Diary of a Vampeen (6 page)

“I don’t believe you.”

“I’m fine, really. I just want to
watch the rest of my movie. I’ll talk to you later.” I tried to
inject as much enthusiasm into my tone as possible praying it would
be enough to convince him.

“Uh, ok. I’ll call you later?” he
asked rather than declared.

“Sure. I’ll talk to you
later.”

I quickly hung up the phone to avoid
any more awkwardness. He’d officially destroyed the confidence I’d
had in our relationship. I knew it was sad that one phrase could
demolish a month of dating and five years of friendship, but I was
weak. Ok, perhaps I was more pathetic than weak. I just didn’t have
any solid reasons to believe in myself and questioned my once
concrete beliefs in the idea of ‘us,’ especially now that Kellan
was absorbing most of my mental concentration.

I felt even worse when I started to
cry. It wasn’t even that time of the month, but I felt overly
emotional over the situation. Maybe I put Mike on too high of a
pedestal. He’d always been the picture of perfection as a
boyfriend. He walked me to three out of four of my classes, was
openly affectionate with me regardless of the audience, called me
every night to wish me sweet dreams; he reassured me around every
corner and solidified my belief in the idea of love and a happily
ever after, and I fought hard to believe it, but no one person can
truly live up to that image forever. No one person can solely hold
up a relationship, and lately I’d been questioning ours.

I’d just started to regain control
over my heaves when my phone rang. I wasn’t familiar with the
number, but on the off chance it was my parents calling from the
hotel, I answered it.

“Hello?”

“Um, hi Lexi. It’s Kellan.”

“Oh, hi” I answered trying to clear
the lingering effects of crying from my voice as I quickly wiped
the last of my tears from my cheek and allowed one last quiet
sniffle to escape.

“Did I call at a bad time?”

“Oh no. No. It’s fine; I’m fine.
Sorry,” I stumbled.

“Are you ok?” I was surprised at the
genuine concern that lit his voice.

“Yeah. I’m good, thanks. Want to catch
a movie tomorrow?” I changed the subject. I was trying to sound
chipper, but the chip never quite made it.

“I like horror. Are you up for ‘Diary
of an Axe Murderer’?” he asked.

“That sounds ok.” I fidgeted for a
minute knowing I needed to warn him ahead of time about the others
I’d inadvertently invited through Mike. “I hope you don’t mind, but
I sort of agreed to this being a group thing.” I felt bad springing
that part on him last minute. I always felt uncomfortable in group
settings, but could only imagine the magnitude if everyone was a
stranger.

“It’s cool,” he replied
casually.

“Good. What time’s best for
you?”

“It’s a requirement that all horror
movies are viewed at night.”

“Ok. I’ll check the times and text
you. Are you ok to meet at Barnes & Noble across the
street?”

“Sure. See ya then.”

“Ok. Bye.”

The second I slid my phone closed it
went off again. I checked the caller ID, but it was Mel.

“Hey,” I answered
expectantly.

“Let me just cut to the
chase.”

“Thanks for the greeting. Proceed.” I
smirked. Only Mel could get away with such rudeness.

“So apparently your boyfriend was a
you know what and said something that put him in the pound, but he
felt so bad and knew you were upset enough to come groveling to me.
The only reason why I’m calling is because I love you and am
officially volunteering to kick his ass if you’ll just say the
word.”

“Thanks,” I chuckled, taken aback by
her bluntness. That wasn’t anything new for Mel, but she never
ceased to amaze me with her epic blurbs. “I think I’m ok though. He
apologized and I’m sure you already dragged him through the ringer
when he confessed.”

“Of course, but he could handle a
second round.”

“I’ll pass. Hey, what are you doing
tomorrow?”

“What do you think?!”

“Babysitting.” I didn’t even have to
guess. Mel was her mom’s built in babysitter ever since her divorce
a few years ago.

“As if I had anything better to do on
a Saturday,” she sulked.

“Sorry. Any idea when she’ll be
home?”

“She never gives a time. She’s home
when she gets home.” I heard the frustration in Mel’s tone. She was
used to the situation by now, but the bitterness never left.
“What’s on the agenda for tomorrow?”

“Movie with Kellan and Mike plus
whoever else Mike intends to drag along.”

“You still inviting him after what he
said.”

“We’re still dating. Plus, I’m not
really mad at him, just a little hurt. Everyone hurts you at some
point though; even those you love and trust the most inevitably
betray you in some way so I won’t hold it against him.”

“You are such a drag
sometimes.”

“Gee, thanks. I love you
too.”

“I know you do, but I have to go. I
just heard my mom come in. Call me and let me know how it goes
tomorrow. I want all the juicy details so remember them
all!”

“Ok,” I laughed. “Night.”

“Night Lex.”

With that I closed the phone letting
out a deep sigh. With nothing left to distract me, the picture from
Kellan’s MySpace page jumped back to the forefront of my mind. How
exactly did my parents know Kellan? If he’s a family member, then
why didn’t my parents announce his arrival here in Charleston? When
my Aunt Claire moved here, my parents made a big deal of it. For an
entire month we gave her tours of the city. They were insistent on
spending time at every landmark, and there are oodles of them here.
Why didn’t we do the same with Kellan’s family.

Wait.
It dawned on me. If he’s family, then that meant there was
definitely no chance of him being interested in me and that should
definitely cut off any curiosity on my part. Perhaps this explained
why he mocked my discomfort when I had to ask him out; I was his
family…
Oh my!
Had I gone off the deep end? Was I crushing on a distant
cousin?

I decided I couldn’t wait any longer;
unease was rising rapidly within me. I dialed my mom’s cell. She
answered on the first ring jumping to the wrong conclusion since I
usually didn’t bother them while they’re away.

“Lexi, are you okay? What’s wrong?”
Her words flew off her tongue in a fury of fear.

“Nothing’s wrong, Mom. I’m okay, just
have a question for you,” I quickly deterred.

She lost the frantic tone in her voice
and calmly replied, “Sure sweetie. What do you need?”

“Well I asked Kellan out like you
asked and just so you know he was completely amused by it. Anyways
I saw you and dad in his family reunion picture from this summer
and was wondering how we’re related,” I stated more than asked, but
my mother understood.

“We’re not technically related. We met
his family while living in Basque Country when you were little. His
family revisits Spain the same time as your dad and I every two
years,” she explained.

“Oh, ok,” I stuttered somewhat
dumbfounded at her explanation.

“We’ll talk more when your father and
I return tomorrow, okay?” She clearly wasn’t comfortable with the
subject which left me feeling more knotted than before.

“Ok Mom. Love you.”

“Love you too. Bye
sweetie.”

There was definitely
something strange here. If his family was like family to us, then
why did she have me ask him out as if it were a simple gesture? I
was missing information, vital facts because it didn’t add up to
me. I didn’t remember his family growing up. My mother was very
detail oriented and told me practically everything, why would this
be the exception?
Oh well, I might as well
give up on it for now.
I would have to
wait until tomorrow for the remainder of my questions to be
answered.

I placed the pizza box
inside the fridge before dragging myself back upstairs to my room.
I had a whole night of nothing ahead of me, not even my best friend
to keep me entertained. Feeling philosophical on life, I put on my
glasses, pulled out my worn copy of Plato’s
Republic
and began
reading.

I must have fallen asleep because when
the phone rang I sprung up out of bed into a dark room. The light
of the phone guided me as to where to reach. I groggily answered,
“Hello?”

“Hey Lex, it’s Mel. Did I wake you?”
she inquired apologetically.

“Um, yea but it’s okay. What’s up?” I
asked still trying to piece together how long I had been
unconscious.

“Oh, well I just had this bad feeling
and wanted to check on you.”

“Oh, thanks. I’m okay though. No
worries. Are you okay?”

It took me a hazy second to realize
Mel hadn’t responded. “Mel?”

“Yea, I’m here. Just… I don’t know. I
have this feeling like you’re keeping something from me. Are you
sure you’re okay?” Mel knew me better than anyone. I hadn’t even
discussed Kellan with her to the degree I was analyzing him and
hadn’t even thought about mentioning how deeply Mike’s words cut me
today, yet she knew. Somehow she knew.

I sighed, mentally debating whether or
not to take the plunge.

“If you don’t want to talk about it;
it’s fine. I just wanted to make sure you were alright.” Hearing
the genuine concern in her voice broke me.

“It’s nothing serious. It’s just that
Mike’s words today have really made me stop and think about our
relationship. The way he said it, it made me wonder if he was with
me just because he wasn’t ready to compete for another girl; like
he decided to be with me because I was the easiest person to get
with and would require the least amount of work and
effort.

“I don’t know. You know how I was… How
I still am,” I quickly amended. “No guy has ever shown any interest
in me before and I guess I’m holding out, waiting for this all to
turn out to be some kind of joke still.

“As much as it pains me to admit this,
he really does like you. And beneath his obnoxious exterior, Mike’s
a great guy. I know you haven’t had a boyfriend before and you’re
still a little insecure and leary, but if you could have heard the
things he said about you, you would just melt.”

“I know. And Mike is a great guy. I
guess… Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Why do you say that?” Her voice held
concern instead of accusation.

“I thought for sure Mike liked you for
the longest time so it took me a while to adjust to the idea that
he could like me. Plus, look at me. I’m fat, I have a couple
pimples on my face, and I have to wear glasses sometimes… I’m just
not the kind of girl guys like him go for. I feel like it’s
impractical for me to believe that he actually likes me. I don’t
feel totally safe letting my guard down yet.”

“Lex, how many times have we had this
conversation? You are a great girl, and regardless of what you say,
you are beautiful. I wish I had your boobs and butt! Please! I have
nothing compared to you. So you have a little more around the
middle than I do; it’s all in the right places to guys even though
you feel like it’s in the wrong places,” she confusingly attempted
to salvage her point. “Listen, you are great Lex. You’re better
than you give yourself credit for. You really do have a lot to
offer. I know it’s taken boys a lot longer to recognize that in you
but did you ever stop to think that maybe you’re worth the
wait?”

“I know. I’m just not comfortable with
me. I’m never going to be a size two and even if I do get to that
size I will never have my mother’s beauty or your bubbly
personality,” I wallowed in self-defeat. I knew I was being
pathetic, but couldn’t muster the strength to snap myself out of
it.

“Listen to me Lex. Put your stupid
personal BS to the side for a minute. Mike likes you. No, he adores
you. The boy freaking idolizes you for crying out loud! Put aside
your insecurities for one minute and just think about it. Hasn’t
Mike, aside from his words tonight, been an ideal
boyfriend?”

“Yes, but that’s also the problem. No
one is perfect. It’s almost as if he’s trying too hard to make it
work and I’m just not sure if I want it to; if I’m ready for it
to.” I sighed.

“Why?” She was in lawyer mode now, or
as I sometimes referred to it as: intimidation 101. Mike was her
client, and I, the defendant, therefore had to explain why with
every generic answer I provided.

“Because after a month of dating, I
still don’t feel confident around him. I’m comfortable, but not in
a way that makes us more than friends.” I realized I was having an
epiphany.

“Isn’t this what you have been wanting
for the last three years now?!” she questioned in
frustration.

“Yea…”

“So?” she pressed.

“So I don’t know. I just have a lot on
my mind, a lot to consider. I don’t want to hurt Mike, but I also
don’t want to get hurt.”