Dark Secrets (32 page)

“
Interview’s booked
now—for next Monday. Thought I might start planning my
trip.”

“
When do you think
you’ll be coming?”

He took a long breath.
“I was thinking I should fly out that night?”

“
Really?” Elation
made my voice high. “That’s fine with me. I’d be happy if you came
now.” I flipped open my laptop, clicked on my calendar, then
iTunes.

“
You miss me that
much, huh?” He sounded surprised.

“
Mike, I’ve never,
ever had to live without you before. You’re like my security
blanket. I miss hanging out, you know, just
being—normal.”

“
Great. I’m a
blanky.” He laughed. “What about David? He still in the picture?”
His light tone concealed a spearhead—something only I would
notice.

“
Argh. I just. Don’t. Know, Mike. You know, he told me
he
loves
me?” I
whined. “But—”

“
After a week?”
Mike’s voice cracked.

“
Yes. Well, it’s not a week for him, remember? He’s had around
a month to think about it. But, you know, it’s funny ‘cause I kinda
fell in love with him, too, like, the day I saw him.” It was hard
to admit that—especially to Mike. I knew he couldn’t comprehend
love, and I never wanted to hear the word
infatuation
.

“
So what’s the
problem, then? Are you being a commitment-phobe again?” He sighed,
sounding bored.

“
No, it’s the opposite, actually.
He
hasn’t kissed
me
yet.”

Mike laughed. I could
almost see him tilting his head forward, scratching his brow. “How
long have you been official?”

“
Well, how long were you and
Bec
official before you guys did
more than just kiss?”

“
That’s different. I’m an adult and you’re a kid. Did you ever
think that
that
might be his problem? You being under eighteen?” Mike
concluded. “How old is this guy, anyway?”

“
He’s a little older.” I brushed over that one. “And yes, I
did consider the fact that we’re not technically adults.” Well I
wasn’t, but David was. “But we are at the legal age of
consent
here
, and
he’s a hot-blooded male—and there have been opportunities. I just
don’t get it. A kiss can’t hurt, right?”

“
Unless you’re a
hot-blooded male, Ara,” he said dryly. “A kiss can make you want a
lot more, and maybe he just has—” he paused for a second,
“—self-knowledge? He might think he won’t wanna stop if you were to
ask him to go further. And maybe he’s afraid if he did have the
willpower to stop, it might hurt your feelings.” His voice dropped
on the end.

“
That
could
have something to do with it. But it makes me feel—” I knew
the word, but didn’t want to admit it.

“
Undesirable?”

“
Yes,” I
muttered.

He laughed—a loud,
full bellow.

The tightness in my
stomach spread to my teeth. “Mike. Stop it. Don’t laugh at me, you
know I hate that!”

He stopped instantly.
“I’m sorry, Ara, it’s just that…I’ve always thought you were cute.
I’m not stupid, I have eyes, and I promise, you are
not
undesirable.”

“
Mike, you can’t say
that. You’re my friend.”

“
Yes, I’m your friend, which means I
can
say that.”

I typed
pick up Mike
on Tuesday
in my desktop calendar then went back to iTunes.

“
What’re you doing?”
Mike asked, sensing my absence, I guess.

“
Downloading a song.” I clicked on
search
.

“
A legal download, I
hope,” he muttered in his stern ‘cop’ voice.

“
Yes,” I hissed,
rolling my eyes.

“
What
song?”

“
It’s by this band
called Live. You know them, right?”

“
Yeah,” Mike scoffed. “Why would
you
be listening to them, though?
It’s a little old for you, isn’t it?”

“
Mike, I’m three
years your junior. If it’s old for me, it’s old for
you.”

Overcome started
downloading so I looked up the song David said reminds him of
me—the one by Muse. I just had to hear it again. My playlist of
David was getting very long.

“
So, what song then?”
Mike asked after a moment.

“
Oh, um, the Live
one?”

“
Yeah.”

“
Overcome.”

“
Where’d you hear
that one?”

“
David likes it. He
played it today on his iPhone. Why?”

“
You know me, baby; I
judge how you’re feeling by your playlist. Don’t you think that
song’s a little…?”

“
What,
depressing?”

“
Maybe,” he said
reluctantly.

“
Mike. Are you
worried that I’m suici—”

“
No. Ara. Please
don’t think that. I just—you normally listen to such happy music. I
just thought—”

“
Really, I’m fine.”
Just tired of people thinking I’m depressed. “I know Vicki and Dad
think I’m suicidal and, to be honest, if you all don’t leave me
alone, I might have to do something rash just to get you off my
back. So, shut it! Okay? I’m fine.”

The line went dead
silent. He should’ve been used to my outbursts, but I guess, with
all the miles between us, it was harder to just brush it off like
normal. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“
Good. ‘Cause I’m okay. I have David. My life is about
him
now. Look—” I
exhaled and softened my tone. “I love you, Mike. I know you’re just
worried. But it’s really an insult to my character that everyone
keeps watching me all the time for the wrong move. I live with a
former psychiatrist, for God’s sake. I’ll go crazy soon.” I took a
breath and the smell of Vicki’s cooking filled my nostrils. “I need
to feel free to make mistakes or listen to depressing music, and I
need you to be with me on that.” It was supposed to be an attempt
at reason, but unfortunately for Mike, he’d just become victim to
two months’ worth of saved-up ranting. “Mike?” His quiet breath
revealed his presence. “Mike?”

“
You’re not a little girl anymore, Ara,” he concluded softly.
“What’s happened these last few months has…well, it’s
changed
you. A lot.
You’ve really had to grow up and…I’m sorry for that.” I rested my
hand over my belly button to quiet the flutters his words formed
there. “But I’m also really proud of you. I just need to see you
again—make sure you’re still my girl.”

“
I’ll always be your girl, Mike. You’re my
best
friend.”

“
But you have David
now. You won’t be needing me for much longer.”

“
Don’t say things
like that, Mike.”

“
Why? You know it’s
true. But it’s okay,” he assured himself. “It’ll just be an
adjustment, that’s all—not having you all to myself whenever I
wanna talk to you.”

“
It was the same for
me when you were dating Lyndall. It’s just the way things are. But
I’m sure we’ll always be friends.”

“
Yeah, I’m sure we
will.” After a second, he laughed softly. “I’m really looking
forward to seeing you. I can’t wait to pick you up and squeeze you
until you can’t breathe.”

“
Ha! No way. I’ll
totally squeeze you harder.”

“
Sure, those skinny
spider arms’ll do so much damage.”

“
Shut up, Hercules!”
I chuckled the words out.

“
Miss you.” Mike
sighed, his laughter ceasing.

“
I know you
do.”

The morning greeted
me with a light, airy feeling, and the awakening floral scent of
frangipanis sent shivers of normality through my chest. I snuck
down the stairs and quietly opened the front door, hoping Vicki
wouldn’t realise how late I was today. But it wasn’t my fault; ever
since I met David, the world was just too good to leave behind for
the sake of sleep. So, technically, it was
his
fault I slept through my alarm
this morning.

The last of the
minivan parade sped past my dad’s house as I reached the edge of
the driveway, and the glowing heat of the sun warmed my skin while
the sight of David warmed my whole day. Completely distracted, as
usual, he didn’t even see me walk out.

As I cleared the
windbreak of the house, the morning breeze blew in from the east,
sweeping the dewy scent of roses in on its back. Strands of my hair
caught the gust and wisped pleasantly along my shoulders like
tickly feathers. I closed my eyes and lost myself in the
sensation.

“
Ara! Look
out!”

My eyes shot open. The
windshear of a speeding car nearly sucked me onto the road, but a
hand gripped my arm and yanked me from the edge. “Jeeze, Ara!” Sam
dropped my arm. “What the hell were you thinking?”

I swallowed hard and
blinked. One more step and I would’ve been under that car. “Sorry,
Sam. It wasn’t there when I started crossing.”

“
I know.” He watched
the beaten-up old bomb scream around the corner—smoke billowing out
from its exhaust. “He came out of nowhere.”

“
Sam.” A smile spread
over my shock. “You just saved my life.”

“
David. How come you
didn’t see that?” He looked over my shoulder just as warm hands
clasped my waist; David spun me into him, ignoring Sam. “Man, you
were looking right at her.”

“
Are you okay?” David
asked in a soft whisper, cupping my cheek.

“
Mm-hm.” I
nodded.

“
I—” He shook his
head and looked at Sam. “I was looking this way, but I was…I just
didn’t see it.”

I touched my
collarbone; it felt like my heart was trying to break through the
skin. David placed his hand over mine.

“
Well, I gotta get to
school,” Sam said, nodding toward the building as the last bell
rang. “You need me to hold your hand across the road,
sis?”

“
Funny.” I rolled my
eyes.

“
Take care, Ara.
Okay?” Sam started walking backward. “Dad only just got you back.
It’ll kill him if you…do something stupid.”

My mouth fell open.
“It was an accident,” I called out, standing on my toes to make my
voice seem bigger.

He shrugged and kept
walking.

“
I’m sorry, Ara.” David’s eyes, still lost along the outline
of my face, narrowed when I looked back at him. “I really—” his
brow tightened, “—
should
have seen that.”

“
It’s not your fault,
David. I was totally in my own world.” I laughed, but David just
shook his head.

“
Your heart. It’s
beating so fast.” He wrapped one arm, then the other around my
shoulders and squeezed me tight enough to trap my hands against my
chest.

“
It’s because you’re
doing that.”

He said something to
me then, in a tone I interpreted as anger or maybe fear, but the
words were in French.

“
Huh?”

“
Come on, let’s just
get to class.” He started walking.

“
David?” I said.
“What is it? Is something wrong?”

“
I—” His chest
heaved, almost unnoticeably, as if he were regurgitating or maybe
choking on words.

“
Oh God, there is
something wrong.” My heart picked up again and everything around me
disappeared to insignificance. He didn’t move, didn’t speak, just
stood—motionless, wordless and unresponsive. Tiny bubbles of
despair flitted around my stomach. I felt like everyone on the
school grounds was watching us. But the field was empty; we were
late, and I didn’t care. “Does this have something to do with the
reason you don’t wanna kiss me?”

“
What? Is that what you think? That I don’t
want
to kiss you?” He
shook his head and started walking away. “Honestly, Ara, I don’t
know where you come up with these things.”

“
Well, then, tell me
what’s wrong. What am I supposed to think when you act like this?”
I stepped out onto the road, pointing back to the spot where we’d
just been standing.

He stopped, but didn’t
turn around.

“
David, what is it,
what’s wrong?”

His head rolled
downward. “I spoke to my uncle last night.”

“
Okay,
and?”

“
And—” He turned to
face me again. “When he comes to visit today, he has requested I
return with him.”

“
Return? Return
where?”

“
New
York.”

“
Why? For how
long?”