Bloody Acquisitions (Fred Book 3) (30 page)

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Authors: Drew Hayes

Tags: #undeath and taxes, #fred the vampire, #Vampires, #paranormal, #the utterly uninteresting and unadventurous tales of fred the vampire accountant, #vampire humor, #paranormal satire, #vampire satire

BOOK: Bloody Acquisitions (Fred Book 3)
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“I thought you’d have cleared that out by now.” I nodded to the massive remains of his cage, as if he didn’t know what I was talking about already.

Setting down his crayon, Gideon looked up from the coloring book with a stare meant to scrutinize. It was unsettling to see on a child’s face, though I was slowly getting used to that effect when dealing with Gideon. It beat his aura any day of the year.

“Interesting.” Slowly, Gideon hopped off the chair, raised to its highest so he could see over the desk, and approached me. Every step was tentative, as if he thought I might bolt should he move too fast. Eventually, he got within a few feet, close enough that I could reach out and rumple his hair, were I so suicidally inclined. “This has already proven to be a fascinating meeting. I wasn’t sure you’d be able to withstand my aura anymore.”

“Why wouldn’t I? You gave me your blood,” I reminded him.

“Indeed, and far more than a drop on that night.” He gestured absentmindedly to the cage’s remains, never taking his eyes off me. “But from the reports I received, all that power had been used up, burned through in my escape. The effects of such gifts are temporary, as you must know by now. Even the drop I gave you would never have lasted so long, were you the sort to actually use your abilities. When the draconic power in your veins is tapped out, so too should go your immunity to my aura. Yet here you stand, unbothered by my presence.”

“I do still find you very intimidating,” I said, not sure if I was trying to reassure Gideon that I was still meek and cowardly or that he had more than enough mojo to be terrifying.

“That is because you are a being of logic,” Gideon replied. “Of course you fear what is stronger. Nonetheless, this makes for a fascinating study. Never has a blood-eater tasted so much of a dragon before—at least, not a dragon of my power—nor have they been used to wield their magic. It seems there are some lingering aftereffects, aside from just the ability to dine with proper silver.”

“You knew about that?”

Gideon turned and walked back to his desk, motioning for me to follow. “You saved me that night, Fred. Not my life, no, but certainly my pride. And, more importantly, perhaps you even aided Sally by freeing me. True, I am not the kindest or most cuddly of creatures in the world, yet even I see fit to look in on those who have done me a good turn. I even agree to take their meetings, if I’m curious enough.”

“And I appreciate that,” I said, taking a seat in one of the open chairs in front of the desk. Again, my gaze slipped to the cage, and I could see Gideon’s violet eyes tracking my own.

“I keep it here to remind anyone I meet with how futile it is to try and go against me,” Gideon said, offering the explanation to my opening question. “Almost none know of your part in my escape that night, which makes it all the easier to build my reputation. Defeating another elder dragon’s carefully constructed trap is no small feat, and the name of Gideon has only grown more feared since I accomplished it.”

“Do you really need intimidation tactics? I mean . . . you’re
you
.” That was, sadly, the best way I could think to phrase my thoughts in the moment. I didn’t want to fall over myself and gush; besides, we both knew I’d seen how deep his well of power went. The idea of using intimidation tricks felt like ridiculous overkill.

“Strong as I am, there are others out there who are my equal, if not my better,” Gideon said. “Though these methods are not for them. Should we ever clash, the very landscape of the Earth would be changed, which is why we all tend to avoid each other as much as possible. No, I keep it here for the smaller threats, the nuisances. So many that would waste my time and their lives never do, simply because I show them the futility of such actions. Power is useful, Fred, never doubt that, but far more useful is the perception of power. I’ve lived a very long time, and I can say with certainty that the easiest fights to win are those that never start.”

Since Gideon had just offered me the perfect segue, I hurriedly leapt for it, determined to make the most of my time with him. Curiosity had gotten me in the door; there was no telling how long it would keep me there.

“It’s interesting that you bring that up, because I asked to meet you for essentially that purpose. I’m sure you know about the arrival of the House of Turva in Winslow—”

Gideon’s mouth pinched into a visible sneer, so I raced forward before he could cut me off.

“—and they’ve become interested in me as either a subject or a rival. Since I’m an abandoned vampire, there are many ways for them to come at me through the treaties, so I thought it would be worthwhile to look into joining a clan of my own. But no one knows a lot about them and their inner workings, except perhaps you, so I came here seeking counsel about what you knew of the various clans.”

The sneer had faded as I got further along, turning back to the same scrutinizing expression I’d seen when first walking in. He was searching me for something; though, what it was, I had no idea.

“Fred, do you believe that you and I are equal?”

“Absolutely not, sir.” My eyes widened, and I momentarily faced the very serious possibility that this might be my last few seconds of life, undead or otherwise. Offending a dragon like Gideon was not the sort of thing many lived to tell about. “I am keenly aware of how much more powerful and important you are, and I’m so sorry for wasting your time with my request. It was a move of pure desperation, and—”

“I think, perhaps, that something was lost in translation here.” Gideon was still calm, which wasn’t as reassuring as it should have been. I had no doubt he could kill me without any emotional fluctuation whatsoever; the only thing I’d ever seen rile Gideon up was Sally’s safety being threatened. But he also hadn’t made any aggressive movements, and that was somewhat more heartening. “What I mean is, do you believe we are equal for the turn you did for me in this very room? That my debt to you is paid in full?”

“Oh . . . then yes, I do. Our bargain was fulfilled. You asked for freedom, and I asked you to save my friends. We both honored the agreement, so I didn’t think there was any debt between us.”

Gideon’s eyes, for the first time since I’d met him, fell a few inches toward the ground, almost like he was a bit embarrassed by something. “You are incorrect, both on what I swore and on the topic of our equality. Though I accepted it in the heat of the moment due to limited time, the truth is that, that deal was not a fair one. I asked more than I gave, and while dracolings may take pleasure in such slights, we dragons hold ourselves to a higher code. Stealing, pillaging, ransacking, all of that is fair game, but in our bargains, we always seek to find equilibrium. There is still some debt between us, Fred, and that is the real reason why I took your meeting. I despise inequality, and I would like to remedy it as quickly as possible. So then, would you like me to take care of your problem?”

“That’s why I came here,” I said, no doubt visibly relieved. Gideon wanted to pay me back and I wanted to pump him for information, so this would work great for both of us.

“No, you came here for a temporary measure that would only incur more trouble for you. I’m not offering to tell you about the blood-eater clans. I’m offering to solve your problem. These creatures stepped foot in my town, and no doubt, they are scheming all manner of mischief. It will be little more than a slap on the wrist for me if I wipe them out.”

And that was when I finally realized what Gideon was actually offering. He would purge the entire House of Turva, kill every last one of them, just because he felt some debt to me. That was possibly the most terrifying prospect I’d ever heard, all the more so because I knew too well just how easily Gideon could do it. One word from me and by the morning sunrise, there would be no issues. No House of Turva. Likely, no other vampires would come to Winslow for a century or so after such a display. And, ashamed as I am to admit it, there was a fleeting moment where I wanted to let him do it. Take away all the fear, and worry, and stress these invaders had caused. Mercifully, it lasted no longer than a moment before reality came crashing back in. Even if I believed that this would really be the end of it—which I didn’t—the guilt I’d feel over all those lives would utterly dwarf whatever issue I was dealing with currently.

“I’m grateful for the offer, really I am, but I think that might be a touch extreme. I’m sure the House of Turva has plenty of good people in it who don’t deserve to die just because I was scared. Besides, there are only so many vampire clans, right? The Agency is bound to be a little miffed if you wipe one off the map,” I said.

“It would get replaced eventually; every half-century or so, one ballsy blood-eater founds a new clan that actually manages to stick around. But it is not my place to dictate how I repay my debt,” Gideon said. “If information is what you want, then I’ll give it. Just know that this does not fully settle things between us. Perhaps you’d care for another few drops of blood?”

“Thanks, but no thanks. Your power is way too potent for me to handle. I kept snapping things in half for a week last time I got a drop.” I hadn’t meant it as a joke, but I caught site of Gideon snickering anyway.

“Very well, then just information for now. Though I doubt it will give you what you need, I shall tell you all I can remember of the various blood-eater clans dotting this county’s landscape,” Gideon said.

I yanked out a pen and pad of paper from my briefcase as Gideon started talking, jotting down every detail I could as quickly as he laid them out. There would be more questions later, when I knew enough to have an idea of what to ask about, but for the moment, I was content with simply absorbing a small bit of the ancient dragon’s expansive memory.

 

 

4.

 

“Twenty-eight active vampire clans in America, four of which were founded after the actual creation of the country and treaties. Of those, twelve have some pretty repugnant ideas about humanity as a whole and are kept in check only by the laws, which rules them out right off the bat. Two are pro human and vampire relations, but have a lot of bad history with therians. Three are openly about vampire superiority over other parahumans. And the other eleven are either too secretive or small to make waves in any direction, though there’s always a bit of scuttlebutt around them.”

I finished running down the list, pages of more detailed notes summarized into these simple bullet points. I’d spent all night and halfway through the morning talking to Gideon, cooped up in that windowless office as he went through exhaustive explanations of every vampire clan he could remember. It had been a disheartening affair, yet I pressed on regardless, sure that it would be the next clan he mentioned that would finally fit my needs. Eventually, he ran out of things to share, and I had Krystal come pick me up, since her truck was fitted with enchanted windows to block out the sunshine. Back at Charlotte Manor, I’d taken a big meal and spent hours reviewing the notes, looking for something, anything that I’d managed to miss.

“To be fair to all the respective houses of vampires out there, it looks like the core of Gideon’s knowledge came from when the treaties were being drawn up, and that was over two hundred years ago,” Krystal said. “There were a lot of unpopular opinions held by humans back then too, which have changed with the times. I’m sure some of these have grown at least a little.”

“Enough to where it’s safe to petition them for membership?” I asked.

“Oh
hell
no, are you kidding me? Jumping in bed with a clan you know next to nothing about is freaking crazy. Even if they’d make room in the quota for you.” Krystal, unlike me, was still eating, having decided that since she might be leaving Charlotte for some time, it was a good excuse to avail herself of as much cooking as possible. Currently, she was working on a half-devoured piece of chocolate pie, though I had no doubt it would fully vanish within the next few minutes.

“Right, the quota. You and Arch mentioned that last night. What’s the deal with quotas?” Even as I asked, I remembered another term they’d used, one which stuck in my head. “And for that matter, what does ‘conversion rate issue’ mean?”

Krystal set the fork she had partially raised to the side of her plate, my first clue that I’d touched on something more serious than I realized. “Quotas are straightforward. The treaty limits how many vampires a clan is allowed to have at any given time. This is based mostly on how long a clan has existed, though it does cap out at a certain point. It’s part of how we ensure that the need for blood never outpaces the supply. Conversion rate . . . well, that’s the reason vampires didn’t manage to take over the world before the treaties. The truth is, being turned into a vampire is far from a foolproof thing. Of the humans that vampires attempt to turn, a shockingly small amount actually make it over.”

“Do I want to know?”

“Since actually testing it clinically would require killing a lot of people, the Agency has never done formal research, but based on what we’ve learned from the older clans, our best guesses put it at a little less than one in every ten,” Krystal told me. “No one knows what makes the difference; it goes across all genetic markers that we can find, and seems to hit male and female equally. Just a lottery that gets played with someone’s life on the line.”

“Wait . . . that can’t be accurate.” Already my memory was whirling, back to when Lillian had told us a small bit of her history with the House of Turva. “Lillian said she was turned just to seduce some politician. Why would they do that if there was a good chance she’d die?”

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