Dark Secrets (73 page)

“
I know. But—” He
reached up and wiped an escaped droplet from my chest. “Well, I
suppose it’s only for two weeks, right? Maybe we’ll be lucky to fly
under the radar.”

“
Maybe.”

“
And my being away
during the day will be good practice for you.”

“
Practice? You mean
for being without you for forever?”

“
Yes.”

“
Don’t try to justify it, David.” I hopped down off the desk
and leaned on my dresser—away from him. “You working for two weeks
before you leave has
no
bright side.”

“
Everything has a
bright side.”

I raised a brow at
him, then looked away, scoffing internally.

“
You
will
be
happy again, one day.” David’s voice softened as he whispered in my
ear, suddenly beside me. I spun into his arms and let my head fall
against his chest.

“
I wish you could
stay for just a few more years.”

His arms tightened
ever so slightly around my shoulders. “I do too, my love, but even
if I could stay with you, why would I? So I can watch you fall in
love with someone else, or see you miss your chance?” I looked up
to see his jaw stiffen and his eyes narrow. “I don’t know which is
worse.”

“
I still won’t
promise you goodbye, David.”

“
You will—” he
nodded, “—because you can’t promise me eternity. And one day, I
know there’ll be some boy who’ll come along and sweep you off your
feet, just as I have.”

“
No.” I shook my
head. “I won’t let that happen.”

“
And I will not let
you lose your chance at love, at life, Ara.” His voice rose an
octave. “When you feel it—that pull toward love, I want you to take
it. I want you to go with it.”

“
But I’ll never truly
love another—not the way I love you.”

“
But it will be
enough,” he said. “And you can have your life; you can watch your
babies grow, become an old lady and—” he smiled, “—get
arthritis.”

“
Somehow that all
seems kinda silly now.” I rolled my eyes at myself.

“
But it’s not silly,
my love. It’s not silly at all.” His eyes softened, his thumb
gently waking the hairs on my face, calling them to stand on
pleasant ends. “Our love is a gift, Ara. It’s more intense and
inexplicable than any love I’ve ever known, and it will always be a
part of us.”

“
Just not a physical
part,” I said solemnly.

“
Love is stronger
than the physical being. I don’t need to feel your lips, your
touch, or to hear your words to know you will always love me. And
you know that, too, deep inside.”

“
But I’ll feel
another’s
. And so will you. If I
can’t bear that thought—the thought of you touching anyone—” I
placed his hand over my heart, “—how can you possibly bear to think
of me being with someone else?”

He laughed out a
breath. “It makes me feel hollowed out in the pit of my stomach.
But what choice do I have? I am a mourner without tears, a wild
stallion locked in a stable—powerless to change my
position.”

“
I’m sorry, David.” I
looked down.

“
I know you are,
Ara.” He hooked his finger under my chin and rolled my face upward.
“But you should not have to apologise for the desires of your
heart.”

“
My heart should
learn to shut up.”

“
I disagree. I love
you the way you are. Never change that.” He touched my
chest.

“
Do you…” I looked up
into his green, loving eyes. “Do you think we’ll ever stop missing
each other, or that maybe, one day, you’ll be able to forget
me?”

“
Forget you?” His
tone dropped all comprehension. “Do you not understand? My love, I
won’t just miss you. I will exist as if I were a rose without the
grace of rain. There will be no peace for me—ever.”

“
Then why?” I pushed
away from him and took a step back. “Why did Fate bring us
together? Why did we find each other only to be forced
apart?”

“
We found each other,
my love, but maybe Fate had nothing to do with it. What if we just
weren’t meant to be?”

“
So we were a
mistake—a cosmic glitch?”

“
Perhaps, but, if so,
you are the one mistake I will never regret.”

“
I don’t want to be
somebody’s mistake.”

“
Cosmic glitch then,”
he said kindly, and I smiled. But, sadly, I knew exactly what he
meant, because I felt the same way. Neither of us would recover
from this, but it’d been worth all the pain. I knew a love more
perfect and more devastating than any other feeling I’d ever had in
my life, and I owed that to this man, who had very unfortunate
timing.

Our eyes met in a
standstill of anguish and indecision. Neither of us could find the
words to make everything okay—it would never be okay.

The school bell
ringing in the distance broke the silence in my room. It seemed so
stupid to me then; school, life, everything in the wake of the
thought that I’d lose David forever. Going to school, living life
like normal was an empty, silly idea.

“
You better call the
school and tell them you’re sick today,” David said, standing
across the room, his shoulder against the window frame. “Roll call
will start soon. They’ll alert your dad if you’re not
there.”

I didn’t even see him
move. I wanted to walk over and touch my fingertips to his spine
where the morning light shadowed and highlighted the contours, but
I wasn’t sure why he walked away—or if he wanted me to touch him. I
stayed motionless, watching David’s thoughts fall away from the
hold of his gaze and onto the world below my room, while my
thoughts consumed the empty space around us. I didn’t care that he
could hear them, and I didn’t care that if Vicki came home early
from shopping she’d find David and I ditching school. Nothing
mattered to me in the same way it used to. It all just seemed
inconsequential with the idea that these were the last touches of
light I would ever see on his skin. I would never know the summer
sun glistening behind his emerald eyes again, never see it kiss his
hair with tones of gold, and never again feel it warm his fingers
while he played my guitar, sitting in front of me in a world of
childhood dreams, as innocent as a sweet smile.

All we had was one
last day, where we would watch the sun set before our eyes, and
bring with it the darkness of eternal nights. There would be no way
to prevent it; it would come, and even the nights would disappear
in a countdown around us until he was gone.

But I would forever be
David’s girl. I knew I’d look for him in the face of every man I
passed for the rest of my life, and though my physical existence on
Earth would end one day, I knew in my heart that I would love him,
too—for eternity.

“
Come on.” He turned
suddenly and smiled, offering his hand. “Let’s not waste this day
on solemn thoughts.”

“
What do you want to
do then?” I took his hand.

“
I wanna teach you a
song.”

“
What song?” I asked,
grabbing the guitar when he pointed to it.

“
One I
wrote.”

I stopped for a second
and watched him sink down on my bed. “You write songs?”

“
Course I do.” He
patted the space of mattress between his legs. “Sit
here.”

“
O…kay.” I sat with
my back against his chest, and David took the guitar, positioning
it across my lap in front of us. “What’s the song
called?”

“
The Knight of the
Rose.”

“
What’s it about?” I
asked, letting David take my fingers and place them on the
strings.

He paused.
“You.”

“
About leaving
me?”

“
No. It’s not a
goodbye song; it’s a love song…” his tone softened away to near
silence. “It was just written with the tears of
farewell.”

Somehow, that made it
hurt more.

David smiled against
the side of my face, then took my hand again. “After the first
chord, place your fingers here.”

“
What’s that chord?
I’ve never seen it before.”

“
I think I invented
it.” He kind of laughed, then strummed it once.

My eyes went wider.
“Wow. That’s really…intense.”

“
Yes.” He arranged my
fingers on different strings and pressed them down firmly, as if to
ask if I had it. I nodded. “Okay. I’ll whisper the chords as we go
along. I want you to know this song by heart, Ara.”

“
Why?”

He moved my fingers
back to the A Minor—the first chord. “So you can play it when you
miss me.”

I didn’t want to think
about that right now. “Who says I’m going to miss you?” I said
playfully instead.

“
My love—” he pulled
me closer, reaching his right hand around to the guitar, “—if you
never, not for even one second, miss me once I’m gone, then I will
be happy eternally. But we both know that won’t be the case,” he
teased.

“
You’re so sure of
yourself, aren’t you?’

“
Only with good
reason.” He pecked my cheek, drawing a smile to my lips, and gave
the song life in the same breath, his fingers dancing in an
elaborate pattern over the strings. We changed chords then, and the
flow of my favourite notes, nearly each and every one I ever loved,
filled every corner of the darkness in my heart. I could’ve sworn
the room even illuminated with bright, white light. It was as if
he’d written down every song that ever made me feel something, and
combined them, crafting the notes with an ethereal
life-force.

He whispered the next
chord in my ear, moving his fingers with mine.

I wanted to separate
myself from this world, try not to feel all the pain, the loss, the
dying hope of the future climbing to the surface, making me want to
cry. I just couldn’t believe he’d be gone soon. Two weeks. Just two
weeks, and I would never, ever see him again; never feel his breath
on my skin again, never look into those emerald eyes, never kiss
his soft, dark-pink lips.

He said it wasn’t a
goodbye song, but it had all the sadness of parting in the flow of
its notes. How could I not cry; how could I not fall to my knees
right now and beg the universe for one chance? Just one little
piece of hope that there’d be a happy ending for us. I’d give
anything. Anything for that.

The song floated
softly to a haunting end, leaving the room silent for a heartbeat.
I tried to take a breath but it came out of my lungs instead of
going in, making the grief shriek from my lips.

I covered my face as
David pried the guitar from my tight grip and placed it on the
ground, pulling me against him on my pillows. “Shh. It’s all okay,
my love. Everything will be okay.”

But he didn’t believe
that. He couldn’t even convince himself.

He stroked my hair
back, tucking me up like he’d never let go. “I’ll never stop loving
you, Ara. You know that, don’t you?”

I nodded, hiccups
quietening to soft sobs. “And you know I will too,
right?”

He nodded against the
top of my head, kissing my hair after, and the last of my strength
dissolved. I closed my eyes and drifted away in his arms, allowing
myself to dream, for a moment, that things were different—that
David and I could be together for the rest of my life.

Our future danced
around in my head like a short film—a black and white. I walked
toward that boy at the end of the aisle, whose green eyes reflected
the awe in his heart as they fell over my white dress, his joy
dissolving my nerves, making the people in the pews disappear. It
was just he and I, alone, on the edge of fulfilling one of our
hearts’ greatest desires.

As I finally came to
stand beside him, he took my hand and smiled down at my bouquet; a
soft, simple piece of completely white roses, with one immaculately
blossomed red one set centre.

“
What’s that one
for?” David’s soft, warm breath brushed the top of my head, waking
my mind a little.

“
The part of my heart
that will never belong to anyone else; the part of me that will
always be only yours.”

“
How appropriate,” he
said, and shifted under me as he reached into his pocket. “I have
something—a gift for you—which comes bearing the exact same
sentiment.”

I looked up to the
golden light of the morning sun on my walls, my eyes drifting from
David’s lips, down the curve of his arm around my waist, to his
closed fist. “What is it?”

He unfolded his
fingers, revealing a pool of delicate silver chain, slightly
covering a heart-shaped locket. “So you may never forget that you—”
he pointed to the engraved rose, “—are in my heart.”

“
David, it’s
beautiful.” I turned the locket over and ran my finger over the
fine inscription on the back; though I wasn’t sure, it looked like
it was written in French. “What does it say?”