Finding Love at Home (The Beiler Sisters) (14 page)

Ida gulped. “It may be a little soon, but there are
kinner
involved. Minister Kanagy’s and Melvin’s. So it seemed right to me when Minister Kanagy asked.”

Verna waved her hand toward Joe. “Go to the door then, Joe. Welcome the man in. Oh, where can they go to talk? I guess we can hide out in our bedroom.”

“
Nee
, you won’t!” Ida said at once. “We’ll go upstairs to my room.”

Just then the women heard Joe speak. “
Gut
evening, Ben.”

“
Gut
evening, Joe.”

Minister Ben Kanagy’s voice squeaked a little, Ida thought. The man was obviously nervous again. But what man wouldn’t be under the circumstances? He probably figured Verna and Joe didn’t know why he was here.

Ida stood straight and walked to the front door, even as the minister stepped inside. She gave him a smile and a little nod. That should let him know everything was fine.

He seemed to relax as he turned to Joe first and then to Verna. “Congratulations on the birth of your first child. I was so glad to hear everything went well.
Da Hah
has blessed you with a great gift.”

“That He has,” Joe agreed. His voice changed to a teasing tone. “Has little Sarah Mae gotten herself into church trouble already?”

Joe laughed and Minister Kanagy joined in. His laughter was a bit nervous.

Ida gave him another smile, and she could see him relax.

Minister Kanagy cleared his throat. “I guess you know why I’m here—to speak with Ida.”

Joe nodded. “She just told us moments ago of your
gut
news.”

“It’s… ” Minister Kanagy obviously was searching for what to say.

“You don’t have to explain,” Verna said. “Ida thinks you’d be most comfortable visiting upstairs in her room. But if you prefer, Joe and I can take little Sarah Mae and hightail it for our bedroom. That way you two can have the living room to yourselves… if you think that best.”

Minister Kanagy’s hand twitched. “I wouldn’t wish to disturb you. Not in the least.
Nee
, upstairs is fine. We’ll behave ourselves.”

Verna tried to smile at the nervous laughter that followed between Joe and the minister.

Ida figured the joke wasn’t any more funny to Verna than it was to her. Minister Kanagy should stick to the business at hand. He shouldn’t try to lighten the mood. But he must still hurt over the loss of his
frau
, Barbara. Ida would need to cut the man a lot of slack, even if he made cheesy jokes.

Without a glance at Minister Kanagy, Ida retrieved the lit kerosene lamp from the kitchen table and led the way upstairs. The steps soon squeaked behind her as Minister Kanagy followed. He’d caught up by the time she arrived at the bedroom she’d been using. Ida stepped inside and motioned toward the only chair. “I’ll sit on the bed, if you don’t mind.”

Minister Kanagy nodded and sat down.

Ida put the lamp on the dresser. She turned the flame up until it threatened to smoke. The flickering light played on the minister’s dark beard.

Minister Kanagy smiled and glanced up at her. He didn’t seem a bit nervous now, which was
gut.
She didn’t want a man who was always nervous around her. Apparently once Minister Kanagy was through the first part of an awkward situation, he calmed down. And she seemed to help him along that way, rather than hinder him.
That was also
gut
. Ida gave him a smile as she seated herself on the edge of the bed.

The minister cleared his throat. “I’m glad to see you tonight, Ida. I hope this is a good time and that I’m not inconveniencing you.”

Ida’s smile came easily. “I was half expecting you, so I’m happy you’ve come.”

“I’m happy to hear that.” Minister Kanagy thought for a moment. “If you don’t mind, Ida, I’d like to tell you about Barbara first. I want to make it clear that I’m not expecting you to replace her. I will always have a special place in my heart for Barbara. I want no secrets on that matter between us. I thought it would be better if I told you about her right up front. Then, if you wish, you can tell me about Melvin. He was my brother, and I know you loved him.”

“I did.” Tears sprang unbidden to her eyes. “And,
yah
, I wish to hear about Barbara.”

Thirteen

M
inister Kanagy had spoken for thirty minutes now, and Ida felt a little guilty that she hadn’t been totally wrapped up in his story. Her mind had wandered even with her initial interest in what he had to say. The tale of his former
frau
’s life was important to Minister Kanagy, so it was important to her. And Minister Kanagy had said she was to speak about his brother Melvin after he finished. But truth be told, she really didn’t want to speak of Melvin. Their love had never been lived out day-to-day like the story Minister Kanagy was telling. Ida had only dreamed of having a life together with Melvin. They had never had even a fraction of what Minister Kanagy had with Barbara.

She forced herself to focus.

“… the year Wilma was born. We’d waited so many years for the first one. Barbara thought
Da Hah
had decided we were to remain childless, but I kept up my hope. And it did happen. I can remember my joy. I must have looked like Joe did downstairs tonight. Perhaps even more so because we had waited so long. John came a year later. I thought we were well on our way to a large family. A little late, but still time, I told myself.” A hint of a smile spread over his face.

Ida decided she couldn’t think of him anymore as Minister Kanagy. He must become Ben to her.
Ben.
Ida ran the name through her mind a few times. It felt okay. Not as fearsome and frightening as “Minister Kanagy.” This man in front of her would soon be her husband—if
Da Hah
so willed it. Minister…
nee
, Ben should no longer strike uneasiness in her.

“Perhaps I should say something, Ben,” Ida interrupted. She gave him a warm smile when he appeared surprised. “I want you to take as long as you wish to speak of Barbara, but I’d like best to be able to say things myself when they come to me.” She gave him another smile. “It works for me that way.”

“
Yah
,” Ben said, regarding her with surprise.

He seemed to adjust rather quickly, for which Ida was grateful. She took a deep breath. “It’s this thing about Melvin’s children. I know you have two of them at your house—Willard and Rosa—in addition to your own two.”

“Oh!” A smile spread across his face. “Of course you will wish to see all six of Melvin’s children at times. That won’t be a problem. It’s most understandable that you would. We can start right soon, if you wish. I’ll come pick you up on Sunday afternoon, and we can visit them.”

He wasn’t quite understanding what she was trying to say. Ida steadied herself. “
Nee
, Ben, that’s not what I mean at all. In fact, I don’t wish to spend time with them before our wedding.” Ida glanced away as heat rushed into her face. She took a moment to gather herself together. “I want
all
of them in our home after the wedding, Ben. Your two children plus Willard, Rosa, Amos, Ephraim, Lonnie, and Lisa.
All
of them.”

He was startled, even shocked. “All of them, Ida? But they have settled in with others of the family. We can’t disrupt that.”

“This is what I want, Ben.” Ida tried to keep her voice firm. “This is partly why I am willing to say vows with you. For the children. Melvin’s and yours. I was sure you already knew this.”

The struggle on his face was severe. “But, Ida, this cannot be. I have four children at my home now. Mine and two of Melvin’s. Four more would be eight! And then with the ones
Da Hah
perhaps will give us… ”

Ida forced a smile. “You just said moments ago that you wished for a large family. Maybe
Da Hah
heard you.”

Ben’s face turned a little pale.

Obviously he wasn’t used to such plain talk from a woman, especially plain talk that was correcting him. Ida let out a breath and silently thanked
Da Hah
for having Sadie speak to her on this matter. It was a good thing Sadie had insisted she bring this up before saying vows.

“You seem to have made up your mind, Ida.”

Ida met his gaze. “I will not marry without agreement on this condition. Either all of your brother Melvin’s children come to live in our home after the wedding, Ben, or… or it’s best we not say the vows.”

He was silent for a long moment. “You are sure of this, Ida? You really mean it? This is what you desire?”

Ida nodded and affirmed, “I do, Ben.”

His face softened. “Well, Melvin was my brother, and we did love each other. Perhaps this is
Da Hah
’s will.”

“It is.” Ida didn’t hesitate. “And it is mine.
Da Hah
listens to a
mamm
’s heart, does He not? And if you promise me this and then take this from me, Ben, I will never be the
frau
you wish for. A part of my heart will die—a part you will wish hadn’t.”

Ben was an honorable man and wouldn’t go back on his word once it was given, but why let it even be a temptation? She wanted to make it plain where she stood, that part of it would require having eight children in the house, plus the ones she would bear for him if
Da Hah
willed. Ida looked away as her face flamed again.

He thought long before he spoke. “You’re a
gut
woman, Ida. Your heart is in the right place. You have not asked for ease, or pleasure,
or for a gentle rule from my hand. Rather, you have asked for hardship, and trouble, and for helping the hearts of troubled children who have lost their parents. I cannot but give you what
Da Hah
has already given, Ida. It would be a sin for me to deny such love. I only hope you will one day see
me
in such a way. Such a love as yours is truly holy and righteous, and I am unworthy.
Yah
, Ida. I will make arrangements to bring all of Melvin’s children to our home a week or so before the wedding.”

Ida choked for a moment as hot tears rushed down her cheeks. This she had not expected. Such
wunderbah
words! They burned in her heart. Ben understood! Ida stood and stepped toward him.

He hesitated, but stood also and opened his arms. They embraced. Stiffly at first, and then with ease. His hand reached for her face. He touched her cheeks, his eyes intense. “Ida, I love you already. More than I can ever say.”

She stilled his words with her fingers on his lips. She angled her head up even more to receive his kiss. Her first thought was that he kissed as Melvin had. The passion was the same. He kept his arms around her for a long time, but he finally relaxed his hug and gently separated from her. “This is not yet right, Ida. We have not said the vows, and I was once a married man. I want to be careful and honorable.”

She nodded and sat on the bed again. He walked to the window and pushed aside the drapes for a better view. As he gazed out the window, Ida studied the back of his head. She was glad she had kissed him. It comforted her heart even though she’d been certain this course was
Da Hah
’s will. Confirmation was
gut
. But how would she compare with Barbara? Ben seemed to like her and even said so. Their relationship might not be a flame of fire like she’d eventually felt for Melvin or the raging river Paul Wagler used to stir in her. But this feeling was something
gut
nonetheless. Wholesome even as it was tempered by the deep sorrow they had both
experienced. In many ways they were one already in spirit. Ben would probably laugh at her if he knew how much she read into their one kiss, but she was glad he had spoken his heart. She would never have dared approach him with her heart open without his words. And now she knew. She would not dread his kisses or his love.

Ida shifted her weight on the bed. “We had best speak of the wedding date, should we not?”

“Of course.” He took the chair again.

She gave him a tender smile. “Tell me what your thoughts are.”

He ran his hands through his hair, obviously still distracted. “It makes no difference to me, Ida. Other than having it occur quickly during next month’s wedding season. People will understand.”

Ida nodded. “So
Mamm
and I can pick the best date for us?”