Catch me! Catch me not! (5 page)

Carlo hugged his father. He was still confused as to why nobody had ever told him and yet he had never fully connected with his “Mother” . However this woman who was his aunt had not had an easy time and she had reared two children who were not hers. If nothing else she merited his respect.

Flavia
seemed to have calmed down. She swept back into the room tossing her dark hair behind her. “I am sorry Carlo you had to find out like this. I consider you my son and your sister  my daughter, even if I did not feel you do your first kick in my womb. I hope you have a fruitful and happy marriage. Marriage is not all a bed of roses believe me but if you are lucky enough to choose the right person, those moments of happiness make up for the sad moments. Your mother had three years of happiness. I had thirty years of marriage.”

Those words would come back to her later, three years of happiness and thirty of marriage.

Confucius

Wheresoever
you go, go with all your heart.

6 months later.....

The sun shone outside, the deep blue skies promising a warm day for their wedding. Emma and Georgina woke up early with butterflies in their stomachs. They had decided to share their wedding and then they would be keeping their flat in London when they moved pro temps to Italy before they were going to be posted to Singapore. They were both thankful that they had each other for the first few months being married and starting a new life and new job. Georgina’s company had loved the documentary they had made so there would be more work for both of them but it was not permanent and they would have to find something they could do abroad. The thought of becoming teachers filled them with dread. However all that could sort itself out later, for now they had their wedding.

They decided to do each other’s makeup and let the hairdresser do their hair. They dressed in towelling robes and put on thick face masks listening to quiet music. They laughed as they tried to picture their future husband’s faces if they saw them with cucumbers on their eyes and the avocado face mask thickly layered on their faces!

Ah! But one has to suffer to be beautiful. Emma’s dress was ivory, calm and honest. The beautiful antique lace veil would ward off the evil spirits who may be jealous of her  beauty! Carlo informed her the custom originated in Rome to ward off the evil spirits who were jealous of her happiness...there were a few! She wore her family tiara. 

Georgina’s dress was
Italian, ivory with an antique lace from Cantù  bodice and sleeves, She wore peach roses in her hair instead of a tiara, The something old they had both chosen lace, something new were their lingerie! The something borrowed they each lent one another ear rings, Something blue was a garter.

“I am so nervous!”  Emma confessed.

“Sweetie, I am so glad we are doing this together!! I don’t know if I would have the courage to do this on my own!! We will laugh about it in a few years time when we have loads of bambini to look after!”

The thought of having Carlo’s children filled Emma with joy, she would be far away from her family, but she would have someone to cuddle! They would have his liquorice eyes and dimpled smile!

“Hey wake up....the photographer has arrived, we need our photos taken!!”

“I was just thinking of liquorice eyes!”

Emma’s cheeks ached by the end of the day from smiling so much she ached. She could not remember much of the day except the feeling of pure, unadulterated happiness. Oh god, she was married to Carlo, they would be so happy together and have hundreds of children!!

One thing she could never forget was the look of love that radiated from Carlo as they said their vows. She felt like a princess. It was moving to make the vows beside Fabio and Georgina too as they made theirs. Whatever happened in the future
Emaa considered herself  blessed as few people could know such love and such pure happiness...she thanked the authorities above for her happiness and for finding such a wonderful man...she was the luckiest woman in the world!

Carlo had not told her yet where they were going on their honeymoon or their first night.
He had hinted that she needed to bring beach clothes and one or two elegant clothes. The mere thought of  discovering ways to please her new husband filled Emma with wicked joy! She glanced down at her wedding ring engraved with their initials and  “To the girl I love”. They had left the reception and were being driven to their “first-night” destination in Eastbourne. The next day they were going to leave from London. He would only say she needed summer clothes and brief bikinis!! The thought of two weeks just for them before they started their new life together seemed like paradise in itself...Oh life is so wonderful when you are in love!!

Carlo looked at Emma under his long lashes...trying to believe that this is the woman he would spend the rest of his life with, she would be the mother of their children ... I am indeed a lucky man! He tried to remember the words of the vows he had repeated earlier in the church, cherish...yes that was the word he had used, it seemed impossible that he would do anything other than cherish her!
He had chosen their honeymoon destination with great care, they were going to the Four Seasons hotel in Bora Bora and he intended to spoil her rotten! They would have their breakfast delivered by canoe the first morning! They would go for a sunset cruise and have romantic dinners in their over water villa, they had the rest of the time to enjoy the paradise resort. He wanted his honeymoon to be something they would remember forever. No financial worries, no messy politicians, no mundane chores...just a perfect setting to love and yes cherish his new wife.

Carlo looked down at her hand encased in his, the platinum ring on her left hand showed the world she was his. He sighed, life was truly fantastic.

“What are you thinking of? You look engrossed in your thoughts!| I for one would like to try the Jacuzzi with you! They have put fruit and champagne in the room let’s make a toast to us! Never go to bed with bad feelings! Always talk about misgivings and always be honest!”

Carlo laughed, “Silly we will never argue! Come on let’s sip some champagne in the Jacuzzi and discover what it is like to be married..”

Emma rushed over to him and kissed him on his forehead, “I love you so much Carlo”

Carlo grabbed her and pulled her towards him, claiming her lips in desperate need, he felt his trousers tighten as he traced frantic kisses down her neck to her breast taking her nipples into his mouth and sucking, nibbling, wanting...he removed her clothing as she dealt with his...oh joy they no longer needed a condom! He would be able to feel the warm wet folds of her body around him with no barrier, who cares if they had a honeymoon baby! Selfishly, he hoped that this would not be the case, he wanted his wife to himself for a while, from what he had seen from all his married friends as soon as the children arrived the wife was like a milking cow and tired and grumpy from lack of sleep! Yes, children could wait!

“Carlo, I want to make love to you in the Jacuzzi, I want to feel the weightless water as we make love, I want to remember this night forever, the first time we are together with no barrier and just us...united in love and joy and so much happiness, I adore you!”

They spent the next hour discovering ways of making love in a Jacuzzi and sipping champagne at intervals! The first time Emma felt Carlo inside her she cried out...the feel of him with no barrier between them was exquisite, so this is why people get married!!

Emma laughed looking at her hands “My fingers are like prunes! We should get out besides I am starving! I am also feeling quite light headed I don’t know it this is your fault or that I haven’t eaten too much today and the champagne has gone to my head!”

Carlo reluctantly got out of the Jacuzzi and wrapped them both in soft white towels. He hugged her, not wanting to lose sight of her. “Emma, can I dry your hair for you? I want to feel it through my fingers. I don’t want you to be far from me tonight....do you think we can have room service? I don’t want to share you anymore! Heavens we even shared our wedding with those two!”

“I would prefer to eat in the room too...I don’t feel like dressing up or being in a crowded room, let’s enjoy the privacy of this beautiful room. Let’s enjoy each other! After tonight we may not be having
just each other for very long!”

Carlo phoned down to reception ordering a light feast for them both. They would need the energy for their nocturnal activities! He closed his eyes briefly imagining what they would do, his groin leapt to life again. Would this need, this hunger, this love ever end?

                                          ****    ****    ****    ****

They lay wrapped together letting the warm sea water lap over them, this was indeed paradise.  The other guests seemed to melt into the background. Only the two of them existed, the sun caressed their deeply tanned bodies, Bora
Bora...Emma giggled as she remembered her reaction at the airport, stunned! She prayed Fabio had not had the same idea to go there with Georgina...this was their time, to discover each other.

“Why are you giggling, amore
della mia vita?”

“I was just remembering  how surprised I was at the airport and hoping that Fabio had not had the same idea!! A honeymoon is for husband and wife not even your most special friends!”

“I agree...I feel the luckiest man in the world and I seem to love you more each day and each morning I wake up thinking it is impossible to love you more instead the next morning I love you more than the previous one! In Italian we would say oggi ti amo più che ieri e meno di domani, I think you say in English, that today I love you more than yesterday and less than tomorrow!”

“Oh! Carlo I love you so much, som
etimes my heart wants to burst! I am so frightened that this feeling will burst one day!”

“Emma, my love, nothing can diminish the love I feel for you or the memory of this wonderful time together...now all we need for completion is a little baby Emma!”

“No a little baby Carlo!”

Emma sat with Georgina in Newton Circus Hawker stall eating the most wonderful huge and succulent lobster she had ever eaten catching up with her friend. Georgina was glowing and she had a secret faraway look about her, Emma was sure she would announce the good news.

“Emma, Fabio and I are expecting a baby, it is early days yet. We are so happy. I hope when the time comes you will be its godmother.
”

“I would love that very much indeed. I cannot think of anything more wonderful, except of course when I ask you to be a godmother for our first child!”

The expats in Singapore were all with children and all older. Life as a new bride was very lonely, she thanked god that Georgina was with her and that they were discovering Singapore together. Carlo worked late and they rarely saw each other until the evening.  They had supper together, but he was often tired and unused to the humid heat.

Emma would never say it to anyone, but she was lonely and missed working. She wrote articles and was doing a TEFL course to teach English as a foreign language, but her heart was not in it. Carlo often came home and collapsed in bed and shot off to work the next day, leaving Emma with a very efficient Philippine maid. Days were literally filled in my doing courses, sightseeing and writing her articles and
teaching Ayurveda remedies to expats and counting the days until the weekend came and she would once again enjoy Carlo’s tender lovemaking and they would go off with their motorboat for the weekend, swimming, water skiing and enjoying BBQ’s on the beach of some deserted island.

I wish I had someone little to cuddle, although it was early days yet every month that passed was a blatant reminder, there was no little Carlo and no little Emma. She tried to be really happy for her closest friends but it was difficult not to feel a little jealous. Singapore was heaven for young mothers there was so much to do with little children and so much help at home. I feel like a barren failure, Carlo doesn’t even look at me the way he used to, although perhaps that was because he was working very hard and was exhausted. Somehow, she had imagined married life different from this lonely limbo waiting for the weekends and being bored. She did yoga and meditation every day, she counted the hours until the time Carlo would come home and she could
share some of his day with him, if he didn’t collapse beforehand.

Georgina broke into her thoughts, touching her arm and turning her round to face her

“Emma, are you ok? You look far away!”

“Sorry, Georgina, I was just thinking about how different life is from what I expected it to be here. I knew I would miss my work and I love it when we can work together on the filming, especially when we got sent to Malaysia, but I find this filling in the days until Carlo comes home...well draining. I love Singapore, I love Malaysia, I love Asia and I am so thankful we are here together for the moment at least, I just find this aimless life punctuated by boring bank dinners difficult to digest. I see more of you than I do of my own husband!”

“Well, that is normal since he is at work all day and seems to do very long hours. It is more than that though Emma, what is it?”

“I don’t know Georgina…he seems to be avoiding me! I hate it when I have to have housekeeping money since I have no work permit….”

“Emma, you knew that when we were here we would not be able to work and that your role here would be to be the perfect wife and have a perfect home for entertaining, look good and be welcoming, it is a small price to pay for the love Carlo gives you and you can see it in his eyes…he adores you!”

“I hope you are right, perhaps I am just tired!”

Georgina laughed and urged Emma to finish her supper, today both men were out on a business supper which did not include wives.

“Let’s hit the town honey! Then you can come round to my place and we can plan your birthday party! We could also plan our girls weekend away! I have to see the doctor first to make sure it is ok with my pregnancy but I am sure it will be ok.
I feel great! No morning sickness! Although durians and black bean sauce make my stomach curdle!”

Emma laughed, “Sweetie they make my stomach curdle too! Don’t you have to be careful not to eat fresh seafood when you are pregnant?”

“I can’t give up one of the most wonderful things about Singapore!”

“I would like to go for a swim afterwards it is such a lovely evening and for once it is not raining…I thought it rained a lot in the UK I was so very wrong!”

                                          ***   *** *** ***

Emma looked at the offending object in Carlo’s suitcase unable to digest what it meant, he was unfaithful. Should she be grateful that he had used a condom or should she be offended that he thought so little of  her that he hadn’t even bothered to check his suitcase.

Taking the offending object with a pair of tweezers she went into the bathroom and quietly showed Carlo her findings.

“Please don’t offend me by telling me this is not yours as you know full well that I don’t use these. Just don’t lie to me Carlo. Tell me why?” 

Carlo looked up at her hurt, devastated expression. What could he tell her? He was drunk and it just happened? It was true he had got tipsy and it had happened. He had
been unfaithful. It was just lately after the visit to the doctor...well sex had become mechanical to have a baby and the baby did not come. He could not tell her that he didn’t care anymore about having children, he wanted that abandoned lovemaking they enjoyed before. He wanted his wife. The evening with the woman had not been mind-blowing. The worse thing was that she was so calm. No shouting. No tears just raw undiluted hurt.

He took a deep breath. He counted to ten closing his eyes and hoping he had not just lost the most important person in his life. What he said now would determine their future together. Do I lie? No she knows me well enough. Do I edit what I feel? No she had the right to listen to the truth.

“Emma, it was a mistake. It has been one night only and it was a big mistake. I did it because lately I feel like a sex machine and we only make love when it is the right time of the month. I miss those carefree days when we were discovering each other. I don’t feel like a man with you anymore just a prospective father…and it is not happening. Every month  you get more and more depressed. You are even finding it difficult to be happy for Georgina and Fabio. I am so very sorry. You should not have found out this way. I am so very sorry. I will abide with whatever decision you make.”

“Carlo. I am going to go home for a while. I think we should have a pause from each other. I am going to decide whether the separation should be permanent or temporary. If  this happens again in my absence then you can consider this a permanent
arrangement and you will hear from a lawyer. I will be coming there for the baptism of  Georgina’s child as I am to be a godmother. You will make sure you pay for my flights and I do not want any woman living with you here in this house. Betty will look after you she is more than capable. I am going to tell Georgina that I am going home for a while. I will decide whether the reason is relevant or not. We can Skype when I feel more able to face the situation. Thank you for using this and thank you for not lying to me. I am sorry if I am deficient in our lovemaking because for me it was lovemaking. I am going to make the arrangements to leave now. Good bye”

Emma dropped the offending object into the bath with the tweezers. She turned and left the bathroom.
First she went to Betty and told her that she would be looking after Sir and Madam was leaving. Then she phoned Georgina and told her she was going home for a spell and she would be back for the christening. She packed her belongings and booked her flight. Numb.

Hurt.

Empty.

Betrayed.

No tears.

Numb

Strangely no anger came. If this was love it was very strange indeed. She felt nothing. No anger came to her rescue just a heavy feeling of immense sadness. The one man she loved more than any other thing in the world had just cheated on her. Dear heavens, here she was not even twenty six and she had a failed marriage behind her in less than two years. Her best friend was about to pop any moment now and she was leaving her.

Carlo followed her into the bedroom. He cleared his throat and tried to persuade her to think again.

“Emma, my love we can sort this out”

“Don’t you dare call me your love!”

“Emma, we can get through this together. I am so sorry!”

“Carlo, don’t touch me and don’t say anything. You have done enough.
I wish only that I could have been here for Georgina. I am all she has except for her kind, gentle respectful husband. Please leave me alone to decide what I am going to leave and what I am going to take. Go!”

Carlo realized that now was not the time to try and persuade her to listen to him. Perhaps a few weeks apart would refresh the stalemate they had found themselves in. Cristo, he had been so stupid. He was going to lose the most precious thing in his life and all because of a few drinks too many.  Santo
cielo, but she looked beautiful! That long wavy strawberry blond hair, streaked with gold and copper highlights. Those eyes which changed colour with her mood  were now grey blue brilliant grey blue...her pink lips pursing together so as not to tremble, what have I done?  How had it happened? What had he thrown away?