Dare Me Forever (17 page)

I knew Jamie was trying
to help me, but I just couldn’t stand to be there one more minute.
I gripped the edge of my shirt, trying to hold on to something to
keep me steady. I didn’t want to lash out at her, but I couldn’t
have this conversation right now. I stood up and tried to catch my
breath. I had to stop crying. I had to control all of these feelings
and focus on moving forward.

“Jamie, I need to go
home and be alone. I’m sorry,” I said, making my way to her front
door. She cleared her throat as if she was going to say something,
but then there was silence. She knew better than to ask me to stay.

“Okay, but think
about what I said.”

I went to my car and
decided to take a drive along the coast. I put the windows down, and
felt the salty air on my skin, the wind pounding against me. With the
air rushing through the windows, I could cry and scream as loud as I
wanted, and no one would hear me. Sobs escaped from my throat.

I hated how Miranda
always fucked up my life. I thought I was over the pain she’d
caused, or at least past the point where she could really affect my
life. I was dead wrong.

How could I lose Ryan,
just when I was getting to know him?

Amy

I needed distraction.
Cat called and invited me to a party one of her co-workers was having
for his birthday, an after work happy hour. So the next day, after I
closed the shop, I drove over to the D Street Bar near Cat’s work.
I’d worn a cute floral skirt and white top. I even wore some
make-up. Cat said she thought there’d be loads of cute men there,
since the birthday boy was very cute himself. I would also finally
get to meet Cat’s current man, although I couldn’t let on that I
knew about them. It was still hush hush at work. I wasn’t quite
sure how they were managing to keep their relationship under wraps
since last time I’d checked, they were still working diligently on
their quest to do it on every surface of their office. Didn’t the
coworkers notice the moaning or the screaming? Or the panties flying
across the room?

When I arrived, I
checked the rearview mirror and smoothed my bangs down so they were
less girl next door, and more rock and roll. My eyes were still red
from crying, but I hoped the fresh shine of lip gloss would distract
from the. The makeup, the bright colors—all of it worked well as a
mask. You could only see how sad I was if you looked closely.

Entering the bar, I
looked for Cat. I could see her back--she was sitting on a stool in
the corner, talking to a very tall, very good looking man. Must be
Mr. Rug Burn himself. I made my way over, ready for a drink, or two.

The Rolling Stones came
on—totally old school. I strolled over to them, and introduced
myself. Cat ordered me a gin and tonic, and before I knew it, my
glass was empty. I ordered another one and sipped it as I watched the
two of them talk. It turns out Mr. Rug Burn’s real name was
Jackson. He was a smart, great looking, business type and he seemed
totally smitten with Cat.

Cat could clearly sense
my mood. She turned to me with a melancholy smile on her face.
Something sparked in her eyes, a glint of mischief that I was way too
familiar with. I could tell she was up to something. “Hey,
Jackson,” she said, not taking her eyes off me, “why don’t you
go over to the bar and get three shots of Patron?”

When I protested, she
barked out a laugh and said, “What a wimp you are!”

I leaned back into my
stool and sighed, resigned. Maybe shots weren’t my usual style, but
hell, I needed the diversion and hoped being more than a little tipsy
would clear my mind. I just wanted to think about nothing—push my
thoughts away from the endless loop of sadness, weepiness, and anger.

Jackson pushed a glass
to each of us and passed a salt shaker around, which I poured on my
wrist. I looked between Cat and Jackson, unable to suppress the laugh
at the naughty twinkle in her eyes. We chanted together. “One, two,
three.”

We licked the salt,
downed our shots, and immediately Cat and I reached for the limes.
The alcohol burned on the way down, but it felt good, like it was
washing away the anger and hurt that had risen in my throat.

Jackson gestured for
another round, and this time, he sprinkled a little salt on Cat’s
collarbone. She let out a squeal of laughter as he licked it off her
body and downed another shot. I guess he didn’t care who at the
office knew about them now. They met each other’s eyes and I could
just feel the tension rising between them. They were a good match.
Jackson seemed cooler than Cat’s fire, but after the display I just
saw, it was clear that he loved mischief too.

I didn’t want to be
in their way, and I needed to pee anyway, so I downed the shot and
headed back along the bar towards the restroom. I must have been
walking a bit on the wobbly side, because next thing I knew, I’d
walked straight into the back of some man, who I swear hadn’t been
there a second before. I turned to apologize and realized I’d
walked straight into Hunter.

“What are you doing
here?” I stammered, my tongue tied from the alcohol.

“After work drinks.”

I had to pee so badly
that I couldn’t wait. “I’m sorry, I’ve had a few, and am just
heading that way.” I gestured towards the Ladies room. Hunter took
my arm and began walking me to the restroom, teasing me along the
way. “You never could hold your liquor, Ames.”

I didn’t know what to
say, so I just smiled, hoping the tequila haze that I couldn’t hide
would excuse my behavior. I slid into the restroom and closed the
door behind me. Once I knew I was alone, I turned to stare at myself
in the mirror. I looked flushed and pretty tanked, but I didn’t
look as sad as I had earlier in the day. Finishing up, I looked at
myself one more time. “Come on Amy, go get ‘em,” I said.

I heard Hunter through
the door. “You okay in there?”

My feelings all blurred
together. How sweet of him to wait.

I came out, and he was
standing against the other side of the hallway, leaning against the
wall with his arms crossed, muscles bulging through his tight polo.
I’d forgotten that lazy sexy smile of his that now played across
his lips.

“Let’s get you some
water, and sit down. Okay, Amy?” He took my hand and gently led me
back to the bar area. He found us a booth and sat me down. “I’ll
be right back.”

I laid my head against
the back of the booth, and closed my eyes. I never ever ever get this
drunk. I heard Hunter’s voice, as he grabbed my hand and put the
glass of cold water in it. I rubbed it against my forehead, before
opening my eyes. He was sitting across from me and looked worried.

“Thanks. I guess I
had one too many.” In fact I’d probably had four too many.

“Ames, I don’t
think I’ve ever seen you this drunk,” he said, his eyes narrowing
in concern. “But I’m here, so you don’t have to worry. I’ll
take care of you. Let’s get some more water in you and maybe some
fries?”

I nodded, which sent
another wave of dizziness through me. He stood up again to order from
the bar. I sipped my water slowly, and tried to get my bearings.
Maybe fries would be good. I hadn’t really eaten since last night’s
cobb salad with Miranda. I just hadn’t been able to stomach
anything.

Hunter came back to the
table and sat down. He picked up my left hand and gently massaged it
with his thumb. “Amy, food is coming now. You are going to feel so
much better.” If only that were true. I could feel pressure in my
chest where my heart was. And being treated so nicely had me on the
edge of tears.

“Thanks,” I
mumbled. “What are you doing here?”

“After work drinks,
great happy hour…which I guess you realized too.” He laughed
good- naturedly. “I think the only time I’ve seen you like this
was that night at Jamie’s house—do you remember? You started
drinking a bottle of Southern Comfort, and the next thing I knew, you
were dancing to Journey on Jamie’s bed and singing ‘Don’t Stop
Believing’ at the top of your lungs.”

My memory of that was
fuzzy, but just hearing about it years later was pretty mortifying.
Thankfully Hunter seemed to think it was cute. “I had to sneak you
to my parent’s guesthouse, remember? I was so afraid you’d wake
up Jamie’s parents.” He laughed. “And then, the next morning I
pretended to pick you up and we got Luke from his friend’s house.
Matt, right? And then we came back to my house for my mom’s
birthday brunch.” Hunter looked toward the bar. “Our food is
ready, be right back.”

He returned with fries,
a hamburger, and chocolate shake all for me. Too much. I had wanted
inebriation, but I didn’t want the dizziness. Even after all this,
I still didn’t have an appetite.

I picked up a fry and
started to nibble. The memories were sweet. If Hunter kept talking,
maybe I could forget how sad I was. “And remember how Luke kept
asking you if you were getting sick? What a sweet kid.”

I remembered that
morning all too well. After we’d had breakfast with Hunter’s
family, I’d taken Luke to another friend’s birthday party, my
head pounding from a fierce hangover. Hunter had met me back at my
house, and we had the place to ourselves.

I still remember taking
our first shower together that day. I’d never been naked in the
light with anyone before, and I remember how I was shy but also
really excited about it. Hunter had run his hands all over my body,
using my favorite Bath and Bodyworks creamy soap, lathering it
between his hands before rubbing the silky lather all over my body.
It was the first truly erotic experience of my life, more than our
hot make-out sessions on the couch, more sensual.

I looked towards the
bathroom and saw Cat come out of the men’s room, looking flushed
and excited. She walked over to our table. A few minutes later, out
came Jackson, looking like the cat that had eaten the canary.

“Ames, you want me to
take you home?” Hunter asked. Cat looked at Hunter and then back at
me. I realized I hadn’t introduced the two of them, but I was too
exhausted to form the words. Thankfully, Hunter introduced himself,
as a friend of mine from high school. Cat looked relived that he
wasn’t some random guy asking to take me home.

I was a mess and needed
to get out of there. “Sure, thanks.” I gave Cat a hug. “Jackson’s
super hot,” I whispered into her ear. She grinned.

“Amy, I’ll pick you
up tomorrow and we can come back and get your car, okay? And maybe do
something else fun?” Cat asked. I nodded. My head was pounding and
all I wanted to do was go to sleep. I would never drink this much
again.

Hunter led me to his
car, and drove me home. He walked me to the door, and gave me a huge
hug. He gently brushed my bangs out of my eyes, and gave me a sweet
kiss on the lips. He walked me inside to my room. I hoped he didn’t
expect anything.

I was so upset about
Ryan. I missed his humor, how good and whole I felt when I was with
him. How could you miss someone you’d only gone out with a few
times? I didn’t understand it, but that’s how I felt. It was like
there was a hole in my chest that would never leave.

“Go lay down. I’ll
bring you some water.”

Hunter went into the
kitchen while I took off my skirt and bra and climbed into bed. I
curled up, hugging one of the pillows to my chest. A few seconds
later, my pillow was soaked. I didn’t even know I was crying, but
silent tears were pouring down my face. I passed out a few minutes
later. Hunter must have left right after.

Amy

I woke up the next day
with a massive headache. I should have taken Tylenol or something
before I went to bed. Well, better late than never. I popped the lid
off the Tylenol bottle on the counter and dropped two into my palm.
In the kitchen, I poured myself a huge glass of water and chugged it
with the medicine. I looked at the clock. It was almost 10. I hadn’t
slept this late in ages, and I needed to open the store. I was
already late and didn’t have my car.

I got dressed as
quickly as possible, ran some water through my hair, and tried not to
look too hard in the mirror. What I did catch was not what I’d call
pretty. Swollen eyes, and pasty skin. I needed a big breakfast, and a
giant cup of coffee, to stop this headache and try to suppress this
heartache.

I walked as quickly as
I could to the store, taking a few shortcuts and was there to open at
12:15. Not bad for the state I was in, but pretty unprofessional for
a brand new business. Thankfully no one was waiting outside. I put up
my “be back in 5 minutes” sign and ran across the street to
Groundworks
. When my enormous order was ready, I ran it back
across the street. I couldn’t wait to get some more coffee into me.

Eating the “Hungry
Man’s Special,” (an egg sandwich on a croissant, sausage on the
side, with an enormous blueberry muffin—don’t judge me—desperate
times) and drinking my hot, glorious coffee, I started to feel like a
person again. I might not have been quite ready to face the day, but
at least I was doing a good job of faking it.

My phone beeped. I saw
Ryan’s name pop up over a text message and quickly turned my phone
over, screen down against the counter, as though I could pretend it
wasn’t there. I was afraid to read it, afraid I’d lose it. But
with my head pounding like it was being jack hammered, my willpower
wasn’t exactly strong. I flipped my phone over.

Amy, let me explain.
I miss you.

Of course it would be
sweet and understanding. Of course it would make me want to see him,
not that I didn’t feel the pull of him almost every waking second
without him reminding me.

I decided to text back
right away, before I could overthink things.

I miss you too, but
I really can’t do it.