Beyond Eighteen (6 page)

“
Feel that?” she
asked.

“
Yeah,” I answered,
swallowing the rush of saliva that built in my mouth.

“
What if I told you that
I’m scared?” she whispered.

Suddenly my mouth went dry
and it felt like a huge truck crashed through my head.
What?

“
Scared?” I
posed.

“
Yeah,” she
murmured.

“
Of what?”

Wilson looked out at the frozen,
snow-blanketed wilderness.

“
Are you scared of being
with me?” I asked softly as I reached over and tucked her hair
behind her ear.

“
No,” she answered
delicately.

“
Then what is
it?”

“…
I’m scared of seeing
your mom.” Her voice cracked.

I felt like the biggest asshole ever. Here I
was, trying to find a way to be alone with her, and she was all
caught up in her head about seeing my mom. Of course she wasn’t
scared to be with me. I pulled off to the side of the road. Man,
she could switch gears so quickly. I ran my hands up the steering
wheel and lowered my head. I had to come up with the right words
that wouldn’t terrify her or make her feel bad for leaving. It tore
me up that she was scared to come home with me.

“
Don’t be afraid.” I
looked over at her small frame cradled in the seat. She looked so
vulnerable.

“
I can’t help it. If I was
in her shoes, I wouldn’t forgive me for lying or leaving you in the
worst time of your life.” Her words were strained as she held back
from crying and rubbed the heels of her hands across her
eyes.

“
Well, then, thank God
you’re not in her shoes,” I said as I held her hands. “Wilson, she
knows I was coming for you. She’s fallen in love with you just like
I have. You can’t see that? It’s just my family at the house. She
wants you there with us. She’ll be so happy to see you come back
with me…I promise.”

Wilson’s clear blue eyes clouded with tears.
She struggled to keep her breathing from speeding as she rolled the
corner of her lip between her teeth over and over again in her
attempt to stop from crying. She crumbled right in front of me as
she pulled her knees up into her chest.

How do I protect her? How can I convince her
that she’s the only one who could’ve rescued me from such a dark
place in my life? I don’t think she’ll ever fully understand what
she has done for me.

“
Hey, shhhh, come on,
don’t cry,” I crooned as I rubbed her knee. I lowered my head and
leaned across the center console, trying to catch her stare, hoping
she’d let me kiss her. She rocked forward, slipping her hands
around the back of my head. I felt her fingers tangle in my hair.
Her nose dragged across my cheek as her lips, damp with her salty
tears, teased mine. She ebbed and flowed with her mouth as she
tried to nestle against me.

I don’t know if it was my inability to
multi-task or the fact that I could only focus on being with her,
but there was nothing that was going to stop me from giving Wilson
whatever it was that would make her feel safe and show her how
important she is to me.

She pulled away, catching her breath before
she whispered, “I love you so much.”

“
I love you too,” I
whispered back. I could see her damp eyes glistening from the glow
of the moon off the snow. “Let’s go home,” I said.

She nodded slightly before she leaned back
in her seat. I put the car in gear and dropped my hand into her
lap, waiting for her to take and hold it; and of course, she
did.

~ Wilson ~

Being with Max again was like finding home.
He made every shitty thing I did, every immature and insecure
moment of my life disappear.
I wish I could say the same thing
about Nancy. I am so scared to see her.
I didn’t think I could
handle the look on her face when I walked through the door. I was
afraid she’d be disappointed in me, no matter what Max said. I
wasn’t ready to lose everything Nancy had given me.

It wasn’t the card she gave me or the food
she picked out for my birthday that truly mattered. It was her
gentle touch when she welcomed me and her warm compassion that
filled her eyes when she looked at me. It was the love she planted
in the gaping holes Candi left in my soul. I didn’t know if I was
ready to see it all disappear.

Max held my hand the whole way down the
twisting and curvy driveway to the cabin. My heart felt like it was
going to crash through my chest and break every rib. My throat was
like a desert, and no matter how much I tried to swallow, I just
couldn’t keep it from going dry. By the time we reached the garage
I had worked myself up again.

I can’t handle Nancy hating me. I find it
hard to believe she will be able to forgive me easily. She just
buried her husband, and now she going to have to face the girl who
ran away because things got too heavy. Urrghh, what would J do?
What words of wisdom would tumble from her lips to settle the
frickin’ storm that’s raging in my body. She’d probably tell me to
suck it up, face the consequences, and move on. And she’d be right.
If I’m going to make this work with Max, I need to face Nancy and
hope that she will be as forgiving as Max says she is.

“You okay?” Max asked. I didn’t even notice
that he’d turned off the car and the garage door had shut us
in.

“Yeah…I think so,” I murmured.

He tossed his door open and sprang up out of
the driver’s side. As the door slammed shut a sheet of thick, cold
air raked across my skin. I watched him as he strode around the
front of his car; his eyes never left mine. It was his way of
silently telling me that everything was going to be alright. When
he pulled open my door I shivered.

“Are you cold?” Max asked as I clutched his
waiting hand.

“Yeah, that’s it…I’m just cold,” I replied,
trying to convince myself.

I stepped out of the car and wasn’t prepared
for the reaction my body had to being in the morgue-chilled garage.
The bone-freezing cold evoked memories of the moments we had
together. The flashes of pain on his face as he told me about Dead
Mallory. The feelings that shattered every cell in my body as I
told him to be strong for his family. The look he gave me when he
asked if
he
could be my family. My stomach twisted and
ached, my heart thundered in my chest, and I struggled to catch my
breath.

Max pulled me into his torso, his firm
strong arms wrapping tight around my back as he rested his chin
gently across the top of my head. I worked to take a deep breath.
His aroma filled my body as he held me and swayed slightly, my body
snug against his
. Could I just stay here for the rest of the
night?
This time it was Max giving me strength to go in and
face his family.

“Are you ready? Not that I’m in a hurry or
anything. I can hold you like this forever.” I felt Max’s chin rub
across the top of my head as he spoke. With my ear pressed tight
against his chest his voice reverberated through his body. When he
tried to pull away I just held him tighter.

He readjusted his arms around my back and
kissed the top of my head. His breath draped across my scalp,
sending chills radiating down my spine.

“Take your time,” he whispered. His heart
beat a rhythm I got lost in. I pushed him back against the car and
stretched up to kiss him, my lips inches from his, our eyes tangled
in a mesmerizing moment. Just then I heard the spring on the garage
door lengthen and creak.

“You brought her back. Wilson, you came
back.” I heard Camille’s voice crack as she spoke.

“Um-hum,” Max whispered as he stared into my
eyes and continued, “she came home…with me.”

I swallowed the lump that grew in the back
of my throat before I turned to Camille. Her muddy brown eyes were
sunken, dark, and lost. She looked like she hadn’t slept in months.
Her once tidy brown hair dangled without the help of a comb.

“Hi,” I choked in a whisper.

“Hi,” Camille answered as she held her arms
out to hug me. I slipped right into them and she pulled me into a
tight embrace. “God, I am so glad you came back,” she sighed across
my ear.

I nodded my head without saying anything. I
could feel the pressure of wanting to bawl creep into my chest.

“Me too,” I murmured.

I felt Camille’s body become rigid and her
voice wavered as she continued. “Mom’s been asking about you, and
Calvin wants—”

“You know what? Wilson is pretty wiped out.
Why don’t we talk about this later?” Max interrupted as he
constricted his eyes and tilted his head in a manner which amounted
to a wordless conversation with his sister.

“Oh, right, I’m sorry,” she said low. An
awkward moment settled between us before she noticed Max’s
throat.

“What the heck happened to your neck?”

Max pulled on the collar of his winter coat
as he answered her. “Nothin’.”

“What the hell?” Camille demanded as she
grabbed Max’s hands and pulled them down to look at the cuts and
scrapes across his knuckles.

I stood there, frozen, waiting for Max to
give some more details about what happened between him and
Nick.

“I got into a small tussle,” Max said
shrugging his shoulders. Camille spun around and looked me over
from head to toe.

“With who?” she demanded.

“It doesn’t matter,” Max answered her.

Camille looked over to me determinedly and
waited for me to snitch on Max.

Max noticed and shook his head. “Now listen,
Camille, there’s no story here. I’m fine, Wilson’s fine, leave it
at that.”

I could tell she held herself responsible
for protecting her brother. Like she was the one he would tell
everything to. She was uncomfortable accepting that fact that Max
wasn’t going to give her any information about what happened.

“Well, when mom sees you she’s gonna
flip-out. Don’t you think she’s been through enough without seeing
you all torn up?”

“No worries, I’ll handle mom. How’s she
doing, by the way?” Max asked.

“Doing okay, every now and then it hits her
that dad is gone, but she’s glad everyone has left and it’s just
us. She actually wants to cook tonight. I’ve tried to tell her she
doesn’t have to, but she is insisting on making dinner.”

“Well, whatever makes her feel normal. Just
let her do it. Where’s Cal?” Max asked.

“He’s upstairs in Dad’s office,” Camille
said dryly.

“What’s Calvin doing in Dad’s office?” Max’s
voice deepened.

“Looking for some papers the lawyers need,”
she said, irritated.

“Right now? Couldn’t it wait?”

“It’s Calvin, who knows,” Camille answered
flippantly.

When I heard them mention their brother’s
name it made every muscle in my body constrict. Suddenly chunks of
resentment for Calvin curdled in my gut. It was his fault we’d
gotten into this mess in the first place. Max noticed the change in
my body language.
Okay, well, yeah, how could he not?
Let’s
just say my body was screaming.

“You know what, Camille? It doesn’t matter,
really. Why don’t you go on in? Wilson and I will be right behind
you.” Max opened the door to the kitchen and pushed on his sister’s
shoulder. She resisted for a moment before it clicked for her that
Max wanted to be alone with me.

Camille caught my gaze right before the door
shut between us. I tried to smile, but I just couldn’t. Seconds
later I felt Max wrap his arms around my body, his warmth consuming
me as he pressed his chest against mine. It was like he was trying
to reassure me that he wasn’t going to let me go ever again. Max’s
breath tickled across my hair as he took a couple of deep breaths.
His hands, firmly planted on the small of my back, loosened as he
pressed and rubbed his palms up either side of my spine.

“You okay?” Max whispered. I tried to answer
him but couldn’t find the words. All I could do was press my face
deeper into the bend of his neck. He leaned in so his chin draped
and rested softly against my head.

“Hmmm?” he purred. I could feel his voice
rumble in his chest and through his throat.

I shook my head up and down.

“Wilson, listen,” he said as he pulled me
away and looked me in the eyes. “We don’t have to lie to my family
any more. We don’t have to live in the fear of being discovered,
ever again. As hard as it was to lose you, I’m glad my family knows
now.” His eyes dampened just enough to cause them to glow in the
fluorescent light of the garage.

“So you and Calvin made peace?” His
brother’s name sliced my esophagus as I spoke it.

“I was…oh, man, I was pissed.
But
, we
had to deal with the death of our father and the pain in our
mother’s face every time she looked at us. So we talked, and
yelled, and talked some more before we both found a way to forgive
each other. No, I can’t be mad at him; besides, he felt like shit
afterwards.” Max pressed his lips to my forehead.

I closed my eyes and felt the warm tears
track down the surface of my glacial cheeks. “God, I know how that
feels,” I choked.

Max pulled away from my forehead. His
natural green eyes narrowed, the muscles in his jaw tightened, and
his lips were pulled across his perfect white teeth. His ears
crested red around the edges. I could tell I struck a chord deep
within him.

“What does that mean?” he growled.

The blood in my face flushed down into my
neck and every last drop of saliva dissolved in the back of my
throat.

“I know how it feels to make a huge mistake.
How incredibly stupid choices tend to hurt the people we love the
most.” I lowered my head. I couldn’t look at him.