Drawn to you (16 page)

All I can do is slowly nod my head, although I’m far from okay. A lonely tear escapes my eye and I bring my hand up to swipe it away. My body is shaking but I will my legs to move and I go back to my apartment, lock the doors, and huddle under my quilt. That couldn’t have gone any worse.

My phone beeps, alerting me to a text. I pull my cell from my jeans pocket.

That was brutal. R u ok?

B x

I reply

Yeah. Is Gaby?

She’s in her room. Gabe and I are going to find Mike. Do u need anything? B x

No thank u. Let me know if Mike’s ok

A x

Despite my better judgment, I can’t leave Gaby like this.

I slide out of bed, take a few deep breaths and head back over there. I gently knock on her bedroom door and when I push it open, Gaby is crying on her bed.
This bed has seen a lot of our tears lately.

“Hey, can I come in?”

She nods.

“I’m so sorry, Gabs. That was so stupid of me. I should have waited to give you the test.” I stroke my hand over her back and cry a little with her.

The door swings open and Finlay stands in the frame, rummaging through a drug store bag. He throws a pregnancy test on the bed. “Go take the test, Gaby,” he orders.

“Finlay . . .”

“Don’t!” he shouts at me before I can finish. I feel like a child being berated by my father, only my dad has more respect than to speak to me in such a manner.

I grab the test and usher Gaby into the bathroom.

“He is so angry at me. He acts like my dad,” Gaby sobs.

“He just cares about you, Gabs. He will get over it.”
I hope.

“Should I do the test?”

“If you want to. You don’t have to feel pressured into it though.” I reach for her hand and give it an encouraging squeeze.

“I need to know. God, Mike hates me. I can’t believe Gavin said that in front of everyone.”

She grabs the box and takes out the test, reading the leaflet.

“I’ll give you some privacy but I’ll be right outside the door.” I smile reassuringly and gently close the door behind me. Finlay is right there, glaring at me like I’m something he stepped in.

“You know what, Finlay, screw you and your hateful face.”
That’s a little weak, but sod it, keep going.
“I’m Gaby’s best friend and she was scared and needed me. I wasn’t going to betray her trust. There was no point telling you anything until she took the test.”

“Did you know she was sleeping with Gavin?”

“She told me she slept with him once.”

“Gavin! Antonia, you should have fucking told me! She’s my fucking flesh and blood!”

I hate the way he’s looking at me. Where’s my loving, amazing boyfriend gone?

“You’re being a little over the top right now. It’s not like he forced her. They’re grown-ups.”

His face contorts into a flurry of emotions; I can’t put my finger on just one of them. Anger, grief, love, disbelief. “You don’t understand, Gavin is . . .”

“A whore, yes, but he’s also your friend and you struck him tonight. That makes you an asshole.”

“You don’t understand!”

I hold my hand up to stop him. “You’re damn right I don’t!”

The bathroom door opens and Gaby looks between us. “It’s negative.” She sounds relieved, holding up the stick. A nervous laugh escapes her. “Negative.”

I let out the breath I was holding and wrap my arms around her.

“Thank God,” Finlay breathes, and I hear the bedroom door close behind him as he leaves.

“He is so angry,” Gaby stutters. She looks like she’s been dragged through a bush backwards. Mascara and tears stain her cheeks, her eyes are red and blotchy, and her hair is sticking up in all directions from her rubbing her hands through it.

“Do you want me to stay?” I ask, even though I’m desperate to hide away in my apartment.

“No, it’s fine. I’m just going to try to phone Mike and then go to bed. I’m so relieved but I wish it didn’t have to cause so much crap.” She wipes her tears. “Everything is all fucked up for nothing.”

“It will be okay. Good luck with Mike. I’m right next door if you need me. I’ll pop in and see you in the morning.” I kiss her cheek then turn and leave as quickly as possible.

I turn the taps off, swilling the water in the tub, stripping my clothes off and leaving them in a pile on the floor. I tie my hair up into a bun on top of my head and step into the hot water. I can’t believe the night’s outcome. I’m so confused about Finlay. Where did that anger come from? It’s left me reeling and unsettled. I feel a need to call home but I can’t, Mom will be able to tell something’s wrong; she has radar for when something is troubling me.

My hands and toes wrinkle and the water is losing heat. Grabbing a towel from the heated towel rail and wrapping it around my body, I step from the tub. The bath was nice but didn’t help my woes. I’m lost and lonely.

I open the door and I’m startled to find Finlay sitting on my bed. I want to run into the man I’ve fallen for but the atmosphere from the way he reacted and spoke to both Gaby and me is still thick in the air and clear in my mind.

“How did you get in here?” I ask.

“I have a key. How do you think I got the flowers and stuff in here?” His tone is calmer but his hair is in disarray, and a frown line mars his brow.

“Oh. I didn’t actually think about it. Finlay, I’m tired, and to be honest, I don’t want to see you.”

“She’s my baby sister, Antonia. I’m supposed to look after her not let my friends . . .” he paused before continuing. “There’s so much you don’t know.”

“Don’t, Finlay. She is an adult and a woman. They are men, and it’s natural when you spend so much time with people for feelings to develop. That’s what happened with Mike. Gavin was just there when she needed someone. Better him than some stranger who could have been anyone or done anything. You put too much pressure on yourself. She doesn’t need looking after. You can’t be her father.”

I know he’s hurting, and I want to hold him, but I’m still raw and hurting too. I need to protect myself.

I walk to my chest of drawers and pull a chemise out, dropping my towel and slipping the chemise on before crawling into bed, ignoring the fact that Finlay is still here.

“I don’t know what to do. This is so hard, Antonia.”

My heart beats faster. Oh God, is he talking about Gaby or us? Learning the dark hole of my past then me not telling him about Gaby has pushed him over the edge. Just like everyone else, he can’t deal. My head buzzes causing my legs to weaken. I try to come up with an answer but I’m not sure I have any.

“Life’s hard, Finlay. You need to explain this better because I don’t understand and I’m really pissed at you. So talk or leave because I’m tired.”

“I’m sorry, I just can’t,” he says as he gets up and leaves the room.

I don’t know how much time passes but I don’t move. I’m paralyzed with pain, my heart crushed. I knew he would leave me eventually, I just didn’t know I would feel such despair.

I CAN’T SLEEP SO
I’m painting in a haze, trying to release the pain onto the paper. I need to get Finlay out of me. It hurts too much. How can I get through this after everything else?

I need to try and sleep; I’ve been at this for hours. I put down the brush and cover the intense eyes looking back at me with a sheet.

Crawling into my bed, Finlay’s scent still lingers and I can’t bring myself to wash the sheets. Every inch of my skins craves his and yet he so easily walked away from me.
Was it even real?
For me it was, it will always be real for me.

Light shines through the blinds creating an orange glow across the bedspread. I check my cell; it reads 6
A.M.
I take three of the sleeping pills Dr. Evans gave me and pull the quilt up over my head.

“Antonia, I’m coming in.”

I look up to see Gaby, Finlay, Gabe, and Brad standing at the foot of my bed, staring at me, relief written clearly on their faces.

“What the fuck, Antonia?” Finlay shouts, and I’m not sure if I’m still dreaming.
If you were, he wouldn’t be shouting.

“Antonia, are you okay?” Gaby asks, walking over to look at me.

What the hell?

“I’m fine. I was tired. What are you all doing in here?”

“You’ve been off the fucking map!” Finlay replies. His tone is a mix of anger and relief.

“We’ve been trying to call you. Where have you been?” Gaby asks.

“I’m so confused, guys. What time is it? I’ve been here, asleep, since you left last night, Finlay.”

“Antonia, its one a.m,” Gaby tells me.

“What? Shit!” I grab the pills from the side table

Take one tablet before bed. DO NOT EXCEED THIS AMOUNT.
Crap.

“I took a couple sleeping pills to help me sleep,” I mutter.

“They worked,” Gabe said, trying to lighten the mood.

“Are you okay, A?” Brad asks.

“Yeah I’m . . . I just . . . I’m sorry I worried you all. Thanks for caring but can you get out so I can put some clothes on?”

“Sure, come on, guys.”

Gaby ushers everyone out and I jump from the bed and go to my bathroom. My hair is a mess. I try to tame it with little success. I splash my face with cold water, trying to take down the red swelling from my tears last night. I slip off my chemise and grab some underwear, jeans, and a sweater then pull them on and head out of the room.

“Hey, I made you a coffee.” Finlay hands me a cup.

“Thank you,” I whisper.

God, it hurts to not be able to put my arms around him and inhale his scent.

Gaby joins us and says, “I was worried. Your friend called. She said you were supposed to meet her this morning for coffee but you were a no show. I assumed you and Fin had decided to take off for the day. I didn’t think any more about it until I bumped into Brad at Gavin’s club around nine. He said Fin had been called into work so I panicked. I came home, tried your cell a few times. Brad and Gabe were knocking but there was no answer so we rang Finlay and here we are.” She gestures around the room. All eyes are on me and I feel like a child again, being told off by her parents.

“Shit, I’m never taking those pills again. I’m really sorry. I didn’t realize I would sleep for that long.”

“It doesn’t matter now, as long as you’re okay. So . . . Xbox?” Gabe asks as if nothing happened, and I’m thankful for him breaking the tense atmosphere.

“Sure, help yourself.”

Finlay walks over to me and pulls me by the arm into the kitchen. “I know you don’t want to see me but when Gaby called, I thought you’d left. She said a James had called our place for you.”

God, I’m going to kill my mom.

“I’m sorry. My Mom must have given him that number.”
How many times am I going to apologize today?

“Is this
the
James? Your ex? Why is he calling you?”

His tone is enquiring but there’s something else.
Is that fear?

“I don’t know.”

“So, he wants back into your life. What does that mean for us?”

“Finlay, I haven’t spoken to him. I don’t know what he wants and as for us, I’m not the one who left.”

“You told me to leave. I was a jackass, and I let my anger rule my head. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.”

“Hey, I’m going home to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Gaby interrupts.

“Are you okay? Did you manage to sort things with Mike?” I ask.

“No. He’s pissed at me, but I understand. I went to see Gavin to let him know I’m not pregnant and that it was a one-time only thing.”

“Okay. Well, give Mike time. He will come around, Gabs. If not, then he’s not worth your tears.” I give her a quick hug and she leaves. Brad and Gabe leave five minutes later, realizing Finlay and I need to talk.

“So what now?” I ask

“Well, do you want me to leave?”

My stomach turns over as I look up to see his beautiful green eyes gazing at me. “I thought you had, Finlay. I thought you left me.” My voice is weak and I have to hold my breath to stop myself from crying.

“What? No, baby.” He grabs me into his arms, holding me tight, pouring all his love into me, his heart thudding against mine.

My whole body relaxes into him, my soul finally feeling content now I’m back where I belong. His scent fills my senses.
God, he smells good.
I can’t believe how much I crave him. My body responds to having him this close; I’m breathing heavier and every piece of anger I held towards him flees. His hand holds the back of my neck and his lips hover over mine, silently imploring me to kiss him.