Blown Away (21 page)

“Jimmy.”

Christ, he felt like he was dealing with the situation with Barbara all over again. Barbara had been just as involved in her work as Merri. Sure, Barbara had had other issues to deal with as well but—

“Jimmy. You’re gonna stroke out.” Mal spoke loudly enough that he could hear but too softly for Merri to catch. “Chill.”

“Not sure that’s possible. It’s been kind of an intense couple of days.”

“Yeah, I get that. But you had to know she’d eventually get called back. I didn’t think it’d be this soon but I don’t think …”

“Don’t think what?”

Mal shrugged. “She doesn’t want to go. That’s something I never thought I’d see. And that’s because of you.”

Could it be true? Did she really not want to leave him? Or was that just wishful thinking on his part?

“I can’t tell her to stay.” Jimmy shook his head. “She loves that damn job.”

“Yeah, she does. And she’s one of the best at what she does. But there’s more than one way to skin a cat.”

Jimmy stared at the door to his bedroom, which she’d closed behind her. “That saying has never made any damn sense, you know that, right?”

Mal sighed. “You wanna argue semantics or you wanna figure out what to do about Merri?”

“There’s nothing to do. She’s going back.”

“Yeah. To Washington. Jim, think about it. She’s not going to the other side of the planet.”

True. But—

The door to his bedroom opened and Merri emerged. She still had on his shirt but she’d pulled on jeans as well. Her eyes looked a little red but she wore a resigned expression.

“There’s been an incident. I’ve been recalled. There’s a car on its way to pick me up. It’ll be here in ten minutes. Probably less.”

“Then I’ll make myself scarce.” Mal shook Jimmy’s hand, gave Merri a hug, then disappeared out the door.

Merri had her bottom lip between her teeth, worrying it until he was sure she’d break the skin. With her hands shoved in her pockets, she looked like a child about to throw a tantrum but she wasn’t angry. He felt tension rolling off her in waves.

And he realized she felt just as torn about going back as he did.

Which made him feel better, perversely.

“Do you have your bag packed?”

She shrugged, her gaze glued to the floor now. “I never unpacked it.”

“Then I guess you’re ready to go.”

“What if I don’t want to go?”

Hell, it was exactly what he’d wanted to hear, but he knew she couldn’t stay.

Sex fucked with your common sense, made you believe things you’d otherwise know weren’t right. If he’d learned anything from his previous relationship with Barbara, it was that, when the sex had flamed out, you were left with a hell of a lot of regrets.

“You know you can’t stay. You need to go back. It’s been fun but—”

Her head shot up. “Fun. That’s all this has been for you?”

No. Hell, no. But if he told her that, she’d stay. And when the sexual fog cleared, she’d resent him. Been there, done that. Never wanted to get on that roller coaster again.

“Merri.” He forced a smile. “Of course it’s been fun. And I like you. But we both know you can’t stay.”

She blinked and he knew if she started to cry, he was finished. He’d beg her to stay, her work be damned.

Her mouth tightened and her back straightened, and Jimmy prepared to be blasted.

Then she just…didn’t. “I like you too, Jimmy.”

Wait. That was it?

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Of course I am. This was all just a little playtime, right? No harm, no foul.”

Fuck no. At least not for him. “I wasn’t just playing with you, Merri. I…” Love you. Should he actually say the words? He knew he’d mean them. Knew what he felt for her wasn’t just the rush of good sex. He’d been around his parents long enough to know what love really was.

But maybe he’d been wrong about her? Maybe she didn’t feel the same and this was all one-sided. His side.

“You what?”

Was that hope in her voice?

Hell, this was stupid. She needed to leave.

“I think you better get your bag. Your ride just pulled up out front.”

Now she did look frustrated. And a little heartsick.

“Jimmy—”

“Merri, you gotta go.”

The look on her face would have been enough to make him break down in tears if it hadn’t been for the fact that he knew he was doing the right thing.

Silence fell for several seconds as he waited for her to say something, anything.

He’d resigned himself to the fact that she didn’t have anything to say when she closed the few feet between them by throwing herself at him. She tightened her arms around his waist until he thought she’d do permanent damage. But he didn’t flinch. He hugged her back, just not as tight. He didn’t want to hurt her.

“Thanks for everything, Jimmy. I really appreciate it.”

Her words, whispered against his chest, sounded a hell of a lot like goodbye.

And as much as he didn’t want that, now wasn’t the time to screw with her head.

He understood the job she performed was vital to national security. She was
that
good. And if her boss had called her in after telling her to take some time off, Jimmy knew whatever she was going back for was bad.

She’d need every bit of her considerable concentration.

So when she pulled away, he didn’t tell her not to go, didn’t get pissed off that she couldn’t tell him why she was leaving.

Instead, he bent and kissed her, putting every ounce of his feelings for her into it.

He heard her breath hitch just before she returned the kiss with enough heat to fry his brains.

Then she pulled away and walked out the door.

* * * * *

Two weeks later

“Son-of-a-bitch. That fucking hurt.”

“Jesus, Jimmy. Did you really blow yourself up again? I thought you got rid of that compound.”

Shit
.

Jimmy opened his eyes to see Janey on her knees next to him on the floor of his lab. She looked scared and that was never good.

He sat up, feeling his back protest with an ominous creak. Okay, that
really
hurt.

He had to get his crap together or he was going to do some serious damage to himself.

“No, I didn’t blow myself up.” At least he didn’t think he had. He looked down to make sure nothing was burning. “I shocked myself and then I slipped. When I fell, I think I hit my head.”

Janey shook her head, her expression one he knew well…exasperation and resignation. “Jimmy.”

Yeah, yeah, he knew what she was going to say so he held up one hand before she could get herself worked up.

“I know, I know, all right? You don’t have to say it.”

Gaze narrowed, she poked a finger at his chest. “Tough, because I’m gonna say it anyway. Stop freaking moping around and call her. You’re starting to make me crazy and you’re seriously going to hurt yourself because your mind’s not focused on what you’re doing.”

He knew that. He also knew why he hadn’t called her yet.

“I don’t want to interrupt her, okay? She’s got something major going on and I don’t want to get in her way. Maybe I’m trying to be understanding. If she was finished with whatever she’s working on, she would’ve called.”

“Why? Because you told her to before she left?”

Janey gave him that look, the one that reminded him so much of their mom, it was scary. He actually had to fight the urge to squirm, which was totally ridiculous.

When he didn’t answer, Janey continued on. “Maybe she’s waiting for you to call her. Have you thought of that?”

Yes, actually he had, but he wasn’t about to lie here feeling like a second grader with his hand caught in the candy jar. He got to his feet, thankful nothing felt broken, and he didn’t see sparks of light in his eyes. He gave his sister’s braid a tug on the way up.

“Right now, I’m thinking you should go back upstairs so I can continue what I was doing. I’m fine, Jane. Honestly.”

She glared at him before rising to her feet and poking him in the chest again.

“I know you have a thick head, Jimmy, but don’t make me think you’re stupid. Call her. Tell her how you feel.”

Towering over his sister, he glared down at her. “And how exactly do I feel? Why stop now, Jane. You’re on a roll.”

His sister still managed to look down her nose at him. “You like her. You want her. You may actually love her. Tell her. Things have a way of working themselves out.”

She left before he could think of some great response, and by the end of the day, he still hadn’t. But he’d thought about what Janey had said for the rest of the day.

It wasn’t really a surprise that she’d noticed how he felt about Merri. Everybody probably had. He was kind of surprised his mom hadn’t said anything before his sister.

He’d never admit it to anyone else, but yeah, he’d been moping since Merri had left.

He’d wanted her to call him. Wanted her to
want
to talk to him.

But, as usual, Janey was right. He hadn’t said a damn thing about contacting him again before she’d left.

Maybe he was an idiot.

Putting away his toys, he headed up to his brother’s office.

Who wasn’t there.

“Shit.”

“Problem, Jimmy?”

Double shit. He turned to see his mom standing behind him in the hall. “Hey, Mom. No, no problem. But what are you doing creeping around? You scared the hell out of me.”

Grace gave him a look he’d learned to rightly fear. “Apparently you nearly electrocuted yourself a little earlier.”

Shit, shit, shit
. “Janey tattled on me, huh?”

“Your sister thought I might want to know since you are still my child and we both know you’re been having a rough time lately.”

His mom lifted one eyebrow at him and he felt like that second-grader again. With a sigh, he leaned back against the wall. “Am I that obvious?”

“Sweetheart,” Grace lifted one slim hand to brush against his cheek, “actually, yes. Nic has always been able to hide his emotions. You never could.”

His mom paused, expression pensive, as if she wasn’t sure what to say next. And that never happened.

Finally, she sighed. “What happened to Barbara was never your fault, Jimmy. You know that, don’t you? She was ill. It was not your job to be her keeper.”

Did he know that? “Yeah. Intellectually. I guess.”

Emotionally... Well, that was a little harder get over. He’d told Barbara he loved her. He’d wanted to marry her, even though he knew she had issues.