Evie's Knight (28 page)

An immense weight plagued her as she pushed her way through the crowding bodies, darting for the door. She puzzled only a moment before recognizing the old familiar flame, burning strong and potent within her:
Guilt.
Undeniable, unavoidable, good old-fashioned guilt.

“Evie wait,” a voice spoke from behind. Kelly had caught up with her, followed her out of the club. “I saw what happened back there on the dance floor. Do you want to talk about it?”

***

Rain on the windshield. It always reminded Evie of Calvin. The day he broke up with her. But after tonight it would remind her of something else: change.

As much as she wanted to erase the events of her night, she’d actually learned from them. And in true ‘daughter of a therapist’ form, Evie reflected on that as the wipers in Kelly’s VW worked to clear the glass.

For starters, there was actually some truth to the whole ‘rock-bottom’ thing. For her, a make out session with Parker came close enough.

Kelly was a good friend. While seated on vinyl in a café down the street, hands wrapped around warm mugs, Kelly helped her get past the incident. With an hour long heart-to-heart, Evie found the desire to move forward and let the past fade into the distance. Calvin and all.

“Agh.” Kelly clamped a hand over her mouth.

Evie flicked on the signal and pulled the small car off the road. Just as they stopped, Kelly threw open the door, hopped out and bent forward. The rain helped disguise the sounds of her purging, but the stench still made its way into the warm, dimly-lit interior of the car. So this is what she and Tawny did with their evenings? Evie flipped on the vents as Kelly staggered back in, wiping her face with the back of her sleeve.

“I’m never drinking again,” she moaned.

Evie ran a hand over Kelly’s back. “You’re making me really sorry I didn’t join you.” She covered up a laugh.

Kelly scowled at her. “Very funny.”

As Evie pulled back onto the freeway, her chest swelled with encouragement. She’d had a rough month, but she was ready to make things better.

She was worthy of happiness.

Worthy of love.

And though Calvin would not be in her future, she intended to achieve both.

Chapter Thirty-two

As she cleaned the surface of her lab desk, Evie heard a familiar voice whispering from behind; Josh, Parker’s friend, had biology with her.

“Hey, Evie,” he said again, louder this time.

“Yeah?” She wiped down the outsides of the test tubes before giving him a tentative glance.

Josh leaned his lanky body over his desk, looking around the room like a guilty child. “You still having a hard time?”

“With the lab?” Was he kidding? She’d already finished.

Josh gave her the subtle shake of his head, rubbing a hand along the back of his neck.

Acknowledgement kicked in like a splash of toxic chemicals to the face.

“That whole thing with Calvin, I mean,” he said, though she already knew.

A thick, heavy wave of heat, sluggish and slow, seeped over her stomach, through her chest and up her throat. Josh had never brought Calvin up before today. She appreciated that about him. It was the only reason she continued to sit in front of him class after class.

“Nope. I’m not.” She spun back around and, with numb fingers, picked up her pen to document her final results. The pointed tip bled a black scratch onto the crisp, white page before pooling beneath the spot where she paused. What had she meant to write?

“You know he has a new girlfriend, don’t you?”

Evie stopped writing, stopped breathing, and let her eyes close, hoping to block the tormenting vision in her head–the image of Calvin with another girl. She could see the nameless woman sitting across from him in his Jeep, enjoying his laugh, his smile, his kiss…

“Hey, you okay?”

Her chest ached from the searing heat–the acidic burn bubbling from deep within. She couldn’t recall a time she’d said ‘no’ to that ridiculously over-asked question. Throughout the last several weeks, she had mastered the appropriate nod and smile in hopes to assure everyone she was exactly that–okay. But in that moment, Evie could do nothing. The fact was–she was nowhere near okay.

He leaned in further, the annoying tone of his voice like nails to the chalkboard. “You didn’t know? It’s some redhead. She’s over there every weekend. He met her the night I called Calvin to stop Parker. You know, at the bar? That means it was while you two were dating. ‘Cuz he was out with you that night, right?”

The redhead from art?
Evie looked back at him. After a few unsteady breaths, Josh finally came into focus. He’d leaned back on his chair and was balancing on one faulty wheel. She could hardly believe the look on his face. Smiling and bright-eyed as he chewed the gnarled end of his stupid blue pen. Evie looked back to the small wheel at the base of his chair, wishing it would snap beneath him, send him crashing to the floor.

“I’m really supposed to believe you?” she said. “I mean, if that were true, why wait until now to tell me?” Her voice seemed to echo in her head. She wondered if Josh could tell how distraught she felt inside.

“Because I didn’t think you could handle it. Besides, I wasn’t sure it would last. But, well I live just down the street from Calvin, and it looks like things are getting pretty serious between them. Just thought you’d like to know.”

Are you crazy?
Evie wanted to shout.
Of course I don’t want to know. I feel like I’m dying inside!
And she did feel that way. Because as much as she didn’t want to believe Josh, his words had the ring of truth. Calvin hadn’t really given her a convincing reason. And he’d started acting different after that very night.

Numbly, she stood up. Gathered her things in her arms.

“This chick drives a Harley.”

She’d heard Josh speak up, but was too focused on the task at hand to think more of it.

“Did you hear me?”

Her hurt turned to anger. “I don’t
want
to hear it, Josh.”

“Hey, why are you mad at
me
?”

She pulled her backpack over her shoulder, paused in front of him, and kept her voice low. “Because I think you’re an insensitive jerk, that’s why.” Heads turned. Students whispered. The professor met her gaze. She glared back at Josh once more before heading toward the outside exit.

“Hey, you can’t just leave,” Josh hollered.

Evie stifled her urge to throw him an ugly gesture at the doorway, and greeted the cool air with a rush of tears that wouldn’t be stifled so easily.

***

“That was brutal tonight,” Parker moaned.

Calvin looked over as they pulled into the driveway, wondering how much of the conversation he’d missed, surprised they were already home. “Yeah.” He rubbed at the tension in his neck.

“I can’t believe how weird that feels–to have somebody in my head like that. Fiona is good. Really good.”

Calvin nodded, reflecting on the way Fiona had mimicked Jocelyn’s ability. Putting thoughts and suggestions in their heads, training them to recognize invading thoughts. “Yeah, Parker, you’re going to have to work on that. Fiona had you every time. What were you, at a three?”

“Yeah, but I don’t trust her stupid little number system. I mean, how could you be able to handle a six while I’m stuck at a level three?” Parker slumped over the steering wheel and closed his eyes.

“What bothered
me
the most,” Calvin said, “is to see how fast you responded. I mean, with me, it’s not so instant. I can feel it coming on, the invasion, and when it does, there’s a piece of me that’s already working to fight it.”

Parker straightened back up. “I can tell it’s different with you. You hesitate right from the beginning. I don’t even have a second thought. I just start climbing up the stupid trees, jumping into the river, whatever she tells me, like it’s my own brilliant idea.” He shook his head. “What I didn’t mind,” he said with a juvenile-looking smile, “is when Fiona prompted me to kiss her. Was she telling you to kiss her, too?” Parker asked.

Calvin shook his head. “No.” The thought of kissing anyone but Evie made him ill. It would feel like a betrayal, even if they weren’t together anymore. He guessed it would feel like that for the remainder of his life. His heart, his thoughts, his every breath belonged to her. “With me, Fiona just…my head told me I had to go to her, get her close to me, nothing about kissing.” Fiona knew better than that.

“Well, it was for me.” Parker laughed. “I think she just wanted to kiss me. She was really asking for it.”

Calvin stepped out of the car. “If that were true she wouldn’t have stopped you.”

“Yeah, but I was close. Mmm, it would’ve been nice.” Parker leaned against his Cherokee, let his head fall back. It was dark out, but the full moon competed with the nearby streetlamp, casting a silver glow on the quiet, surrounding homes.

“Man, why are we still doing this?” Parker asked. 

Calvin looked at him. “Doing what?”

“Preparing. All this training.” 

“What kind of question is that?” Calvin asked. “You
know
why we’re doing it, Parker.”

“No, I don’t. You broke up with Evie so we wouldn’t have to go through with all this, and it didn’t work. The dreams never stopped. They’re getting worse even. And now you’re getting the shaft in every possible way. You’re living without her, you’ve never been more miserable in your life. You broke
her
heart, and still, you’re not even going to be able to save her.”

Calvin shook his head, but Parker persisted, “Listen to me, Cal. When are you going to get it? It didn’t work. Breaking up with Evie didn’t fix it. So what are you waiting for? Why don’t you get her back, man? At least you can protect her if you’re together. She’s vulnerable right now.”

Calvin opened his mouth, but nothing came. He tried to erase the new ideas tumbling around in his mind. Going back to Evie hadn’t been an option. He’d been determined to stay strong–silence the greedy voice in his head that tried to rationalize his way back into her life.

Parker continued through his silence, “Dude, don’t you understand that if you’re not with her you won’t even know if she gets captured?”

Calvin fought the urge to agree with him. “She’s not going to get captured, Parker. Fiona hasn’t lost contact with Jocelyn. That means she hasn’t settled on a pawn up here yet.”

“But she’s still plotting. And Fiona could lose contact tomorrow.” He pulled his back off the car and straightened up. “Haven’t you ever considered that you might be waiting too long? When will you figure out it didn’t work? When Evie’s gone? And what if you push her too far away in the mean time? You could lose her for good if you don’t hurry. I mean it.”

Parker’s words sounded like a warning, like he knew something more.

“What do you mean by that?” Calvin watched Parker’s response carefully.

“I mean that you don’t even know what she’s doing with her life now. What you’ve pushed her into.”

He did know. He’d watched over her when he could. “I know she’s still going to school. And that she’s not running at the track anymore, but she’s doing fine. She’s a really strong person, Parker.”

A long pause of silence fell, until Parker spoke again. “I have to tell you something, but first, you have to promise not to kill me.”

An ache spread through Calvin’s jaw as he clenched it tight. “What?”

The youthful look in his brother’s eyes seemed to plead with Calvin, reminding him of the look he always gave when he’d done something wrong and wanted forgiveness.

“Cal, just promise–”

“I’m not going to promise anything,” he hissed. “Just tell me what you know.” A razor like blade pushed its way up his throat, into his head, and snipped the residing thread of sanity he’d been clinging to for the last month.

Parker looked down at his shoes. “I saw her last weekend.”

“You did? You saw Evie?” He dropped his face in his hands as his eyes shut, already sick with the possibilities of what Parker might say.

“Yeah, man. She was at The Castle.”

When it got quiet, Calvin urged him to continue. “And?” His voice echoed within the confined space of his hands.

When Parker didn’t speak, Calvin pulled his hands from his face, looked at him. “Then what, Parker?” Tension tightened the muscles in his neck and chest, strained the words. “Spit it out, man.”

When Parker turned away from him, looked down the dark, quiet street, Calvin pulled in a deep, unsteady breath and waited for it.

“I kissed her,” Parker said, turning to face him.

Calvin’s strong hands were at Parker’s chest before his next breath came. As he gripped fistfuls of his shirt, the material felt thin, like it may give way beneath the sheer heat in the tips of his fingers. “Parker, I should rip your head off right now,” he shouted, with no thought to the neighboring homes. He yanked him closer, forcing Parker’s face against his while his heart pumped loud and angry. He felt like a mass of exposed nerves, rubbed raw at every angle. 

With the sweep of his leg, Calvin knocked Parker flat to the pavement. Glaring at him, he fought to control the brutal suggestions in his head, things he could physically do to cause Parker pain. Not that it would compare to the mental anguish that plagued him now. His fist balled up; the control it took to contain it was a pain all its own.

“How could you do that?” He jerked him forward and back with the strong jolt of his arm. “How?” He shook him again.

When no answer came, Calvin brought his fist up, watched Parker flinch. Just before he let loose, his mind took another route. One that made him lighten his grip and unclench his fist. “How could
she
do that?” It came out in a whisper.

“She was wasted, Cal,” Parker said.

Calvin shot a look at him, surprised. It wasn’t like her. “Are you sure?” He couldn’t even picture it.

“Positive. I know Vodka when I smell it. She’s in bad shape, Cal. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.

“It was my fault, though,” Parker continued. “I knew she wanted you, but … I don’t know, I just took advantage of her.”