Awakening (16 page)

“Well, I just wanted to stop by and say hello.  Danny, don’t forget you’re picking Mira and me up at noon tomorrow.  It was nice to meet you, Miranda.”

“It’s Melissa,” Melissa says, still keeping her composure.  I’m shocked.  I’ve watched many girls, and guys, if I’m being honest, buckle under the pressure that is Kylee Anderson.  Melissa isn’t concerned at all, and if she is, I can’t tell.

“It doesn’t matter,” Kylee throws over her shoulder as she heads back to Victoria’s Secret. 
What a bitch.

I exhale slowly and Melissa laughs. 
She finds this amusing.

“Don’t even worry about it.  I’m used to girls like her.  She doesn’t bother me one bit.  She’s just being a good friend and looking out for Mira.  If anything comes out of this, I’ll talk to Mira.”  Melissa is beyond amazing; she’s a breath of fresh air.  She didn’t fall into Kylee’s trap and she understands why she came to our table. 

“I don’t think that would help, but thanks for the offer.  I better get going before we get anymore unwanted visitors.  I’ll call you soon,” I promise as I pull Melissa in for a hug.  She’s soft and warm and I don’t want to let go. 

“Soon sounds good.”  Melissa walks toward the exit that’s closest to the food court while I head the long way out.  Kylee leaves my mind as I think about the wonderful evening I just spent with Melissa.  And then I dread having to try to fall asleep with all the caffeine running through my body.

I eventually find sleep and my dreams are filled with Melissa and vanilla scented candles. 

I wake up late the next day and rush around to get myself together.   Of course, I’m not the only one who’s behind.  I run out to the car to get my suit and shirt; I forgot to bring them in last night.  As I’m walking back into the house, Skylar is just rolling out of bed and walking to the shower half asleep.  Thankfully, we’re both guys and can get shower and get ready in less than twenty minutes.

It’s a quarter after eleven and we’re out the door, on our way to pick up the girls.  I text Mira on the way, letting her know that we’re running behind and to please be ready.  Amazingly, the girls were already up, dressed and waiting for us to arrive.  As soon as we pull into the parking lot, the girls come walking out the door. 
Excellent timing.

The drive to the venue isn’t far, maybe ten minutes, and I know we’re all a little anxious.  Trevor was always the notorious playboy; never one to settle down.  Now, here he is, getting married and only a few months since we’ve seen him last.  Could it be true?  The playboy has met his match?

I watch Mira walk in front of me and it’s true what I said yesterday; she’s stunningly beautiful.  The light green dress, which makes the emerald color of her eyes pop, stops just above her knee, and shows off her long lean legs that are tanned and toned.  The neck line is cut just low enough for her to show a good amount of cleavage, and she’s wearing a black sweater over top.

The venue itself is really nice.  It’s a medium sized clubhouse on a private golf course.  White Christmas lights line the ceiling and there is deep red carpeting on the floors.  Outside of the private dining room we find the seating chart and find our names.  Locating our table, near the head table at the front of the room, we take our seats.

Within a few moments the entire room is full of people that I don’t recognize.   We must be the only people Trevor invited from school.  Trevor and his bride to be, Amy, greet us at our table.  Amy looks like the kind of girl that could break good old Trevor.  She’s beautiful, articulate and genuine.  I see exactly what the lure to her is and I couldn’t be happier for my friend. 

During the cocktail hour, finger foods are passed around by waiters in black suits and flutes are filled with champagne and orange juice.  Everything is beautiful but I’m feeling a little sad.  I wonder if Mira and I will ever have an engagement party.  Will our friends get to come to celebrate our love with us?

At the head table, Trevor takes his knife to his glass, making a clinking sound.  Everyone’s attention turns in his direction.  He reaches for Amy’s hand, asking her to stand with him. 

“I want to start by thanking everyone for coming out, especially on short notice.  Amy and I are so happy you could all join us.  Amy always wanted a Christmas wedding and we don’t see a point in waiting a whole year to get married.  What can I say, we’re in love.”  The crowd laughs as Trevor places a kiss on the top of Amy’s head.  She snuggles closer into his side and hugs him around the waist.

“Anyway, we would like to ask some of our friends to join us on our day.  Amy has already asked her girlfriends to stand in the wedding but I haven’t had a chance to ask my best friends to join me at my side.”  Trevor looks in our direction and smiles.  “Danny Thomas and Skylar McBride, you guys are my closest friends and I would really like if you would be my best men.  I know it’s not traditional, but you guys are all I have.”

There’s no question that I’ll be a part of Trevor’s day.  I know Skylar feels the same.  We all grew up together and there’s really nobody else that I would have stand with me. 

“You don’t even have to ask, man, we’re happy to be a part of your day,” Skylar says before I get a chance to open my mouth.

“Well, since that’s settled, I think Amy has something to say.”  Trevor hands the microphone over to Amy who immediately starts to blush. 

“Okay, I know that toasts are usually saved for the wedding, but I really want to say something right now, if you don’t mind.”

The attendees start chanting “speech speech speech” and Amy’s blush turns from a light pink to a deep red.  Trevor pushes a strand of Amy’s hair behind her ear and kisses her on the forehead.  Amy looks up at him and smiles.

“Okay, so Trevor and I have only been dating for a little while but when I met him I knew he was the one.  He’s amazing, loyal and kind.  He’s everything I ever dreamed of in a husband and I couldn’t be luckier.  When I met Trevor, we were interning our senior year of college at a law firm.  He was my closest friend.  He helped me learn the ropes and kept me going when I thought I would give up.  He’s now my very best friend.  When we started dating, it seemed like we were just friends hanging out until we realized those feelings weren’t just friendly.  Over time, we fell in love.  I love this man more than I can even put into words and I can’t wait to get the best Christmas present I’ll ever receive.”  Amy looks up to Trevor and she has tears in her eyes. 

“Trevor, I just want to thank you for loving me.  Loving me through my faults and my triumphs.  For being my best friend.  Thank you even more for making my dreams come true.”

When the couple moves to sit back in their seats, I turn and notice Mira looking at Skylar, almost dreamy.  I try to let it go, thinking that maybe she’s sentimental about the speech, until Skylar turns back toward the table and catches Mira’s eyes.  They share just a brief moment of longing before breaking eye contact; both of them now staring at their plates.

It’s then that I know all the answers to the questions plaguing my mind.

I’ve lost her.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Mira

God that speech hits home… hard.  Her dream come true.  That’s what Skylar would be for me; a wish upon a star that I’m granted.  I can’t help but stare at him, thinking of a future that will never be.  I have tried to push aside my feelings for Skylar and focus on my relationship with Danny, but it’s not working.  I know where my heart is and I know where it belongs; with my dream.

I know Danny sees me looking at Skylar and then notices Skylar and I having a silent conversation.  I know it hurts him, and I feel terrible for that.  I’m growing and my heart isn’t where it used to be.  I think he’s known that for some time but is finally coming to the realization that I won’t hurt him but I also won’t be whole.  Skylar owns the other half of my soul and I can’t steal it back; I don’t think he would give it up without a fight, either.

The rest of the party goes beautifully.  I am amazed at how in love Trevor and Amy ar;, it’s like they were made for one another.  Seeing their passion and connection makes me yearn for that of my own.  I know that happily ever afters, white picket fences, two point five kids and sitting on a porch swing with the man of my dreams isn’t always the rule in life.  I can’t help but want to be the exception to that rule; at least get as close to it as I can.

While Kylee, Skylar and Danny are catching up before we leave, I think it’s a good time for some fresh air and possibly some clarity.  I know I can’t go on living this way.  Danny deserves more.  Fuck it,
I
deserve more.  I deserve to be wanted, needed, lusted after and loved beyond measure.  After Kylee told me about seeing Danny yesterday with Melissa, I think that Danny feels the same.  Melissa might be his forever while I was just his first. 

I’m leaning against the cool brick of the building and I see Danny round the corner, visibly looking for something.  When he finds me, he casually continues his journey until we’re standing face to face. I know something’s off, I can feel it.  He looks miserable, like there’s something heavy weighing on his heart.  I realize what’s coming before he says one word. 

“Pea, you’re not happy.  I can see it written all over your face.  I can’t fix it, can I?”  Yep.  Exactly where I thought he was going to go. 

Fighting back tears, I try to speak over the lump in my throat, “No, I don’t think you can.”

Danny doesn’t seem surprised by my answer but I know it’s affecting him.  He runs his hands through his hair and takes a deep breath before talking again.  When his eyes meet mine, I can see the pain behind them; his deep blue eyes are almost clouded over with sadness. "Mira, as much as I don't want to let you go, I understand. You're not the only one who changed during those weeks, I did too. I just didn't realize it. You said before that you mourned my loss, in a way I did the same.”

In a weird way, I understand him.  It makes sense to me, but then again, Danny and I always seem to understand what the other one needs and thinks without having to talk about it.  I want him to stop talking about everything because the hurt is almost too much. 

Another drag of oxygen into his lungs and he explains further.  “I thought you weren't coming back. I prepared for a life without you. It was horrible and tragic, but I did it. When you came back, I was so happy, but it wasn't the same. I hope I don't sound callous, but it's the truth. I understand why our love isn't the same as it was before. Maybe it is the same and we just didn't know any different.”

“Danny, please don’t.  I know what you mean but we don’t have to talk about it.  I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to be hurt.  You’re a part of me.  I love you, just not that all consuming love you should have when you’re committing to spend the rest of your life together.”  I can’t fight the tears anymore; they start falling like a waterfall.  Danny takes me in a hug and rubs my back trying to calm me.  I don’t think anything will work right now.  I think of losing Danny completely and I start to hyperventilate.  Danny walks us to a nearby bench and we sit, my head on his shoulder.  Danny’s caressing my arm and resting his lips on the top of my head.

 “You're always going to be a part of my life and I never want to live without you, but I don't think I can marry you. You should explore the relationship you found in your dream with Skylar. Who knows?  He might be your knight in shining armor, and that’s what you deserve, Mira."

Danny stands to get the car but I pull him back by his waist.  I just need a minute.  I know I’m probably making a scene here, when our friends should be celebrating finding something so rare, but I’m losing something and need a minute to process.  I know this is what I wanted, but never thought it would hurt so deeply.

“Can we just sit here for a second, please?” 

“We can do anything you want.”  Danny pulls me back into his side, draping his arm around my shoulders.  We both stare off in to the distance; pained, hurt and dying a little inside.  A few minutes later, Skylar and Kylee come out of the venue expecting Danny and I to be waiting in the car.  When they see us, they don’t approach, but let us have our moment.

“Mira, come on.  We gotta get going.  I’m sure everyone wants to just go home.”

“Can you please call me ‘Pea’.  I love it when you do that.”  It’s the truth.  Danny was the first person to give me a nickname that wasn’t a variation of my name.  It’s kind of his thing.

“I can’t,” Danny says, standing and taking my hands to help me up, “It’ll just hurt too much.  I’m sorry.” 

And there it is, ladies and gentlemen, I’ve lost him.
My
Danny wouldn’t stop calling me Pea for anything.  Now I can’t
beg
him to say it.

I reluctantly allow him to walk me to the car.  Instead of sitting up front with him, I sit in the back with Kylee who’s giving me a look that says “What the fuck happened?  Do we need ice cream?”  I’m sure she can tell by the look on my face that ice cream isn’t going to cut it, but that doesn’t stop her from making Danny stop at the market by our apartment.

Rocky Road can cure most problems.  This problem?   I’m not sure anything can help this. 

For the first time since I was eighteen, I’m single.

The boys don’t follow us up to the apartment, not that I expected them to, but it would have been nice.  I don’t bother changing out of my dress once I’m inside.  Instead, I throw a hoodie over it and flop on the couch.  Kylee looks at me sympathetically; wanting to talk but not knowing what to say, l pull a pillow from the back of the sofa and lay on the arm. 

“Mira, can you please tell me what happened?”  Kylee begs me with her eyes to answer but knows me well enough to know that I won’t be able to talk about it just yet.

“Soon, just not now.”

“Okay, well I’m here for you.  Whatever you need, I’m all over it.”

“I know and I love you.  When I’m ready, k?”

“Yeah, babe.  I know.”

Kylee walks back to her bedroom leaving me alone in the living room to try to understand what happened.  There’s no doubt that I don’t feel the connection that Danny and I had for so long, but knowing it’s over hits like a ton of bricks.  I feel like a part of me is missing.