Beautiful Misery (The Beautiful Series) (24 page)

“Um. Yeah. I think so.” She sounded unsure.

“We could meet somewhere public if it makes you feel better. I was also going to contact your mom and see if she would meet with me.”

“I can call her. When would you like to meet?” She sounded a little more at ease.

“I live in Fairhope. Would you want to meet at Passions on Saturday at one?” I knew Annie would have Gabe and most likely meet her friends on the beach since it was supposed to be nice. No chance of her seeing us. Sneaking behind her back felt wrong and had a small knot forming in my stomach, but I pushed it back. In the end, seeing her face when she met her mom and sister would be worth it.

“Yeah. That should work. I will call my mom and make sure that is okay with her.”

“Can I ask you something first?”

She paused for a moment before saying, “Sure.”

“Is your mom better? You know, clean.”

“Yes. Five years now.”

A little relief. “Ok. Thank you. So, I will plan on Saturday. If something changes you can call me at this number and let me know.”

“Thank you, Gage.”

I
looked at my watch for the umpteenth time since sitting down in the small diner. Five minutes until one. I was getting nervous. My legs were bouncing and my palms were sweaty.

I glanced at the door. There wa
s a younger woman, around twenty walking in with an older woman, around forty. They spoke to the hostess and she pointed in my direction. I took a drink of water and stood.

“Gage?” Heather asked.

I stuck my hand out to her. “Yes. You must be Heather.”

“It’s so nice to meet you.” She put her hand on her mom’s arm. “This is my mom, Vicky.”

Heather was the total opposite of Annie. She had light blonde hair and golden brown eyes. Vicky looked a lot like Annie. Same dark brown hair and blue yes. But Vicky looked tired. The years of drug abuse showing. “Hi, Vicky. Gage Tucker. So nice to meet you. Please, take a seat and we can talk.” I pulled out the chair next to me for Vicky. She patted my hand and smiled sweetly.

“Gage, I can’t thank you enough
for this.” Vicky sat beside me.

Heather was sitting across from me. She looked as nervous I was. “What made you decided to look for us?”

I wasn’t sure if I should say, but I wanted them to know about Annie. What she has struggled through and came out on top. I ran my finger over my lips. “She hasn’t had it easy. She bounced around foster homes growing up. When she was seventeen she got pregnant by the guy she thought she would married. Before her son, Gabe was born he was killed in a car wreck. She raised her son by herself for five years. She has done an amazing job. She has worked her ass off to get where she is. I’m proud of her. The one thing she can’t work for…her family. She deserves her family. If I can give her that, then I will.”

Heather’s eyes were filled with tears. Vicky was staring at the tablecloth. I didn’t mean to make her feel like shit, but she needed to hear the truth.

“Sounds like she is very lucky to have found you.” Vicky spoke through her tears.

Shaking my head I said with confidence, “No. I am the lucky one. She came into my life when I needed her most. I can never repay her enough for what she has done for my daughter and me. If you two were open to the idea, I wanted to invite you to my house on Christmas. You can spend Christmas as a family.”

“I would love nothing more than reuniting with my daughter. There isn’t a day that doesn’t go by that I don’t think about her. I have wanted to find her for so long. I was too afraid though. The last thing she ever said to me was ‘I hate you’. I hear those words replay in my mind all the time. I was afraid of what I would find if I found her. If she would resent me. So, in my head I created this fantasy life for her. She was married to a millionaire and they had the typical two point five kids with a summer home on the beach. She was happy and better off without me.”

Heather reached across the table. “Mom. She will forgive you, I did. You’re sober now. You’re healthy. You’re in control of your life.”

“She is happy, Vicky. I just think there is a huge hole where her family should be. I want to fill her holes and make her complete.”

“You’re in love with her.” Vicky stated.

Chewing on my bottom lip, I nodded. “Yes ma’am I am.”

She had tears running down her face. “If you two would excuse me.” She got up in a rush and went in the direction of the bathroom.

Heather wiped under her eyes. “I haven’t seen my sister in almost fifteen years. Seeing that she has someone so in love with her that he goes out of his way to find her family makes me happy.”

She put both her arms around me and hugged me. “Thank you for making my sister happy.”

I liked Heather. I barely knew her, but I liked her. I wrapped one arm around her and said, “You don’t have to thank me. She is the one that makes me happy. She makes me whole.”

Annie

I
was sitting on the couch when Gage got back to his house.

“Annie. I thought you had to work tonight?” Gage looked shocked to see me. His voice was calm, though.

“Who was she?” I blurted out.

He tossed his keys onto the entry table and walked over to me. “Who was who?”

“Gage, don’t you dare play fucking stupid with me. I saw you. I saw her. Your hands were all over each other.” He had the audacity to stand in front of me looking clueless. “The girl from Passion, Gage. Who the hell was she?”

His eyes widened slightly. “Oh. You saw her?” His voice was tight.

“Obviously,” I stated flatly.  His eyes darted around the room. I could tell he was trying to make up an excuse. “Are you going to tell me? Don’t lie to me, Gage. Anything else we can work out. But, not a lie.”

He ran his hands through his hair. “She was no one.”

“You looked awfully close to no one.”

“I can’t tell you who she was. You just have to trust me.
I’m not perfect, but I wouldn’t cheat.”

Trust him! Was he fuckin’ nuts? I saw him all over some blonde and he expects me to trust him. Bullshit. I bolted off the couch. “
I don’t want fucking perfect. I want honest. No. I’m done trusting and believing. Life isn’t some God damn fairytale. Life is nasty. Especially mine. I was dealt a shit hand from the beginning. I’ve survived. I have Gabe, that’s all I need.”

Ga
ge raked his hands through his hair and dropped to his knees. “Please don’t do this. All I’m asking for is a little trust. I swear it’s not what you think. You, Londyn, and Gabe are all I have left. I swear I can fix this. We aren’t broken, this can be fixed.”

Closing my eyes so my tears wouldn’t fall I shook my head. “No, Gage. This can’t be fixed. I told you don’t lie to me and EVERYTHING else can be fixed. You lied.
I saw with my own eyes…you and some girl together. I can’t deal with another liar in my life. I thought you were genuinely a good guy. Turns out you’re genuinely a good douche bag.”

Starting to turn Gage grabbed my hand. Taking a deep breath I looked down and for the first time ever I saw Gage crying. I wanted to pull him into my arms and tell him everything would be ok…but it wouldn’t.
He looked broken. I was broken.

“I’m begging you, please don’t leave. If you leave I have no one.”

Jerking my hand away I took a few steps away from him. Narrowing my eyes I said, “That’s not true. You have a family. You have friends. You have a fucking daughter that needs you. Her mother is gone, Gage. You. That’s the only parent she has left. I’m not going to be that pathetic girlfriend of the rich football star who stays home to raise their kids while he’s out screwing around. When you get your shit together, then and only then, do I want to be with you.”

Grabbing the doorknob I looked back one last time to see Gage bent over, his head rest
ing on the floor. His body shaking with sobs. Just as my tears started to fall I turned and walked out, shutting the door behind be. Hoping I didn’t just make the biggest mistake of my life.

24

Gage

S
itting at the kitchen bar, I watched as my mom, Jenna’s mom, and Cobie’s mom prepared the food for Christmas dinner. I hadn’t seen or talked to Annie in almost three weeks. It was killing me. My mom leaned on the counter, her eyes speaking louder than her words. She was hurting for me. “Sweetie, why don’t you go in there with everyone else? Spend time with your friends. We got the food covered. Go relax and try to enjoy yourself.”

My voice cracked. “I want her mom. I need her. I fucked up. Bad.
I let her believe I was cheating on her instead of just telling her the truth. She hates me.”

“Is she still bringing Gabe over for dinner and presents?”
My mom asked. Completely ignoring everything I just said.

I shrugged. “I hope so. I mean, her mom and sister are still coming. But, I doubt it. Leigha said she would talk to her and if nothing else, maybe she could drop Gabe off for a few hours.”

Placing her hand on mine my mom said, “Honey, I am on your team, always. But, maybe you should have told her what you were doing. She saw you with your arms around some other female. She was hurt. It didn’t help that you wouldn’t explain to her what she was seeing. I know if you tell her what you were trying to do for her she would forgive you.”

“She won’t give me a chance to tell her anything.”

“Make her listen. Sometimes you have to force yourself on someone. Especially someone who has been through everything she has.”

“I don’t know. I want to believe you, but I don’t want to risk it.”

“If you’re not willing to risk it, why should she?” My mom cupped my cheek. “Today, focus on Londyn and her first Christmas. Everything else can wait.”

Swallowing roughly I nodded. “All my problems will be there tomorrow, huh?”

My mom smiled. “Unfortunately, yes they will.”

Hopping off the barstool I drug my feet into the living room where everyone else was sitting around talking and listening to Christmas music. Maybe I wasn’t as alone as I thought. My house was full of smiles and laughter. Everyone I cared about was here.
Almost everyone
. Jenna was sitting with Sadie and Leigha on the couch, looking at some sordid tabloid. I’m sure it was about one of them and what they were to some function. Women! Tyler, Trent, Larkin, and Kamp were all sitting on the floor, letting the throng of kids climb on them. Jase and Lydia were snuggled in front of the fire, watching the kids play. Ryker and Reid were in a heated battle about some song lyrics. My dad was reading the newspaper, per usual. Jenna’s little brother Dakota had his ear buds in, ignoring the world. Dylan and Mac were sitting next to each other, her arms crossed and head turned away from my brother. He looked desperate. Those two would be married one day, I would bet a million dollars on it. Jinx was sitting with Libby on his lap, both laughing at the kids. Tristan was sitting in the corner on the piano bench. His fingers lightly playing the keys. Walking across the room I grabbed my guitar. I sat on the stone ledge and started following along. He glanced up from the piano and gave me a hard nod. We both understood. We both missed our best friend.

Before I realized we were playing a semi acoustic version of Dear God by Avenged Sevenfold. Tristan softly singing the lyrics. I shut my eyes, letting myself get lost in the music. Music has always been my escape. I hadn’t played my guitar in close to year. It felt good to have it back in my hands. Music was predictable. It was safe.

The hair on my arms pricked up and my heart raced. She was here. She was watching me. I could feel her electricity in the room. I didn’t want to open my eyes and see it was all in my head and that in fact she wasn’t here. I kept playing, my eyes shut. Then, I smelled her. She was close. Slowly, I opened my eyes. Everyone was watching.

Everyone.

She was here. She was watching me. She had tears in her eyes. Our eyes met and it took everything I had not to drop my guitar and run to her, pull her into my arms and tell her how much I loved her. She narrowed her eyes before dropping my gaze. She jerked her head away from me and walked to the Christmas tree, setting the presents she and Gabe had gotten under it. My eyes following her every movement.

She looked around the room, all eyes had shifted from me to her. She looked uncomfortable. Tristan and I ended our little performance. Setting my guitar down I couldn’t stop myself. I started walking toward Annie. She was a magnet that I couldn’t avoid. I didn’t want to.

When she lifted her head and saw me coming toward her she slightly shook her head. “Dinner is served,” Carrie called from the doorway of the dining room.

After everyone was seated, Jenna’s mom raised her glass of wine and tapped it with a fork. “If I could have everyone’s attention. I know none of us here have been big on praying. But, after the last few years we’ve had I think now is as good a time as any to start. Gage would you lead us in prayer?”

All eyes were on me. “Okay, I can do that.” I took a deep breath. Jenna was to my left and reached for my hand. My mom was on my right, placing her hand in mine. Everyone around the table joined hands and bowed their heads. I shut my eyes and spoke softly, “Dear Heavenly Father, as so many doors have closed this year we want to thank you for all the new doors you have opened. Help us and guide us in understanding and our faith. Help us trust in you and lean on you. Thank you for never leaving our sides in our times of need. We wouldn’t be all sitting here together right now if it wasn’t for you. You brought us all together for a reason. Thanks for your many blessings. Amen.” I opened my eyes and lifted my head. Annie was staring at me, her eyes glossy from unshed tears.

My mom tapped my shoulder. “That was perfect, sweetheart.”

Annie dropped her eyes and started scooping food onto her plate. “Yeah. Thanks, mom.”

Sitting back in my chair I watched as the girl
I loved laughed, carefree. She looked perfect in my home. Her eyes met with mine and her smile slipped a little. Her eyes filled with sadness. I hated that I was the reason for that. Why did I have to be so damn hard headed? This could have been avoided if I would have told her what I was doing. But, no I wanted it to be a surprise. A surprise that I wouldn’t get to be a part of anymore.

“Who is ready for presents?” I asked over the talking and laughter.

Evie jumped up and down. “Me! Me, Unky Gage!”

“Let me clear the table then we can all retire to the living room for presents and dessert.” My mom sounded so formal.

“Screw the dishes. This is Christmas. You have presents waiting. Come on.”

Everyone made their way to the living room and found the perfect present unwrapping spot. “Who wants to pass out the presents?” Larkin asked.

Tyler stood and walked to the tree that was overflowing with presents. “Just call me Mr. Claus.” Tyler spent the better part of an hour passing out all the presents. “Kids first. Dig in.”

He didn’t have to tell the kids a second time. Wrapping paper was flying. Londyn looked overwhelmed. Sitting beside her I helped her open her mountain of gifts. My mom was walking around snapping picture after picture of all the kids and their new goodies.

“No way!” Gabe screeched.

Most of the adults looked at him. Annie asked, “What?”

He held up the three tickets I had gotten him. “Uncle Jase said Gage got me Superbowl tickets, mom!”

Annie forced a smile. “That is awesome, baby. You need to tell Gage thank you.”

Gabe hopped off the floor and climbed over wrapping paper, people, and presents to get to me. He threw his arms around my neck. “Thank you, Gage.” Having him hug me had my emotions on edge.

I pulled a small square box from my pocket and handed it to him. “Give this to your mom and tell her to open it, please.”

He took the box, nodded and made the journey back to his present unwrapping location.

“Gage, are you serious right now?” Tristan asked from the other side of the room.

Keeping my eyes on Annie, I asked, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“You got us a deal to go to L.A. and record an album.”

“Oh, yeah. I just set up the appointment. The rest is all you guys.”

“Fuckin’ awesome. Thanks, man.”

I nodded.

Annie finally had her present, she glanced
at me before taking the paper off. I swear she is the slowest person ever to unwrap a gift. Popping the lid she covered her mouth with one hand. I took that as a good thing.

As if on cue
, my doorbell rang.  That could only be two people. Vicky and Heather. Only my mom and Trent knew I had invited them tonight. I looked at Trent who was frozen in place. His smile slipping. He looked as nervous as I was. I wanted to bolt to the door. Instead every step was struggled. It took me further from Annie and closer to her possibly walking out of my life for good. I slowly opened the door to find Heather and Vicky on the other side. The each were holding a few gifts.

Annie

I
couldn’t believe Gage got me a diamond bracelet. It was gorgeous. What had me in tears was the inscription on the inside.

Because Maybe You’re Going To Be The One That Saves Me

I didn’t want to be the one that saved him. I just wanted to be THE one. I was a mess but I was completely in love with him. Pulling the bracelet out of the velvet holder I put it on my wrist. I looked perfect.

When I looked up he was gone. What the hell? Actually the room was quiet. I looked around and saw my face. Well if I had done drugs for twenty five years and was roughly twenty years older. My heart was beating so fast I was waiting for it to jump out of my chest.
I tried to talk but my voice left me. I open and shut my mouth over and over. Still no noise was coming.

“Annie?” The blonde that had her arms all over Gage that day in the diner asked from beside my older twin.

“Merry Christmas, Annie.” Gage said from between the two women.

My tears came quick. I didn’t have time to think. I was running. I ran down the hall and into Gage’s office. I slammed the door.

There was a knock on the door before Gage slowly opened it. “Annie, can I come in?”

I couldn’t look at him. “It’s your house.”

He took a few steps in the room and asked, “Did I fuck up by finding your mom and sister? I thought you wanted a family. I wanted to give you that for Christmas.” I looked up. He looked hurt. He wet his lips and took a few steps closer to me. “I wanted our first Christmas together to be special. I had my family and I wanted you to have yours.”

“I…I don’t know. I don’t know what to think.” I was honest.

“What if I have them come in here and the three of you can talk alone?” His voice was small. I had crushed his Christmas present. What did he expect me to do? I hadn’t seen my mom or sister in fifteen years. Did he expect me to drop everything and run to them with open arms?

“
Okay,” I said quietly. I wanted him to know I appreciated what he did. As he was walking out of the door I said, “Thank you.”

He paused mid step, looking over his shoulder. “Anything for you, Annie.”

I took a few calming breaths as I waited. There was another knock on the door. “Come in,” I spoke softly.

My mom and sister entered hastily. The three of us just looking at each other.

“Annie, I’m so sorry.” My mom was the first to break the silence. “I never meant to hurt you. I hate myself every day for what I put you and Heather through. Gage told us about your past. If I could, I would go back and do so many things differently. I would have been the mom you two girls deserved.”

Maybe it was the Christmas spirit or maybe it was the little bit of hope I had. I looked in her identical blue eyes and said, “I’m beginning to learn that moving on doesn’t mean that you forget about the things that happened. It just means you have to accept what happened and continue living. That’s what I’m choosing to do. I’m choosing to move on.
” I held out my hand for her. “My name is Annie, I’m your daughter.”

Her tears were threatening to spill over. “Hello Annie, I’m Vicky, your mom.”

Heather lunged at me. “Hi, Annie. I’m your sister, Heather.”

We spent most of the night holed up in Gage’s office getting to know each other. I wanted to throw myself in Gage’s arms for giving me my family. At first I wasn’t sure if I wanted this. But after getting to know them, I felt like I finally belonged somewhere. I had a family.