like nothing he had ever felt. He didn’t just want to have sex with Julie Ann; he wanted to possess every part of her.

He wanted to make love to her. For the first time in his life he understood what those words meant.

His hands slipped under the waistband of her jeans, and he began to slide them lower. Only then did she resist.

“Gray, we shouldn’t...”

His head was spinning. He could think of no reason to stop. He silenced her with a kiss, and she sighed against his lips. Her hands edged between them, but if they were there to push him away, she didn’t seem to have the strength. She sighed again.

He stroked the contours of her narrow waist, letting his fingers delve under her jeans to the taut skin of her abdomen. His touch sent shivers coursing through her, shaking them both.

He couldn’t believe how quickly his need to comfort her had turned to passion. He slid his hands behind her, shifting so that he was completely on top of her. He lifted her against him and knew for the first time how perfectly they would fit together.

“Gray, we can’t...”

He silenced her words once more with a long delirious kiss. Then he drew just far enough away to look in her eyes. He saw a mixture of fear and longing. And trust.

It was the last that stilled his hands.

He groaned, slipping them from her jeans and rolling away before they both discovered her trust had been misplaced. “Nothing’s going to happen,” he reassured her. He took a deep breath, then two, and wished he hadn’t been raised to be a gentleman. “I’m not going to let it go any further than this.”

She sighed, whether in relief or disappointment he wasn’t sure, but she turned to her side, and her hands came back up to stroke his hair. They were both silent, and he knew she was trying hard to control her breathing, too.

“I never thought about anyone doing that to me,” she said finally.

His laughter was hollow. “I suspect you’ll think about it now.”

“Maybe I will.”

“
I’ll
think about it.”

Color crept into her cheeks. He could almost see the question in her eyes. He waited for it.

“Will you think about me?” she asked in a husky near-whisper. “When you’re back at Ole Miss in a couple of weeks, will you think about me?”

He wondered if he would think of anything else. School was a different world. It was such an insular environment that when he was there he usually forgot there was anything else in the universe. Now he wondered how he would concentrate.

“I’ll think about you.” He wanted to say more, but he knew more was dangerous. Julie Ann was going to be a senior in high school. He was going to be a senior in college. This summer had been an oasis, but their lives were destined for different paths.

“I’ll think about you,” he told her, catching her hand and bringing it to his lips. “But don’t think about me. Get on with your life after I go, Julie Ann. Don’t let me or any man hold you back from what you want to do.”

“I’m not going to.” She pulled her hand away to button her blouse. Then her arms came around him, and she rested her head on his chest.

As the storm moved away Gray wondered if she had really listened.

I’D AS SOON
ride a wild camel as be in this bloody plane!”

Julianna was startled by her seatmate’s oath. In the seconds before she answered him, she wondered if in the next cabin Gray had been reliving their mutual past as she had, or if he even remembered enough of it to relive.

“I’m surprised the flight’s so rough,” she answered. “I thought we’d be over the worst of it by now.”

“You missed the captain’s announcement, then.”

She nodded. She had been so engrossed in her memories that she’d been oblivious to everything around her. “What did he say?”

“We don’t have anything to worry about, but the storm’s getting worse. Hawaii may catch the full brunt of it in the next day or so. They’ve canceled all flights out of Honolulu until further notice.”

Julianna wasn’t sure which was worse, the fact that she was going to have to brave a major storm, or that she wouldn’t be able to fly on to Kauai as scheduled. She had just finished a grueling two month showing of her new collection in department stores in California, New York, New Orleans and Miami. She had spent the entire time longing to be back in Kauai and promising herself a much needed rest when she got there. Now, after seeing Gray, she needed to be home worse than ever. “Were you flying on?” she asked.

“I was. Guess I won’t be now.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much about it. They’ll probably have flights going out tomorrow.”

“If that’s true, why do you look worried?”

Julianna grimaced. “Too much to think about, I guess.”

“If you’re worried about being bothered at the airport, don’t be.”

She knew he was referring to Gray. “I’ll be all right.”

“I’ll stay with you until you get settled somewhere.”

“You don’t have to worry about me. Gray’s too well-bred to cause a scene.”

“He made a scene here,” Dillon pointed out.

“But his daughter wasn’t standing right here with him. She will be in the airport.”

Dillon nodded as if he understood. “So he’s a married man.”

“It’s not what you think.” Julianna wondered why she felt a need to go on. Obviously, Dillon thought that she and Gray had once had an affair, an affair Gray wouldn’t want his family to know about. It was close to the truth, but not quite accurate.

“It’s none of my business,” Dillon assured her.

She nodded. “Thanks, but just for the record, I’m sure Gray’s wife must know about me. Gray was my husband long before he was hers.”

GRAY DEALT ANOTHER
card to Jody. “Now what am I supposed to do?”

“Look at your cards and see if any of them match,” the little girl instructed him. “If they do, put them down in pairs. If they don’t, just hold on to them. And if you’ve got a queen, say your prayers.”

Gray smiled at her. “Are you an old maid card shark?”

“What’s a card shark?”

Gray laid down a pair. “A little girl with brown braids who whomps up on unsuspecting grown-ups.”

Jody giggled. “You’re silly, Gray.”

He nodded as he held out his cards for her to make a selection. She made a pair from the card she had drawn. “Hey, no fair, shrimp. You’re not supposed to beat me on my first try.”

“All’s fair,” Jody said philosophically.

Gray laughed at the very adult expression. His experience with children might be limited, but he had already realized that Jody was brighter than most, and more mature. He knew little about her personally except that she was eight and going into third grade. She’d informed him that she read on a tenth-grade level, and she was preparing to learn algebra in a special class at school. Clearly the special class was for gifted children.

The only other thing Gray knew was that Jody was precious cargo, a child caught up in adult games that made old maid the child’s play it really was. She was the daughter of a friend of a friend, and Gray was delivering her to her mother in Hawaii because decency and compassion demanded it. Now that he knew her a little better, he was glad he had taken the risk.

He watched her finger the shell necklace Julianna had given her. He wondered what had gone through Julianna’s head when she had seen him sitting next to the little girl. Did Julianna believe that Jody was his? From the stricken expression on her face, he imagined that she did.

Gray would have liked to relieve her mind, and he would have, if he’d been allowed to talk to her. But he hadn’t been allowed to. What kind of a bastard did she think he was? Could she truly believe he had divorced her immediately and married again to produce this child?

“Gray, it’s your turn.”

From the way Jody said the words, Gray knew it wasn’t the first time she’d said them.

“Sorry,” he apologized. “You mean I get a chance to go? I thought you had me beaten already.”

Jody giggled. “We have to play to the end.”

“You mean I have to wait to get beaten?”

“I’ll try to make it quick.”

“Maybe we should teach you blackjack and take you to Vegas.”

Jody giggled. “I already know how to play blackjack. And I play five card draw and seven card stud, too.”

Gray forced himself to concentrate on the game in front of him. He was grateful the little girl had interrupted his reminiscences. Thinking about Julianna wasn’t making things any easier. The past was over. There was no way to change what had happened. Ellie was gone. Julie Ann was gone, replaced by the successful and stunning Julianna. Gray, the young man torn between a love that had come too soon and a beckoning future, was gone, too. A man proverbially sadder and wiser was left. And one thing he was wiser about was not mourning the past. He had learned the hard way that it didn’t help.

The game continued as the plane began a drop in altitude. The captain apologized over the loudspeaker for the increasing turbulence but assured them that it was to be expected. They had passed through the worst of the storm, and even though they were now low enough to experience the winds more fully, every minute of flying time took them farther from the storm’s center. Their landing should be trouble free.

As he played, Gray thought of how the storm must be affecting Julianna. In ten years’ time he hadn’t lived through a storm without thinking of her. She had changed so much in a decade that he hadn’t recognized her, but he imagined one thing had stayed the same. She would still be frightened of storms. She might cover it with a veneer of sophistication, but she would still be afraid.

“You’ve got the old maid.”

“So I have.” Gray turned it over for Jody to see. “You win.”

She nodded as if she had expected it. “Want to play again?”

“We’ll be landing soon. I guess we’d better put the cards away.”

Jody pouted, but she did as she was told.

Gray settled back and wondered what he should do when he got into Honolulu. He wanted to talk to Julianna. There was too much at stake just to let it drop until he could track her down again. He wanted to get their discussion out of the way and put their past to rest as soon as possible.

The time was long past for peace between them. In the days when she had still been Julie Ann to him, he had searched everywhere after her disappearance, but she hadn’t wanted to be found. The best professionals had finally told him it was useless to keep looking. If she was alive, she would eventually contact him. If she wasn’t...