Fragile Bonds (4 page)

“I’m sorry to call so late, but Alyssa just told me she wants to go to Mass tomorrow night and she was hoping you might be willing to come with.” I couldn’t say it to Alyssa, but I know that Melanie hates the concept of organized religion, so I’m not surprised at the exasperated sigh in response to my request.

“Do I have a choice?” she asks. I can almost picture her with her head thrown back on the couch, her arm thrown over her eyes as she tries to figure out how she’s going to get out of this.

“I told you a long time ago, you always have a choice.” I lower my voice,
hoping she will comprehend the meaning.

There’s no response for a long time. Just as I prepare to hang up and call back, I hear a dog barking in the background. “Melanie?”

“You owe me for this one, Xavier. Tell her I’ll be there.”

“Thank you. It means a lot to her.” I pause, wondering if I should say the rest of what’s on my mind.

“Anything else?” Melanie asks impatiently.

“No, I guess not,” I
sigh. “Sweet dreams.” I bang my head against the wall after we disconnect the call. I used to tell her to have sweet dreams every night, back when I was traveling for work and she was curled up on the bed in this room before going to sleep. For months after Melanie left, I wondered if things would have turned out differently had I not been so dedicated to becoming the top project manager for the medical technology firm that hired me right out of college. It wasn’t until after Jacob was born that I started to realize how screwed up my priorities were and I’m not sure I’ve ever completely straightened them out.

“Daddy, I saw presents for Miss Melanie under the tree!” If I didn’t know better, I would think someone fed Jacob straight sugar this morning for breakfast. He’s been bouncing off the walls, once literally, since he climbed into my bed at five-thirty. “Does that mean she’s having Christmas with us?”

Jacob follows me around the house, babbling about how nice and pretty Miss Melanie is. Even though she wouldn’t have to, she’s been spending more and more time at the house, even getting down on the floor to play blocks with Jacob when Alyssa is sleeping. And while I fix dinner, she’s started keeping my son occupied by coloring on sheets she prints off for him each night. I wonder if she does this for all of the families she works with or if we’re the lucky ones, but I don’t ask her about it. I’m not sure how I would handle hearing whatever answer she could give me.

“Yeah, buddy, Miss Melanie will be here for Christmas.” I look at the shopping list Alyssa has prepared for me, wondering who’s going to cook and eat all of this food. It’s one thing to want to have a perfect Christmas dinner, but I’m fairly certain Jacob and I will be eating leftovers for the next month.

“Does that mean she’s our family now, Daddy?” I spew coffee across the room at my son’s question. He’s going to be the death of me if he keeps staring at me with those puppy dog eyes.

“No, buddy,” I say, trying to let him down easy. “Miss Melanie is Mommy’s friend, but she’s not family.”

“But she could be, right?” I get the feeling he’s not going to let this go.
Because Alyssa has been sick for so much of Jacob’s life, we haven’t had many close friends hanging around. It’s mostly been the two of us and Braydon in his life until Melanie.

“No, she couldn’t. But sometimes, we are lucky enough to have friends who are close to us like family, so that’s a good thing.” I hear the front door close and look up to see none other than the object of my son’s affection smiling back at us. Jacob runs down the hall and I
watch as she squats down, picking him up and swinging him around as she kisses his cheeks. “Good morning, Melanie.”

“Hey, Xavier,” she practically sings. I shake my head, realizing that under her perky exterior, she’s likely thinking of ways to kill me and make it look like an accident. Thanks to my sick wife, she’s being forced to endure two of her least favorite things; Christmas and church. Three if you include the fact that she’s going to suffer through a holiday with me. “Is Alyssa still sleeping?”

She helps herself to a cup of coffee, floating around the kitchen as if she’s completely at home here. Before I get through mentally berating myself for lingering on that thought for too long, Melanie is reaching around me to grab the oatmeal I had started preparing for Jacob before he distracted me by asking questions about whether or not Melanie is family.

I can’t tell Jacob that there was a time when Melanie was the most important person in my life. She was my world. And then everything we shared crumbled. Deep in my heart, I know that there will always be a place where Melanie resides, but I can’t allow that to come to the surface because Alyssa and Jacob are my life now. The bond that will never be severed with Melanie has to remain a secret because I will
never
do anything that will hurt them.

I can’t stop myself from standing in front of the bay window in the living room, waving goodbye to Xavier and Jacob as they head out for some last minute shopping. Jacob was relentless after breakfast, insisting that they had to find Alyssa the perfect gift, something that would make her happy. Xavier glanced over the boy’s head, silently pleading with me to save him. He and I both know that Alyssa doesn’t want anything because she’s come to terms with the fact that she won’t be around long enough to truly enjoy it, but there’s no way a four
-year old’s mind can grasp that concept.

“I think that’s a great idea,” I say cheerfully, kissing the top of Jacob’s head as I clear the breakfast dishes from the table. The simple action
is like a knife twisting somewhere deep within me. With every passing day, it’s getting harder to see the line between personal and professional interactions. The safe distance I’ve maintained with previous clients and their families has proven impossible with the Ross family.

“Melanie, can I speak with you for a moment?” Xavier asks. Only I know from the tone of his voice that it is not a request. “Jacob, go turn on cartoons and we’ll be out in a minute.”

I follow Xavier down the hall, head bowed submissively. No matter how much I tell my body that this is no longer my role in his life, it refuses to comply.

“What were you thinking?” Xavier hisses once we’re in the privacy of Jacob’s bedroom. It’s the only room in the house where we won’t be overheard given the fact that I refuse to set foot in the master bedroom ever again.

Risking Xavier scolding me for overstepping my bounds, I place my hands on his broad shoulders, holding him steady as I speak. He’s not going to like what I have to say, but he needs to hear the words. “Xavier, we all know Alyssa is dying, but he doesn’t. Even if he knows his mom is sick, even if he can see that she’s getting a little bit weaker every day, he doesn’t realize this is the last Christmas Eve he will get to spend with her. That tomorrow is her last Christmas morning with him. You need to get past what your intellectual mind knows and give him what he desperately needs right now. And that is for you to put a smile on your face, strap him into his car seat, and find Alyssa the best gift you possibly can.”

I see the tears welling in Xavier’s eyes and I know I’ve cut him deep. His chest rises and falls in unsteady breaths as his mind processes what I’ve said. Beating down everything in my body that is screaming for me to get out of this room and run as fast as I can, I wrap my arms around Xavier’s waist, pulling him close to me. He tenses momentarily before leaning into me, allowing me to hold him as the tears begin streaming down his face.

“How am I going to do this without her?” he sobs. My heart shatters as the strongest man I have ever known bawls uncontrollably in my embrace. “Melanie, I can’t do this. I know I have no right to ask this of you, but I need you to help me.
Please
help me figure out what I’m supposed to do…”

I’m so lost in
trying to keep from crying now that he’s gone and I have a moment of peace that I don’t hear the front door open and close. “What in the hell are you doing here?” asks an angry voice directly behind me. I spin around and find myself staring at the one person who could blow the lid off this well-intentioned charade.

“Braydon, I didn’t hear you come in,” I say, reaching up to wipe the tears away from my face. I look around his impressive form, making sure Alyssa isn’t standing in the kitchen. “What are you doing here?”

It’s a ridiculous question seeing as it is Christmas Eve and he is Xavier’s older brother. The two of them had a strained relationship in the past, but they refused to stop trying to get along despite the fact that both were raised by mothers who blamed the other woman for being the downfall of their relationship with William Ross.

I try to move away from the window, but every time I move, Braydon moves with me. “I asked you first,” he says angrily. “And the way I see it, only one of us is supposed to be here right now. I don’t know what fucking game you’re playing at, but Xavier has a good life now. He needs to spend his time with Alyssa and Jacob.”

“Keep your voice down, Braydon,” I whisper, pulling him out onto the front porch. I know his temper well and there’s not a room in the house that will hold our secrets when he’s upset. I begin shivering the moment the frigid air hits my skin. “I know that he needs to be able to pay attention to
his wife and his child,
” I respond, making sure there’s no misunderstanding that I know exactly who Alyssa and Jacob are to him.

“Then why would you march back into his life, forcing him to tear open wounds that took a hell of a long time to heal?” I’m not a small woman and I don’t back down easily, but with Braydon staring down at me, backing me into the corner of the front porch, I feel miniscule. “He
almost fucked things up with a decent woman because he was still so hung up on you. Now, she’s fighting for her fucking life and you’re back. What the fuck, Melanie?”

I can’t believe what a skewed version of my own past Braydon is hurling at me. I didn’t walk out of Xavier’s life, he pushed me out. He is the one who told me he needed time to think and then never called me again. I spent almost a year telling myself that he would come around, that he would realize what we had was strong enough to get past the problems we had. That one night of me proving that I was capable of thinking for myself wasn’t worth throwing away four years of happiness. But the call never came.

And then, right when I thought I was over everything, the universe decided to show me just what a bitch she can be and threw Xavier back into my life. And every day for almost two months, I’ve had to live what could have been my life, the whole time taking care of the woman who is filling the role that should have been mine. And wouldn’t you know it? As much as I didn’t
want
to like Alyssa, I now find myself preparing for the death of the woman I’ve come to love as a friend.

“Braydon, while I appreciate that you’re trying to protect your family, I can assure you that you don’t know the first thing about what’s happened in the past or what’s happening now.” I rise on my toes so I’m looking directly into his eyes. “Before you jump to conclusions about my
intentions
when it comes to your brother, you might want to think about what I went to school for.”

I can see the moment understanding registers in Braydon’s bright blue eyes. His face falls as he tries to find a way to take back the hatred he was lobbing at me. “Melanie,
I’m a big enough man that I will apologize for jumping to conclusions. Xavier and Jacob have been through so much and I know it’s only going to get worse.” The change in his demeanor would be laughable if I wasn’t so offended. “I’m sorry.”

Before I can respond, the front door opens and I turn to see
a very confused Alyssa staring at us, her blanket wrapped tightly around her body. “What in the world are you two doing outside? Melanie, get your ass in here. I can’t have my personal assistant getting sick on me.” She gives me a quick wink as Braydon stares between the two of us.

I know how you’re feeling, Braydon. The whole situation surpassed weird about six weeks ago.

“So, I see you’ve met Xavier’s brother,” Alyssa says as she curls onto the couch. I hit the ignition button on the gas fireplace, hoping to keep the room warm enough for her. “I know you said you don’t date, but seriously, Mel, you should give this one a shot. I know I would have if I hadn’t wound up with Xavier.”

I purse my lips tightly, taking a few cleansing breaths before turning around. When I do, I bu
rst out laughing at the look of horror on his face. “Gee, Braydon,” I laugh. “I know I’m no Gisele, but I didn’t think I was so horrific that the concept of dating me would make you physically ill.”

“I…it’s not…”
It’s fun watching him stumble over his words after that little bullshit speech of his. “Don’t get me wrong, you’re a beautiful girl, but I’m sure we have nothing in common. I mean, look at you, you work as a home health nurse, taking care of sick people all day. I’m not proud to say it, but I hate being around anyone who has so much as a cold.”

“Damn,
Bradyon!” Alyssa squeals. “Keep talking and I’m pretty sure that hole you’re digging will reach China before too long.”

“Dammit, Al, you know what I’m saying,” Braydon huffs. His cheeks are an adorable shade of red with embarrassment. “Fuck, it’s like there are two of you now!”

Braydon storms out of the living room before making any more of an ass of himself. I glance at my watch when I hear the jars clanking in the fridge as he slams the door closed, his first beer of the day in hand. I know it’s his first because, unless things have changed, Braydon Ross will not drink before noon and it’s just now five after twelve.

“Where’s Xavier?” he asks, leaning against the breakfast bar.

“He had some things to do with Jacob this morning. They’ll be back soon,” I inform him as I turn down the hall to get Alyssa’s medication. Braydon follows me, closing Alyssa’s bedroom door quietly behind him. I should have known our conversation wasn’t done.

“Okay, well that was weird,” Braydon sighs. “I guess it’s safe to say she doesn’t know about you and Xavier?”

“No,” I whisper loudly, my eyes nearly ready to bug out of my head. He used to be a smart guy, I can’t imagine he’s foolish enough to think I would be here if she knew the truth. Especially the version of the truth Braydon delivered so eloquently a few minutes ago. “And Xavier would like it to stay that way. I’m sure you understand.”

Braydon nods as he opens the door and sneaks out before Alyssa realizes we were off talking. I gather everything Alyssa needs so she can be comfortable out with the family for a while today. She’ll need a nap at some point, but I promised I would let her help with making dinner as long as she gave me her word she wouldn’t overdo it. Right now, it’s all about balancing what she wants and what she needs.

“Shit,” I mumble as soon as I turn onto Tamarac Lane. I completely forgot that Braydon said he was going to be coming over for the day. It’s his first Christmas since Shelby took off for Atlanta and Alyssa badgered him about his holiday plans until he caved.

“What’s wrong, Daddy?” Jacobs calls from the back seat. As I turn into the driveway, he squeals in delight at the very sight that had me cursing. “
Unca Braydon! Daddy, my Unca is here!”

It’s a good thing the boy hasn’t figured out how to work the release on his car seat or I’m pretty sure he would have been out of my Audi before the car was even turned off. “Yes, Uncle Braydon is here, buddy. Be patient and I’ll let you out.”

The front door opens and I see my big brother coming down the steps, much to the delight of his only nephew. “Forget to mention something to me?” he asks, acerbically. I look up to the sky, wishing he would let it be. I know damn well he’s talking about Melanie, but he needs to get it through his thick skull that despite what even I thought at first Melanie has been a godsend to our family.

“Didn’t forget, Bray. Just didn’t tell you,” I respond bluntly. He’s been protective of me since shortly after we met, living up to every unwritten rule of being a big brother. Unfortunately, this is one of those cases where he’s jumping the gun. I can tell by the tick in his jaw and the tension in his neck. “And
this
is why. You would have told me I was fucking stupid for letting her in. Shit, I thought I was for the first week, but then I saw how good she is at her job. Alyssa didn’t want a traditional hospice nurse because those are for sick people, according to her.”