Doing The Apocalypse Shuffle: Southern Prepper Adventure Fiction of Survival Grid Down (Old Preppers Die Hard Book 2) (16 page)

“What kind of rounds you hunting for outside of 12 gauge, normal pistol rounds, etc.?” Farley asked thinking to himself what did that leave or what might they have and interested in the answer.

“Pretty much anything ammunition wise we’re willing to trade for. A lot of these yahoos down here got them .270 rifles, you know them old bolt action expensive scoped deer rifles? Got some weird shit like 16 gauge shotguns that used to be easy to get. Just tell him we’ll take any spare ammo he’s got.” Dump said readjusting his knife and patting Fong on the head who was getting too close to his hip examining it.

“Shit man, you might as well ask for the moon. Nobody’s got any ammo, nobody’s got any food, nobody wants to sell you any ammo for fear of you using it on them, but I’ll ask. Anything else?” Farley asked, pointing with his thumb towards the van for the kids to load up.

“Ask him if he’s got any Twinkies!” Dump said with a wry smile.

“Yea, they’re supposed to never go bad, huh? I tell you what, if he does have any damn Twinkies, me and the boys get first call on them and I might trade your gargantuan ass for them later!” Farley said with a laugh and a reiteration of they would meet today at 2:30.

Farley and the boys jabbered together riding towards the bait store talking about anything and everything. “There’s the three mile marker, boys.” Fraley said referring to the sign that announced Barnett’s bait store on the side of the road before you started seeing various and sundry one-liner signs announcing worms, bait, beer, ice and sundries ahead with various colors of paint and distances.

“Now, what did I tell you…” Farley began

before both boys chimed in with ‘no nudies, no condoms, no interrupting, no sampling, no shoplifting, no asking dumb questions’ and to assure Farley that they had heard him and everyone else for the last two days now telling them to behave themselves, that as far as they were concerned, Farley was God as long as they were in the store. Farley laughed and reassured the boys they had nothing to worry about and that he was their best buddy and were they ready for this adventure as he pulled into the driveway.

Farley pulled in and as soon as he did he said ‘Oh Hell’ to himself. On the side of the building at the old picnic table appeared to be two damn near bald freckled faced redheaded boys about the same age as his charges and what appeared to be their backwoods Mama and Papa.

Farley got out and said ‘Howdy’ to the family that appeared to be of all things divvying up worms on a concrete picnic table and entered the store.

“Hey, Barnett, Hey Frazier! Ya’ll doing well?” Farley asked as he entered the store.

“Hey Farley! You back kind of quick aren’t you?” Frazier asked reaching to shake his hand.

“Too quick for what? To shake your hand, Barnett? Hope you got some goodies, it’s been a week. Hope you got my chickens for me, don’t you?” Farley asked not too comfortable why he was arriving late after the appointed time.

“I told you I can’t be holding onto things in these days like in the past. You be on time or you forget about it. Not that you got anything to worry about, they’re here but I was giving up on you.” Barnett said in a huff.

“I’m sorry my friend, couldn’t be helped. I had something come up that you might be interested in. I got AG gas to trade and I got 55 gallons worth. Not with me mind you, I only got fifteen out on the van but I owe you in my mind so I don’t have to buy any crap .38 pistols again. Do you know that damn thing got a bad cylinder on it you sold me? It backfires! it’s a damn hazard and I want to return it!” Farley said acting indignant.

“Hey, I shot that gun but I didn’t do all six cylinders but you know, I could have been had. I’ll exchange it. What’s this about you got AG gas?” Barnett said stroking what looked like he was attempting to grow like everybody else in this day without razor blades.

“You know if you own a farm you can get a tax break on dyed green diesel or green gas so you can’t resell it. I got a farmer up the road that threw in his lot with us to survive under what we’re going to call Farley’s tribe these days. He raises millet normally under a Sylvester Super Chicken contract to create feed for those big chicken houses but since they aren’t paying them or supplying them with feed and such he’s kind of in a quandary on how to feed his family and workers in these dire times. Gas is gas. I swapped him to get down here, told him I was trading, didn’t tell him about you or how I found you. I just said I would get some value for what he was offering. Now then what do ya’ll have? I got gas, they want food first and guns and ammo or goods last.”

“What do you mean you want ‘goods last’?” Frazier asked speculating.

“I mean toilet paper’s fine but that don’t beat gas. Fishing worms they have no use for but zip lock plastic bags are on the list. Chickens, everybody wants chicken. You got any more besides mine I’m supposed to pick up today?” Farley asked.

“Got four of them old leghorn chickens. I got a bunch of eggs. I wish like hell everybody would remember those are fertile eggs and if you quit eating them and let the hen sit on them a bit they might grow into chickens!” Barnett said.

“Well, if you ain’t got nothing to eat, you eat the damn eggs. Let’s not go there.” Farley said regarding the two men.

“Hey, let’s get off the subject for a minute. Them two boys are doing something specific today and I appreciate you alls’ indulgence. They want to find a birthday gift for that Asian boys’ Mama and I would appreciate all your patience and help trying to help them do that. Now don’t get me wrong, I know it’s a tall order. I told them they probably couldn’t find anything at here but it’s important for them and by the way that little goomer over there’s name is Fong.” Farley said pointing in his direction.

“Now don’t have too much damn fun over there with him, Frazier, he’s a good boy and a friend of Jeremy and his Daddy by coincidence happens to be I just found out, that fishing tackle salesman’s boss I was telling you about. You know the one that had all that fishing crap in the truck to trade? We are now all staying together more or less and they are back there with the rest of my crew and sent me down here to see about putting on a party, a birthday party. Now if ya’ll got any birthday paper and candles or any stupid ass party hats back at your houses that aren’t in the store, I’m interested in those also. But you be kind to them boys please and price them right. I want to make it a happy party. I doubt we will ever be able to have another like it. The families sent me down here to help pick out gifts and supervise the boys, if you know what I mean.”  Farley said lowering his voice to clue them in that this was to be treated as a special occasion.

“Oh sure, we can do that. We got fishing decorations, Farley. Well what I mean by that is that we got decorations for fishing tournaments and theme parties if you know what I mean. I can show you where they are at. We even got them firecracker pull toys that shoot confetti as party favors that the boys might find particularly interesting. And I got me an extra 160 count pack of them Black Cat brand firecrackers back at the house that might be loads of fun for you and them if you’re going to Fourth of July it.” Barnett said.

“That will work! Now ya’ll are in the spirit of things! Thanks!” Farley began before the screen door opened and two little buzz cut haircut freckle faced boys walked in the store to see what was going on and check out the strangers.

Fong and Jeremy turned around from them studying fish scalers and one or two knives to give Miss Feng as a present and lots of ideas about whether she might like a mounted deer head because of the limited inventory in this place and commenced to doing what all young boys do of sharing their experiences with others.

“Hey! I’m Jeremy, this is my friend Fong. We got to figure out how to find his Mama a birthday present today. You got any ideas?” Jeremy stated eying the boys for a possible friendly or unfriendly tussle later on or just enjoying someone new who was approximately their same age moment with the two younger folks sharing their space.

“This is my brother Jerome and I am Frankie. We live down by Blake’s Bend.” The new boys said to introduce themselves and after shaking hands they all got down to business.

“How about you maybe giving your mom some earrings made out of some of these fish lures?” Jerome offered.

“Yeah, you could add feathers to them off of some of them other lures if you could get them cheap enough.” Frankie offered.

“No, I don’t think so. We thought of that but we don’t have any earring backs to put that stuff on. She doesn’t fish either so one of these expensive lures won’t help either.” Fong said.

“How about getting her a knife sharpener? It’s made for hooks but it’ll sharpen a knife.” Fong said.

“Well, that’s a maybe. But it isn’t girly enough, if you know what I mean.” Jerome said.

“You look kind of girly to me.” Frankie said being a smart ass.

“Hey you boys, you need something? No horseplay in here.” Frazier warned from over the cabinet hearing the conversation to which everyone turned into instant angels.

“I just don’t know, Farley. Frazier, go ask Lynette back up to the house what it is that those boys might be willing to find in here to get his Mama for a birthday present. Farley, I got to ask, is that, what do you call him Fong boy related to you?” Barnett questioned.

“Might as well be a relative, I reckon. I swear them two boys wake up and go to sleep the same time I do and are hanging about from sun up to sundown. Hey now Barnett, what would you take for that no longer working pizza warmer display thing you got over there? It can’t be worth much, they don’t work anymore and ain`t nothing but a reminder of better times. I got something I want to make with the Plexiglas out of it or I’ll just take the Plexiglas if you got use for the rest of it. What do you want for it?” Farley asked, inspired.

“What do you want that thing for?” Barnett asked studying Farley’s expressed interest in it.

“I need to make a box out of something to hold a project.” Farley said

Farley looked over at Jeremy and Fong who were also eying the pizza warmer with evident interest several feet away.

“Hang on, Barnett, let me go help them boys a minute.” Farley said before walking over to them.

“What’s up guys? Why the interest in this thing?” Farley asked  in a hushed tone indicating the food warmer.

“How much you think he wants for this considering it doesn’t work?” Jeremy asked.

“It will work I’m telling you.” Fong whispered at Jeremy.

“Work for what?” Farley asked.

“Fong and I got us the idea we could make us a chicken incubator out of that thing. You got any idea if it’s too hot with the light bulb that’s in it?” Jeremy asked.

“Damn, you kids are geniuses to think about that. Yea, I don’t know about the bulb but we can think about something!” Farley said in amazement.

“
Damn a chicken brooder or incubator. Now I would have never thought of that in a million years! Why we could get this thing and a bunch of fertile eggs, and Miss Feng would have the dandiest birthday gift ever!” Farley thought seeing a bunch of little chicks going cheep cheep at that little old cheap Asian woman.

“Hey, Barnett, what will you take for this old food warmer unit over here? The boys got them an idea that they want to make a terrarium or something for a pet turtle.” Farley said as both the boys looked up with a ‘do what?” look at Farley to his reference for an aquarium for a non-existent turtle.

“Let me get this straight… them boys want to put a turtle in that old food warmer, well I guess it makes sense it’s nothing but plexiglass and a bottom, won’t hold much water but I guess ya’ll figure that out. I’ll take five dollars cash or trade for it.” Barnett said happy to get it off his counter since it no longer had a purpose to serve.

“You heard him boys, it’s five dollars cash or trade, work on paying the man.” Farley said waiting to watch the show that was coming on.

“I think it’s only worth about three dollars.” Fong said taking after his Aunty Feng to which Farley stifled a chuckle.

“Give him three fifty and call it square.” Jeremy chimed in negotiating how much change the two of them had in their pockets.

“I tell you what boys, if you two little heathens can pick it up and carry it out of here by yourselves you can have it for $2.50, that is if I don’t have to rent you a broom and a dustpan to clean up the mess when you drop it!”  Barnett said.