Contessa (54 page)

“
First of all, sweetie, you
’
ve got to stop crying. That
’
s what he
’
s talking about. He doesn
’
t see the adult in you like I do. He sees the little girl who didn
’
t get her way and is locked in her room, sobbing about it. Don
’
t let him see that. You can be upset, you can cry with me when we
’
re alone, but don
’
t let him see that anymore.

“
Do you think you can do that?
”

“
I can try,
”
I tell him.

“
Okay. What time do you leave tomorrow?
”

“
Ten o
’
clock.
”

“
That
’
s in nine hours. You need to get some sleep.
”

“
I know. I never thanked you, did I?
”

“
Honestly, the whole thing
’
s a blur. I
’
m pretty sure I was discussing having sex with you with your father at some point, but I
’
m hoping that was just a horrible nightmare.
”

“
If it was, I think we all had the same nightmare.
”

“
I
’
m sorry, Olivia. I know I didn
’
t make things easier for you.
”

“
I don
’
t know,
”
I tell him with a sigh.
“
I kind of feel like everything
’
s out in the open. I
’
m angry at him and really frustrated, but for some reason I feel a little less burdened. He kind of has to take it or leave it now.
”

“
How
’
s your mom?
”

“
I managed to piss her off royally.
”

“
What
’
d you do? You guys don
’
t fight.
”

“
Not typically. I don
’
t want to talk about it.
”
A lump starts to form in my throat, making it hard to breathe. I truly feel horrible, remembering her reaction about what I said. I never saw that coming.

“
You sure?
”

“
Yeah.
”
I barely squeak the word out.

“
If you change your mind, baby, you call me. My phone
’
s right here. I don
’
t care if you wake up my brothers, okay? And that
’
s a standing rule. Anytime.
”

“
Thank you,
”
I say softly, trying to swallow but finding it painful and difficult.
“
And thank you, for the promise.
”

“
I mean it.
”

“
I promise the same,
”
I tell him.

“
I love you, Olivia Holland.
”

“
I love you, too, Jon. I
’
ll call you when we get there tomorrow.
”

“
Anytime,
”
he reiterates.
“
Try to have a good time. And no more tears. Show him you
’
re a grown up. You don
’
t need his approval but you
’
d like his blessing; that
’
s kind of how I
’
m thinking about things now. I
’
d never say it, but that
’
s my approach.
”

“
Not bad,
”
I say.

“
Sweet dreams.
”

“
No more nightmares,
”
I respond. He laughs and tells me good night.

CHAPTER
10

The house is unusually quiet as I get ready in the morning. I can feel the tension surrounding me, and I can
’
t imagine how this weekend with my family is going to be.

“
Livvy,
”
my dad calls from the top of the basement stairs.

“
Yeah?
”
I make my way out of my room, taking a deep breath.
“
What
’
s up?
”
I ask him.

“
These roses were on your car,
”
he says, holding a few flowers and a card out to me. I run up the stairs quickly when I notice he
’
s making no effort to bring them down.

“
They
’
re camellias,
”
I correct him. He shrugs his shoulders in response.
“
Thanks.
”
I take them and turn away, descending the stairs quietly.

“
What, now he
’
s mocking me?
”
he asks.

I turn around, gripping the handrail tightly.
“
Hardly, Dad. He
’
s not that type of person. Stop trying to make him out to be some horrible guy. He
’
s not.
”

He nods.
“
Can you be ready in five minutes?
”

“
I
’
m going with Mom,
”
I tell him, returning to my room.

“
She left with your brother an hour ago. She wanted to beat the traffic heading out of the city.
”

“
Great,
”
I mumble.

“
Five minutes?
”

“
Yep,
”
I say just loud enough for him to hear. My stomach tightens with anxiety. This weekend just got a whole lot worse. I hadn
’
t anticipated a two-hour car ride alone with my father. I had been plotting my apology to my mother all morning. I hadn
’
t prepared anything for Dad.

Sitting down on the bed, I quickly scan the card Jon left.

“
Olivia,

“
Do me a favor this weekend: if you
’
re standing near another guy, please stay away from the mistletoe.

“
Have a Merry Christmas.

“
Love, Jon
”

I laugh out loud, holding the card close to my heart. I look down at my hand and admire the ring on my finger, remembering the moment he gave it to me. I try to forget how that moment was ruined not a minute later, but it
’
s hard to do. It just makes me angry again.

Realizing I
’
m not finished packing, I grab the nearest bag, which happens to be the bag I had given to Jon last night. I toss the rest of my things haphazardly inside, and tuck the card and three of the flowers–a pink one, a white one and a red one–into the side pocket. Slinging the messenger bag and my own large duffel on my shoulders, I hit the lights and make my way upstairs. Only a handful of presents remain under the tree, the rest already packed away in one of the two cars we
’
re taking to the lake house.

“
Did you eat anything?
”
my dad asks, his coffee in hand.

“
Not hungry.
”

“
I don
’
t want to make any stops.
”

“
That
’
s fine.
”

He gets his keys out and holds the door open for me, locking it securely behind us.

After an hour of talk radio, I can
’
t stand the tension anymore.

“
Are you not going to talk to me all weekend?
”
I ask him.

“
If I had any idea of something I could say to you that would make us all better again, I would have said it long ago. But I
’
m still not really sure what
’
s going on with you.
”

“
Nothing, Dad,
”
I tell him softly.
“
I have a boyfriend. That
’
s it.
”

“
It just seems like things are going so fast, Liv. My head was spinning last night. I couldn
’
t have prepared myself for that if your were twenty-one, much less the sixteen-year-old you are. Marriage? Were we really talking about marriage?
”

“
We
’
re not getting married anytime soon, Dad. Neither of us want that yet.
”

“
Well, he wants
something
,
”
he mumbles.

“
Daddy, I
’
m not ready, okay?
”
I realize my statement could be applied to the previous marriage conversation, but I think we both know I
’
m talking about sex.
“
And he knows I
’
m not. I think he just got caught up in the moment.
”

“
He
’
s not pressuring you?
”

“
Absolutely not, Dad. Never.
”

“
I
’
ll tell you what, the kid has some nerve. He
’
s not afraid of anything, is he?
”

“
He
’
s pretty afraid of you.
”

“
Could have fooled me,
”
he says.

“
He respects you more than you can imagine, Dad. He looks up to you.
”

“
I just don
’
t know how I feel about him,
”
he says honestly.
“
But then again, I
’
m not sure how I
’
d feel about any guy taking my little girl. I
’
m not ready to give you up yet.
”
He clears his throat.
“
I thought I
’
d be the only man in your life until you were at least thirty.
”

“
Dad,
”
I retort, knowing he
’
s kidding, but knowing I need to take a stand.
“
I really do love him. I just wish you
’
d try to understand that.
”

“
I
’
m trying, Tessa,
”
he sighs. I twist my ring around my finger nervously, waiting for him to say more. We drive about ten more miles before he speaks again.
“
I was Jon
’
s age, my first time. My girlfriend was your age. And I look back and think that–you know, I didn
’
t know a god damn thing at that age. What I felt for that girl was nothing compared to what I felt for other women, once I got older. And it certainly didn
’
t come anywhere close to what I felt for your mom, and still do, to this day.

“
It was just about sex–
”

“
Dad, I don
’
t really want to talk about this–
”

“
If you can
’
t talk about it, you
’
re not ready to do it–
”

“
What did I just tell you, Dad? I
told
you I
’
m not ready. I recognize that about myself. So please don
’
t make me talk about this with you. Not today. Not
any
day, really, but certainly not today.
”