Don't Say a Word (Strangers Series) (13 page)

Swallowing back tears, Allie looked around. The floors were all pristine white tile, and the walls were a soft shade of green. The same shade of green many of the hospital’s personnel wore. As she’d walked to Carrie’s room, she’d passed several signs that contained sunny pictures and positive affirmations of hope. Sunny Lawn seemed like a really nice place. She had no idea that places like these even existed.

“We miss you at the house,” Allie said, studying the bandages on Carrie’s wrists. She remembered the deep cuts Carrie had made in her wrists. They’d been a clear sign that Carrie hadn’t simply been crying for help.

She had wanted to get the job done . . . and quickly.

Carrie peered back at her, her brown eyes unfocused, probably due to the trazadone Bitty said they had put her on to help with the anxiety.

“I was an orphan, too,” Allie said. “I bet you didn’t know that. I never had much family. Just a mother and a brother. But they were really sick, and both were dead by the time I was fifteen.” Carrie’s eyes remained on Allie’s, as though maybe she was listening. “After they died, I tried to kill myself, too. But I didn’t do a very good job of it. Well,
obviously
. I’m still here.” She swallowed, remembering the filthy motel room. The dirty bathtub. The bottle of pills. The unbearable loneliness. The sheer terror and desperation. “Sometimes I think that I lived because I was meant to be here, you know? Just like you are.” She shook her head. “It would’ve been awful if I would’ve died back then, because I’m so happy now. Back then I had no idea being this happy was even possible.”

She looked at Carrie, and saw the girl’s eyes were shimmering with tears.

“Anyway, I know what it’s like to hurt really, really bad, and to feel like it’ll never get better. To feel completely hopeless. But there’s always hope. And it does get better. It really does . . . especially with good people like Bitty in your corner. She can teach you things. Help you think differently. Help you heal. You just have to let her.”

They sat in silence for a long moment. “Did you make that up? The stuff about your family?” Carrie asked, her voice hoarse.

Allie felt a powerful tide of emotion pass through her.
Carrie just spoke to me!
She tried to stay calm, not to show her surprise . . . how excited she was about finally getting through to the girl. “No,” she answered. “I didn’t make it up. Any of it. But I
wish
I had.”

CHAPTER 21

WHEN THEY RETURNED home from Dallas, Johnny’s truck was parked in the driveway. Allie’s face grew hot. Johnny wasn’t free just to drop in anymore. Didn’t he know that?

She threw the truck into park and glimpsed Johnny sitting on the porch, shielding his eyes from the bright beams of the headlights. She asked Bitty to unbuckle a sleeping Sammy from his car seat and put him to bed, then she stepped out into the chilly night and marched up to Johnny.

When he saw her, he stood and opened his arms. “Hey, li’l bit. Welcome home.”

“What do you think you’re doing?” she demanded.

“Well, I didn’t think it would be a good idea to go in, so I just waited out here.”

“That’s not what I meant,” she snapped. “I meant what are you doing
here
? At my house?”

“Whoa, there. I just came here to see my boy. And you, too, of course.”

“Yeah? Well, when did you get here?”

“I don’t know. About twenty minutes ago? Thirty? Why?”

Just as she suspected. “It’s almost ten o’clock and you’re telling me you came to see Sammy, who has an eight-thirty bedtime? Who’s had an eight-thirty bedtime for almost three years now?” She stared at him, incredulous. “That’s bullshit, Johnny. You didn’t drive here to see your son, and you know it.”

He shrugged. “I would’ve been here earlier, but you weren’t answering my texts.”

Since Allie’d seen him last, she’d received about fifty texts. All
I miss you
s and
I love you
s, and
let’s work this out
, but he hadn’t mentioned Sammy once. That fact hadn’t been lost on her then, and wasn’t lost on her now.

After Bitty, Zoe, and Sammy were safely inside and had time to clear the foyer, Allie led Johnny into the house, but stopped him as he tried to walk into the living room.

“Look, we need to have a talk. A serious one,” he said. “I’ve been thinking about things.
A lot
of things.”

“What things?”

His brown eyes held hers. “Let’s move in together,” he blurted out. “Get a place of our own. I want to give you and Sammy that. You guys
deserve
that.”

It was too little, way too late. She was done with Johnny as a boyfriend . . . or whatever it was that he’d been the last several years. Ending things with him had been the right thing to do. She only wished she’d done it sooner.

Now he was just Sammy’s father. The only serious discussions they would need to have would be centered around Sammy and Sammy only.

Johnny’s mouth spread into a smile. “So what do you think? Wouldn’t that be nice? A place of our own? A safer, calmer place for Sammy to live? Just think, having Sammy around weird kids like those little girls all the time can’t be good, Allie.”

Anger flared in her belly.
“Weird kids?”

A floorboard creaked. Allie turned and saw Zoe peeking from around the corner.

“Is everything okay?” Allie asked. “Do you need something?”

“Sorry,” Zoe said. “I just wanted some water, but I didn’t want to . . . disturb you.”

“I’ll get it for you.”

Zoe shook her head. “No, I’ve got it.” The girl’s eyes quickly flitted to Johnny as she hurried to the kitchen, and Allie wondered if she’d heard what Johnny had said. She hoped not.

“Well, can I sit down?” Johnny asked.

“No,” Allie said firmly. She held her hand out, palm up. “I want your key.”

“What?”

“Your key.
Now.
”

“Hold on. Did you hear what I just said? What I just . . .
offered . . .
you? We could do it fast, too. Fast enough to be settled in by Christmas. Think about it. We can spend our first Christmas together . . . as a family.”

He had no idea how badly she used to long for that scenario. Her, Johnny, Sammy, and Bitty together for the holidays. Johnny had never spent the holidays with them. Not even one.

She waited until Zoe left the kitchen and she heard the bedroom door click, indicating she was back in her room.

“Did you hear me?” Johnny asked.

“Yes, I heard you,” she barked. “But let’s get a couple of things straight. First of all, don’t you ever,
ever
call anyone in this house
weird
again. And I mean
ever
. Do you understand me? Those kids have gone through things you could never imagine. Stuff that I’m pretty damn sure you’d never survive.”

Johnny lifted his palms in mock surrender. “Sorry, I didn’t mean anything. It’s just that kids who scream—”

“And secondly,” she interrupted, her words coming faster, her tone sharper. “You and I are over. What do I need to do to get you to understand that?”

He stared at her in silence.

“I tried for years to make you happy, Johnny. To get you to take Sammy and me seriously . . . and you didn’t give a shit. But, you know what? I finally pulled my head out of my ass and did what was right for us—and I am so happy I did. I only wish I’d done it sooner.”

His shoulders slumped as the realization that she was serious finally dawned on him.

“So from here on, you are Sammy’s father. That’s it. When you’re ready to be a father to him, give us a call. Otherwise I have nothing to say to you.”

She swung the door open, and the chilly night air flooded in. “Now give me the goddamn key, because you really need to go.”

After Johnny left, Allie went to her bathroom to take her medicine and wash up. When she was done, Zoe was standing in the doorway.

“Hey. What’s up?” Allie asked.

“Nothing really.”

She noticed Zoe had changed clothes since they’d been home. She was now wearing another of Allie’s T-shirts, for the third time this week. Allie wondered why, since Bitty had just filled their closet with a new wardrobe.

“Don’t you like your new clothes?” Allie asked.

Zoe looked puzzled, then she glanced down at the shirt. Her face reddened. “Oh, sorry. I was helping with the laundry and I liked it, is all, so I pulled it out. I guess I should take it off and give it back to you?”

“No, you don’t need to do that. It’s okay.” Allie smiled so that the girl truly knew it was.

“So, uh . . . are you leaving?” Zoe finally asked.

“Leaving?”

“Yeah. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop or anything, but I heard your boyfriend ask you to move in with him.”

“He’s not my boyfriend. And no, I’m not leaving. I’m staying put right here.”

Zoe’s eyes widened. “Really?”

“Really.”

Relief washed over the girl’s face and she smiled.

Allie smiled back at finally being able to offer the girl some relief. God knew she needed it. She just wished she could do the same for Carrie.

And she would.

Somehow.

She was as stubborn as Bitty, and she’d find a way. But right now, she was exhausted and just wanted to unwind.

“Okay, well, good night then,” Zoe said and walked from the room toward her own.

“Good night,” Allie said, pretty certain that it was just a pretense. That Zoe would soon be in her bed. She’d been sneaking into it late every night, ever since Carrie’s suicide attempt.

But Allie didn’t blame her. She knew if she had gone through everything Zoe just had, she wouldn’t want to be alone either.

CHAPTER 22

“MOMMY, I NO want Zoe to sleep with us anymore, okay?” Sammy said from the backseat as they were pulling onto Main Street the next afternoon. It had been a long day, and Allie wanted nothing more than to be back home. Wind whipped at the Tahoe as she pulled off Main Street and onto the dirt road that led to the house.

She glanced in the rearview mirror. “It bothers you, doesn’t it?”

“Yes. I no like it. Two bugs, not three.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to her.”

A few minutes later, Allie pushed the front door open and Sammy rushed past her into the foyer. “Carrie’s home! Carrie’s home!” he squealed, seeing her on the couch. He darted through the foyer and into the living room, then came to a screeching stop right before he reached the couch where Carrie lay.

“Why you got owies on your arms?” he asked.

“Sammy, honey! Come here and say hello to Grammy!” Bitty called from the kitchen.

“Grammy!” Carrie’s bandages already forgotten, he dashed to the kitchen.

Allie could smell something cooking. She guessed it was Bitty’s famous chicken potpie. She shrugged off her coat and walked into the living room. The white bandages on Carrie’s arms had been replaced with smaller, flesh-colored ones. Allie also noticed the stuffed bear was no longer at Carrie’s side. She hoped it was a good sign. That maybe she didn’t need it anymore to feel safe at their house.

“I’m happy you’re home,” Allie said, sitting next to her. She took Carrie’s hand in hers and squeezed gently. And this time, to Allie’s surprise, she squeezed back.

Allie’s pulsed quickened. First Carrie talking to her at Sunny Lawn. Now squeezing her hand. Both were major, completely unexpected victories.

She was getting through to her.

Allie caught movement out of the corner of her eye and glanced up. Zoe was standing at the edge of the living room, frowning at them. Allie saw something flash behind her eyes, then she turned and fled down the hallway.

A few seconds later, a door slammed.

Carrie yanked her hand from Allie’s, then lay down, her back to her.

“Zoe?” Allie called at the twins’ bedroom door.

Silence.

She knocked twice on the door. “Zoe? Mind if I come in?”

More silence, then: “Whatever. It’s
your
house.”

Allie let herself in and found Zoe on the upper bunk, leafing through a magazine. She had earbuds in her ears, and an iPod rested on her stomach.

Where did those come from?
She wondered if Bitty had bought them for her . . . or had arranged to get them from her house. She’d have to ask. “What’s going on? Why are you so angry?” she asked.

Zoe pulled an earbud from her ear, letting it dangle against her chest. “Who said I was angry?”

“No one, but you look and sound angry, so I’m guessing you are.” Allie studied the girl. “Is it that you’re still angry at Carrie? For what she did?”

Zoe didn’t respond.

“Look, I know you’re hurt. And you have every right to be. But she’s hurting, too. So don’t you think we should all support her?”

Zoe didn’t respond.

“Zoe?”

Zoe ignored her.

Allie sighed, knowing that she’d have to wait for the girl to calm down before they could have a real conversation. As she started to leave the room, she remembered the promise she’d made to Sammy about talking to Zoe about the sleeping arrangements. She really didn’t want to bring it up now while Zoe was already upset, but she also realized there’d be no comfortable time to discuss it, because no matter what, she was going to feel rejected. Allie hated that, but her son’s feelings were important.

“I also wanted to talk about . . .” She hesitated, trying to figure out how to string the words together the right way.

Zoe’s eyes were now on hers, searching. “What?”

“Well, since your sister’s back, you should probably start sleeping in here again.”

For a brief moment, Zoe looked hurt. But then she quickly rolled her eyes. “Okay, fine. Whatever.”

“Does that make you angry?”

Zoe didn’t say anything.

“It’s just that . . . Sammy doesn’t sleep well when you sleep with us. I think he might be a little jealous. Before you and Carrie, it was just him and me. And that’s what he’s used to, you know?”

Silence.

“Plus, there’s nothing to be scared of now. Gary’s far away from here in Florida. He can’t hurt anyone. You know that. Right, Zoe? There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

Zoe turned away from her and shoved the earbud back into her ear. “Whatever. I didn’t want to sleep with you anymore anyway.”