Dark Desires: Dark Erotic Tales (16 page)

"Yesssss…" we both cried out in the night.

***

Early morning light traversed the slit in the drapes and fell over us where we lay naked and sideways on the bed. My eyes fluttered open. When I glimpsed Delilah's perfect naked body on my bed, I lurched up, scrambling for my clothes.

"Fuck," I exclaimed. "What the fuck did you do, Delilah?" I spat angrily.

Delilah woke with a start, sitting up on the bed and grasping her head. "Shit," she muttered groggily. Her face blanched in obvious pain and she massaged her temples.

I fetched Delilah's clothes and threw them at her viciously. "What the fuck did you do?" I said again in a low growl.

Delilah's hands dropped to her sides and she stared at me with a look of pure shock. "What are you talking about?" she asked.

I shook in my anger. "Get dressed," I said with barely controlled contempt.

Delilah's eyes filled with tears. "Jace, what's wrong? Why are you so-"

"I said GET DRESSED," I demanded. "Get dressed, get Dakota, and get the fuck out." Leaving Delilah in sobs, I stalked out of the room.

I sat at the kitchen table sipping coffee. Dakota was still sleeping when Delilah carried him out, so I didn't even look at them or say goodbye.

***

I spent Mother's Day spiraling progressively further into despair. It was my first Mother's Day since becoming a mother without my best friend. And Emily asked for Dakota at least three hundred times. Each time she asked, I struggled to refrain from bursting into hysterical sobs. Emily and I spent the day doing all our usual Mother's Day things, only without Delilah and Dakota.

I was miserable.

Somehow, I dragged myself through the awful day and sleepless night. After I delivered Emily to daycare in the morning, I reported like a robot to work at my job as a paralegal. I checked my emails. I made some perfunctory phone calls and worked on some files. Then I logged onto
Facebook.
Delilah worked as a social worker and though we were both busy at our jobs, we usually kept
Facebook
open during our work days so we could chat periodically back and forth.

I saw the little green dot next to Delilah's smiling face, indicating she was online, but there were no messages from her.

By the end of the day, as I lay in bed before sleep, I realized it was the first full day in my life that I'd gone without speaking to my best friend.

***

I drifted like a ghost through the entire week. I didn't contact Delilah and she didn't contact me. Though I loved the life I had with Emily, I had never thought of how empty life would be without Delilah and Dakota. Because I'd thought they'd always be there. Because I'd never contemplated any day without them, or how to get through it. And now it seemed I would have to figure out a way to get through them all without Delilah.

On Friday, I was out of ideas for how to feel normal. So I decided to feel drunk instead. I called my friend Anne and asked if she'd keep Emily overnight.

"Of course, love," Anne agreed cordially.

I rushed home from work to take a quick shower. I spent extra time in the mirror smoothing my shining hair, applying smoky makeup to my eyes, and crimson lipstick. I shimmied into a pair of black jeans and a pretty crocheted top. The finished effect made me look striking like a gypsy. I felt desperate to feel normal, but somehow missed the mark. For the first time in ages I set my mind to finding a man for the night.

Even though I didn't really want to.

When I dropped Emily off at Anne's I was surprised to see Dakota there. Emily squealed delightedly and ran to embrace her friend. A week was longer than she'd ever gone without him and the two children were thrilled to see each other. I looked around nervously.

"Is Delilah here?" I asked Anne.

Anne frowned. "No, she dropped him off about an hour ago. He's spending the night too. I just figured you two were going out together."

I frowned but quickly recovered my attempt at a happy face. I crouched down to pull Dakota into a warm hug. "I missed you, Jace," Dakota said mournfully. "Where have you been?"

I choked back tears as I tried to think of an excuse for the little boy.

***

There was only one bar in the small town where I lived and it was located right downtown in a dilapidated building. It was seven p.m. and I knew the place would probably already be hopping. I had never gone to a bar alone before in my life. I fought the urge to call Delilah and ask where she was. I couldn't talk to her. Nothing would ever be the same. Everything was destroyed. I had to get used to doing things alone.

But when I walked into the small hole in the wall bar, my breath caught in my throat as I saw that in fact, Delilah was perched primly on a bar stool at the far end of the bar. Her apartment was only a couple blocks from the bar. She must've parked her car at home and walked which is why I hadn't seen it outside. I nearly turned to flee when Delilah looked up and our eyes met. Delilah's cheeks burned crimson at seeing me walk in the door, and she quickly averted her eyes, staring into the depths of her Tequila Sunrise. I refrained from giving into my racing heart and timidly took a seat at the dead opposite end of the bar from Delilah.

The bar began to fill as patrons trickled in. Soon there was standing room only left. I nursed the beer in front of me, nervously picking at the label. I tried to lose myself in the hustle and bustle of the barroom, but I was aware of Delilah every second. A karaoke DJ queued up the machine and I half way listened to people sing, and half way wallowed in misery. Again, I contemplated leaving, returning for my daughter, and going home. I'd almost finalized that decision when the bar suddenly fell silent as a smoky voice drifted out over the hush.

My mouth dropped open as I stared at Delilah standing by the Karoke equipment, microphone in hand. She sang Bonnie Raitt's
I Can't Make You Love Me.
And she stared sorrowfully right into my eyes as she did it. I couldn't hide my shock as Delilah's feather light body swayed slightly to the music and she poured her heart into the haunting melody. Within a few lines, I tore my eyes away and stared into my beer, drowning in the emotion of Delilah's heart breaking song.

After she sang, the Karaoke DJ took a break and set the equipment to play a set of dance songs. A man that I was acquainted with approached me. "Hey there,
Jace," said Tom.

"Hey, Tom," I said, attempting to sound friendly.

"Would you care to dance with me?" he asked.

I couldn't help glancing at Delilah
who's face looked pained as she watched me. "Sure," I replied.

Tom took my hand and led me to the small area of the bar where people were dancing. I concentrated on the feel of my own hand in his, and his smell, and the attractive set of his jaw.
Come on, Jacinda,
I thought to myself,
this is exactly what you wanted.

I tried to feel comfortable, settling into his arms to dance, but my eyes were drawn to Delilah. Even in the dim light, I could see tears welling in Delilah's eyes. Delilah openly stared at my dance partner and me for a moment and then she grabbed her purse and bolted, shoving through the crowded bar. The door slammed as Delilah ran out.

"Oh!" I exclaimed worriedly. "I'm… I'm sorry, Tom. I have to go," I exclaimed. I slipped away from him and flew through the bar.

Outside, the evening had cooled and I saw Delilah hugging herself as she hurried down the street.

"Delilah! Delilah, wait!" I cried.

Delilah stopped in her tracks and straightened her shoulders but she didn't turn around. I stopped too.

"Are you still mad at me?" I asked quietly.

Now Delilah did turn slowly. When I saw her tear streaked face, my heart shattered.

"Jace, I was never mad at you. You were mad at me, remember?"

Tears began flowing on my face as well. "It's just… It's just…" I said desperately. "Everything is ruined!"

Delilah cocked her head to one side, her hair falling prettily over her shoulder. She shook her head. "No, Jace. It doesn't have to be."

I shut my eyes and nodded my head stubbornly. "It is, Delilah. You can never go home!"

Delilah strode up to me. She lifted her hand and delicately stroked my face. "Jacinda, you
are
my home."

We cried pitifully and fell into a warm embrace. "This has been the worst week of my life," I whispered.

"Me too," Delilah agreed. When we pulled apart, Delilah made a tentative suggestion. "You wanna go over to my place and talk?"

I nodded my consent and then we made the short walk to Delilah's apartment together. We climbed the gloomy staircase up to the apartment and Delilah let them in. "Shit, Delilah, this place is a hot mess!" I exclaimed.

Delilah giggled and rolled her eyes. "Sorry, MOTHER, I haven't felt much like cleaning! Sheesh. I need the lady's room, I'll be right back," Delilah informed, disappearing down a hallway.

Though I was still struggling with my own feelings, there was no denying how relieved I was to be back in the place I thought I may never see again. Out of habit, I fidgeted around, straightening up after my messy friend and lighting some candles as I went. When I passed by the dining table, I stopped when I saw photo albums and pictures spread all over it. Tears pricked in my eyes again as I saw the pictorial timeline of our life and our kids' lives together spread out before me. Delilah walked up behind me and I turned to look at her. "What's this?" I asked.

Delilah shrugged. "Me and Dakota just missed you guys SO much. We've been going through everything…  Reminiscing…"

I grabbed some of the albums and took them with me to take a seat on the living room rug. "Grab some, I want to check them out," I said. Delilah joined me on the rug and together we began going through the story of our lives.

We laughed and cried together as we slowly explored the photographs. There were pictures as recent as a couple of weeks prior, all the way back to when we were both babies. Every major event of both our lives had been memorialized in Delilah's scrapbooks and thousands of other sweet memories as well. When I came upon a photo of Delilah and me in high school, locked in a warm hug and grinning at the camera, I paused, staring at it. Though we had reached our mid-thirties, neither of us seemed to have aged at all. Our happy faces, indicating a bright future ahead of us both caused my eyes to fill once again with hot tears.

Delilah put her hand over mine.

"Jace," she began.

I shook my head, swiping at the few tears beginning to escape. "Don't, Delilah."

"Just listen to me!" Delilah pleaded, pushing the albums aside, and repositioning herself to face me. "Listen, please," she said softly.

I looked up, met Delilah's eyes. Delilah reached out to delicately wipe away my tears. "It's always been you," Delilah said.

My breath caught in her my. My heart hammered.

"Even when Joel was alive… And even though I did love him, very much… It was still nothing compared to what you and I have. What we've
always
had. What we
always
will have! And when I looked at you that night, with that damn chocolate covered cherry between your teeth… It just clicked. It just made sense!"

Still unsure of what to do or say, I remained quietly staring into Delilah's eyes. But I didn't feel like running anymore.

"Jace," Delilah continued in a whisper. "On the outside you're denying it. But inside, you know it's true."

The air between us crackled with electricity for a long, silent moment.

And then, I kissed her.

Delilah elicited a sigh of passion and relief against my warm lips. We mutually moved onto our knees and pressed into each other. Our fingers laced into each other's hair and explored each other's bodies. We kissed and felt as though we'd been apart for years. My heart opened. This was happening.

And it felt like heaven.

Delilah pulled the hem of my top up and lifted it off over my head. I unbuttoned her blouse and slid it down. We backed away slightly. My chest heaved with ragged breaths. Delilah placed her hand over my heart.

"Calm down, love," Delilah murmured. "I'll never hurt you."

I tried to do as Delilah told me, but I was overwhelmed with a brand of desire I'd never come close to before. Then she moved her hand slightly into my bra and cupped my full breast. Her other hand moved to invade the cup of my other breast. My head dropped back as Delilah massaged my breasts and manipulated my nipples. After a moment, she pulled the bra down and exposed my breasts, bending to take my nipples into her mouth. She rotated between gentle tonguing and sharp nipping, while using her hands to unfasten my fly. I felt myself grow wet, even before Delilah's fingers moved inside my jeans to ever so gently graze my clit. I was dizzy with need and I moaned. I took hold of her face and pulled her back up to kiss her again. As we kissed, Delilah removed my bra altogether, tossing it aside. Then she coaxed my jeans and thong down over my hips, leaving me quaking in the candlelight. Delilah put her hands on my shoulders and gently turned me around.