Fire (51 page)

‘Haven’t we got a spare mattress?’ Linnéa asks.

‘Nicke took it with him when he moved out. There’s the sofa, of course, but Melvin usually gets up really early. I think it’ll be easier for you to get a good night’s sleep if you can shut the door.’

‘That’s great, no problem at all,’ Minoo says and gets up. ‘Excuse me a moment.’

Linnéa tries not to think about her body being taken to the toilet by Minoo. Another thing she doesn’t want to think about is being left alone for the first time with this woman she has to pretend is her mother.

‘Nessa,’ Jannike says quietly when Minoo is out of earshot. ‘Nicke phoned me this morning.’

‘Did he?’ Linnéa says and tries to sound neutral.

‘He said he met you last night in Linnéa’s place. He also said something about a party that had got out of hand. And now you turn up here with Linnéa in tow and tell me there was a break-in. I don’t know what to think. Were you there, in the middle of the night? On a school night?’

Linnéa’s immediate instinct is to be defensive. Let Jannike think what she likes. But what would Vanessa do?

‘When I heard what had happened last night, I went round to see her,’ she says and carries on, trying to feel her way. ‘It was stupid of me. I should’ve told you first. But I was so terribly worried about Linnéa. And Nicke has got everything totally wrong.’

Jannike looks concerned but doesn’t comment.

‘There really had been a break-in,’ Linnéa says. ‘It’s the truth.’

She stops and looks uncertainly at Jannike.

‘I trust you,’ Vanessa’s mother says. ‘I don’t think you’d lie about something so serious. But if anything like that happens again, please tell me. Don’t just sneak away.’

Linnéa nods. It is all she can do.

‘I’m glad that you care about your friends, though,’ Jannike continues. ‘And Linnéa seems a very nice person. So polite. Tries a little too hard, perhaps, but a real sweetie.’

Minoo comes back into the kitchen. Jannike puts her arm around Linnéa’s shoulders, kisses her forehead and leaves.

For a moment, Linnéa can’t draw breath.

Vanessa’s body responded to the intimate touch, it felt so natural and calming. But to Linnéa, it was a reminder of what she has never experienced. And never will, ever.

Minoo has borrowed an old T-shirt from Vanessa’s wardrobe and scrubbed all the make-up from Linnéa’s face. Now, she is patting it dry with a towel that smells strongly of some alien washing powder.

She is jittery, every nerve in her body is vibrating. Even her fingertips are prickling. And she feels so restless she’d like to crawl out of her skin, this skin which after all isn’t hers.

All this will drive me off my head, she thinks as she examines Linnéa’s naked face in the mirror. I will probably go quite mad.

Everything is so confusing.

Minoo has never believed that body and soul can be separated, not completely anyway. Now, she knows for certain. Linnéa’s feelings for Vanessa are part of her whole body. When she sees Vanessa, who isn’t even the real Vanessa but Linnéa herself, Linnéa’s body responds with deep-rooted longing. It is so powerful that Minoo almost feels that she is the one in love with Vanessa.

Her head spins and she has to look away from the mirror.

Who is she actually seeing there and whose mind is producing these thoughts? Shouldn’t she be able to access Linnéa’s memories and emotions, now that she is thinking with Linnéa’s brain? Or does her awareness of being Minoo in fact come from her own brain, but somehow projected into Linnéa’s body?

Whichever brain Minoo is using to think with, by now it’s about to burst into flames.

‘How goes it?’ Linnéa asks when Minoo comes back to Vanessa’s room.

‘I don’t know. I feel so odd. Dizzy. And my fingers are kind of prickly. I hope the ritual hasn’t had any side effects.’

Linnéa watches her. And then bursts into laughter. Vanessa’s laughter.

‘You’re dying for a fag,’ she says. ‘Or, rather, I am.’

Linnéa lies awake in the dark while Minoo snores lightly next to her.

She had fallen asleep as soon as they had come back from having a cigarette outside. Linnéa had wanted a fag, too, but decided to spare Vanessa’s lungs. Somehow, it was perfectly obvious that the need she felt was purely in the mind.

She had had to show her how to go about smoking. Minoo was disgusted.

‘I just don’t get it,’ Minoo snorted. ‘I think it’s totally foul, but my body wants more of it all the same. Your body, that is.’

‘Just be glad I don’t do hard drugs any more,’ Linnéa said and laughed.

Minoo smiled and dragged clumsily on the cigarette.

‘It must be extra strange for you, this exchange thing,’ she said. ‘I mean, that you ended up inside
Vanessa
. The person you love.’

‘I try not to think about it,’ Linnéa said. ‘Everything seems deranged.’

It
is
totally deranged.

Here she is, sleeping in Vanessa’s bed, wrapped in Vanessa’s sheets. The bed is quite narrow and from close by she can feel the warmth of her own body.

Vanessa’s body responds to the closeness.

Linnéa doesn’t know what it means. Is it just being close that makes all the difference? Or is there some part of Vanessa that actually feels for her?

Whatever, it is as if Linnéa is aroused by herself, which is
beyond
deranged. So despite being very tired, she can’t sleep.

She carries on staring into the dark. Listening to the wind outside. She has almost dropped off to sleep when Vanessa’s mobile starts vibrating.

She turns over in bed and starts fumbling for the phone on the floor. Next to her, Minoo mutters something inaudible.

Linnéa checks the mobile.

It’s a text.

Can’t stop remembering that kiss. I want more. Wille

Linnéa gently puts the phone down.

Turns to lie on her back again.

If she wants a sign to indicate whether or not she has a chance to make it with Vanessa, well, there it is.

Linnéa shuts her eyes and two tears trail down her temples and disappear into her hair.

She is inside Vanessa’s body, but Vanessa seems further away than ever.

Vanessa walks slowly up the school stairs.

Anna-Karin’s body is heavy in a way that has nothing to do with weight. It feels as if her blood doesn’t flow. As if her feet don’t lift clear off the ground when she walks.

She had thought it would be difficult to pretend to be Anna-Karin and mimic the way she moves, but being in her body is enough. It becomes automatic. Anna-Karin’s spine protests when Vanessa tries to walk with a straight back. Her shoulders won’t give up their hunched position. The natural shape of her neck is being bent forward.

So Vanessa pushes her hands into the pockets of her duffel coat and walks along, her hair dangling over her face, to find Anna-Karin’s locker.

She doesn’t look at anyone. And no one sees her. It’s as close to being invisible as Vanessa has ever been.

Ida is waiting for her at the row of lockers. She holds up a sheet of paper covered in writing.

‘Minoo has mailed me lists of
everything
,’ she says and points to something in the middle of the mass of text. ‘Look, it says here which books we should bring to the first lesson.’

Ida has Minoo’s face. Minoo’s voice. But no way Minoo’s presence.

A shout echoes in the corridor.

‘Nessa!’

Vanessa automatically turns round. She sees herself, then how Evelina puts her arm around that other Vanessa. Notes Linnéa’s alarmed look in her own eyes.

‘What have you done to your hair?’ Evelina shrieks and kisses her cheek.

Linnéa drags her fingers nervously through Vanessa’s hair that flops around her head, flat and lifeless.

‘I simply didn’t have time this morning,’ Linnéa says.

And Vanessa wonders if her voice always sounds that squeaky.

How are they going to pull off an entire fucking school day? Not to speak of the trial, when they are subjected to the scrutiny of the Council?

Evelina and Linnéa wander off together down the corridor.

Vanessa wonders what kind of discoveries Linnéa has made about her body. She had a really bad time herself this morning in the shower. Had to shut her eyes in the end, because it felt far too intimate to handle Anna-Karin’s body like that.

Vanessa finds Anna-Karin’s books and locks up. She walks along the corridor and up the stairs, side by side with Ida. Neither of them says a word.

When they step into the classroom, it is only half-full. Vanessa and Ida look out over the empty seats and exchange a quick glance.

‘Did Minoo’s list say where she usually sits?’ Vanessa asks under her breath.

‘No,’ Ida replies. ‘But if Minoo has anything to do with it it’s got to be somewhere near the front.’

‘And Anna-Karin would go for a place near a wall, so she can sit squeezed up against it,’ Vanessa says.

There are only two free places that fit the bill and no one reacts when they settle down.

In the row of seats just behind theirs, Hanna A and Hanna H are whispering with their heads close together. At various points, Vanessa picks up names. Linnéa, Ida, Erik.

And, of course, Ida hears all this as well. She stares straight ahead and fingers the base of her throat, as if trying to touch her silver heart.

‘Good for Erik to get shot of that bitch,’ Kevin says when he and his crowd enter the classroom. ‘Everyone knows she’s frigid anyway.’

His mates laugh. Vanessa turns and sends Kevin a disgusted glance as he goes to sit down right at the back.

‘You got a problem? Just say,’ Kevin shouts.

‘I have
nothing
to say to you,’ Vanessa answers.

‘That’s dead right. Bo Hos should just keep their traps shut.’

Vanessa turns to face forward again. The classroom is slowly filling up and she makes the mistake of meeting Viktor’s eyes as he walks in. She tells herself it might be her imagination, but he seems to be baffled for a moment. Instantly, Anna-Karin’s palms become moist.

Viktor’s dark blue eyes scrutinise her in a way that makes Vanessa so nervous she has to look down. Her hair falls over her face. She feels very much like Anna-Karin.

‘Right. Everyone settle down now, please,’ a typical teacher’s voice says.

Vanessa looks up cautiously. Over by the teacher’s desk, a woman with spectacles is pulling a bundle of copied sheets from her briefcase.

‘Today, I’ve set an unprepared test on induction,’ she says and the students groan in unison.

‘You can’t test us on something we haven’t studied for,’ Kevin brays.

‘Oh, yes, I can,’ the teacher says and Vanessa thinks she
sees a triumphant glint in her eyes. ‘That’s precisely why it is called an unprepared test.’

One of the question papers is plonked on her desk and Vanessa checks out the first page.

She understands nothing of what is written on it. Absolutely
nothing
. She says a prayer under her breath, begging Anna-Karin to forgive her.

Ida finds a seat in the dining area and looks herself over for the first time that day.

Anna-Karin has managed to match Ida’s black skirt with that old bulky red sweater that makes her look such a fatso. But Ida hasn’t the energy to care, not even a little.

She is far too conscious of the whispering in the dining area. Mostly about her, she knows.

She glances at the side room. Robin, Felicia, Julia and Kevin are there. But not Erik.

Please please please, let him stay at home today, she thinks.

Yesterday, she used Minoo’s computer to log into her account. Erik had not only ended their relationship, he had also cancelled her as a friend. Many others had followed his lead. That is, after they had posted foul comments about her on her wall. With plenty of relish. It seemed they had been wanting to say these things for ages but hadn’t dared until now.

And then, Anna-Karin phoned.

Ida simply listened. She couldn’t be sure that she would have acted differently. The mere thought of Erik fills her with greater terror than her old fear of the dark ever did.

She turns to the other Chosen Ones again. Drinks some water. Stares at the hand holding the glass. Her head goes into a spin every time she sees Minoo’s hands instead of her own.

‘I get a massive headache every time I try to figure out who is who,’ Vanessa says.

No, she didn’t, Ida quickly reminds herself. Linnéa said it. Linnéa, inside Vanessa’s body.

‘Actually, it’s
my
head that hurts,’ Anna-Karin says and giggles.

Of course, it’s Vanessa who says it. Vanessa inside Anna-Karin’s body.

Minoo stares at Ida from behind Linnéa’s eyes.

‘It’s so totally unreal. Like watching yourself in a movie.’

‘The most advanced 3D-film in the world, though. And then there’s this thing about being audience and actor at the same time,’ Anna-Karin points out. Or, rather, Vanessa does.

Ida reaches for her knife and fork, and then puts the cutlery down when she sees Minoo’s hands again. She won’t ever cope with this.

‘Ida,’ Linnéa’s voice says and Ida looks her way.

And once more has to remind herself that it’s Minoo who’s talking.

‘I think we’ll have to try to see ourselves as the people we really are. Or we’ll go crazy.’

Ida looks around the circle, at each one in turn. It can be done, with an effort. Although they’re trying to play the right roles, all sorts of small mannerisms reveal who they are.

‘We need to talk about what’s happened since we last met,’ Minoo says. ‘Has anyone suspected anything?’

‘Your cat hissed at me when I came home yesterday,’ Vanessa says to Anna-Karin. ‘But I don’t think it’ll tell on me. And I hardly saw your mother. She was at home, but in her room almost all the time.’

‘Both Frasse and Melvin know that there’s something wrong about me,’ Linnéa says.

‘Poor little Melvin—’ Vanessa says, but Anna-Karin interrupts.

‘Erik!’ she whispers.

Ida’s fear is mirrored in her face.

Anna-Karin sees Erik walking towards her.

His face is bright red and an angry flare has spread upwards from the neckline of his sweater and reached his prominent Adam’s apple.