Counseling Through Your Bible Handbook (55 page)

— Acceptance of God’s grace enables you to give grace to others.

— Acceptance of God’s forgiveness enables you to give forgiveness to others.

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you”

(C
OLOSSIANS
3:13).

L
Learn that prejudice is a result of irrational, emotional stereotypes—not rational reasoning.

— Be willing to admit you may not know all the facts.

— Study Scripture to develop discernment between good and evil.

“Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness…But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him”

(1 J
OHN
2:9,11).

I
Invest in others by having a servant’s heart toward everyone.
⁶

— Get involved in helping people you would not normally help.

— Get to know someone well who is the object of your prejudice.

“Even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many”

(M
ARK
10:45).

T
Turn from judging others to self-examination.

— Pray for God to reveal your blind spots.

— When tempted to judge others, focus on your own sin.

“How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?”

(M
ATTHEW
7:4).

Y
Yield in obedience to the nature of Christ living within you.

— With Christ in you, you can choose to respond to everyone with His love.

— With Christ in you, you can choose to live a godly life.

“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires”

(2 P
ETER
1:3-4).

The problem of prejudice is ultimately the sin of superiority. The solution for prejudice is undeniably living with Christlike humility.

—JH

Romans 2:11

Titus 3:2

Acts 10:34-35

1 John 2:9-10

James 2:9

1 Peter 3:9

Galatians 5:14

Ephesians 2:14

2 Corinthians 5:19

1 Peter 3:8

For additional guidance on this topic, see also
Anger, Critical Spirit, Depression, Dysfunctional Family, Evil and Suffering…Why?, Fear, Forgiveness, Habits, Hope, Identity, Reconciliation, Self-worth, Verbal and Emotional Abuse, Victimization
.

T
he statistics are staggering concerning the number of marriages that end in the ditch of divorce, where heartache, despair, and confusion abound. We need to be wise about our expectations for marriage and wise about whom we let into our hearts.
Premarital counseling
is a path of practical advice given to a couple in preparation for marriage, covering essential issues. It is a preventative tool to help preserve what is designed to be a lifelong commitment. In order to build a strong foundation for marriage, learn as much as possible about yourself, your future mate, and God’s will for marriage…
before you tie the knot
.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life”

(P
ROVERBS
4:23).

A couple needs to have an accurate understanding of each other’s expectations and desires.
Preparation for Partnership
is an excellent exercise for opening the door to meaningful communication. Both parties should complete each of the following sentences in writing and then talk through each point.

— My definition of love is…

— My reason for marriage is…

— My way of handling conflict is…

— My way of dealing with anger is…

— My views on sex within marriage are…

— My preference for spending free time is…

— My concept of the role and responsibilities of a wife is…

— My concept of the role and responsibilities of a husband is…

— My expectation after marriage regarding time with friends is…

— My debt history and my commitment regarding debt are…

— My commitment to be active in a church fellowship is…

— My commitments to my extended family are…

— My commitments to my future in-laws are…

— My priorities for spending money are…

— My priorities for saving money are…

— My experience with illegal drugs is…

— My position on the use of alcohol is…

— My desires regarding children are…

— My spiritual goals and desires are…

— My goals for marriage are…

“How much better to get wisdom than gold, to choose understanding rather than silver!”

(P
ROVERBS
16:16).

—
Don’t
live in your past.

Look for the positive in the present (Isaiah 43:18-19).

—
Don’t
focus on your future mate’s past mistakes.

Focus on your future mate’s choice to marry you (Proverbs 10:12).

—
Don’t
expect to change your future mate.

Accept your future mate the way he/she is (Romans 15:7).

—
Don’t
expect your future mate to meet all your needs.

Expect God to be your primary need-meeter (Philippians 4:19).

—
Don’t
expect oneness to be equivalent to sameness.

Aim for unity while accepting that no two people always think the same (Romans 15:5-6).

—
Don’t
criticize your future mate’s parents.

Speak about them with kindness and understanding (Ephesians 4:29).

—
Don’t
nag your future mate.

Make your position clear; then commit the matter to prayer (Proverbs 19:13).

—
Don’t
joke about sexual promiscuity.

See sexual intimacy as a picture of the holy union between Christ and His bride, the church (Ephesians 5:3-4).

—
Don’t
joke about divorce as an option.

Eliminate the word
divorce
from your vocabulary.
God hates divorce!
(Malachi 2:16).

—
Don’t
rationalize, “It’s okay to have sex—we’re engaged, and we’ll be married soon.”

Realize that sexual responsibility before marriage demonstrates that you will be sexually responsible after marriage. And statistically, sexual impurity prior to marriage increases the odds of divorce after marriage. God calls us to sexual purity (1 Thessalonians 4:7).

—
Don’t
disregard a feeling of uneasiness in your spirit.

Talk with someone who knows your future mate well in order to discern the cause of your uneasiness. Then wait for God’s confirmation (Psalm 32:8).

“Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?”

(A
MOS
3:3).

We agree
to go first to God with our problem.

— Seek guidance from God’s Word, asking, “Has God spoken about this anywhere in His Word?”

— Seek discernment from God in order to come to a mutual agreement on the problem.

— Seek God’s will through prayer, asking for His peace if the decision is correct.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”

(P
HILIPPIANS
4:6-7).

We agree
to negotiate a solution.

— Make a joint list of all options.

— Individually mark each option as…
(P) Possible (I) Impossible

— Evaluate all the
P
’s and jointly choose the best option.

We agree
, if all options cancel out, to delay making a decision until there is unity or until a decision must be made.

— Trust in the sovereignty of God.

“We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”

(R
OMANS
8:28).

We commit…

— our lives to Jesus Christ and submit to His control (Luke 9:23).

— our home to God and pledge to make it Christ-centered (Joshua 24:15).

— our bodies to each other and vow to be sexually faithful (Hebrews 13:4).

— our finances to God and will honor Him with our tithe (Malachi 3:10).

— to reading the Bible and praying with each other daily (Psalm 119:105-106).

— to not going to bed while still angry with one another (Ephesians 4:26).

— to nurturing each other through loving encouragement (Hebrews 10:24).

— to admitting our weaknesses and seeking prayer support in order to change (James 5:16).

— to growing with each other into a deeper relationship with the Lord (Hebrews 10:22-23).