Desire Disguised (17 page)

“Are you hurting? I hurt you.” Ben slid closer and stroked her shoulder, searching her face for some sort of reaction he could work with, but she was as blank as she had been the first few times he’d talked with her. Back before they knew each other, before he’d thought they’d built some trust between them. Why had she let him believe he wasn’t the first? “Let me help you.”

Basic first aid; cleaning and a cool compress, pain relief if she needed it. “Do you want to go to medical?”

She shook her head and averted her eyes. Was she afraid of him now? Embarrassed? Wondering how to get him to leave?

He urged her to stay in the bed and went into her bathroom to search for supplies. There was a standard aid kit under the sink, and he ran water on a cloth. When he returned to the bed, she hadn’t moved. He wasn’t sure if he should take on the task of cleaning her up. It was a very intimate thing, but considering what they’d just done it seemed a small point. He gestured with the cloth, and Cara took it from him but turned away before she used it. He watched the curve of her backbone as she attended to herself and wondered what he could do. A virgin, and he’d just blundered in like an unthinking beast.

“You might want to hold it there for a while to reduce swelling. If you’re still hurting.”

Cara hunched her shoulders and stayed still as she followed his advice. So she was in pain. Ben’s opinion of himself plummeted. After a few silent minutes in which he considered how to apologize properly, she glanced at him over her shoulder and then rose to walk into the bathroom. He heard water run, and she returned with a cloth for him, this one was warm, and he used it on himself. He should dress. She wasn’t used to naked males. He shook his head when he remembered how he’d tried to tease her into looking at him. Probably the last thing she wanted to see was a penis.

“Why did you say you’d done this before? I understand you need to keep secrets, but this is one you should have shared with me.”

She shrugged as she lowered herself to the bed and wrapped the sheet around herself. “I thought you meant if I’d…well, touched myself. Then later, I just wanted to keep going and had a feeling you’d have stopped if I’d said anything.”

Cara was right. He certainly would have stopped this encounter if he’d had any idea. Her words sunk in past his shock and shame and he reconsidered. She’d wanted to be with him. She’d wanted to have intercourse.

“I wish I’d known. We could have handled this differently.”

“Are you angry with me?”

“No, I’m disappointed you didn’t trust me.” Ben was also disappointed in himself. If he’d just thought with his brain instead of his raging libido, he would have guessed what she hid. She’d been so ready and enthusiastic; he hadn’t slowed down when he should have.

Cara took a breath and stared at him. “I do trust you. That’s why I wanted to do this with you. I’m sorry I didn’t explain. I thought you wouldn’t be interested if you knew.”

Not interested? That might be partly true; he’d never had the fantasy of being a woman’s first. It seemed as if it would be fraught with lots of emotion and soothing, but it seemed he was more upset about the situation than Cara was. Ben edged closer to her, and she glanced over his body as he moved, taking more time evaluating his groin than he expected.

He reached out and circled an arm around her shoulders, and she burrowed into his side without hesitation. So, she wasn’t repulsed by him. Ben was relieved he hadn’t wrecked it that badly. Her warm weight against him eased some of the tension he’d accumulated, and he blew out a breath. Time to deal with the most pressing business first.

“You need to go to medical tomorrow for an exam.” She shook her head, her loosened hair tickling his skin. “Cara, you have to. They’ll make sure you’re all right, and you can determine your reproductive wishes.”

Stars, what if she’d become pregnant? Surely, despite her isolated upbringing, she understood basic biology. Considering her reluctance to submit to medical treatment, it was impossible for her to be using any sort of contraception, and he’d never paused to consider it.
Idiot
.

“They’ll want to print me.” Her voice was muffled, and she crept closer still, folding her legs up under the sheet and leaning them over his thigh. Definitely not repulsed. Thankful she wanted to touch him, he wrapped his arms around her waist and she settled her head against his shoulder.

“No, there’s a notation on your records, and I’ll call and remind them. But you have to go, promise me.” Cara drew her head away and gazed him as she gave him a small nod of agreement.

She broke eye contact to look at his mouth, and his body warmed at the slight shift in her attention. Sliding one soft hand up to touch his cheek, she leaned up and placed a small kiss on his lips. And another. Before he knew it, she crawled into his lap and intensified her caresses. Ben’s body reacted immediately, and before he could caution himself, he’d dragged the sheet between them away and pulled her tight to his chest, enjoying the way her soft breasts and tight nipples rubbed against him.

Evidently Cara liked his body too because she sighed and moved to straddle his lap, edging herself closer and closer until her sex was pressed tightly to him. She had to feel his growing erection, and he pulled away from her busy mouth.

“Aren’t you sore? Don’t push yourself.”

“I’m a little sore, but you feel so good I don’t care.” Her low voice was slurred, and she gazed at him through half-open eyes.

“We aren’t, I’m not going to—” Ben shook his head and slid his hands down her soft back to her buttocks, tightening his grip on that full flesh to anchor her to him. “No more intercourse until you’re healed, cleared by medical.”

Cara raised an eyebrow. “Is that a rule? Does everyone who has sex for the first time have to have a doctor’s approval before they can do it again?”

“When it happens between you and me, yes.” She wanted him again. Ben’s mood lifted. “Why me?”

“Because I like you, and I don’t know how long I’ll be here.” Cara watched him with an enquiring tilt of her eyebrow. Her honesty disarmed him. He wasn’t sure if he’d been a convenient test subject or if she had some genuine attraction to him, but at this point it didn’t really matter. The deed was done.

“Do you want to talk about it? About anything?”

“May I ask questions?” Ben nodded, and Cara settled back into the circle of his arms which gave him a rather nice view of her breasts, belly, and the curls between her thighs. Trying not ogle, he watched her face as she rubbed her hands along his shoulders. “I’ve read about it and watched a few vids, or parts of them—”

“You watched sex vids?” Ben couldn’t keep the shock from his voice. Withdrawn and shy Cara had been curious enough to access a sex vid. He tried to picture it; she’d have to wait until Mat was asleep and that companion Soren was tucked away somewhere else before she would have the privacy. He wondered what sort she’d seen, if she’d liked anything in particular, or was revolted by something. A gentle interrogation might help him discover something useful.

Cara nodded and licked her lips. “I was wondering about how two people decide, ah, what sort of things they were going to do. This kind of just happened, and I know there are other things, ways to do…it.”

“What kinds of things did you learn about?” Stars, don’t let her have an impulse toward bondage. The last thing he’d want to do after restraining people all day was to have to tie her up and mar her skin. Now, a blindfold on the other hand…

“Just things from the standard human sexuality course.” Now her fingers were trailing across his chest and circling his nipples. Ben’s erection throbbed, and he decided he wasn’t going to return those particular touches or else his resolution not to make love with her would be even more in danger than it already was.

“People talk about it. Sometimes before they start, sometimes when they are with each other, sometimes after they’re done. Like we are right now.” Ben decided he could risk a kiss, and Cara smiled and leaned forward to meet him halfway.

“Did you see something you want to try, or to avoid?”

Her braid was mussed, and he reached up to loosen it. Her hair gleamed like bronze as it fell over her shoulders and nearly concealed her nipples. How many hours could he stay here and do exactly this? Holding her, tasting her, talking with her, all of it satisfied some aching part of his soul he’d never known he had.

“I saw a lot of…different, ah, positions and things to do. Some looked like they’d give me a leg cramp but most were, um, interesting. Will you be willing to try this again?”

Ben nodded, at a loss for words, and she grinned at him, her pleasure with his answer fading as she asked the next question. “Did I do anything wrong?”

“Other than not telling me about your lack of experience, no. You were wonderful.” Ben watched Cara blush. Resolving to praise her more often, he tilted her in for another kiss. She fell against him, her arms around his neck, and Ben resolved to do this more often too, as often as possible.

The strident squall of a buzzer interrupted these pleasant thoughts, and Cara leaned away, her eyes wide.

“That could be Mat. I set my datpad to alert an incoming message.”

Alert indeed. Her chosen tone could activate an entire safety division. She scrambled from the bed, and Ben watched her dash away. Since her bouncing rear was so alluring, he decided to follow her down the hall to the living area where she stared at the device’s activation display. She tapped it open and the face of one of the medtechs appeared. His mouth opened and his eyebrows shot up as he took in a brief view of a naked Cara before she tilted it away.

“Just a moment!” Cara turned to him with a horrified expression. “Ben! I didn’t know it was on view.”

He noticed a blanket on the sofa and wrapped it around her. The idea that another man had just seen her naked bothered him more intensely than he’d thought possible. He gave her a calm kiss on the cheek and reached for the datpad, carefully angling it so only his head would be visible.

“Chief Zashi here. What’s the trouble?” The medtech cleared his throat and seemed to be having some difficulty coming up with a word or two.

“Ah, yes, sir. Good evening, sir. Ah, we were contacting Citizen Belasco as per her request.” Ben felt Cara slide in close to his body, well underneath the lens of the raised datpad. The blanket tickled, and he wished she’d let it slip away and rub her skin against his instead.

“And the news is?”

“Ah, sir, I think I have to tell her directly—” There was no way he was going to put Cara back in communication with this man.

“She can hear you, continue.”

The medtech jerked his chin and glanced down at something, almost as if he was hoping to spy a section of Cara’s beautiful body. Ben squeezed the datpad and wished he could do the same with the other man’s neck. “Ah, her traveling companion, Citizen Soren, is conscious and asking for her and her brother.”

“Soren!” He looked down to see Cara staring up at him, her eyes shining. Ben tried not to feel upset at the news. If the old man was awake, the Belascos were that much closer to being able to book a flight away from Gamaliel. Away from him.

“She’ll be there presently. And, Medtech Rice, is it?” Ben squinted at the man’s nametag for confirmation. “You are absolutely never to mention Citizen Belasco’s earlier appearance to anyone. Ever.”

He must have put enough of a growl into it, because the other man nodded mutely and closed the connection. Ben caught Cara’s gaze. “Come on, let’s get dressed and go.”

* * * *

“Cara, how could you?” Soren’s voice rasped from lack of use, but Cara still quaked inside from his familiar, commanding tone. He reprimanded her for letting Mat out of her sight, but she knew if he was aware of what she’d just done with Ben, and wanted to do again, he’d be shocked beyond words.

Ben had escorted her to the clinic and into Soren’s room, but when the older man had demanded privacy, he’d retreated to the hall after giving Cara an indecipherable look. She missed the light pressure of his hand on her back as they’d walked, she missed the little brushes of his shoulder against hers, missed the warm feeling he gave her.

Soren’s sunken grey eyes blinked at her from his nearly prone position on the bed. His skin was pale and ashen, and he appeared emaciated. Five days in a medical coma had saved his life but destroyed his appearance. Cara swallowed and tried again.

“He’s perfectly safe. It’s been very beneficial for him to have time around his peers.”

“He has no peers here. Neither do you. You’re forgetting that.” Soren’s tired eyes flashed fire as he reiterated his constant assertion that she and Mat were set apart and isolation was their fate. She didn’t like her fate, liked it less and less over the years, and had come to hate it in fact. In the past few days as she’d made her own decisions, she’d realized she didn’t want to follow the companion’s edicts unthinkingly any more.

“I haven’t forgotten it, but it’s very important Mat learns how normal people live. This place is so isolated there are no threats beyond falling down and breaking a bone or eating something that might disagree with you.”

Soren shook his head and winced. The medtech, thankfully not the one who’d caught a glimpse of her naked, had told her that her companion was still severely injured, his long nap notwithstanding. “When can we depart?”

His blunt question made her pause. She hadn’t thought of leaving, and she had no plans in place. “We have to wait until you are capable of travel, Soren. The doctors haven’t told me much other than it will be a while. Maybe a month or more. You’ve had a lot of severe injuries. Your spine was severed in several places, after all.”

He grimaced and closed his eyes. With his sunken cheeks and pallor, he looked as lifeless as a corpse, and she shivered. Cara glanced at the door behind her, sure Ben stood nearby. She wondered if he was listening, or giving them the privacy her companion had demanded as soon as he’d seen the other man.

“Who was that man that followed you in here?”

“Bendix Zashi. He’s Chief of Safety and Security here.”