Fire (26 page)

‘Can’t,’ Linnéa says.

Olivia lifts her vigorously pencilled-in eyebrows.

‘Diana is after me,’ Linnéa says. ‘From now on, I’ve got to be a good girl every single second.’

Olivia stares crossly at Minoo, as if she blames her for her bad influence making Linnéa refuse to skive off school. Then she walks away without saying another word.

Minoo and Linnéa go with the flow. The assembly hall is almost full and the only free seats are in the front rows. They sneak into the fourth row, just behind Vanessa and her friends.

When they settle down, Vanessa turns round.

‘Do you know what this is in aid of?

‘No,’ Minoo says.

Vanessa looks at Linnéa.

‘How did things work out yesterday?’ she asks. ‘I tried to get hold of you—’

‘I can’t bear talking about it,’ Linnéa interrupts without looking up.

‘Fine by me.’ Vanessa sounds fed up and turns away from them.

Minoo glances at Linnéa, who is absently fiddling with one of her cuticles.

Minoo wonders what has happened. She doesn’t dare ask. When Linnéa is in a mood, silence is the safest policy.

The yellow polo shirts march in and fill the half-empty front rows. There are more of them than just the group Minoo saw at the entrance. At least half of Engelsfors FC has changed their red-and-white colours for yellow. Minoo searches the lines and notices Kevin among them, but thankfully not Gustaf.

Applause starts up in the front rows when Tommy Ekberg steps out on the stage. For once, he is wearing a shirt that doesn’t cause migraine straight away. He looks confused, as if uncertain whether to take the applause as ironic or genuinely encouraging. When he steps up to the lectern, the clapping stops abruptly. He clears his throat and leans towards the microphone. The spotlights make his bald head shine.

‘Hello everyone. I don’t know if the rumour has got around already … But, I regret that I have to confirm the fact that our principal, Adriana Lopez, has left us …’

A murmur fills the hall and Tommy Ekberg seems to suddenly realise his unhappy choice of words because he adds, speaking more loudly: ‘No, no! What I meant to say was that she has left her post. For personal reasons. I am acting principal until … yes, well, simply until further notice.’

He strokes the back of his hand across his temple as if to wipe away drops of sweat. At least he doesn’t seem to take pleasure in his new power.

‘But I believe that, as with everything else that happens in one’s life, it is important to see this change, not as negative, but instead as the beginning of a new and exciting stage. We must be forward-thinking. Together! And that is why we are all gathered here today. All of us at Engelsfors senior school have joined in a unique collaborative project with a unique organisation. Our school will offer a
positive
way forward.
And this new spirit of ours will inspire everything we teach, from social sciences, to sports, to mathematics.’

He takes a deep breath.

‘However, in maths we must surely still use negative numbers,’ he adds, with a spasmodic wink.

Minoo wishes she had an I-am-embarrassed pillow to hide behind.

But the front rows laugh enthusiastically. Tommy looks more cheerful.

‘And now, it is time for me to hand over to a pro! Ladies and gentlemen! I have the honour to present the lady who fired the shot that started the new future for Engelsfors – Helena Malmgren!’

Vanessa has come across Elias’s mother a couple of times in the past, at end-of-term events and at Melvin’s christening. She is the kind of person you remember, the kind whose face becomes etched into your memory.

But now, as she walks out on the stage wearing a yellow tunic over her jeans, her charisma seems to have been turned up several notches. It is somehow impossible
not
to look at her.

The yellow shirts start to applaud and shout happily. Helena stops at the centre of the stage. Smiles. Her acolytes fall silent, as if on an agreed signal.

A giggly exchange of whispers can be heard from one of the back rows. Rickard stands and looks in that direction. The chatter ends abruptly and Rickard sits down again.

‘Hi,’ Helena says and looks out over the crowd, now dead silent.

Her smile broadens.

‘Listen, everyone! I said “hi”!’

A fragmented ‘hi’ from here and there.

‘And again! You can do better than that,’ Helena says. ‘Hi!’

She spreads her arms towards the crowd and it responds strongly, in unison.

‘HI!’

Vanessa discovers that she has joined the shouting.

‘That’s the sound!’ Helena says. ‘But now we’ll kick-start the energy in this hall. Stand up, everyone!’

Vanessa glances wearily at Evelina and Michelle who are sitting to her left. They get up, like everybody else. The folding seats rattle.

‘Once again, now!’ Helena calls out. ‘Hi!’

‘HI!’ responds the hall.

‘Hi!’

‘HI!’

Up on the stage, Helena begins to clap her hands in a steady beat. The yellow rows follow her and soon the entire Engelsfors senior school claps in the same rhythm.

Vanessa, too. But not very hard.

To do the same thing as a lot of other people gives a special feeling of strength. It is almost irresistible.

She can feel the energy in the room increasing. It has nothing to do with magic and that makes it even more sinister.

The tempo speeds up, faster, faster, faster until it turns into hysterical clatter. A cry goes up from the rows in front. Its volume grows and hands reach into the air.

‘There, enough!’ Helena shouts.

Vanessa lowers her hands. Looks disbelievingly at them.

She finds it hard to meet Evelina and Michelle’s eyes when they all sit down again.

‘Many of you know who I am,’ Helena says. ‘I used to be the vicar here in Engelsfors. Some will perhaps know me as Elias’s mother.’

She pauses. The hall is completely silent once more. Vanessa remembers the school assembly after the death of Elias. The weeping and charged atmosphere before everything fell apart. She is certain that everyone who was here then will be thinking about the same thing.

‘It is almost exactly a year since he died,’ Helena continues.
‘I felt swallowed up by a huge darkness. I thought I would never be able to carry on. But then I saw the light.’

Vanessa hears a sob from somewhere in the hall.

‘My insight that bitterness and grief would not bring Elias back opened up, for the first time, a source of strength inside me. I realised that
I
, no one else, had the power to direct my own life. I understood that
I myself
must take control in order to
become the person I wanted to be
. I had to rethink and get it right. That is why I can stand here today and tell you that it really
does work
. Scientific evidence proves that the essence of our lives is of our own making. If you believe that life is all about misery and disappointment, then misery and disappointment will come your way. But if you believe that you are happy, doing well in school, loved by the boy or girl you love –
then it will happen
. That is guaranteed.’

Evelina rolls her eyes. ‘Good news for those boys and girls,’ she whispers.

Vanessa can’t argue with that.

‘I decided that Elias’s death must be in some sense meaningful,’ Helena continues. ‘That is why I stand before you today and tell you that you can achieve anything you want if you are determined. And if you change your way of thinking.’

Vanessa tries to make sense of what Helena is actually saying. Is the idea that, before she changed her ways, her own thinking accidentally brought about the death of Elias? Or was it Elias who thought himself to death?

Helena steps forward to the edge of the stage. It feels as if she is looking into everyone’s eyes at the same time. As if her every word, her every gesture is imbued with enormous significance.

‘At your age, you are so busy sorting each other into boxes. Who is good-looking, who wears ugly clothes, who is popular and who is not. But all that is unimportant. Superficial.
All you need to keep in mind is that there are two types of people.’

‘The ones who buy all this crap and the ones who don’t?’ Linnéa says loudly.

Vanessa giggles for a moment, proud to know Linnéa. She senses how, all around the hall, everyone catches their breath. But Helena just laughs.

‘I actually meant those who have a positive attitude. And the others, who have a negative attitude,’ she says and points at Linnéa.

The audience bursts into relieved laughter.

Vanessa turns round. Linnéa’s face is immobile. But Minoo is blushing bright red.

‘I do understand it can be difficult to believe what I tell you,’ Helena continues smilingly. ‘Some of you may even find it hard
to dare
to believe. But you mustn’t judge anyone. Instead, you should focus on yourselves. I want you to remember the meaning of four letters:
WSOL. We Shape Our Lives
. Keep them in mind. We shape our lives, for better or for worse. It is up to each one of you. But Positive Engelsfors will help you to see the opportunities ahead, not the obstacles. You can become exactly that person you dream of being, if only you make the effort and stay focused on that goal. Just look at me. I would have sunk if I had clung to what I had lost. But I chose
something else.
What I chose was
the future.
’

She carries on with her lecture. Vanessa understands perfectly why her mum fell for Helena.

Everything she says sounds so obvious. So simple. One part of Vanessa would like to believe her. She is aware of a faint but nagging anxiety that maybe she
does
have the wrong attitude. Maybe she will lose out on all that is good in life, all those things which Helena says she can offer. Helena,
who seems to have more precise contours than anyone else in the hall.

‘I hope to have an opportunity to meet you all again. The Positive Engelsfors Centre is open from nine in the morning until nine at night. You are always welcome. And, remember: smile and the world smiles with you.’

The applause breaks out from the front rows, washes over the hall like a flood wave and rises to a thunderous boom. Vanessa thinks it feels as if the floor is shaking and then, in the next instant, realises that it actually is shaking. Hundreds of feet are stamping. And her own feet are moving to the same rhythm as the others.

Ida gives Erik a push to make him move on. They still haven’t managed to get clear of the row they were in.

‘Come off it, there are masses of people ahead of me,’ he says.

‘But can’t you even try to get somewhere?’

Ida sighs, annoyed that he won’t answer her. She casually examines the group of yellow-shirted pupils that has gathered at the stage.

‘Did you know that Kevin had joined that lot?’ she asks.

He shrugs.

‘So what, the entire football team joined. It isn’t that odd.’

G didn’t, Ida thinks.

‘What do you think?’ Erik asks.

‘It’s got to be good if people stop feeling sorry for themselves all the time.’

‘That’s precisely it.’ Erik sounds as though he really means it. ‘We ought to invite Helena to the hockey club and get her to give a pep talk to the team. All sports stars have coaches who’ve taught them to set goals and think of themselves as winners.’

At last, the blockage ahead of them gives way. Once in the aisle, Ida starts to edge towards the doors when she feels a hand on her shoulder. She turns round and sees Helena behind her.

‘Ida Holmström,’ Helena says. ‘Such a long time ago.’

Ida manages to smile. She always feels uncomfortable about meeting Helena, even though she has never shown any sign of knowing how Elias got on at school. Some people put it around that it was Ida and Erik’s fault that he felt so bad about everything, but Ida insists that it was Elias’s own problem if he got bullied. He had chosen not even to try to be more normal.

‘Oh, hello!’ Ida says and hears her voice go shrill in the way she detests.

‘And Erik Forslund. As handsome as ever.’

‘Thank you,’ he laughs.

He is clearly not the slightest bit concerned about what Helena might know about what they did or didn’t do to Elias. It calms Ida a little.

‘Really nice to see you again,’ Helena says, turning back to Ida. ‘I haven’t met Carina for ages. I’m really looking forward to seeing her, now that she’s asked Krister and me to your autumn party. Usually, it’s your mother and my husband who have dealings with each other.’

‘Of course, that’s how it often turns out,’ Ida says and smiles.

‘It is people like your parents who carry Engelsfors on their shoulders,’ Helena goes on. ‘I do very much hope that they will become involved with us in PE. And you two, as well. You would be such important role models. After all, your generation will shape the future of our town.’

Helena hands them two round yellow stickers. The text says ‘I AM POSITIVE!’ In the centre, a happy purple sun.

‘Thank you,’ Erik says. ‘It was very inspiring to listen to your speech.’

‘It means a lot to me that you felt that, Erik. I do hope we will meet soon again and have another discussion. And bring your friends!’

Helena looks warmly at them both once more before she leaves them and disappears into the yellow sea behind her.

Linnéa hears that Minoo and Vanessa are calling her name, but she ignores them.

Inside her, a small quiet voice, which sounds suspiciously like Jakob’s, tells her that this is a textbook example of the kind of situation she should avoid. That she must think first, not react impulsively, not be confrontational, that she must behave properly in school and especially now when the social are on the alert.

She refuses to listen to all that. Another voice is much stronger.

Elias’s.

Elias, who cried when he spoke of how Helena and Krister didn’t let him talk to them about being bullied. How he had known ever since he was a little boy that they were ashamed of him in front of their friends.

They were ashamed of him because he was not happyclappy enough, not good enough at sports or academic work and didn’t go around with a large enough group of the right kind of friends. Later on, they were ashamed of the way he dressed and dyed his hair black, and his use of make-up. The person he was did not sit easily with their idea of a successful Engelsfors family.