All of It (22 page)

That is such a “Teagan” thing to say that it makes me laugh out loud. “This is just between us, right? You won’t tell Tate?”

“I was thinking about sending out a mass text or posting it on Facebook, maybe renting out a billboard …”

“Come on!”

“Kidding … I’m only kidding. I won’t tell anyone.”

“Thanks.” I pause and think twice before I ask the next question, but I’ve never been in this situation before and I have an impartial jury here. I close my eyes and let it fly. “How was it for you? I mean, am
I
a good kisser?”

He smiles slyly. “On a scale of one to ten?”

I wince and nod. “Sure.”

“A nine and a half,” he says. His smile softens and his head tilts slightly to the right. “But if I’d been him, someone you were in love with, someone that you didn’t hold back with … someone that wasn’t like your
brother
,” he pauses, grinning, “then on a scale of one to ten it would’ve been a twenty.”

In a weird way, I’m flattered. “Thanks.”

Life is sometimes … over-thought.

After my mom talked to Teagan’s aunt, it was agreed that Teagan should stay at our house until graduation. She’s more than willing to take him in right away, but she lives about 20 miles from school and he doesn’t have a car, which would make getting to school difficult for Teagan. He’s going to spend the summer with her and then he’s off to college in the fall. He already has a soccer scholarship to a local college (as long as he passes all of his classes this semester; fingers crossed).

Teagan checks in periodically with his grandma just to let her know he’s okay, but he doesn’t speak to his dad. It’s my hope that losing his son this way will encourage his dad to get sober, but I’m not holding my breath. To me, the important thing is that Teagan is safe. He seems happier now, but Teagan’s always been really good at putting on the happy-go-lucky façade. He can’t keep it up 24 hours a day though, and since we’re now living in close proximity to each other, I can see the other side of him, too. I see the sadness on his face when he thinks no one is watching. His bruise has outwardly healed, but I worry about what’s going on inside … emotionally. That will take more time.

The last few months of my senior year seem to pass so quickly. Prom is approaching and graduation is only six weeks away. Signs of spring are beginning to poke through the snowy ground, and the days are getting longer. I’m more optimistic than I’ve been in months and all signs indicate that my life is heading in a positive direction again. I’m gaining control. I’m still not so great at asking for help, but I am making baby steps. The things that make me feel good are keeping up my connections with my friends and family, and preparing for college.

I’ve applied to three local universities, and have been accepted to all of them. I have a 4.0 grade point average and I’m in the top five-percent of my graduating class, so things are looking up. My parents have set aside a college fund for me, but it’s only enough for the first few semesters depending on where I go; I insist on paying for anything beyond that. I’m looking for any available scholarship money, but it’s competitive. With budget in mind, the main concern is proximity to home. I would rather live at home and avoid housing costs if at all possible. It’s stressful, but I’m working through it.

In March I started working for Sunny at her new office and have been there for about a month now. I love the job. Sunny is incredibly supportive. I learned quickly how smart and talented she really is. Her home is so beautiful; I’ve always thought so. But I never realized that she was actually an interior designer. For all of her intelligence and talent, she’s also pretty quirky. She can be absentminded and make rushed decisions, sometimes without completely thinking through the consequences. Dimitri used to tell me that she took some looking after, and now I finally understand what he meant. I basically act as her assistant. I place orders with vendors, take calls from clients, make appointments, manage her calendar, and try to keep her organized to make sure she doesn’t forget anything. I work every day after school, but I have weekends off.

Everything seems to be going well, with one exception: Dimitri. I thought that as time passed, things would get easier. But they haven’t. He’s always nice when I see him, but we’re distant. He’s friendly with people, but aside from hanging out with Sebastian, he seems to keep to himself. He’s always been private. He has a few classes with Monica, so every once in a while I nonchalantly ask her about him. Of course, she sees right through me.

“Veronica, you’re still not over him, are you?” Monica asks one afternoon as we’re walking out of literature.

I’m shamelessly watching him walk down the hall in front of us. All I can think about is how right he was about a nice fitting pair of jeans.

Monica waves her hand in front of my face. “Hey, Veronica?”

Startled, I blink and look at her. “What?”

“I
said
, you’re still not over him, are you?” Her accusation turns consolatory, and there’s pity all over her face. I hate that. Pity makes me feel even more pathetic.

“What are you talking about?” I make a weak attempt at playing stupid.

“You
know
what I’m talking about. Dimitri.”

I don’t answer and, correctly, she takes that as a yes.

“He thinks something’s going on between you and Teagan, you know.”

I can’t hide my shock. “What?!”

“Yeah, Tate said he was over at their house last week with Sebastian, and Dimitri came home and hung out with them for a while. He said Dimitri was asking questions about you and Teagan. Tate told him that nothing was going on, but he said he didn’t think Dimitri bought it.” She takes a breath and looks at me. “Nothing is going on with you and Teagan, is it?”

“No! God, no! Teagan and I are just friends. I love him, but sharing a bathroom with the boy for over two months now is a
huge
turn-off.”

Monica laughs. “I think I get the picture. I feel kind of sorry for Teagan though.”

“What do you mean?” I know Monica doesn’t know why Teagan is really staying with my family. Or does she? Teagan and I told everyone that his dad had to move out of state for a job and that Teagan needed someplace to stay so that he could finish school. Tate knows the truth, but beyond that, everyone else believes the story.

“Come on Veronica, Teagan’s totally in love with you. He always has been.” She’s looking at me suspiciously.

My head shakes back and forth emphatically. “No, no, no, Teagan’s totally in love with anyone whose pants he can get into.
We
are just friends.” I will deny this to the end.

“Whatever. I know he’s a man-whore, but he doesn’t care about any of them. The boy
loves
you. You really don’t see it?”

I shake my head. “No.”

We part ways to head to our next classes and I can’t stop thinking about everything that she’s just said. I thought Teagan had kind of gotten me out of his system after we kissed. It makes me sad if that isn’t the case. But, what really has me thinking is what she said about Dimitri. He’s
asking
about me, which means he’s
thinking
about me, which means
maybe
he still cares? I know I shouldn’t jump to such wild conclusions and I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up or even think about it all for that matter, but I can’t help myself.

I arrive at work a few minutes early after school. I’m still riding the Dimitri high, and I’m in a really good mood for a change. I don’t see Sunny’s car in front of the office, but sometimes she’s out visiting clients when I arrive. She’s given me a key to let myself in. I put the key in the slot, but the door is already open. I open it slowly and can hear someone moving around in the back. This makes me nervous. No one else should be here.

Stopping in the doorway, I yell loudly, “Hello?” I’m prepared to make a run for it if I have to.

I hear footsteps and then, “Ronnie?” Sebastian walks around the corner and into the front room.

I sigh in relief, and my body relaxes. “Oh, hey Sebastian. What are you doing here?”

He shakes his head like he really doesn’t know either. “Oh, Mom texted me during last period and asked me to get here as quick as I could after school because she needed help with some orders that just arrived.” He’s rolling his eyes dramatically. “She sort of told me what to do and then ran off to some meeting. She said you could fill me in when you got here.”

We walk to the back and start opening boxes. I actually do know what we need to do, and I’m grateful to have the help. This is going to take the rest of the day to finish, even with two of us, and it needs to be done by tomorrow morning.

It’s a little uncomfortable at first, being here with Sebastian. Sebastian himself doesn’t make me nervous. Friendship with him has come easily from the very beginning. Oddly, I’ve always felt some sort of unspoken bond between us. Maybe Dimitri was the common link. But I haven’t talked to Sebastian much since the breakup, and I’m not sure what he thinks of me for it. He and Dimitri are closer than any siblings I’ve ever met, and they’re very loyal to each other.

We make small talk for a while and then the conversation takes a more serious turn. Sebastian doesn’t beat around the bush. He’s much more blunt than Dimitri or his mother.

“So, Ronnie, what’s up with you and Teagan?”

This catches me off guard. “Teagan is staying with my family until school’s—”

Sebastian interrupts, “Yeah, I know about the living arrangements. That’s not what I’m talking about. What’s going on? Are you two seeing each other?”

“God,
no
! This is the second time I’ve been asked that question today,” I say, exasperatedly raising my voice. “What would give anyone the impression that
anything
is going on between us?”

He puts his hand on my forearm and half-laughs, “Easy, Ronnie. I forgot how easy it is to get you worked up,” he pauses, “It’s just that people are talking. I mean, he
is
living in your house and in pretty close quarters. It kind of makes me wonder.”

I feel my heart rate increase. I’m getting pissed. “What exactly are
people
saying?”

He starts unpacking a box again. “Well, rumors are going around, and for the most part I ignore them because I think I know you better than that. Still, last week Tate was over at my house and D. came home and started asking Tate if he knew what was going on between you and Teagan. He hears the same rumors I do. Tate told him you two were just friends, but after D. left, Tate told me he wasn’t really sure. He said that Teagan spilled his guts to him the weekend before when they got home from a party.”

“Teagan spent the weekend with Tate two weeks ago. Teagan said they went to a party, but said he didn’t remember much of it because he got so drunk.” I’m trying to keep up and fill in the blanks.

“Well, I guess he was pretty wasted and going on and on about you. Tate kind of blew him off because he’s heard it all before. I mean it’s no secret that Teagan’s into you. Anyway, Teagan claimed that he’d even kissed you recently, which I personally find hard to believe. So what’s up?” He looks up from his box, waiting for my response.

I shake my head harshly. “Unbelievable,” I say, talking mostly to myself.

He smiles thinking he’s correct. “Right? That’s what I told Tate. Teagan only wishes. I told Dimitri it didn’t happen.”

I’m still stunned. “Actually … it did happen.” I cover my face with my hands, feeling defeated.

Sebastian is shocked. “What the hell?” he says, slowly. “Are you shitting me?”

I rub my temples a few times, look Sebastian in the eyes, and inhale and exhale deeply before I answer. “No.”

He shakes his head. “Please tell me this happened after you broke up with D.?”

I nod and answer quietly. “Yes.”

“And please tell me that Teagan had
nothing
to do with your breaking up with D.?” He says through gritted teeth.

“He didn’t.” I feel so ashamed. Confessing all of this to Sebastian is almost as bad as confessing it to Dimitri himself.

He’s still shaking his head and looks disgusted. “Ronnie, I know it’s none of my business to pry into your personal life like this, but what in the hell is going on? What’s the story with you and Teagan?”

I weigh my options and consider not answering him. He’s really pissed at me and rightly so after what I’ve done to his brother. But, Sebastian is someone I trust. I also know this news has already made its way to Dimitri and I don’t want him to get the wrong idea. This is my opportunity air my side of the story, and telling Sebastian is second best only to telling Dimitri himself. Decided, I sit down and gesture for him to take a seat across from me. I look at the ground as I begin to explain. “Teagan is my best friend. We’ve been friends since we could walk. I always thought of him as the brother I never had, and until very recently I assumed that he thought of me the same way. Due to an incredibly sad twist of fate, my family has temporarily taken him in.”

Sebastian interrupts, “Right, because his dad moved out of state or something.”

I bite my lip and ponder how to answer without compromising Teagan’s secret. “It was something … a little more serious than that. I’m sorry, that’s all I can say out of respect to Teagan. The official story is that Teagan’s dad moved out of state though, so as far as you know that’s what happened, okay?”

His face softens a little and he nods in agreement.

“Most people don’t understand because they don’t know the whole story. In ways, I’m closer to him than I’ve ever been, but not how you think.” I shake my head; this is so hard to explain without saying too much. “Teagan needs me, but because he has feelings for me, I need to keep him at a distance. It’s a fine line. How do you hold someone close just so that they can hold it together, while at the same time distance yourself so that you don’t break their heart?”

Sebastian is poking at a hole in the knee of his jeans. He isn’t looking at me, but he’s listening to every word I say. It must run in the family—they’re all good listeners. “So, let me get this straight,” he says. “Teagan’s been through some pretty bad shit and you’re family rescued him and took him in. Now you feel bad because you know what he’s been through and feel worse because you know he wants you. You want to help him, but you don’t want to hurt him?”