Beautiful Strangers (14 page)

   
“Gracie did you just snort?
Glad you find my moves so entertaining.”
 
He hopped back into bed and pinned me down and began kissing me down my
neck and raised my shirt to begin attacking my breast, when my stomach
grumbled.

   
I pushed my shirt down and
assured Jax that as much as I would love to keep him naked all day I needed
food and a shower first. If I would have been smart I would have left him a
note in the middle of the night but I didn’t have the nerve. I owe him this
face to face and after the night we just shared it was going to be that much
harder.

  
Jax sighed and gave in on one
condition that I was only getting out of bed if he could join me in the shower.

  
“Darlin, if you come on tour with
me we could spend every morning like this together.” He said running his
fingers over the outlines of my angel wings. When I didn’t answer he turned me
to face him and this time the water wasn’t able to hide my tears.

  
“What is it Gracie?” he asked. I
tried to turn my head from him, I didn’t want to look him in the eyes if I do I
just may lose it completely. But he grabbed my chin firmly and demanded I open
my eyes when I closed them.

   
“Look at me Grace!”
 
I turn off the water and step out of the shower
and tell him to meet me downstairs.

Lover no more…

    
I meet Jax in the kitchen and
find him cursing the toaster as he waits on a pop tart.

   
“Breakfast of champions,” he
waves an empty wrapper at me. “You hungry, I’d offer to cook you something but
I like my stove.” He chuckled.

  
“I’m good. Jax, we need to
talk.”

  
His face turns serious and he
grabs a seat at the bar and begins picking the crusty edges away from his pop
tarts.
 
I try to control my nerves, my
heart is about to hammer out of my chest.

    
“There is a lot about me that
you don’t know, and I am flattered you asked me to go on the road with you, I
really am.” I say holding my palms up to stop him from interrupting me, before
I lose my nerve.

  
“As wonderful as that all sounds,
you won’t feel that way when I tell you what I should have told you weeks ago.
I- I have a drug problem. I’ve been trying to get it under control but it’s
bigger than I can handle.” I take a deep breath and continue.

   
“The guy that was with me the
other night, he was my supplier and my ex boyfriend.” I begin to fidget and
lose my nerve to go any further, but Jax is sitting there staring at me like he
is waiting for me to elaborate further.

  
“I uh umm, my drug of choice is
speed, cocaine or diet pills whichever I can get my hands on. I began using
over a year ago; Evan introduced me to it, but that’s not an excuse. I didn’t
say no. Things got out of control I have traded my self for drugs.” I ramble on
telling him everything about Evan, his betrayals, my using my body against him
to get what I wanted from him. How Evan used me to get at my father.

   
He sat there unmoving almost
like a statue his expression never changing until I stopped speaking. His
handsome face now devoid of all the laughter and smiles it wore earlier. He now
cast that look at me, the look I knew was coming; the look of disgust. A few
minutes pass and he says nothing, I had expected the look but not pure silence.
I began to walk past him taking my purse from the counter, when he grabbed my
wrist and without looking at me he finally spoke.

  
“Have you been fucking him the
whole time?” he asked through clenched teeth.

  
“No, but I was with him a few
weeks ago. But you and I weren’t serious.” I begin to cry.

  
Damn it Grace, just do it, walk
away now.

  
Make it easier on both of you.
But my feet aren’t cooperating.

  
“When was the last time you used
Grace?”

  
“Just a few
days ago.”
I sob.

  
“I have shared so much of myself
with you, and you wait until now to tell me this shit? I have been upfront with
you. Fuck, Grace I think I could have fallen for you. But now I don’t know.
This is a lot to just dump on someone. I can’t be with you right now. I can’t
deal with this I am leaving in a few months and launching my solo career.” He
pounded his fist down at the counter.

  
“Then let me make it easy on
you. Goodbye Jax,” I whisper. I step out of his reach, and head for the door. I
almost expected him to follow me but he didn’t. I had just dropped a bomb in
his lap. It’s what I wanted but damn if it didn’t hurt like hell.

  
I make it home and spend the
next two days in bed. Reggie calls and asks if I am ready to return to work. I
wanted to say no but this was going to be my last night and if I stayed in this
apartment any longer I will go insane. Besides Ritchie spent a lot of money
advertising the Halloween Bash and it is my Birthday after all.

Happy Halloween!

  
Jaxson hasn’t bothered to call
me nor have I him. When I get to work it seems like it has been months and not
a week since I have been here last. Masquerade looked more like a haunted house
than a peep show. I kept expecting Jocelyn to rush up to me at any moment and
giggle over the costume I had picked out for her. She was supposed to be Little
Red Riding Hood, and she would have looked beautiful.

   
There were ghost and scary
monster statues at every turn and cobwebs draped from every rafter. The servers
were all already dressed in their genie and belly dancer costumes. The other
girls were dressed as nurses, devils, cops, angels and zombies. My costume was
completely different than everyone else’s. I dressed in what would have been a
tight fitting red baby doll dress, but after the weight I have lost, Reggie had
to take it in. I pulled my white thigh highs up and slipped into my Mary Janes.

  
Reggie put my hair into two low
hanging piggy tails with loose curls at the ends. She did an amazing job on my
make-up; I looked exactly like a porcelain doll with cracks in its face.
Ritchie called me into his office and gave me a slight pat on the back.

   
“Are you holding up okay?”

   
“As good as I can be. I just
haven’t felt like myself.”

   
“Well I am glad to have you
back at work. The club hasn’t been the same without you.”

  
I confess to my boss about my
problem, and let him know that I will be checking into rehab once there is a
room available for me. Ritchie tells me to take care of myself and that my spot
will still be here if I want it once I am sober.

What will be, will be?

  
The time came for my performance
and my costume and song were very fitting to how I was feeling. I felt like I
have been broken into pieces and when “Living Dead Girl” by “Rob Zombie” began
to play, I had to laugh to myself that was exactly how I felt.

  
I drank more than I should have
but it was Halloween and my Birthday, not like Ritchie would really fire me. I
was walking to my car when I noticed an all too familiar face waiting for me.
Evan. I sigh. I hadn’t planned on seeing him again, but I was drunk and in need
of a good time.

   
Oh what the hell, I tell
myself.

  
“Get in!” I snap at him.

  
“No offence Grace but you smell
like a walking liquor cabinet. Let me drive you.” He jerks the keys out of my
hands. I don’t argue. I have had a lot to drink. Damn! Evan looks good tonight
and the recognizable smell of his Cool Water cologne is so inviting, I think to
myself as I strum my fingers up his arm.

   
I know it’s wrong the moment
the words leave my mouth, but tonight I am in need of a good time. I just want to
numb everything away and let the demons have their way.

  
“Evan, did you bring me any
candy it is my Birthday? That is why you’re here right?” I ask as I flick my
tongue over his ear lobe.

  
“I wouldn’t miss spending this
day with you for anything in this world.” Evan told me as he reached his hand
up my thigh then began playing my core with his right hand. I push his hand
back down my thigh.

  
“Stop teasing and drive.”

    
We make it to Evans apartment;
he is renting a small place over the garage he is working at. I haven’t been
inside but once, it’s so comfortable here though. He still has all the
furniture we once shared, that life seems so long ago and yet so close at the
same time.

  
Could I walk away from Evan so
easily after all we have been through? Yes I can, I hope. It would be so easy
to fall back into my old pattern and habits with him. Evan knows exactly what
buttons to push to get his way with me; no he knows just how to manipulate me.
He leads me into the kitchen and there is already a massive line of coke
waiting on the counter for me.

    
Evan must have been confident
I would come home with him. I do my line and the familiar burn and the tears
that form as a result of the burn, don’t feel good like it usually would. It
feels dirty, no pleasure in it what so ever. I excuse myself to the bathroom,
and squirt some water up my nose, but it only makes it hurt worse.

  
I wash my make-up off and take
my hair down. I slip out of my dress and before I can slip my sweats on Evan is
peeking his head through the door.

   
“You okay Gracie?”

   
“I am fine, just wanted to
freshen up, and put on something comfortable.” I cover my chest with my hands,
but it isn’t like Evan hasn’t seen all of me before.

   
“I have missed the sight of you
Grace. Fuck me! You are so beautiful. I don’t deserve you, but I am going to
try like hell to be a man who is worthy of you.” He says stepping into the
bathroom.

    
I look into his hazel eyes and
part of me wants so badly to believe him, but the other part of me is sounding
the alarms, this is just more of his stupid shit. Telling me what he thinks I
want to hear. But my kitten doesn’t listen she is purring and ready to pounce.

   
So when Evan leans down to kiss
me, I don’t stop him. I wrap my hands around his neck, and my legs around his
waist. He sits me on the bathroom sink and a fire ignites in my stomach and
heat rushes through my center. I lean my self back against the mirror and raise
my butt up a little allowing him to remove my black lace panties. I unbutton
his shirt and tug at his jeans.

  
“Slow down Gracie, you are going
to enjoy this,” he breathes into my ear. Evan takes his time with me. He begins
working me slowly, swiftly grazing my core with his tongue. He gently tugs on
my bottom lip with his teeth. When he slides two fingers in, I am more than
ready.

   
“You might not love me anymore,
but give me this, and just for tonight pretend you still love me.”

   
“Just for tonight,” I moan in
pleasure.

  
“Gracie let me make love to you
baby.”

   
He groans as he lifts me off
the counter to carry me to his bed, our bed, the one we used to share. I know
it is immoral to be here with him, but that doesn’t stop me. I’m tired of
caring. Evan knows every part of me inside and out. I don’t have to hide who I
truly am with him. He reaches into the nightstand and takes out a condom. I
slither it on him and allow him to take me. A few hours later, I awake in a
daze. I almost forget where I am at until…

  
“Welcome home lover, this is
where you belong.” He says as I stand to get dressed.

  
With those words my mind begins
to function, and a terrible ache rips through my chest, lover is what Jax has
called me more than once. I push against his bare chest with my fist and wished
like hell that the hazel eyes looking down at me were electric blue instead.

  
“Evan, I’m sorry I can’t do
this. I don’t even know why I came here tonight.”

  
“Grace don’t push me away again,
I can’t lose you again.” He says taking a step closer, pushing himself against
me once more.

  
“You and me, isn’t going to
work, ever. I’m sorry. My coming here and being with you was wrong,” I slide
past him and start putting my clothes back on.

   
“So this is it Grace, your
going to walk out on me once more?” He firmly cups my face. “This wasn’t a
mistake, no matter what’s happened in the past you know your mine. Grace, I
love you.” He growls at me, but the look on his face tells me what I have
always known since I found out about Evan and his many lies.

  
He wasn’t sure him self if he loved
me or not. The lines between his lies and reality are nothing but a blur for
him. I kiss him on the cheek and drive home to spend another night alone in my
apartment and all I can think of is Jax. I cry myself to sleep.

   
I wake much too early at
8 A.M.
The pounding in my head and blurred
vision lets me know I had definitely drunk way too much. I sit in the floor of
my apartment thinking of nothing and everything. I pictured Jax naked in the
kitchen looking so sexy trying not to burn the place down. My heart winces at
the thought of him. I drive downtown and walk across the bridge by Titan
Stadium as I have many times before. I lean over the rail and looked out at the
river the air
is
chilly, but it’s refreshing it
reminds my lungs that I am alive. I say a silent good bye to Evan and to the
girl I used to be.