Clean Slate (New Mafia Trilogy #2) (4 page)

The next two weeks flew
by quickly, which was surprising since I spent most of my days sequestered away
at the apartment complex. I’d go running on the treadmill at the gym or go
swimming. After Jason asked me for about the eightieth time to go surfing, I
was stir crazy enough to agree.
 

On the map the beaches
looked close, but factoring in the traffic, it took longer to get there than it
did from Philly to Atlantic City. I found a spot in a parking lot near the
beach Jason had arranged to meet me at. I was a few minutes late and picked up
my pace on the sand.

He was hard to spot.
The blonde surfer boy look was popular in So Cal. He waved as I approached a
small group of guys holding onto their surf boards. I saw that Jason was
supporting two. My stomach flipped in anticipation of my first surf lesson.
Jason’s face creased when he grinned.

           
“Hey Nat,” he kissed my cheek. “Guys, this is Nat.”

           
“Hi guys!” I caught several pairs of eyes taking in my
form. Chelsea had let me borrow her suit again. It didn’t hang as loose as before
since I had gained some of the weight back.

           
“You look good. I remember the last time you wore that
bathing suit,” Jason said with a wink.

           
“Shut up!” I swatted his arm which was dusted with sand.

           
“Are you ready?”

           
“Yes!”

 
Jason set the boards down side by side on the
beach. “Okay, so lay down on your stomach on this board here.” He guided me
over with his hand on the small of my back.

           
“Aren’t we supposed to go in the water first?” A ripple
of laughter came from the guys who had formed an audience around us. Jason
looked at me with his hands on his hips.

           
“And who’s the teacher here?”

           
“Right, sorry.” Following his instructions I stretched
out on the board with my toes curled on the tail and jerked when I felt
something around my ankle. I looked back to see Jason attaching a black cuff
around it.

           
“It’s a leash that will keep you connected to your board
so you don’t lose it.”

           
“How am I going to lose it, I’m stationary?” This earned
another snicker from our audience. Jason bent over laughing.

           
“It’s for when you’re in the ocean, smartass, now come
on.” He lowered himself down onto the board next to me. “The first thing you
need to master is body positioning then we’ll work on pushing up.” He
demonstrated by pushing his torso up, his arms straight and his hands gripped
the sides, or rails, of the board. His back was slightly arched so only his
knees and toes were touching the board.

I followed his lead and
my arms shook, mainly from the weakness in my healing shoulder. Determined, I
dropped down and tried again. After about the fifteenth time, Jason’s friends
got bored and went out into the surf.

           
“Am I ever going to get the hang of this?” My shoulder
ached and my knees were chaffed from the sand.

           
“It takes time and once you’re out in the waves, it’s ten
times harder.”

           
“I really thought it was going to be easier. You make it
look effortless.”

           
“You’re doing great, better than Chelsea on her first
day.”

           
“Really?”

           
“Yeah, she got so pissed off after the first half hour
that she kicked her surfboard and stormed off the beach. Derek managed to
convince her to keep trying. It was impressive. He could be a hostage negotiator.”
 
I laughed at the vision he created.

A couple of his surfer
buddies emerged from the ocean and joined us on the beach. One shook his shaggy
hair like a dog, flinging water all over me.
 
I shrieked and held my hands up, but the gesture was futile. Jason
laughed and scooped me into his arms, causing me to squeal even louder. He ran
into the waves and the salty spray washed over us. He tossed me in and I swam
backwards away from him, keeping my eyes on his every move. A shit eating grin
was plastered on his face and he splashed water at me. I retaliated with an
unrelenting barrage. Just when I was ready to declare victory he disappeared
below the surface. Seconds later I felt something bump against my legs and I
looked down to see the back of Jason’s head between them. He forced me upwards
and I rose out of the water firmly planted on his broad shoulders.

           
“You win, you win!” I yelled. He lowered himself back
under and resurfaced next to me. I splashed him and he smiled.

           
“God, I feel like I’m in high school again at the Jersey
shore.” I ducked my head backwards in the ocean to smooth my hair. When I
opened my eyes Jason was staring at me.

           
“What?”

           
“I just realized that I really don’t know anything about
you. Except you and Chelsea are best friends, went to school together and you
showed up on her doorstep after a bad break up.

           
“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

           
“Come on, we’re supposed to be friends right? I should
know your history. However, the fact that you’re so mysterious is very sexy.” I
splashed water at him again and he grabbed my hand. “Seriously, I want to know
more about you. Here’s a simple question. Did you have a job before you moved
here?”

           
“Yes. I was a cocktail waitress at a club in Philly.”

           
“See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?”

           
“No,” I lied. The very question triggered a burst of
panic in my gut.

           
“What did you study in school?”

           
“Sculpture and art history.”

           
“What do you do with a degree like that?”

           
“I could teach or set up my own studio. I was going to go
to grad school in Chicago, but,” I stopped midsentence.

           
“But?”

           
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” I turned and
started wading to shore.

           
“Nat, wait!” I could hear him following me, but I kept
going.

He caught up to me once
we were on land. I was sitting down on the surfboard, hugging my knees to my
chest. He squatted in front of me, forcing eye contact.

           
“Nat, I know you are hurting and you came here to escape.
I just want you to let me in. I hate seeing you in pain.” He cupped my cheek
and rubbed his thumb along my cheekbone. An errant tear escaped and slid down
into his palm. Damn him and damn his questions! He was stirring up a whole
smoldering pot of emotions. They were boiling over, making it difficult to keep
them in check.

           
“I can’t talk about it!” I pushed away and stood up. “I
need to go.”

           
“Where? Please, don’t run away from me.” His hand rested
on my arm, but he wasn’t preventing my departure. I let out a sigh and looked
up at his face.

           
“Jason, I enjoy hanging out with you, but there are some
questions I am not ready to answer. Okay?”
 
My voice was thick with emotion.

He regarded me in
silence and then grinned, causing his whole face to light up. “Okay, I can
handle that.”

    
      
“Why
are you so interested anyway? That panic attack the first night you met me
should have scared you away. It was obvious then that I have some issues.”

           
“I’ve always liked projects.”

I scowled at him and he
raised his hands up. “Just kidding! I don’t know. You just looked so scared and
sad. It makes me want to take care of you and make you feel better.

           
“You do. You make me forget about things, except when you
start asking questions.”

           
“I kind of figured that out.”

A gust of wind hit my
wet suit and sent a chill through me. Jason wrapped a sun-warmed towel around
my body. His arms lingered around me longer than “just friends”, but it felt
nice and I didn’t shrug him off.

I got back to the
apartment and immediately showered to remove the crusty layer of salt and sand.
When I stepped out, I caught my reflection in the mirror. My sun kissed skin
glowed and freckles dotted my nose. I looked healthy and normal on the outside,
very different from how I felt on the inside. I took a person’s life and no
matter how far removed I was from Philly, it didn’t change this fact. Jason was
too good to me and he was wasting his time trying to get closer. Yes, I left
Dominic for a fresh start, but this was impossible. My heart still belonged to
him.

These thoughts weighed
heavy on my mind and quickly soured my mood. I was allowing myself to get too
comfortable here and needed to know where I stood back East. Reluctantly, I
fired up the laptop and checked e-mail. This time I wasn’t surprised to see a
bazillion messages from Grant and Dominic. I clicked on the most recent one
from Dom. The subject line read: Please.

           
Baby, please call
me, email me or just come home. I’m worried about you and can’t describe how
much I miss you. I didn’t realize how empty my life was without you in it. You
are in danger and I need to know you are okay. Come home, we can protect you.

           
Love and Always Yours,

                       
Dom

 
Yeah right he can protect me! If that was the
case I would never have been shot in the first place or had to kill a man to
save our asses. His anguish about losing me was clear and mirrored my feelings,
but in reading between the lines something else became clear. He wanted me to
go back. “We can protect you,” meant the Mob, his family. He would never be
able to leave them. This hadn’t changed. I would be the one making a sacrifice.
Time had healed the wounds that my high school boyfriend, Toby (the cheating
bastard), inflicted upon me, so maybe there was hope that time would heal
again.

Chelsea burst through
the door, a fireball of energy. She leaped onto the futon and bounced up and
down next to me. “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!”

           
“What?”

           
“The studio is letting me go to my first movie premier!”

           
“That’s awesome!”

           
“Beyond awesome…and guess what?”

           
“I give up.” She rolled her eyes at my lack of effort.

           
“I can bring up to 3 guests and
 
you’re totally going…so are Derek and Jason.”

           
“When is it?”

           
“Next Wednesday. This is going to be fucking amazing!”
Chelsea reached into her purse and grabbed her cell. “I have to call Derek.”
She bounced down the hall to her bedroom. Her good mood was infectious and
lifted the gloom that had been hanging over my head. Yes, coming to live with
Chelsea was a good move.

The next week was full
of shopping. Chelsea dragged me all over the place in a quest for the perfect
outfits. After hitting what seemed like the fiftieth boutique, she hit the
jackpot. She turned me into Dressing Room Barbie and insisted I buy a low cut,
deep red mini dress, declaring I was hotter than most A-list actresses. The
dress covered my scar and that was all I cared about.
 

Jason and Derek picked
us up for the premiere. They had to wait a bit while we finished getting ready.
We had the bathroom door propped open and a few minutes later the distinct
smell of marijuana wafted down the hall. Chelsea peeked her head out the door
and yelled. “What are you guys doing? This is a work function for me!”

           
“Don’t worry Chels; trust me we won’t be the only high
ones there!” Derek yelled back. I could hear Jason snickering in the
background.

           
“Great, they’re going to act like complete morons.”

           
“Don’t worry, everything will be fine. Besides, with
traffic it’ll probably take an hour or more to get there. They’ll be sober by
then.”

           
“Thanks, you’re right. I’m just nervous. I want to make a
good impression.” She smiled at me. “I’m glad you’re here.”

           
“Me too. You look fantastic by the way,” I said.

Chelsea wore a
form-fitting, strapless blue dress that accented her eyes and her blonde hair
hung down in soft waves past her shoulders.

           
“You’re pretty hot yourself.”

           
“This dress isn’t too low cut?” I asked, glancing down at
the plunging neckline that revealed more of my tanned cleavage than I was
comfortable with.

           
“Nope. It’s sexy.”

The one thing I was
okay with was my hair. All the time I spent in the sun had brought out a lot of
blond highlights. With one last check in the mirror we left the bathroom. I
thought Derek’s eyes were going to pop out of his head when he saw Chelsea. He
was dressed in black dress pants and a blue button down shirt, almost the same
color as Chelsea’s dress.

           
“Babe, let’s skip the premiere and stay here,” he said
and pulled her into a deep kiss.

Jason was silently
regarding me. His bright eyes raked over my dress, lingering on my cleavage. He
too was wearing black dress pants, but a black button down shirt. His hair and
eyes stood out and I had to admit he cleaned up nice.

           
“Hi Nat,” he broke the silence.

           
“Hey.” I walked over to meet him. His eyes dropped to my
exposed legs and the black high heels I wore. His Adam’s apple bobbed and he
licked his lips.

           
“That dress is going to make it really hard for us to
just be friends,” he whispered.

           
“It isn’t too much?”

           
“Oh no, it’s perfect.” He held his arm out for me.

“Thank
you.” I rested my hand at the crook of his elbow.
 

We all walked down to
the parking lot and Jason led me towards a BMW. He held the driver’s side
passenger door open for me.

           
“This is your car?” I asked him. He was only a bartender,
how could he afford this?

           
“Yup. My dad got it for me as a college graduation gift.”

           
“Oh.” I remembered that his dad was a big shot
entertainment lawyer. “My BMW was a graduation present too.”

           
“I only think he got for it me because I agreed to go to
law school. Was yours a gift from your dad?”

           
“Um, no. My dad left when I was five. My brother got it
for me.”

           
“Nice brother. See, I’m learning more about you.” He
winked at me as he held the door open.

Jason eased the car
onto the street and we were off. I had no idea what to expect and Chelsea
chattered on nervously about anything and everything. Derek just smiled and
kept his hand on her leg. It didn’t take as long as anticipated and we were
soon pulling up in front of the theater. A valet attendant stepped up and
opened the doors. A large crowd stood behind barricades that lined the walkway
leading up to the theater. Paparazzi and media people were everywhere. We
weren’t celebrities and the disappointment was audible when we got out of the
car. Some celebrities were ahead of us and we still got caught in the barrage
of flashes and fandom.

Jason had his arm
around me and I buried my face in his shoulder. The frenzy was overwhelming and
when I saw the photographers the risk of recognition became real. I felt
another panic attack coming on and picked up the pace. Once we were safe
indoors my breathing started to slow.

           
“You okay?” Jason asked. His arm was still around me
protectively.

I nodded. “That was
crazy.”

During the movie I
replayed the entrance in my head. What if my picture was taken? What are the
chances of it appearing anywhere? This was such a bad idea. I groaned and
rested my head on Jason’s shoulder. He smelled like sunscreen and ocean, very
organic and comforting. He rested his head on top of mine and set his hand on
my knee. Jason felt very natural to me. He always had his hand at the small of
my back or on my arm. I didn’t mind his contact as he had a calming effect. If
I took things slow, maybe I could grow to like Jason as more than friends.
Maybe he could help heal my heart. With a deep breath, I slipped my fingers
between his. He lightly squeezed them without hesitation.

Our hands remained
together when we left the theatre. Chelsea raised her eyebrow at me, but kept
her mouth shut. I knew there would be questions later. Jason shielded me from
the madness outside and kept me covered until the valet brought his car around.
I wrapped my arm around his waist and pressed my face into his chest, inhaling
his scent like he was an aromatherapy candle.

Once we were all in the
car Chelsea convinced us to go to a bar. Jason drove us to Dirty, where he worked.
It was known for its dirty martinis, hence the name. Since it was still fairly
early, Dirty wasn’t at capacity yet. We found seats by the bar and a familiar
face turned around to serve us, the guy who shook his wet hair on me at the
beach.

           
“Hey Jase!”

           
“Hi Collin. Do you remember Natalie?”

           
“I do. How are you doing?”

           
“Good. I almost didn’t recognize you with a shirt on,” I
said, and Collin grinned.

   
       
“Excuse
me?” Chelsea jumped in.

           
“We met at the beach.”

           
“Oh, right.”

I hadn’t had a drink
since Philadelphia, but since this was a special occasion, I tried a signature
dirty martini. Not even halfway through it I was feeling toasty.

           
“Hi Callie.” Jason greeted an older woman who had walked
up to our group.

           
“Hey Jason, glad to see you brought some friends in.
Enjoying your night off?’

           
“I am. Do you remember Derek and Chelsea? And this is my
friend Natalie.”

           
“So you’re the infamous Natalie he keeps talking about.”
The corners of Callie’s eyes creased when she smiled at me.

           
“I guess so.”

Callie shook my hand.
“Jason hasn’t looked at another chick since he started blathering on about you.
I had to meet the woman that cast a spell on him.”

           
“I know what you mean; imagine what it’s like having to
live with the guy.” Derek interjected. We all laughed and I looked over at
Jason. He was squirming, just like when a relative reveals something personal
and embarrassing at a holiday dinner.
 

           
“Collin, make sure this round is on me,” Callie ordered.
We all thanked her and she disappeared into the kitchen.

           
“That was nice of her,” I commented.

           
“Yeah, Callie is cool. Her husband used to run the place,
but after he died she stepped in.”

           
“Her husband died? That’s so sad.”

           
“He was working here late one night and a robbery went
bad. He was shot and killed.”

           
“I didn’t know that! That’s horrible!” Chelsea said.

           
“How can she stand to still come here?” I asked. Why
didn’t she run, like I did? How can she face coming back to the scene, day
after day? I shuddered at the thought. Jason leaned in closer and rubbed the
small of my back.

           
“Frank, Callie’s husband, loved this bar. This was his
dream, so I think she’s keeping it going as a tribute to him.”

           
“There’s a lot you can tolerate when you love someone,
right Nat?” Chelsea asked.

           
“Yes, but everyone has their breaking point,” I reminded
her. Mentally I was begging her to not go there.

           
“What are you guys talking about?” Jason asked.

           
“Nat’s ex.” Chelsea volunteered.

           
“You know what, let’s stop dredging up history.” I picked
up my glass and drained the remaining liquid. “Collin, I’m feeling a little
dirty.”

He laughed and brought
us another round of drinks. “This should make you feel a lot dirty,” he said to
me, but winked at Jason.

Jason didn’t say
anything back and I swiveled in the stool to see why. He was quiet, pensive and
looking at me. I reached out and clasped his hand.

           
“Are you okay?”

           
“I just can’t figure you out and I want to know
everything about you.”

           
“Well, after a couple more of these martinis, I’ll
probably be telling you my whole life story!”

The corners of Jason’s
lips twitched. “Really? Collin, keep ‘em coming!”

As the night wore on
the older, more professional crowd transitioned to a younger one. A band set up
at the small stage and started jamming. Dirty became packed, but Jason stood
behind where I sat, creating a buffer from the crowd. I leaned my head back against
his chest and looked up at him. His eyes met mine and he held my gaze.

           
“You’re beautiful,” his hand caressed my cheek sending
goose bumps shimmying down my spine.

           
“Nat, I need to go to the bathroom.” Chelsea appeared
next to us, breaking the moment.

           
“I’m right behind you!” I left my clutch with Jason and
followed Chelsea on unsteady feet.

    
The second the door shut Chelsea whirled
around to face me.

           
“What’s going on between you two?”

           
“Nothing. We’re just friends.”

           
“No, something is different. You guys can’t stop touching
one another. If you’re going to hook up with a guy can it not be my boyfriend’s
roommate?”

           
“First of all, we already hooked up, remember? Jason is
nice, fun and I feel safe with him.”

           
“You are still dealing with Dominic; I don’t think you
should get involved with someone else too quickly. Give yourself some time.”

           
“It’s been over a month, besides Jason and I are just
friends.”

           
“You’re acting like more than friends.”

  
        
“He
keeps my dark thoughts away.” Tears started welling up in my eyes. “I feel
normal around him. He makes me forget what I’ve done.”

           
“Oh, Nat!” Chelsea pulled me into a hug.

The door popped open
and two women walked in. Seeing women hugging and crying is not an unusual
sight in a bar bathroom so they moved around us and went about their business.

           
“I checked email today. Dominic wants me to come home.
He’s not going to change; he’ll never leave his family. I would be giving up
everything to be with him.”

           
“I’m playing Devil’s Advocate here: yes you left a
dangerous situation, but your brother is accepting that life. You’re giving up
everything to be away from him too.”

           
“There really isn’t an ideal solution, is there?”

           
“Leave it to you to get in a situation like this.”
Chelsea smirked and shook her head. “You were right in leaving, but how long
can you hide? You’re going to have to come to terms with everything that went
down.”

           
“I know. Right now I’m going with what doesn’t cause me
any pain.”