Finding Abigail (19 page)

I looked down,
picking at my yoga pants, and stayed silent.

“Okay, so
that’s a yes. Did he cheat on you?”

“No,” I
answered softly, worried that she was about to guess the real problem.

“Well, what
then? Did he kill someone? Is he a cross-dresser? Is he gay? Is he a jazz
singer in Vegas?”

A laugh slipped
out. “No, of course not, don’t be silly.” It felt good to laugh, I hadn’t done
so in a long time.

“Well, what is
it then? Because I know he doesn’t hit you.” And again, I looked down,
fingering the material on my pants. This time she grabbed my chin, lifting it
so I would look at her in the eye. “Abby, you tell me he doesn’t hit you.” I
pulled my head out of her hands and stood up, moving over to the window. I
looked down at the street and watched Spencer hailing a cab for Mrs. Lancaster
in 3B. I couldn’t stand the pain and concern that crossed Debbie’s face. If I
saw it another second I would lose it.

“That son of a
bitch, I’m going to kill him.”

I turned back
around to face her, hoping my expression was blank. I couldn’t break down in
front of her.

“Don’t you
worry about a thing, because the next time I see that asshole, he’s a dead
man.” She started pacing the living room.

I laughed. The
thought of Debbie hurting anyone made me giggle. I had seen such violence over
the last four months, for some reason I found it funny that she thought she
could hurt anybody. She just didn’t have it in her. And that was a good thing.
“Oh yeah, Debbie you’re so tough.” I don’t know why I was smiling. Maybe I was
relieved that she finally knew, or maybe I was starting to go insane.

She stopped
pacing and pointed at me. “What I want to know is why the hell you’re still
with him.”

The urge to
laugh subsided replaced by apprehension. “Debbie, I can’t talk about this. I’m
handling it, I’ll be okay.”

“What do you
mean handling it? Because it had better mean you’re going to cut his balls off
and shove them in his mouth.”

This time I
laughed so hard tears ran down my cheeks.
God, I missed her
.

Wiping the
tears away, I sat down on the sofa and pulled her down with me. “You can’t say
anything, okay, nothing to Brian, and when you see Nick, act normal. He told me
if I reported him or tried to leave him again he would kill me. I’m leaving,
but every time I decide it’s time, something comes up. But when I do go, it
means I won’t see any of you, indefinitely.”

Her eyes
widened. “You reported him, and tried to leave?”

“Yes, but since
he’s a cop, they won’t do anything. So I ran, and he caught me. I believe him
when he said he’ll kill me.”

She closed her
eyes, her lips pressed in a thin line, and then she opened them, her face full
of determination. “Then you have to leave. It will be horrible without you, but
your life is more important. But do it right this time.” She started to cry.
“God damn it! Let’s eat this cake.” I laughed and went to the kitchen to get
some spoons.

Debbie was true to her word and didn’t say
anything. She did tell Brenda that she needed to go see me. So a week after I
dealt with Debbie, my mother and sister paid me a visit. We were sitting at the
table having coffee when my sister blurted, “Abby, I just have to say it. You
look like shit.”

A laugh snuck
out before I could stop it. I was wearing an old high school T-shirt and
jogging pants, and I had thrown my hair up in a rough pony tail. I hadn’t
expected company, and I didn’t usually clean myself up until just before Nick
arrived. He didn’t like when I looked messy, and I think that’s why I did it
when he wasn’t around. It was the only way to rebel and make my own decisions.
But I knew her words meant more than what I was wearing. My skin was pale and
bags were beginning to form under my eyes from lack of sleep. Leave it to my
sister to tell it like it is.

My mother set
her mug of coffee down on the table, and lines rippled in the liquid. She gazed
at me. Her clear blue eyes held mine. “Abby, what’s going on? And don’t tell me
nothing, I’m sick of you lying to me.”

I sighed,
wanting to keep this to myself, but since Debbie knew, I knew I couldn’t. I
stared down at my coffee. “Nick…has...”

My mother
gasped. “Don’t tell me that he’s hurt you.”

Brenda gasped,
her eyes wide. “Mom, that’s ridiculous, Nick would never do that.” She turned
to me. “Abby, tell her.”

I kept silent,
taking a drink of my coffee.

“Abby?” Brenda
cried.

“How did you
know?” I asked my mother, ignoring my sister.

She reached
over, and took my hand. Hers was warm against my cold one. Ever since Nick
moved in I was always cold. “I work in the hospital; I’ve seen my share of
abused women. I can tell when someone isn’t happy.” She squeezed my hand. “And
it was the way he looked at you. His eyes never left you. And it wasn’t a look
of love. It was possessiveness. I told you this, remember?”

“Yes, and I’m
sorry I didn’t listen. I was just so in love with him, I didn’t want to see
it.” I started to cry, I couldn’t help it. How could my mother know who he
really was just by looking at him, and I didn’t? I jumped up to get a tissue
and handed one to Brenda, who had joined me in a crying jag. “I have to leave.
I tried before, but he found me, but I have a better plan now.”

“What? You
can’t leave,” Brenda gasped.

My mom reached
over and touched Brenda’s knee. “She has to. It’s the only way she’ll be safe.”
She winked at Brenda, and then turned to me. “Abby, when you’re ready, let me
know and I’ll go stay with your sister. But don’t take too long. He’s going to
start to wonder why you’re not planning the wedding.”

Brenda fiddled
with the handle of her mug. “Come on, Mom, it’s not that bad. Tell her, Abby.”
She was grasping for some good news; she looked at me for an answer. I was just
sorry I couldn’t give her the ones she wanted.

I smiled sadly
at Brenda and shook my head. It broke my heart to see her accept it. I glanced
at my mom and nodded.

Brenda gazed
down into her coffee. “If it’ll keep you safe, you have to go.”

I smiled at the
two women I loved more than anyone in the world. “Thank you. I really needed
your blessing.” I think that was why I had been putting my departure off,
because I hated to leave them, but now that they knew and agreed, it was time.

The Last Straw

That night, Nick
told me we were going to his mother’s place. After dinner, we sat in the living
room eating dessert and drinking coffee. Heather sat quietly in her usual corner.
The occasional glance at me was the only contact between us. Tina was busy
talking about returning to the hospital, and I sat quietly beside Nick trying
not to be noticed. It turned out that I wasn’t as invisible as I had hoped.

“So Abby, how
are the wedding plans coming?” Sofia asked from her chair beside me.

My chest
tightened, and my hands threatened to shake. Why did she have to ask that?
“Good.” It was the only word I could think to answer; my mind went blank.

“Tell me, have
you decided where you’re having it? Have you picked bridesmaids? What are your
colors?”

Okay, so I
couldn’t put it off any longer. We had been engaged for months, people were
bound to wonder what was happening. I was just thankful Nick was too busy at
work to really ask much about it. He was happy to allow me to plan it, he just
wanted final approval. I lifted my head, looking her in the eyes. “Actually,
I’ve decided to put the plans on hold for a while. I’m in the middle of a book
and my editors are rushing me to get it done.” I glanced at Nick and saw his
face harden, his eyes go cold. Fear knotted inside me, knowing it wasn’t going
to be a good night.

Heather must
have noticed too because she spoke for the first time. “That’s so cool. What’s
it about?”

I went into the
plot of the book I hadn’t written about in months. I was desperate to change
the subject and thanks to Heather and Tina the wedding plans were never
mentioned again—until we arrived home.

As soon as Nick
closed the door behind him, he struck me across the face. The blow was so hard
I fell to the floor. “How dare you embarrass me like that? You told me you were
planning the wedding. I don’t like to be lied to, Abby.” He hovered above me,
like an animal stalking its prey.

Cradling my
battered cheek with my hand, I glared up at him. “I
was
planning the
wedding, but they started pressuring me to get the book done.” I shrugged. “I
just thought I’d put the wedding on hold for a few months so I could work on
it.” I hoped I sounded convincing, trying to make the tone of my voice as
casual as possible.

He bent down
and lifted me up, digging his fingers into my shoulders as he shoved me against
the wall, his hand clenched around my throat, choking me. “Nothing is more
important than marrying me. Not your stupid little books, not your family.
Nothing. You got that?” His face was so close I could smell his mother’s meat
loaf on his breath. His teeth were clenched; his voice was a low growl. I
gulped for air and struggled, clawing at his hands, but it was no use. His grip
was like a vise; I couldn’t even nod. My vision started to fade in and out.

As I was on the
edge of consciousness, I looked into the deep brown eyes that stared into mine.
They were full of hate and disgust as the man attached to them drained the life
from my body. He said he loved me, but continually beat and ridiculed me. He
said he wanted to marry me, but what he really wanted was to possess me.
He
said he wanted to be together forever, but my life, my essence, my soul, was
slipping away by the hands of the man who loved me.

Just before the
world went black, he pulled his hand away, and I fell to the floor. I lay
sprawled on the carpet gasping for air. I reached up to touch my locket,
needing comfort only my father could give, but all I felt was tender skin. Struggling
to sit up, I frantically searched the floor.

“Are you
looking for this?” Nick called from the kitchen. I glanced up and to my horror,
saw the locket dangling from his fingers, hanging over the garbage disposal. He
flicked the switch with an evil smile. The motor made a low growl, like a
monster wanting to be fed.

“No, don’t!” I
yelled frantically, gasping for breath. The idea of losing the necklace again
was like losing my father all over again.

“Don’t worry I
won’t. Just promise me you’ll stop the book and plan the wedding.”

“I promise,
just give me my necklace.”

He held the
necklace out to me. It dangled from his long fingers. I stood up and rushed
forward. Just as I reached the kitchen doorway, he pulled his hand back and
dropped my locket into the disposal. My heart dropped to my feet and tears
sprung to my eyes. The loud grinding sound told me the locket was destroyed,
but I ran over to the sink anyway hoping for a miracle. But I couldn’t see
anything—it was gone.

I glared at him
with every ounce of hate inside me. “You said if I agreed that you wouldn’t
drop it.”

He laughed as
he sauntered out of the kitchen and into living room. “I lied.” He dropped onto
the sofa and turned the TV on. I watched him flicking through the channels with
the remote, not a care in the world.

I had never had
the urge to kill another human being, but at that moment I pictured myself
walking over and stabbing him with the knife that I used to chop vegetables. He
had just ruined one of the things in my life that gave me pleasure. As long as
I had that, I could think of the times with my dad and forget about my
problems. I had lost it for years, and felt that I had also lost my father
again, but now Nick had taken my memories of the one man who treated me with
love and respect. I had made excuses for not leaving yet; I didn’t want to
leave my family, I was scared to be caught. But that was the last straw. Nick
took away all I had left of my father, and now I was done. I hoped he rotted in
hell.

“Are you just
going to stand there all night or are you going to start the plans? I meant
what I said; no more writing your childish books, it’s about time you grew up.”
He was watching TV and scratching his leg. I used to be attracted to him, but
now he disgusted me.

His words
brought me out of my thoughts, and I realized I had been standing in the middle
of the room staring at him. “I thought you liked that I wrote kids’ books. You
seemed interested when we met.”

He glared at me
like I was the stupidest person on the planet. “I was trying to get you into
bed, I would have said anything. Now get your ass in gear.”

I really wanted
to yell at him, and I would have when we first met. But now that I had felt the
sting of his hand, I pushed my anger back, knowing I wouldn’t have to take it
much longer, and slunk away. I dug out a notebook, sat at the table, and
started making fake lists for the wedding. When he fell asleep on the couch, I
went to bed. I had a big day tomorrow and I needed to plan.