e (93 page)

Authors: Matt Beaumont

BOOK: e

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David Crutton would like to see Vince immediately. I know he doesn’t use e, so could you tell him?

	Brett Topowlski – 1/17/00, 9:07am
to:	Liam O’Keefe
cc:
re:	dead man walking

Susi told me that David wants to see Vin. I could feel her e gloating. Vin is acting weird. He’ll either punch Crutton or cry. Not good either way.

	Liam O’Keefe – 1/17/00, 9:12am
to:	Brett Topowlski
cc:
re:	dead man walking

Just tell him to take his punishment like a man. And can I have his anglepoise, rubber plant, set square, pen pot . . .

	David Crutton – 1/17/00, 9:29am
to:	Zoë Clarke
cc:
re:	shape up

Where is the blue suit you promised to have back from the dry cleaner first thing? I’ll feel enough of a dork at this pitch without having to do it in my underpants.

	Liam O’Keefe – 1/17/00, 9:32am
to:	Brett Topowlski
cc:
re:	dead man walking

. . . steel ruler, ashtray, marker rack . . .

	Harriet Greenbaum – 1/17/00, 9:25am
to:	David Crutton
cc:
re:	the Sun never shines

Bad news, I’m afraid. When Jim’s taxi driver realised he was heading here this morning he went into a cabby’s rant about the depravity of the LOVE Channel and their ad agency, regurgitating, with a little embellishment, last week’s
Sun
scoop. Jim is none too thrilled. In fact he’s taken it rather personally since he’s on a number of the same charity committees as Ivana. He made me dig out the paper and he’s reading it on my sofa now. I’m sure he’ll be up when he’s through. I thought you were going to tell him.

	David Crutton – 1/17/00, 9:32am
to:	Harriet Greenbaum
cc:
re:	the Sun never shines

I thought
you
were. At least I can inform him that I’ve fired Vince. I knew this was going to be a piss-poor day the moment I saw Van Halen arrive. He’s sitting on Zoë’s desk trying to tempt her with some dried reindeer meat.

	Brett Topowlski – 1/17/00, 9:39am
to:	Liam O’Keefe
cc:
re:	dot cum

Vin is clearing his desk and I’ve just written my resignation. With Horne MIA, who the fuck do I give it to? Want some top news though? Remember I sent a copy of that little film you shot to Glenn and Toni at Grey? Remember I told you ages ago that Toni had his own home page? Click on
http://www.antonio.com.
Horne has joined Pammy and Tommy in the land of cyber-erotica. Tommy’s dick is bigger, but I’d say the ladyboy has better implants than Pammy.

	David Crutton – 1/17/00, 9:56am
to:	All Departments
cc:
re:	Vince Douglas

This morning I have had to take the unpleasant step of sacking Vince Douglas of the Creative Department. This is solely because of the comments he made to a journalist last week regarding not only the agency, but also one of our clients. These remarks were wholly unauthorised and led to some extremely negative PR.

As you know, I would not usually make someone’s humiliation so public. But the action taken against Vince Douglas serves as an example of what will happen to anybody who breaks their contract and speaks to the press without prior permission.

I did not wish to start such an auspicious day in our history on a low note. Perhaps now we can put this distasteful episode behind us and move onward to greatness.

Let’s win Coke!

David Crutton

CEO