Cowboy in Charge (6 page)

He nodded silently and gestured toward a mug near her on the table.

Apple juice, still cold from the refrigerator. Greedily, she drank some down and let it soothe her aching throat. She tensed, waiting for the juice to hit her stomach, anticipating the urge to bolt. Nothing happened—thank goodness.

“In case you’re wondering, your trips down the hall these past couple of days have been flu-symptom free,” Jason said.

“What?”

“You’ve provided status updates.”

She groaned. Forget whatever Scott might have said to him in conversation. What else had
she
revealed? “That comes from being a mom,” she muttered.

“Yeah, and from changing too danged many dirty diapers, I’d bet.”

“You’re racking up experience in that, too.”

“Well, I’m not a greenhorn anymore, that’s for sure.” He looked back at the television, but not quickly enough to hide the hint of a smile.

She frowned. He was certainly happy this morning, probably because he saw the end of his babysitting services in sight.

The thought triggered another memory of the past few days. She had managed to stay awake during Shay’s visit, but once she and Jason were alone with the kids, grogginess had overtaken her. She had given in to it...as if it felt safe for her to sleep with him here, natural for him to watch the kids.

Those thoughts went beyond crazy. And were much too dangerous.

Jason sat with his gaze glued to the television again, his thumb busy on the remote. “It always made me nuts when you’d do that,” she said.

“Do what?”

“Pause to watch a few minutes of a show, then flip to the next channel just when it was getting interesting.”

He shrugged. “What’s wrong with that?”

“You never settled long enough to find out what happened.” Just as he hadn’t stayed long enough with her to see if their marriage would work. But how could she blame him for that? Her throat tightened. She took a sip of juice.

He didn’t say another word.

She frowned. Somehow, even in her clouded state these past two days, she had noted something different about him. After Shay’s departure, she recalled their heated argument and his flat refusal to leave her alone with the kids. He had gone to her room to get a fresh cloth for the baby. And he had come back quieter. More thoughtful. More subdued.

At that point, he couldn’t have known his babysitting job would drag on for another two days. Maybe he had already regretted insisting he would stay. How must he feel now?

“All that sleep did me a lot of good. You could—”

“Don’t even suggest it.”

He settled back in the chair as if to keep her from forcibly throwing him out. The thought made her wince. “I’m sorry about...our conversation the other day.”

“Conversation?”

“What I said to you.”

“Such as?”

She stiffened. “You’re going to make me spell it out?”

“Why not? You didn’t have any problem saying it the first time.”

“All right, I called you a sperm donor. Maybe I shouldn’t have said it. And I’ve just apologized. But it doesn’t matter now. You were right—our relationship’s old history. And that makes me question again why you’re here.”

He froze for a long moment. The television stayed on the same channel, tuned to an early weather report. The blonde with the toothpaste-ad smile assured viewers temperatures would be mild for the next few days—no surprise for New Mexico even in the middle of winter.

The silence stretched on. Whatever he was going to say, she wouldn’t like hearing it. She wondered how the temperature would be between them once he finally gave her an answer. Already, she could feel herself growing warm. Uncomfortable. Agitated.

Chapter Six

Despite the years they’d been apart, he was discovering he still knew Layne. Which meant he knew his announcement wouldn’t sit well with her at all. Unlike a few days ago when she’d asked him straight-out why he’d come back, she didn’t look on the verge of fainting. And there were no kids in the room to interrupt and save him from having to answer. He had no way of getting out of this conversation.

That didn’t mean he had to unload everything at once.

“I want to make up for lost time,” he said simply.

“What?”

He almost laughed as he took in the same look of dismay he had seen when he’d mentioned her bathroom reports. Did she think “lost time” meant getting together with her again? The laughter curdled in the back of his throat. He swallowed hard. “I want to pay off the child support I already owe you and make arrangements to keep paying going forward.”

“I don’t want money from you, Jason. I’ve never wanted it. You knew that.”

“How could I not know,” he said bitterly, “when one after another, all my letters kept coming back. Guess I should have expected that. You’d made it plain enough after you turned down my offer of alimony and child support—when you swore to me you’d be better off as a single parent. None of those are things I’m likely ever to forget.” To this day, he could also remember the reactions that had surged inside him. Anger. Disgust. Disillusionment.

Coming back here couldn’t change any of that, couldn’t erase it as if it had never been. All he could do now was put the memories aside and go forward. “That’s all old history, too. I was young and dumb enough—and all right, angry enough at the time—to take you at your word about not needing the support. Now I’m not.”

“Thanks anyway.”

His fingers tightened around the remote. The television volume jumped a few notches. The sound of a police siren whined through the room. He lowered the volume again and tossed the remote onto the coffee table. “If you can take money from Jill’s daddy—”

“Who said I’m accepting anything from him?”

Damn.
She supported not one but two kids on her own? “What happened between you?” He hadn’t meant to ask, but now the question hung there, he realized how much he wanted to know.

“That’s not any of your business. And I told you, he’s out of the picture.”

“All the more reason for me to man up and take responsibility.”

“I don’t need your money. I do fine.”

“Mommy.”

Scott’s voice startled them both. They turned toward the door to the hall. The boy stood framed in the doorway, rubbing his eyes just the way he’d done the past couple of nights after Jason settled him in bed.

Tucking his son in at night and reading him a bedtime story—two things he’d never thought he would get the chance to do.

Two things he’d probably never do again if Layne insisted on going back to work and kicking him out of her life.

“The sheriff is coming?” Scott asked.

“No, honey,” Layne said. “That siren you heard was on television.”

“Oh.” He crossed the room and climbed up onto the edge of the couch. Layne still sat back with the pillow against the arm of the chair. Scott leaned against her side.

Jason eyed the boy, then looked at Layne again and said quietly, “I’m not buying into your doing fine, either. Not when you wake up in a sickbed and the first thoughts you have—after your kids—are about the bills you need to pay.”

“Everybody’s got bills.”

“Right. Responsibilities they take care of. So let me take care of mine.” He needed her agreement on this. His self-respect demanded it.

But what exactly had he expected? That he could waltz into town and explain all this to Layne and receive her smile and a handshake? Gentlemen settled their arguments that way. But Layne sure was no gentleman. And she sure didn’t seem interested in ending this argument.

Even fighting the flu—and
still
fighting him—she was a beautiful woman. She’d always been beautiful to him.

The thoughts had him shifting his gaze back to the television. Physical responses had him shifting in his seat. Neither reaction was going to get him anywhere. He knew better than most what happened when Layne’s stubborn streak or his own took control of their relationship. Plenty of times, they’d dug in their heels over something, fought it out, then made up and made love.

He didn’t have those options anymore. He had to think with his head, not with his...gut reactions. Had to rely on what he knew about her.

“Look, you told me you waitress for Sugar, which means you don’t bring in a salary. You work for an hourly wage and tips, right?”

She nodded.

“Then all these days away from the job had to have set you back. Let me tide you over until you get on your feet.”
Let me get you used to accepting financial help from me. Because it’s the least you deserve
. “If nothing else, I can buy a few groceries.”

“I’ve got a full refrigerator and pantry.”

“You think so?” He forced a smile. “Not since Scott and I have taken over the kitchen. We’re a couple of growing boys. Right, pardner?” he asked, holding his hand palm-out toward Scott.

“Right!” the kid exclaimed, reaching up for a high five.

The sound of his laugh turned Jason’s smile into a genuine grin.

* * *

“I
FORGOT
PAPER
TOWELS
,
” Layne murmured.

They stood in the cereal aisle at the Local-General Store, Cowboy Creek’s primary grocery store, known to the locals as the L-G.

“I’ll backtrack and pick ’em up,” Jason volunteered.

“Me, too, me, too,” Scott insisted.

The idea of the pair of them wandering away together made her edgy, though she wasn’t sure why. They had spent plenty of time together this week.

As they went past her and down the aisle behind her again, she caught sight of Shay approaching, carrying one of the L-G’s small baskets. With a sigh of relief, she grabbed at what she hoped would be a good chance to chat. To get a break from thoughts of Jason.

Maybe not so much, judging by the first words out of Shay’s mouth.

“Looks like you and Jason are a matched set again.”

Avoiding Shay’s eyes, Layne tightened her fingers on the shopping cart. “This is not what it looks like.” Aware Jason and Scott might not have left the aisle or another customer might come up from behind her, she kept her voice low. “He just offered to drive me to the store.”
And to pay for my groceries.

The thought of that only increased her uneasiness. She couldn’t let him walk in and take over her life. Especially not when she knew he would soon walk back out again.

“Jason’s only helping me because I have to pick up such a large order,” she said firmly. Why did she have the feeling she was trying to convince herself as much as Shay? “After all the soup I ate while I was sick, I need to make another big batch for the freezer.” And to buy enough food to refill all the refrigerator and pantry shelves he and Scott had cleared. He hadn’t been kidding about them decimating her groceries. After one glance, she had suddenly felt like Mother Hubbard with her bare cupboards.

He hadn’t been wrong about her weakness from the flu, either. Though she had wanted to get moving again, it had taken her half the morning to feel strong enough to get dressed and attempt the trip to the store.

“He’ll be leaving soon anyway, so there’s no point in even talking about him. Thank you for stopping by with the cake,” she added, moving the conversation in a safer direction, though even that made her uncomfortable. She had slept through both Shay’s visit and Sugar’s phone call yesterday. “I’m sorry I missed you. How was the wedding?”

At the Hitching Post’s first official wedding reception the month before, Shay had helped serve. But at the Garland family wedding on Saturday, she had attended as a guest. Layne would have, too, if not for her bout with the flu.

“Jane looked elegant, of course,” Shay said. “We knew she would. And Pete was his usual hunky self.” As she rattled off details about the ceremony and reception, Layne smiled and nodded and attempted to keep her thoughts from straying to the paper products aisle. “And through it all,” Shay continued, “you’d have thought Jed was the hero of the hour.”

“Did somebody say ‘hero’?”

Layne jumped. She hadn’t heard either Jason or Scott come up behind her. “Shay’s talking about Jed Garland.”

“He’s so happy about all his granddaughters getting engaged,” Shay said.

“I hear he had a hand in that,” Jason said. “Or so he tells me.”

“Well, if he didn’t,” Layne said, “there has to be some wedding magic in the air around the Hitching Post.”

Abruptly, Shay hefted her small basket. “I’d better get home and drop these off with my grandmother before I head in to work. Grandma Mo wants to see you one day soon, Scott.” She tousled Scott’s hair, gave Layne a smile, and nodded farewell to Jason.

As Shay walked away, Layne thought about what she had said a few minutes ago.

Looks like you and Jason are a matched set again.

She hadn’t liked hearing that. She hadn’t liked knowing how much she wished it were true. How could she have gone from wanting nothing to do with him, to having thoughts like this?

Jill let out a squawk and began to wriggle in her carrier in the front seat of the grocery cart. Layne popped the pacifier into the baby’s mouth. “I’ve got the cereal. We’re done. But we’d better speed things up at the checkout if we want to make it home in time for me to feed the baby.”

“Speed them up?” Jason exhaled heavily and plopped the paper towels into the cart. “I’ve been running up and down aisles after Scott. I don’t know how you do it with two of them and only one of you.”

“I manage. Normally, my shopping wouldn’t take this long, but we had a lot of extra food to buy.”

“Told you Scott and I cleaned out the cupboards.” He frowned. “You look about ready to drop.”

“I’m tired,” she admitted. Even as she spoke, she felt more of her energy draining away.

“All right, then let’s get you back home.” He took the cart from her and went in the direction of the checkout counter.

While she was grateful not to have to push the heavy cart, she missed having it to hold on to. With the way she felt now, she needed it to prop herself up. Slowly, she followed Jason and the kids down the aisle.

No matter what she had said to Shay about Jason leaving soon, this everyday trip to the store had left her daydreaming of what it would be like to have him stay. Of what their life might have been like if he had never left. Their few days together had offered her a taste, a tease, the tiniest bit of temptation. But along with the daydreams had come a fear big enough to eclipse all the pleasure she had felt.

She was getting too comfortable with Jason again. Becoming too involved. Being reminded much too poignantly of the boy she used to love.

The boy who had stopped loving her.

* * *

J
ASON
GRIPPED
THE
steering wheel and listened to the wail of the baby in the backseat of his pickup truck. Somehow, in the small space the noise sounded magnified. As the noise increased, the truck windows seemed to shiver.

Across the cab, Layne’s gaze met his.

Earlier, as they had left her apartment for the grocery store, she had pointed out the kids’ car seats near the front door. She had strapped both Scott and Jill into those seats for the ride to the L-G. Now she had just finished settling the baby again for the ride home. Or tried to anyway.

Jill’s screech rose a notch. He’d have sworn his eardrums rattled.

“She’s hungry. I’ll have to feed her here,” Layne announced. She opened the passenger door and returned to the backseat.

Though he tried to ease his stranglehold on the steering wheel, he could think of nothing else to do with his hands. Or of anywhere else to direct his gaze. With the truck in Park in the middle of the L-G’s lot, he couldn’t pretend a need to keep his eyes on the road.

He shot a couple of quick glances into the rearview mirror to check on Scott. The boy sat running one of his toy cars along the restraining bar of his car seat.

“Could you get me a cloth from the diaper bag?” Layne asked.

He began to reach across the front seat for the bag, forgetting for a moment that he was strapped in place as securely as Scott was fastened into his car seat. He thumbed open the clasp of his seat belt and grabbed the bag. A second later, he reached back over the bench seat and held out the cloth to Layne.

“Thanks,” she said. “Sorry about this.”

Not as sorry as he was.

In the past few days, every time she’d fed the baby, he had found a reason to move away—checking something on the stove, helping Scott with his motorway, flipping through the television channels at lightning speed.

He wasn’t a man given to analyzing his emotions, but it had been obvious those previous incidents involved physical responses to the thought of seeing Layne half-undressed. Now...

Now his reactions came from somewhere deeper, from something more, from knowing he couldn’t look at the woman he’d once loved and watch her nurse a baby that wasn’t his. And that was his own damned fault, because he
could
have watched her with his own child. But he had walked away from the chance. Had given up that right.

“I don’t think we’ll be long,” Layne said. “My Jill’s a quick eater when she’s hungry. Aren’t you, sweetie? And Jason...” A hint of amusement laced her tone. “You can turn around now.”

“I’m adjusting the heater,” he said, hoping she believed him. A second later, he turned halfway and settled back against the driver’s door.

She had draped the cloth loosely over the baby, shielding her from the sun streaming in the truck’s window and from the gaze of any shoppers in the L-G’s parking lot.

“She’s a good eater as well as a quick one, huh?” he asked.

“Yes. Almost as good as you and Scott.”

He couldn’t help but laugh. “Then you’ll really be looking at some grocery bills soon, won’t you?” When he saw the frown lines between her eyes, his smile slid away.