Better Deeds Than Words (Words#2) (28 page)

I walked over to a low-walled planter and sat on the ledge looking up at Old Vic.

“Ah, yes, the dreaded promise,” Matt said, sitting next to me. “Well, the way I see it, you need to break it. I think you need to tell Daniel what you suspect. And soon—definitely before class on Wednesday. Forewarned is forearmed, right?”

“I’m just terrified he’ll have an anxiety attack and I won’t know what to do. Or what if he decides I’m way too much trouble and walks away?”

“Aubrey, don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you need to sideline your worries about the relationship. This is his
life
. His
reputation
. That’s way more important right now. You’ll have to take your chances that he’ll handle it okay. Plus, look at the effect keeping this to yourself is having on you. Have you looked in the mirror? You’re a mess.”

It was true—I did look awful. My eyelids were puffy from crying so much over the weekend.

“I guess I’m selfishly trying to prolong the inevitable. It’s weird—I can’t stop thinking about his father’s words. Daniel and I were so quick to attack his dad and call him unreasonable, but now that I know he was right to be concerned about someone finding out about us, I feel wretched.”

I promise…I’d rather die than hurt
Daniel.

How was I to know that when I’d said those words to Dean Grant, I’d already taken the misstep that would lead to disaster? Why did everything have to be so complicated? I wished there was some way of knowing I was making the right decision—some sort of sign.

I sighed and looked up at the southern wall of Old Vic, the ivy just beginning to show the promise of spring buds. As my eyes traced the curved arch and the path of the soon to blossom ivy, I frowned. Above the arched doorway of the building was something I hadn’t noticed in the entire four years I’d been at U of T.

I don’t know how I’d overlooked it, but as I sat wrestling with the difficult choice that lay before me, I knew without a doubt that this message nestled among the ivy buds was the sign I’d been looking for.

Daniel

Chapter 18

Vows

Words, vows, gifts, tears, and love’s full sacrifice…
(
Troilus and Cressida
, Act I, Scene 2)

W
HAT
A B
EAUTIFUL
D
AY
. Four weeks ago, Aubrey and I had sat on this very bench, watching the snow falling. It never ceased to amaze me the way the weather could change on a dime in this country; the season had turned in the space of a few days.

The clouds swept across the sky, urged on by occasional gusts of wind. Behind me, I heard the frustrated shouts of the boy who’d spent twenty minutes unsuccessfully trying to get his kite to take to the air. It was a good day for kite flying, but he hadn’t mastered the technique. He’d run, dragging the kite along the ground, and give up before the wind had a chance to scoop it up.

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. “It’s a nice day, Gramps,” I whispered. “You and Patty would’ve enjoyed your walk today. One day I’ll bring Aubrey back here with me. I wish you could have met her. I think you would have liked her.”

Sudden hoots of delight filled the air.

“Hey, Dad, I got it! Did you see that?”

I whirled around on the bench and watched the kid running as the wind took his kite higher. His father caught up with him, showing him how to play out the string.

Beyond the swerving kite, the clouds drifted by, changing shapes as they moved. But off to the west, darker clouds were forming. We were in for some rain. I’d have to leave soon anyway to make it to Brad’s place for one o’clock. I passed my fingers across the plaque affixed to the back of the bench.

“I’ll have to go in a few minutes, Gramps.”

I looked around self-consciously. If anyone were to see me sitting here talking to myself, they’d think I was half-cracked. A woman I’d seen earlier was returning from her walk with her Golden Retriever. She smiled and waved as they made their way past me, the dog stopping occasionally to investigate various scents.

And that’s when I saw her.

Aubrey.

She was standing in the middle of the path about fifty yards away. I rubbed my eyes. Was I seeing things? No. It was absolutely her. She was just standing there, looking at me. I didn’t know what the hell she was doing here, but I swear I’d never been happier to see someone in my life.

I stood up, and she crossed the grassy expanse beside the path and headed off into the woods, glancing back at me before disappearing into the trees. Aubrey obviously wanted me to follow her, and I made my way through the trees. She didn’t slow until she was well into the woods, and then she turned, dropped her bag on the ground, and rested against a tree, waiting for me to catch up.

Once I was about twenty feet away, I started jogging and scooped her up into my arms, lifting her off the ground. She flung her arms around my neck and knotted her hands in my hair roughly, holding on so tightly she might have taken a clump of it out.

“Oh my God, I missed you.” I buried my face in her neck.

“Me too, like you wouldn’t believe,” she said.

I brushed her hair back from her face so I could get a good look at her. “What are you doing here? Not that I’m complaining, but are you okay? It’s probably awful of me to say this, but you look totally wiped!”

There were dark circles under her eyes, and her eyelids were puffy.

“Rough weekend,” she said, smiling weakly.

“You sounded so upbeat in your emails.”

She chuckled humorlessly. “And the Academy Award goes to…”

I ran my thumbs under her eyes. “You were pretending? Why? What’s going on?” She shook her head but didn’t answer. “How did you get here, anyway?”

“Taxi. Matt loaned me twenty bucks.”

“If you’d told me you wanted to come, I could’ve picked you up.”

“I didn’t know I was coming to see you until about forty-five minutes ago. This was kind of an impulse.”

“I can’t believe you’re here. I never dreamed you’d break your promise to my father.”

“I didn’t either. Not that I didn’t think about doing it every hour all weekend, but I was trying so hard to do the right thing. I had to come, though. I need talk to you about something.”

“What is it?”

She looked around, biting her lip hesitantly. “I feel like we should sit,” she said.

I gestured to a fallen tree trunk, taking her hand as we went over to the log. “Is your family okay?”

“Yes, everyone’s fine. Well, as of Saturday, anyway. No, this is about you—about us.”

I nodded, encouraging her to continue while a million possibilities raced through my mind.

“I don’t know how to say this. Try to stay calm, okay?”

“Christ, Aubrey, the preamble is killing me. Just say it, please,” I begged.

“Okay. Crap. This is even harder than I thought it was gonna be. It’s just that—well, I think Cara knows about us.”

She looked at me worriedly while I tried to process what she was saying.
Cara knows?
How was that possible?

“Why the hell would you say that?”

She took a deep breath. “I think she heard Julie and me talking in the washroom the night of the benefit at Brennan Hall. Remember we’d had that fight? When I was explaining everything that was going on to Julie, I think we might have mentioned your name. And it turns out Cara might have been in there, listening.”

I leapt up as a surge of anger shot through me. “What? You’ve been keeping this from me for weeks, and you’re just deciding to tell me now? Are you serious?”

She rolled her eyes. “No, of course not. She said something to me on Wednesday. I had no idea about any of this until she spoke to me.”

“Okay, explain. I don’t understand.”

“Wednesday, after my conference, she told me that I should be careful what and who I talk about in public washrooms because you never know who might be listening. She said it like it was a threat or something. I didn’t get a chance to question her. Julie and I talked later that night, and we figured the only time we’ve been anywhere in a washroom talking about our relationship was at the benefit at Brennan Hall. Cara was there that night. She must have been in one of the stalls, but I swear I didn’t hear or see anyone.”

“Aubrey, do you realize how irresponsible it was not share this with me right away? What were you thinking?”

As I spoke, I realized I sounded an awful lot like my father, not something I was particularly proud of. Aubrey stood up and stepped away, her hands clenching at her sides, eyes flashing.

“I’m sorry, that didn’t come out right,” I said, backpedaling.

“I was trying to protect you,” she whispered, turning away and shaking her head.

“You should never keep something from me if it affects my welfare. I don’t see how the hell that could protect me.”

“I was afraid of your reaction. What if I broke my promise to your father and came to tell you, and you had a panic attack and I couldn’t help you? I was scared.”

I joined her, taking her hand, which she reluctantly unfolded. If only I hadn’t come unhinged in front of her that day. My anxiety—it frightened her.

“It was bad judgment on my part, not telling you,” she said. She paused for a second, and then she took my other hand. “If you want to know the truth, I thought this would be the last straw—that you’d be mad at me for being careless in that washroom and tell me to get lost. I couldn’t face the thought of losing you.”

“What? Jesus Christ, Aubrey! Where do you get these outrageous ideas? Come here.” I pulled her into my arms, bringing her face into the crook of my neck as I tried to comfort her. “If I ever have an anxiety attack when we’re alone together, all you have to do is stay calm. If you’re calm, I’ll be fine.” The tension dissolved from her body as she nestled against me. “I’m sorry I snapped at you,” I added, rubbing her back.

“I’m sorry, too. For everything,” she whispered against my neck. “I was planning to tell you, but I thought maybe I should try to talk to Cara first.”

I led her to the fallen tree and sat down again. “So, you haven’t spoken to Cara?”

She shook her head. “I looked for her on Thursday night. I couldn’t find her. And she went home the next morning.”

“So, what made you suddenly decide to come here and tell me?”

“Matt. We went out for brunch and were sitting in front of Old Vic afterward, and he gave me shit. He told me you needed to know and I was wrong to keep it from you.”

A smile spread across my face. “He’s definitely growing on me.”

“Between his nagging and the inscription over the south door of Old Vic, I knew I had to come and talk to you.”

“There’s an inscription over the door?”

“Yep. Get this. It says ‘
The Truth Shall Make You Free
’ in the stone above the south archway.”

“No shit? I’ve never noticed that.”

“Me either. It totally freaked me out, especially after seeing the same inscription on the paperweight on your desk. I took it as a sign.”

I couldn’t help smiling. “A sign?”

“I know it sounds flaky, but it was like that inscription was confirming what I needed to do. Like it was telling me your dad would forgive this because it was something you needed to know. Now that I’ve told you the truth, I do feel a hell of a lot better. All weekend, I thought I was being stoic. Turns out I was just being stupid.”

“You’ve been on quite an emotional rollercoaster.”

“That’s an understatement.” She sighed. “What are we going to do? What if she tells someone? Of all people to find out,
Cara?
She really doesn’t like me, Daniel.”

I thought about my dealings with her—the insights I’d gained over the past several weeks.

“I don’t think she’ll be a problem. I doubt she’ll say anything if she actually does know about us. It’s possible you’ve misunderstood her meaning.”