Deception (9 page)

I trace my thumb over her wrist to calm her nerves. Her pulse is racing and at my touch I visibly see her suck in a breath. “Friends dance Roxi. You were just busting a move with Blondie there after all, weren’t you?”

“I guess.” She’s coming around to the idea. The way she chews on her bottom lip as she mulls it over, has me as horny as hell. I want to guide her around the dance floor. Rest my hands on those curves that are accentuated so well. I need to. I don’t care that I shouldn’t. Especially if I can dance with her the way she was grinding up against her friend.

“Exercise buddies, remember? Dancing is a form of exercise.” That earns me a smile and she finally relaxes. “Don’t worry, I won’t let your friend know we’ve been training together,” I say, taking a guess at what’s troubling her.

“Okay.” She holds out her hand for me to take and I ignore it, gripping her waist instead and pulling her flush against me. My dick stirs in response to her nearness.

We move together in time with the beat, and in that moment I’m thankful for techno music. The rhythm her hips rock against me is driving me insane, in a good way, in fact probably too good. I take control and slow us down a little, preventing me from doing something crazy in front of all the people in this crowded club. As well as in plain sight of her friend.

“You’re driving me wild,” I confess to her.

She peers up at me with a devious smirk, than turns, so her sexy ass is rubbing against the massive bulge in my pants. All her uncertainty from earlier is forgotten. The way she moves on the dance floor is so sensual. It has me more than curious as to how she’d be in the bedroom. I have no doubt she would live up to all the erotic images I’m conjuring in my mind.

The music pulsates through my ears and blood rushes below my belt. I brush her wavy hair aside and enjoy the feeling of the smooth skin on her neck. She shivers and I look down to get a glimpse of the goose bumps I’ve created. Bruise marks immediately catch my attention, fingerprints to be precise.

My heart starts to thump in my chest as I lean in closer to her ear and ask, “Who did this to you sweetheart?” I have a fairly good idea already though. My muscles are suddenly too tense to dance and I stand still amongst all the other gyrating bodies. I spin her around and of course, she won’t look at me. The timid demeanour from back when I first met her is slowly creeping back in, I sense once again, she’s about to flee.

“It’s nothing I ahh... I got mugged, but I’m okay now.” She stumbles on her words and I’m about to call bullshit, but before I get the chance, she moves away.

She grabs her friend around the arm and pulls her clinging frame off of Dex’s body, then they both take off, leaving me gaping in their wake.

“What’d you do to fuck that up, asshole?” Dex throws his arms up in the air, clearly pissed off.

My fists clench at his accusation. “Nothing,” I lie. I’m not about to tell Dex the real reason why they left.

“Well you did something. That chick was practically humping my leg,” he insists. Dex punches my arm but I don’t care, I’m still fuming that Roxi’s most likely going home to the asshole that caused those bruises. I’m eyeing the door they left through and contemplating chasing after her.

“I didn’t do shit. They’re married, you weren’t going to get anywhere with her.” When I glance at him briefly to see his reaction, he’s already eyeing two new women dancing close by, the last two forgotten. I roll my eyes. “You’re unbelievable.” Only he’s not. That’s what we’re here for, to pick up. So why am I being so righteous? Roxi makes me crave something with meaning, but not with just anyone; I like the bond I’m forming with her. She’s married though, I have to remember that. I don’t deserve a shot at playing happy family. Why does she make me want to so bad? I’m totally conflicted. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been laid in so damn long. I have to move past this bullshit, I have to remember she’s just a friend.

Dex thumps me in the arm and I realise I’m still standing motionless on the dance floor, while he gyrates with two blonde women. “Don’t make me take your man card mate. There are two beautiful women here, what are you waiting for. If you don’t hurry up, I’ll take both of them.” I’d tell him off for talking so disrespectfully right in front of them, but by the way they are all dancing together I don’t think they mind what he says. If they don’t mind...

“Come on doll, I’m done dancing, let’s get out of here.” I hold out my hand to one of the women and she takes it smiling brightly.

Dex open’s his big mouth again, “Well played bro, maybe I should give you my man card. You just schooled me on how it’s done.”

Shut up Dex. Since when did all my friends become such dicks? Maybe I was too, and now I’m starting to change. Oh right, scrap that, I’m being a dick right now. I don’t even know this woman’s name.

I pull her over to a quiet corner so we can hear each other talk. “Sorry, that was rude of me. What’s your name, darlin’?”

She glides her fingertips along the front of my jeans and then cups her hand around me. “You don’t need to know my name. I just want one night with a firefighter.”

“How do you know what I do for a living?” She glances back at the dance floor, for a split second, looking at Dex. Now I get it. Whenever his cheesy pick-up lines fail, he always tells women he’s a fireman.

“Your friend told me. Now are you going to save this damsel in distress and take me home?” She bats her unnaturally long eyelashes at me and it’s nowhere near as sexy as what she seems to think it is. In fact her whole act is a complete turn off. I have to do something to get my mojo back though. To get over this rut where I’m fantasizing over a woman I can never have. And if this firefighter groupie wants to use me, than why can’t I use her right back? I’m only giving her what she wants. I want to slap myself with all these thoughts running through my head.
Stop analysing like a damn girl Luke. Go get kinky with the hot chick that wants to role play.

“Let’s go.” I follow her out of the club feeling dread rather than excitement, a need to get this over with. I go ahead with it despite this frame of mind. I’m sure I’ll snap out of it and go back to the old me once I see a pair of boobs bouncing in front of my face.

She lives about a five-minute cab drive away, and whispers all the things she wants to do to me on the way there. Descriptions that would usually make me nail her right there in the cab, driver be damned. But her voice is grating on my nerves. I want to tell her to shut the fuck up, which makes me feel like a jerk. However, she doesn’t want the real me, she just wants me to play a part, so I don’t feel so bad.

When we get to her apartment, she leads me straight to her bedroom and passes a condom to me, getting right down to business. My dick isn’t even stirring and I urge her to give me head. She may not mentally stimulate me, but having her mouth working on me does. After I am fully erect I pull her up and guide her to the bed. When I push into her, I feel her heat wrap around my cock. I close my eyes and concentrate on the sensations. I disconnect my mind from my body.

This is my life, nothing but meaningless, empty fucks. Satisfying, yet completely unfulfilling. Which leaves me pissed as hell. Even the fast, hard slapping sounds annoy me. It doesn't turn me on like it used to. They just remind me, this is a ‘wham bam, thank you ma’am’. I drill into her harder, trying to forget and lose myself in the process.

“Life is simple, it’s just not easy.”  - Author Unknown

Roxi

“W
hat the hell, Roxi? Why did we have to rush out of there so quickly? I was having fun.” Tanya pouts at me with her arms folded across her chest. Self-consciously, I make sure my hair is covering the bruises on my neck. Memories of Joseph’s hands cutting off my airway as he forced himself on me, are slamming into the forefront of my mind. I drag in large gasps of air, as I try and formulate an answer to Tanya’s question.

“Are you okay, Roxi? Did that guy in there do something to hurt you? You seem a little shaken up.” She puts her hand on my shoulder trying to reassure me, but I just cringe at her close proximity to the marks on my skin.

“What? No, of course not, I’m just a little freaked out. We’re both married. We shouldn’t have been behaving like that.” Which is also true, I’m ashamed at myself for dancing like a hussy. I’d like to blame it on the alcohol, but I know it’s something I would’ve wanted to do even if I was sober. I just wouldn’t have acted on it.

She gives my upper arm a squeeze and laughs lightly. “Don’t be silly, Roxi. It was just a little harmless fun, and God knows what our husbands get up to when they go out.”

I don’t doubt her. I’m positive that Joseph has cheated on me before. That doesn’t mean I want to lower myself to the same level. Exercising with Luke in the mornings is one thing, practically rubbing up against him on the dance floor is quite another.
What was I thinking?

At least I’m confident Tanya won’t say anything about our dancing partners in front of the guys. Her husband is just as much of a Neanderthal as mine. I’m surprised they let us go out in the first place.

“I don’t even want to think about what Joseph gets up to when he goes out.” Frankly, I don’t care. If it helps to keep his tiny prick away from me, all the better I think. Although, I know as much as she was trying to brush it off before, Tanya still worries about what her husband does when she’s not there, and all this cheating talk is getting to her.

“Let’s go home and see what they’re up to.” She doesn’t have to ask me twice. I want to get out of here, before Luke follows me and questions my ridiculous mugger story.

We arrive back home to a scene that reminds me of high school. “I love you, man,” Joseph slurs while slapping Alex on the back.

“No, I love you man.” Alex’s words are a little more coherent, but not by much. They both look well on their way to passing out. If that’s the case, they’re sleeping where they fall. I’m not dragging their asses to bed.

I go to remove the bottle of rum and the shot glasses out of their reach. They’ve had more than enough. Joseph misunderstands my intentions though.

“Great idea Roxi, poor yourself a shot or two and catch up.” Someone has to be responsible for Ricky, we can’t both get blind rotten drunk. He gives me what I’m sure he thinks is an encouraging slap on the butt, and I yelp.

“Sorry sugar, I must have tapped you a bit harder than I meant to.”

Yeah right, like he cares.
He’s even trying to keep up appearances even when he’s drunk. Someone should tell him that blotto isn’t a good look to display either. It’s not going to be me, he’d be furious if I spoke down to him in front of company.

“Here, let me make it feel all better.” He proceeds to start kissing and slobbering all over my bottom, right there in front of everyone. I silently fume, doing my best to hold my tongue and not berate him. It would only make matters worse for me. When he starts to lift my dress, I slam the bottle and the shot glasses back down on the table diverting his attention.

“Let me pour you both another drink,” I seethe. I may be able to rein in my angry retort, but I can’t keep the fury out of my voice. I continue to top up their glasses until they’ve drunk so much, they can barely lift them to their mouths. Neither of them wants to give up first. It’s like I said before, it’s the same as high school, they’re practically having a ‘my dick’s bigger than yours competition’.

Tanya’s already passed out on the couch, so I leave them staring at their glasses and wander off to bed. I’m happy in the knowledge that Joseph’s too drunk to try anything and will leave me alone.

Sunday is spent cleaning up Joseph’s puke. At least he’s nice enough to get it all in a bucket for me, just not considerate enough to go empty the contents of his stomach into the toilet. I don’t mind doing this kind of thing for someone I love, but I don’t even like him anymore.
Can you blame me?

In between waiting on his royal asshole-ness and tending to Ricky, I look up information on the computer that will be useful in allowing me to leave Joseph. I make a decision to place an anonymous call to a victim’s of abuse helpline when I have more privacy tomorrow. But even the name of the organization makes me nervous. Gives me sweaty palms and I haven’t even dialled the numbers to speak to someone. 

Victim of abuse. I roll the words over my tongue.
Is that really me?
It’s humiliating that I allowed things to get this bad, but it’s come to the point where I have to cease living in denial, stop making excuses for him, and admit, yes, I’m a victim. I feel a little better at having a plan in place, not one to get Ricky and me out of harm’s way safely yet, but a start to the process, a kindling of hope.

I’m careful to delete all the history off my computer so Joseph doesn’t find it. Then I go downstairs to make dinner. Well dinner for Ricky. Joseph won’t want much, probably just dry toast, and after cleaning up spew all day, my appetite is non-existent.

I go to bed weary and glad that tomorrow is Monday. I must be the only person on the planet that longs for weekdays instead of the weekend.

*****

M
y feet pound the pavement harder and faster than they ever have before. My chest burns, as it struggles for air and I love it. All I can concentrate on is the pleasant ache in my legs and breathing in and out in a rhythm so fast it matches my overworked heart. My mind is clear and I want to run to the end of the Earth, to keep this feeling alive.

The only thing able to bring me out of this sole focus, is Luke jogging in my direction. I want to slow down and enjoy the way his scrutiny causes fire to course through my veins. At the same time I crave to race up to him and slam my body against his, like a desperate woman, to experience intimacy with someone I’m actually attracted to.

It’s strange to be having these feelings about a guy again after being mistreated for so long. I’m so conflicted – Luke seems like a good guy. Of course I thought Joseph was one too. Maybe I’m delusional from being secluded in my depressed little world for so long.