A Time to Live (17 page)

“I don’t want to die, Michael.
There’s still too much living to do.”

His arms tightened around her, his breath warm against her cheek as he choked back his own tears.

“Don’t you see?” Nikki moaned. “I understand you...more than you think I do. I know what you want and what you need from me, but I also know what my death will do to you. I can’t hurt you like that, Michael, I just can’t.”

“Sweet, Nikki,” he said and tugged her chin up until she looked at him.
His eyes were liquid with emotion. Surprisingly his lips lifted. “You are being so brave for me. But you don’t have to do that now. It’s already too late. You’re in my blood. Somewhere along the way, I fell in love with you, Nikki.”

Something squeezed her chest.
The world spun around her. Love? He barely knew her. How could he fall in love with her? She was dying.

“You can’t love me, Michael.
You said Laura ripped your heart out when she left you, how could I bear to do that to you?”

“Hush,” he whispered.
He lowered his head, his lips tracing softly over her ear. “I cannot stop what I feel for you, Nikki.”

“God, Michael, I can’t do this to you.
When my health begins to deteriorate, you will be tending an invalid. I can’t drag you down like that. I can’t bear to see you turn to another—”

Michael hauled himself back
, but didn’t release her. “Turn to another? What makes you think I’d—” He stopped, his eyes widening in realization. “It happened before didn’t it?”

She nodded, not wanting to tell him
, but unable to stop herself. “Bradley Harris is one of the top cancer researchers in the nation. My case was referred to him. I don’t know what happened, but we fell in love. It was wrong, but it happened. Bradley’s specialty was developing experimental drugs. But they made me terribly sick. As I grew weaker, I was bed-ridden. Then the news came that the drugs hadn’t worked. The cancer was still there. And that’s when Bradley turned to my best friend Stacy. He completely forgot about me. I knew what was happening, so I stopped taking the meds and my strength returned. The ones I take now barely slow the cancer down. But when I was strong enough, I packed up everything and moved here.”

“Sweet Jesus,” Michael whispered, again pulling her close.
“I would never do that to you, Nikki.”

“I won’t condemn you to watching me die!”

He fell silent for a long moment, then once again his lips moved. He lightly kissed her cheek and traced down her throat. Nikki knew she should push him away, but couldn’t bring herself to move. Slowly, he lifted his head, his amber eyes blazing as he gazed at her. “Nikki, listen to me,” he whispered, his voice soft and mesmerizing. “I know you are trying to protect me. If we are together and your fate is to die in a few months, I will grieve. But if you pushed me out of your life today and died tomorrow, I would grieve no less.”

She blinked at him, stunned.

“Who are we to question the gifts of this life? Loving is one of the greatest. Instead of denying it, we should seize it for as long as we can. You believe your time is short, but what do we truly know? I might die tomorrow. I know that my life would be empty if I did not love you while I could. Please, allow me to hold you to my heart for as long as I can. We must take every day as it is given to us...as a gift.”

Nikki gazed up at him dumbfounded. She could not believe what she was hearing.
She closed her eyes, feeling another hot tear slide down her cheek.

Michael gently wiped it away.
“Please, Nikki,” he whispered. “Don’t turn your back on the time we can share together.” His fingers continued to travel over her face. His caress sent tiny sparks of fire shooting through her skin. For so long she had been alone and terrified - to have his touch, his love, and his strength in her life was something she needed desperately.

He lowered his head, brushing his lips lightly across hers.
She marveled at how a simple touch from him could send fire through her veins. She felt terribly selfish, but she knew when things became too much for her, when despair threatened to overwhelm her, she would find solace in his embrace. Michael would shelter her with his body and his heart.

Nikki reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, weaving her fingers through his thick hair.
“Carpe Diem,” she whispered and finally released her stranglehold on her desire. She returned his kiss with a passion that surprised her.

Michael made a low sound deep in his throat.
His arms tightened around her. His kiss threatened to devour her. Nikki stopped fighting her heart and surrendered to him completely. Suddenly, he ended their kiss and before she could pull her wits together, he scooped her into his arms and carried her to the bedroom.

Michael spoke her name with the barest of whispers and bore her down on the bed.
Roughly, he freed her of her clothes, his hands caressing her with a gentleness that belied his great strength.

Nikki tugged at his shirt and he paused long enough to pull it off, returning to kiss her powerfully.
Her fingers touched him, exploring every cut and curve of the hard muscle that flexed under his smooth skin. Now more than ever she became aware of the primal fire that burned within him, a force so deep no one could understand it, no one could ever touch it.

But she could.
She could stand in its awesome heat and never be harmed. So many people hated him, so many were terrified of a man they did not understand. But she wasn’t. Never would she fear Michael.

Michael hauled off the rest of his clothes, then captured her breast in his mouth.
She moaned as hot energy ignited within her. He moved slightly, pushing his legs between hers, his actions matching hers in intensity.

Suddenly he shoved himself deep inside her.
Nikki bit back a cry of surprise, pain and pleasure. Her muscles convulsed of their own accord sending a glorious sensations through the core of her being.

Michael groaned, his body coiled, as he slowly began to move.
Every action took her to the place his words and kisses had promised. Never had any man possessed her so totally. Nikki willingly gave herself to him, destroying her barriers of fear and pain. Michael laid claim to her heart then led her to ecstasy.

****

Michael slowly opened his eyes to warm sunshine spilling through the window and a vibrant sensation of harmony, especially with the woman who slept in his arms. He had achieved the feeling only rare times before. When he was in the woods with Anpa, Dakota, and Cetan. When nature had enveloped him and there was no sign of the hatred in this world. There had been brief moments when he knew he had found his true place in the great circle. But those times had been fleeting, only momentary sensations, that made him aware of a place where he belonged but could never truly achieve. Yet with Nikki, he had found it, and it was more real than anything he had ever experienced in his life. He had broken through her defenses and touched her soul.

She stirred, her hand sliding lightly across his chest, and blinked her eyes open.

“Good morning,” he said smiling at her.

She squeezed her eyes shut and groaned.

His heart lurched, what if she regretted last night?

Slowly, Nikki lifted her head and gazed at him.
“Michael, what have we done?”

“The only thing we could do, Nikki.
I am thankful for the time I have to hold you to my heart.”

His soul nearly shattered as she sat up, refusing to look at him.
She pulled on a robe and disappeared into the bathroom without a word.

He climbed out of bed and hauled on his jeans, going downstairs to make Nikki’s coffee.

Michael worried over Nikki the rest of the morning. She came downstairs, drank her coffee, took her meds, but was listless and far too quiet. After about an hour she went back upstairs to rest for a while.

What had he done?
He suddenly felt he had forced her into something she did not want and he hated himself for it. What could he do? He couldn’t bear to let her go. Not now, not after last night. He spotted her medication bottles on the counter. Doc would be able to help. And Josh. Michael almost smacked his forehead for not seeing the obvious. Josh specialized in this. He would help too. Michael grabbed a pen and paper, quickly writing down the names of Nikki’s meds, shoving it in his pocket.

Michael’s gaze returned to the stairs.
He needed to talk to his friends, but he couldn’t leave Nikki by herself. What if the intruder came back?

He heard the stairs creak and quickly turned to clean the few dishes in the sink.
He glanced over his shoulder as Nikki entered the kitchen, dressed in jeans and a sweater. She poured herself another cup of coffee, but then surprised him by working her way in front of him and kissing him.

Michael almost dropped the dish he was cleaning.
If his hands hadn’t been covered in dish soap, he would have swept her into his arms. His blood thundered to every part of his body, bringing it vibrantly alive. Nikki ended the kiss, her eyes sparking like green emeralds. Michael found himself fighting to catch his breath.

“I’ve been terribly out of sorts this morning,” she said, her voice husky.
“I’m sorry, Michael.”

He blinked, trying to think through his haze.

She smiled, her expression one of feminine intrigue and power. She stepped away, her hand sliding over the opening of his shirt and sending fire through his skin. He shivered. “Dear God, woman,” he muttered. “You’re going to drive me insane like this.”

She laughed softly and moved away.
Michael bit back a growl of disappointment and battled to get himself under control.

Nikki picked up her coffee and
pulled out her laptop. Michael shook his head, trying to focus his attention on the dishes. He busied himself by finishing the dishes. Finally, he wiped down the counter and turned to see Nikki printing out a stack of papers.

“What’s captured your attention so completely?” he asked.

A tiny frown furrowed her brow as she scanned the printouts. “I was just thinking about something.”

He smiled, folding his arms over his chest.
“Now that’s a non-answer answer.”

She flashed him a bright grin.
“Well, honestly, I can’t get your case out of my head. There’s something we’re not seeing here and its driving me crazy.”

His smile faded into a scowl.
“Nikki, I don’t want you worrying over this.”

“I’m not worrying exactly,” she replied and winked at him.
“It’s a mystery. The game is afoot and all that.”

Michael groaned, rolling his eyes to the heavens.
“Oh no, not the dog with a bone syndrome. What’s on your mind, Sherlock?”

She giggled and Michael was happy to see her melancholy fading.
“Well, you said everything was a media fiasco around here. So, I jumped on the internet to find all of the news reports.”

Michael stiffened.
“Nikki, I told you what the reporters did to me—”

“That’s not the reason, Michael. You know my journalism background.
Sometimes, reporters can dig up a lot of information. I figured you didn’t read the reports did you?”

“Are you kidding me?”

“That’s what I thought. But you mentioned that Denise had Ecstasy in her blood. That’s a pretty elite drug. I doubt you’ve got any rings peddling it up here.”

Michael arched an eyebrow.
“Point taken.”

“So, how did Denise get a hold of it?”

“I thought one of the guys gave it to her.”

Nikki nodded.
“But there’s one problem, how did Laura and Joanna get it as well?”

Michael stared at her, stunned.

She pointed to the printouts. “All of them had high doses of Ecstasy and alcohol.”

“What?” He crossed the distance between them in three strides, staring at the articles.
Sure enough, Nikki was right. “I thought Brian might have given Denise the drugs at the bar that night, but he left right when the case broke. Joined the Army or something and hasn’t been back since. There’s no way he could have given it to Laura or Joanna.”

Again Nikki nodded, as if this didn’t surprise her in the least.
“You see, Michael, that’s the trick about Ecstasy, especially in liquid form. It can be slipped into a drink without anyone knowing. Combined with alcohol, it hits really hard, that’s why it’s so effective as a date rape drug.”

“So it could have been anyone in the bar that night.”

“Yes, but it has to be someone with access to all three women, because all three were the same.”

Michael whistled softly.
“I have no idea who. Laura mostly kept to herself. She wouldn’t trust just anyone, especially since she had divorced me.”

“Exactly.
So, who would have easy access to this drug, and the same access to all three women?” She paused and thought for a long moment. “Even though Doc’s not an M.E., he did the prelims on the bodies for the coroner in Denver. Do you think he might have some more information?”