Desiring the Highlander (28 page)

“We had a couple of servants carry her to her room and I went looking for you.”

Ellenor nodded in acknowledgment. Turning back to Jaime, she said in an even, decisive voice, “Jaime, return quickly to the Lower Hall. Find Cole and Donald and let them know that I am well but that it is urgent to find Conor. His wife is in labor and there are complications. We will tell you as soon as we know more.”

Then without waiting for Jaime to agree or argue, she turned and followed Brighid to the Star Tower. Away from the kitchens and fires, the crowd was not nearly as thick, yet several times, she and Brighid were stopped by one or more drunken men, barely able to stand. Ellenor, now prepared to be unexpectedly accosted, felt herself elbowing sternums, kicking groins, and aiming for knees with more ease than she would have thought possible. Finally, they reached the Tower’s entrance.

Hurrying up the stairwell, Ellenor heard Laurel cry out and rushed into her friend’s day room. Inside were Aileen, holding Laurel’s hand, and Hagatha, who was at the end of the bed, her face tense and bothered. Laurel was in bed with her eyes closed, her bliaut discarded and her chemise wet along her chest and arms from perspiration.

Walking straight toward her friend, Ellenor nodded at Aileen on the other side and whispered, “Laurel, I’m here. Brighid found me. You have us all now.”

Laurel reached out and found Ellenor’s hand, but before she could say anything, her back arched and the veins in her neck bulged as another pain struck. After a few seconds, a gush of air came out along with a holler of, “Oh God, something is wrong.”

Ellenor reached up and brushed Laurel’s hair back off her forehead and murmured, “Nothing is wrong. You’re just having a baby. Just think, when this is done, you will have a beautiful child to hold and love.”

Hagatha moved the chemise up and placed her hands on Laurel’s distended stomach, pushing at various spots. When done, she shook her head at Aileen. Laurel’s best friend, who seemed confident in any situation, was crying. Fear ripped across her face and one word, barely audible, escaped her lips. “No…”

Alarm seized Ellenor. “What does she mean, no? No to what? You aren’t saying Laurel is dying, are you? I mean…she can’t be.”

Hagatha stared down at her hands with a look of helplessness. “She said her mother died in childbirth. I should have known to be more careful, but I thought with the last one, I thought…”

Ellenor grabbed the old midwife’s shoulder and yanked on it. “You thought what?”

“I didn’t think it would be a breech. She said the baby was kicking her ribs. I assumed the baby was down.”

Ellenor licked her lips, struggling to understand what the old woman was trying to say. “So you are saying the feet are down.”

Hagatha nodded, still looking at her hands.

“Then pull the feet. Can’t you do that?”

“I can’t reach them.”

Now Ellenor understood why Hagatha was staring at her hands. They were big for a woman. Knowledgeable and skilled, but large. Too large to reach in. At that moment another pain struck Laurel and Ellenor knew something had to be done and now. Her friend could not last much longer this way. No one could. “I can do it,” she heard herself say.

“You?”

“Yes, tell me what to do,” she ordered and shoved her sleeves far above her elbows. She quickly washed her hands in the basin and then sat at the foot of the bed. If she was going to do anything, it would have to be now and quick before Laurel seized again with pain.

Hagatha blinked and then got herself together. “You have to reach in and find the feet.”

Ellenor took a deep breath and then watched Laurel as she moved up and inserted first her fingertips and then her hand up the canal. Laurel twisted, but seemed only half-aware of what Ellenor was doing. “I’m in. I feel…I think I feel the bottom.”

Hagatha took a deep breath and exhaled. “It would be better if the baby could be turned. Can you turn the child around? Find the shoulder and press and see if the bairn responds.”

Ellenor began to probe. Never could she explain to anyone what it was like to touch a new life in such a way. She found the shoulder and gave it a small shove. Immediately it responded. Hagatha, whose hands were doing what they could from on top of the stomach, sucked in her breath. “I think you did it,
stìorlag
.”

Ellenor smiled and was about to remove her hand when she touched a small ropelike thing around what felt to be the baby’s neck. “I think there’s another problem,” she said and then proceeded to explain what exactly she was feeling.

“You must unwrap the cord and quickly. If another pain strikes, the baby will choke.”

Ellenor carefully eased the slimy thick cord from around the slender neck. She pulled free just as Laurel’s back went rigid. Instinct must have told her to bear down, for she did with all her might. A second later a head appeared. Hagatha told her to keep pushing. Laurel took one last breath and suddenly the shoulders appeared, and a second later, a baby girl slipped into Ellenor’s waiting hands.

Hagatha reached over and took the little red and white thing and gave a quick thump to the back. A small, defiant holler filled the chambers. Ellenor had never heard a sweeter sound.

Quickly the baby was cleaned and swathed while Aileen and Brighid helped Laurel don a clean chemise and change her bedding. By the time, Hagatha placed the squirming child into Laurel’s arms, Ellenor finally returned to the present.

“Oh, Laurel, she’s absolutely beautiful.”

Laurel looked down at the mass of brown hair and stroked the small cheek. “You saved our lives, Ellenor. How will I ever be able to thank you?”

“You came and got me when nobody would. You saved me first.”

Laurel turned her head and said, “That reminds me. What happened? I was so worried about you! Cole was so angry…something about saving you.”

“Shhh, I’m fine. A man grabbed me and I just had to convince him to let go. I didn’t even get a scratch,” Ellenor quietly reassured her friend.

Suddenly she realized that it was true. A man had held her and wanted to hurt her, but he hadn’t. Not because of Cole. He hadn’t been there to save her. She had saved herself, not just that time, but many times tonight. She had been surrounded by men who were bigger and stronger than she was, but time and time again, she had forced them to keep their distance. She hadn’t needed to learn how to trust everyone else; she had needed to learn how to trust herself again. Isolation did not bring about control. That was the façade. Friendship made one stronger. And love could heal any wound. Cole had given her the means to finally feel whole again. Suddenly the urge to do the same for him was overwhelming.

“Laurel,” Ellenor whispered. Laurel’s eyes were on the small little hand gripping her pinky. “I have to go. I will tell Conor the news, but if I am ever to experience the happiness you have on your face right now, I need to find Cole. I cannot wait one more moment.”

Laurel nodded, smiling. “Go. Go and be happy. He loves you, so don’t let him get away.”

Ellenor brushed back a tear of joy and said, “I won’t.”

The words were still lingering in the air when she vanished into the corridor and down the stairwell. Just as she was rounding the last turn, she ran into something large and solid. It was Conor.

“Oh, laird…”

Conor grabbed her shoulders and his gray eyes pierced hers. “My wife?” he choked.

Ellenor threw her arms around him and squeezed him hard. “She’s fine! You have a beautiful baby girl. Both are eager to see you.” She waved her hand for him to proceed by her.

Conor paused and said, “If you are looking for Cole, he left shortly after Jaime arrived and said you had been found unharmed.”

Startled by the news, Ellenor leaned against the cold stones for balance. “What do you mean ‘left’?”

Conor stared at her for a second as if debating on what and how much to say. “I don’t think I have ever seen my brother so mad as he was this evening. When you didn’t come back with Jaime Ruadh, he nearly exploded and demanded he be allowed to go up and see you and verify for himself. He actually threatened me.”

Ellenor erected herself, her brows bunched. She shook her head in disbelief. “But that doesn’t sound like Cole. He’s…he never…well, he’s always so damned composed.”

“Up until he met you, I’d agree.”

Ellenor gave Conor a slight smile. “I don’t think most people realize just how much he keeps inside. He’s not as detached as he wants everyone to think. Unfortunately, I seem to bring his more volatile emotions out.”

Conor chuckled. “Strong perhaps, but I wouldn’t say volatile. Regardless, you definitely have an effect on him. As soon as we met, I knew he had changed and quickly deduced you as the cause. I wasn’t sure whether you would be a good influence on him, you being English and him a new laird.”

Ellenor swallowed. “And now?” she asked, afraid to ask the question, but more afraid not to know its answer.

“Now I think you are just what he needs. You unlock his soul. If you are lucky, you meet the one person in this life who can do that. I assume you feel the same way about him.”

Ellenor felt a tear fall. “I do.”

“It’s the middle of the night, and if it were any other brother, I would tell you to wait until morning. But I think Cole needs you now just as much as it looks like you need him.” Conor stepped back out of the tower and waved for someone to approach. “He went down to the loch to cool off, but I doubt it worked. Seeing you will help more than any cold dip ever could.” Then he turned and ordered a soldier she didn’t recognize to take her to the stables and escort her to the loch.

Ellenor turned around to say thank you, but Conor had already disappeared back up the stairs, eager to see his wife and new child.

Cole could hear the horse’s hooves pounding the earth long before he could see them. Whoever was approaching didn’t know anyone was near, didn’t care, or came specifically to find him.

Cole stepped out of the cold water and threw on his leine, muttering. He had intentionally ridden nearly an hour to the farthest end of the loch for assured peace. He had needed time to think. Jaime had said Ellenor was unharmed but still in a state of shock when Brighid had found her and demanded she help Laurel. Once the upheaval of tonight’s events passed, Ellenor would no doubt retreat into her shell.

He needed a plan. Hell, he needed several plans. He had just become laird, and Cole suspected Dugan would soon challenge him. Time was critical to thwart any threat the man was almost certainly concocting. That left little choice but to leave first thing in the morning.

The original plan had been to explain the situation to Ellenor and suggest in his absence to prepare for a wedding—hers. But he never got the chance. Ellenor had been attacked at the one place he had promised her safety. Cole knew her instinct would be to run, and Jaime finding her had been a miracle. But once she had time to think, Cole feared she might resurrect her old ideas and once again shun men—even him. He needed time with her, the one thing he didn’t have. The two most important things in his life claimed his immediate attention, and each could be satisfied only at the expense of the other.

He had to decide between Ellenor and his clan.

Grabbing his sword, he stepped behind a tree and waited to spot the rider. The air was clear. The clouds that had been lining the night sky with thunder and lightning had moved north, allowing the stars and nearly full moon to shine below. With so much light, Cole could see for miles, but then so could an enemy. With the threats he had made earlier after witnessing Ellenor’s fight for freedom, it was possible more than one man would want to find him and try their hand at teaching him a lesson. He hoped one particular soldier would. However, if he was smart, the man who had dared to lay hands on Ellenor would never cross paths with Cole again.

Waiting patiently, he saw the figures of two riders. One pulled off and headed away, but the other continued at a full gallop. Cole eased his grip on his sword. Whoever they were, an attack was not on their mind. It had to be news from the castle.

He picked up his tartan and gave it a quick whip to scatter all the leaves and dust clinging to it. Quickly folding it around his waist, he belted the garment, secured his weapon, and then approached the rider. He had just broken out of the line of trees hugging the water’s edge when he recognized the messenger. Ellenor.

As soon as she saw him, she pulled the reins back hard, slowing the monstrous beast she was riding. She slid off the animal’s back, but instead of moving toward him, she stood still, staring at him, as if her feet were held to the ground.

She was covered in blood.

Cole felt his whole body go instantly cold. The second rider had not been a friend. The bastard had attacked her. Cole began running. A torrent of icy terror ricocheted through his veins and twisted his heart. His feet couldn’t move fast enough.

When he reached her, all he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and hold her, never letting go. Instead, he stroked her cheek. “Elle, love,” he began, trying but failing to keep his voice level, “where are you hurt?”

“Hurt?” She looked down at her stomach and hips, where his hands were gently probing. “Oh, that’s Laurel’s blood, not mine. She had a beautiful baby g—”

Cole seized her mouth midsentence and began to ravish her lips, letting her feel the fear and anger tearing through him. Ellenor answered his embrace with one of her own. She slid her tongue into his mouth, moaning at the taste of him. He drew her closer until her whole body had melted against him. A raging hunger was building inside him. It was consuming him and it would not be contained with mere touching and another icy swim. Cole wanted nothing more but to lay her down where they stood and make sweet love to her.

Nothing…with one exception. Before he enjoyed the pleasures for which he had too long been denying them both, he needed to make sure she understood what it would mean. She was his. She had been his since the moment their eyes had met, and he had been a fool to imagine otherwise.

He finally mustered the ability to lift his head and break off the kiss.

Ellenor sucked in air and sighed, smiling. Believing he was about reclaim her lips, she stood on her tiptoes and reached up to wrap her hands around his neck. Diving her fingers into his loose, damp hair, she tried pulling his head back down toward hers. He resisted. “Cole,” she whispered, rocking against him, seeking his mouth again.

“Ahh,
abarach
, how can I resist you.”

Ellenor nipped at his lower lip and purred, “Don’t you dare try, Scot.”

Cole closed his eyes. If she ever learned what that soft, hoarse sound did to him, he would never win a single battle in their marriage. His hands stole up her arms to her shoulders and gave them a slight push, once again breaking off the embrace. “Elle,” he began, his mind racing to find just the right words.

Ellenor followed his lead, leaned back, and severed the intimacy of their physical connection. She blinked. Cole was not just pausing…he was stopping. But it did not make sense. She had recognized the urgency in him, the tension in his arms, the tautness in his back and shoulders. He had wanted her and had been fighting to control his desire. She had felt it.

Her green and gold eyes widened with hurt, but only for a moment before narrowing. No longer was she going to let this man dictate the course of their futures. She pressed a finger into his chest and said through clenched teeth, “No. Not again. You are
not
doing this to us again. I don’t care how stubborn you may consider yourself to be, but this time I am not letting you just walk away and say it won’t work between us. Or pretend that what is between you and me is something we can move past and forget.” Ellenor took a step closer until they were almost touching and looked up, staring him directly in the eye. “I may not be beautiful like Laurel, but some do consider me desirable.”

“Very,” Cole acknowledged, but before he could add that Laurel couldn’t touch her beauty, Ellenor spun around and began to pace.

“When I first met you, I was terrified and it wasn’t just of men. Never again did I want to be out of control of anything…my surroundings, my body, but especially my future. So I had devised a plan that would enable me to avoid everyone, believing isolation would keep me safe. Then we met.”

Cole took a step forward and reached out, wanting to reassure her that none of what she was saying was necessary. He already knew. “Elle…”

Ellenor came to an abrupt halt and leveled him with an icy stare. It stopped him cold. She nodded, assured that she would be allowed to finish and resumed her pacing. “At the beginning I mistook my attraction to you to be nothing more than trust. With you, I was safe. You are strong, have an inflexible sense of honor, but most importantly, you despise the English.”

Cole’s brows bunched, having long ago stopped perceiving her as an
English
woman but as
his
woman. “I don’t despise the English,” he lied.

Ellenor waved her hand dismissively. “Oh, yes, you do. And if a Scottish warrior had murdered Laurel in front of me, I can promise you my feelings would be just as strong against your kinsmen.” She paused and her eyes met his. “And I would have wanted to hate you, but I wouldn’t have been able to, just as you do not hate me. You don’t, do you?”

“I don’t think I ever have.”

“I never hated you either. I needed you, though. When you took me from my sister’s home, I once again was being forced into a situation that I neither understood nor controlled, but I had you. I trusted you, and after we first kissed, I knew then that I loved you more than I thought it possible to love another being. I was going to fight for you, make you understand what we shared was special, unique, but…I didn’t. I couldn’t. The truth was I didn’t think I deserved to love you or have your love in return.”

Now
that
surprised Cole. His expression must have revealed his enormous shock, which created a similar reaction in Ellenor. “Did you never wonder why I never tried to stop you from walking out on me or plead for you to come back?”

Cole hadn’t wondered. He had just assumed it had been her pride holding her back from begging him to stay where he didn’t want to be. It had never occurred to him that she had welcomed his retreat.

Misreading his silence, Ellenor continued. “I never once doubted you would be selected laird. No matter how good, qualified, or
friendly
any other choice might be, any clan that
could
have you, would have you.”

Again, she surprised him. Ellenor had said as much before, but all during times when he had needed to hear such encouragement and be reminded that the future he had never aspired to have, but suddenly wanted, could be his. But he had assumed incorrectly. Her professions had not been to bolster his confidence, but because she truly believed in them.

Ellenor stopped her quick-paced strides. “And though I knew you would be selected, I also knew some might contest you, especially if given cause. As laird, the woman you select to be your wife would have to be strong, capable, and seen as honorable to your clan. Until tonight, I didn’t believe I could be any of those things for you. I needed you, but while you might desire me, you never needed me in return. We both know that neither you nor I could be happy with one of us being dependent upon the other. So I let you push me away. I coveted the few embraces we shared, but I never let myself hope for more.”

Ellenor moved in close and placed her hands upon his chest. “But I learned something a little while ago. A man grabbed me and tried to kiss me and touch me. I called out, but no one could hear. No one came.
I
fought back. I am unharmed—not because anyone saved me, but because I saved myself. Then, before I could be afraid of what happened, I had to save a new life fighting to get into this world. Feeling that small little babe in my hands, everything became clear. Isolation protected me only from the pain inflicted by others, but it intensified the pain I inflicted upon myself. I am not afraid anymore. Not of men, people, or the uncontrollable state of my future. So you see, Cole, I don’t need you anymore.”

All during her dialogue, Cole had been experiencing a series of emotions—astonishment, anticipation, and a level of joy from knowing his future would be with this woman, who had recognized who he was and loved him despite his shortcomings since almost the beginning. Then his world plummeted and with five small words shattered into pieces.

Cole, I don’t need you anymore
.

He refused to accept it. She had admitted she loved him. Whether or not she needed him, be damned. She was his, and he was not going to let her slip away just when he realized how much she meant to him.

Ellenor licked her lips and took a deep breath. Everything she had said until now had been easy. The whole ride out, she had rehearsed just what she wanted to say. Right until this part. The part where she had to convince him that he loved her, that she could make him happy, and that he should marry her despite his past and hers.

She risked looking up. His eyes swept over her face, probing into her very soul, robbing her from further speech. His hands moved to gently cup her cheeks and then he spoke. “But I need you.”

His voice had been soft, raspy with suppressed emotion. Unshed tears brimmed in his eyes and Ellenor felt her fears drift away. This man was hers. He loved her. “Marry me?” she asked, just before pulling his mouth down to cover hers.

He kissed her hard and deliberately, searing her lips to his, excising all the fears that had been coursing through him the past few minutes. Again and again, he took her mouth, his own tongue rough and insistent. And each time she responded. Her hands moved to his shoulders, stroking him wild, and he became intensely aware of the sensual hunger building in him. Soon he would lose control. And while the ground was not where Cole had intended to teach her all the pleasures between a man and a woman, there was no way he would be able to withstand the long trip back to their room.

Ellenor could feel Cole easing their kiss, but she also sensed he wasn’t ending it. Instead, it turned into one much softer, and if possible, even more consuming. The soft caress held so much love and tenderness it nearly choked her. Then without a word, Cole lifted her into his arms and began to head toward the loch. Laying her head upon his shoulder, she succumbed to the desire to touch him and reached into the opening of his leine and began to stroke his chest.

Cole could feel his arms trembling. Things almost seemed too perfect, and he was suddenly afraid that she still might not know how he felt about her. “I love you.”

Ellenor’s hand froze. He had spoken the words so quietly, with the barest hint of sound, and yet it was as if he had said them directly to her heart. And she knew what Cole had just said was true. “I love you, too,” she whispered.

Cole’s grip tightened as he used his shoulder to hold back a tree branch while carrying her through the narrow path. “You do need me then?”

The question puzzled Ellenor almost as much as the rock-hard tension in every part of his frame. She almost said “no” and reminded him about her earlier claim—that she no longer needed anyone—and then it hit her. Cole
hadn’t
understood. She considered telling him that it was because she
didn’t
need him that she could live her life fully now and truly give herself to him. But she suspected he still wouldn’t understand, not yet.

Ellenor nuzzled her head back on his shoulder and whispered her answer. “Forever.” And she had meant it. She would always need him and his love.

Immediately, Cole’s lungs released the breath he had been holding. He stepped past the last of the foliage that protected the bank of the loch and gently placed Ellenor on her feet. “Don’t move,” he ordered and planted a quick kiss on the tip of her nose.