For Our Son: A BWWM Parenting Romance For Adults (14 page)

"I’m sorry, Morgan,” Grace apologized. "I know how badly you
wanted this and I’ve messed everything up."

"Nonsens. It’s just life. It happens." Morgan shrugged.

Grace waited in the car while Morgan went and explained to the manager
that they’d be taking the applications home to fill out and talk over with
their co-signers. While she waited, Grace thought about what she’d say to Ryan
if she were pregnant. She wondered if he was thinking about her at all. He
hadn’t tried to call.

Grace looked down
at her hands. She could almost feel Ryan’s hand in hers.
Whatever happens, Grace
let’s remain friends.
Ryan’s words were so fresh in Grace’s mind.
Whatever
happens…

Chapter seventeen

Ryan tip-toed through the house making his best attempt not to disturb Sophia.
To say that things had been strained between them since he’d returned from
California was an understatement. Sophia questioned him constantly regarding
his time spent with Grace. Each time, Ryan got more and more vague in his
answers.

In addition to their constant bickering, Ryan and Sophia had not been
intimate with one another since he’d returned. Ryan pretended that it was
because he was upset with Sophia because of her accusations, but really, he
couldn’t bring himself to sleep with Sophia until he was sure that there was
nothing going on between himself and Grace.

All of the dishonesty and secretiveness was taking its toll on Ryan. He
wasn’t sleeping well, and as a result, he was argumentative and cranky. He knew
it was best if he avoided Sophia as much as possible, which led to early
mornings and even less sleep.

This morning, however, Ryan wasn’t as fortunate. He accidentally dropped
his coffee cup in the sink, which immediately woke Sophia up. He heard her get
out of bed and walk down the hall towards the kitchen.

"How come you’re up so early?" she asked him.

"Can’t sleep,” Ryan said without looking at her.

"How come?" Sophia thought she had a good idea.

"Just can’t,” Ryan said in irritation.

Sophia noticed that Ryan was fully dressed. The only thing that was open
at that early hour was the grocery store, and Sophia was sure Ryan wasn’t going
grocery shopping.

"Are you going somewhere?" she asked.

"To work. Going to California set me back. I’m way behind."

"You can’t go to work now. There’s nobody there. Who’s going to let
you in?"

"The janitors are there."

"They
aren’t
going to let you in." Sophia heard her
voice rising and she stopped to calm herself down. "Ryan," she
touched him softly on his arm. "We need to talk."

"No. No more talking. I’m sick of arguing with you." Ryan
shook her off. "This is
exactly
why I didn’t want to move in
together. I knew things would turn out this way."

"Everything was fine until you went to California. It’s only been
since you’ve been back that we haven’t gotten along."

"Oh here we go again." Ryan rolled his eyes.

"No, I’m not going to fight with you, Ryan. But really, is this the
way you want to have things between us? We haven’t had a civil conversation…we
haven’t laughed or anything since you’ve been back."

Ryan was silent. He knew Sophia was right, but what was he supposed to
say? He never thought he’d be the type of guy who would cheat on his
girlfriend, but he had. And he knew there was no justification for it, but one
thing had become very clear to him. He was not in love with Sophia. He didn’t
know if he ever had been.

Those few days with Grace reminded Ryan of what love was supposed to
look like – how you were supposed to feel when you were around someone you
cared about. That wasn’t what he had with Sophia.

"Ryan? I asked you a question,” Sophia reminded him.

"I don’t know." Ryan stalled. How was he going to tell Sophia
how he felt? She was more than just his girlfriend. She was also his co-worker.
Even if he did end things with her and move back into his apartment, he’d still
have to see her at work.

"Do you still love me?" Sophia asked Ryan.

Ryan heaved an audible sigh. Sophia was certainly asking all of the
right questions. But Ryan knew he didn’t have the right answers. He finally
looked up at Sophia. The look on her face made him realize that he was hurting
her. He knew he needed to be a man and face his actions.

"Sophia, I have some things I need to do, but as soon as I get home
I want to have a serious talk." He relented.

At his words, Sophia’s eyes welled up with tears. "You slept with
her, didn’t you?"

"Sophia, I promise, when I get home—"

"Didn’t you?" Sophia screamed.

Against his better judgement, Ryan stood motionless in front of Sophia.
He wanted to lie, it was the easiest thing to do, but he couldn’t bring himself
to lie anymore.

"Yes,” he said quietly.

"I knew it!" Sophia flew into a rage. She came at Ryan, fists
flying. With open palms she slapped and scratched his face. Her legs kicked at
him as she cried and wailed. "Get your shit and get out!"

Ryan moved away from Sophia as best he could, but she followed him. Any
neighbors looking out their windows that morning got quite a show as Sophia
jumped on Ryan’s back and pummeled him with her fists.

"I know where you’re going!" she yelled. "You’re not
going to work! You’re going to be with that whore!"

Ryan was silent throughout Sophia’s tirade. He considered going in the
house to get his clothes and a few valuables, but the look on Sophia’s face
changed his mind. There was no way he was going behind closed doors with her
again.

Contrary to what Sophia thought, Ryan
did
go into work. Just as
he’d planned, the janitor let him in once he showed his employment badge.

"What the heck happened to you?" Ralph, the janitor, asked
when he saw the scratches on Ryan’s face.

"Nothing,” Ryan said quietly as he made his way past him and
towards the small office in which he worked. He was happy to find solitude
there. While he powered up his computer he realized how much his life would
change in a matter of moments.

Sophia was probably pouring bleach on everything Ryan owned at that very
minute. Luckily, he still had the lease on his apartment so he didn’t have to
worry about finding a place to live. All he had to worry about was whether or
not he’d still have belongings to put inside of it.

It came as no surprise to Ryan that Sophia didn’t show up for work that
day, and by lunchtime everyone knew why. She wasted no time calling all of Ryan’s
co-workers and telling them what he’d done in California while she played the
naïve girlfriend back home.

A few people were brave enough to confront Ryan and ask if the rumors
were true. Ryan politely told them that he wished to keep his personal life
private. Of course this confirmed, in the minds of others, that what Sophia had
accused him of was true.

Not wanting to be a glutton for punishment, Ryan neglected the company
lunchroom and jumped in his car in preparation of dining away. He went through
a drive-thru a few miles up the road and pulled over in their parking lot to
eat. The food was devoid of any nourishment and flavor, but Ryan ate it anyway.

As he sat thinking about work and all the stares and whispers awaiting
him when he returned, Ryan began to feel sick to his stomach. He decided he’d
call out for the rest of the day. When he grabbed his phone to turn it on, he
realized the battery was dead. When he plugged it into his car charger, his
phone quickly alerted him to a number of messages. Reluctantly he listened to
them. He figured the majority of them were from Sophia.

Ryan was surprised to find that most of the messages were old. There
were a few from Sophia asking if he wanted her to pick up dinner or if he had
any dry-cleaning she needed to get. There was also one asking if they were out
of condoms. Ryan deleted them all. The last message was from the previous day. It
was from Grace. She was asking him to meet her today for lunch.

By the time Ryan made it to the location he and Grace had agreed upon,
his lunch break had long since ended. He saw her immediately as he walked
towards the restaurant. She was sitting on the outside terrace. Her curly hair
flowed in the wind. She pushed her glasses up higher on her nose as she watched
his approach.

"Sorry I’m late,” Ryan apologized as he pulled out a chair.

"Oh my gosh! What happened to your face?" Grace looked
horrified by all the blood-streaked lacerations on Ryan’s cheeks and neck.

"Long story,” Ryan said.

"Would that story have anything to do with the barrage of angry
messages I got today?" Grace asked.

"Sophia?"

Grace nodded. "You told her about what happened?"

Ryan shrugged. "Sort of. She figured it out, then I told her."

Grace sighed. She considered telling Ryan she was sorry, but she wasn’t
the one who’d slept with someone while being in a relationship with someone
else. Still, she had known that Ryan had a girlfriend.

"Sorry,” she mumbled.

"For what? It’s not your fault." Ryan absolved her of any
guilt.

"Yeah, but still. I should have known better. I knew you had a
girlfriend, Ryan."

"Yeah, well I don’t anymore."

"I’m sorry. Do you want me to talk to her for you, or
something?"

Ryan looked at Grace in disbelief. "I think you’re the last person
she wants to hear from. Besides, the relationship wasn’t going anywhere anyway.
Not that I’m making excuses, but…"

Grace watched Ryan closely as he spoke. His laid-back demeanor made her
a bit nervous. He’d gotten caught cheating on his girlfriend and he seemed so
nonchalant about it.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Ryan asked.

"Nothing…I just…nothing." Grace decided not to say anything.
"So, I talked to Steve and Monica today. They said Matthew’s doing great.
They’re going in at the end of the week to see if the marrow is generating
blood cells."

"That’s great." Ryan ripped up his napkin and balled the
pieces up on the table.

"Yeah." Grace looked around.

"So how’ve you been?" Ryan asked. He was aware the question
seemed out of place in the middle of their conversation, but he wanted Grace to
know that he’d been thinking about her since they’d returned home.

"Good. You?"

"As well as can be expected. ‘Course I am the one with the
scratches." Ryan smiled.

Grace did not find it funny. "What’s that supposed to mean?" she
asked with a frown.

Ryan was unprepared for her reaction. "It means I’m the one with
scratches all over my face," Ryan restated.

"Are you saying that I should have scratches? Are you saying that I
should share in the blame for what happened to you?"

Ryan looked around to see if people were staring at them. "Grace, I
was just making a joke."

"Well maybe you shouldn’t make a joke. You did a horrible thing. We
both
did and now we have to deal with the consequences."

After Grace stopped talking, Ryan wasn’t sure if she was talking to him
or to herself. "What’s going on, Grace?"