A Time to Live (16 page)

Michael bowed his head.
“No,” he whispered, his voice shaking. “She didn’t believe me.” Instinctively, Nikki wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly. He buried his face in her hair, battling to keep his emotions under control. A few minutes later, he sucked in a shaky breath and lifted his head. Gulping another drink, Michael continued. “She started divorce proceedings immediately. She even told the press and everyone else she thought I was guilty. I thought Denise and her lies were terrible, but Laura tore my heart out. I was alone in the middle of hell. The trial continued and went to the jury. But there wasn’t enough evidence to overcome their reasonable doubt. The jury considered Denise’s profession, and that it was possible the physical evidence came from another man. They also took into account everyone’s inebriated state, and the drugs in her blood work. Doc testified that he found something called Ecstasy.”

“The date rape drug?”

“You’ve heard of it?”

“It’s very popular on the club scene in Los Angeles.”

Michael nodded. “It punches the memory full of holes. It can cause amnesia and Denise might have been recalling a memory that was actually an hallucination. There was no way to be certain. So, the jury said not guilty. But I was tried and convicted in the press,” he finished bitterly. “A vicious, backwater, half-breed.”

Horror washed through her.
What had Michael suffered because an angry woman who was drunk and high, couldn’t remember fact from fiction?

Michael’s entire postured changed, his shoulders bowed and he dropped his head as
if he was so weary he didn’t even want to breathe anymore. “Why, Nikki?” he whispered. “Why did she do this? I never touched her, I never hurt her, just knowing what she suffered twists my gut. I don’t understand why she hates me so much to lie about this. I thought we were at least friends and friends don’t destroy each other.” Slowly he looked at her again. “Do they?”

Nikki’s heart splintered.
“No,
Michel
,” she said, her voice soft but firm. “They don’t.”

Michael shivered.
“After the trial, which lasted over eight months,” he said, his voice thick. “The divorce was final. Laura had moved out, the only time I ever spoke with her again was in a room with lawyers. I went home, and crawled into my own little shell. Three months later, the sheriff showed up at my door again. This time it was Laura, she had been raped and mutilated, just like Denise, but she had been murdered, her body dumped on my land.”

Nikki rubbed her eyes.
No wonder the sheriff hated Michael. This was one hell of a frame-up.

“Technically, I had motive because of the divorce, and opportunity because I had been home alone and no one could verify my alibi.
But again, what little physical evidence there was didn’t match. I was the prime suspect, but there wasn’t enough to make an arrest. About a year passed and I tried to pull myself together. Laura may have ripped my heart out, but I did care for her. Her death hit me pretty hard. Josh convinced me to start getting out of the house and to try to get on with my life.”

Nikki felt her lips tug upward.
“And what else is a psychiatrist supposed to do?”

Michael managed a smile.
“True. Things started getting back to normal, although the people of Shadow Mountain weren’t sure what to think of me. But the majority were willing to give me a chance. I started seeing Joanna on a very casual basis. But I was very paranoid. We were never alone together, we always met at a public place, and I always had my gaggle of witnesses around. But she got tired of that, and was angry because I didn’t trust her. She ended it on a pretty bitter note. I let her go and went about my business. Then, the night I met you on the road, Joanna’s body was found.”

“Just like Laura?”

Michael nodded. “Now, everyone thinks I’m guilty.”

She touched his cheek, gently pulling him to look at her again.
“You know I don’t think that.”

H
e cupped her face in both hands. “I know, Nikki,” he said hoarsely. “When you bailed me out of jail…I knew. He gazed at her a long moment then slowly released her. “Nikki, I may have disliked how Denise, Laura, and Joanna treated me, but I swear to you I would never harm anyone unless they threatened someone I cared about. I am strong enough to take hatred and ridicule, but I cannot bear it being directed at someone who I would give my life for...someone like you.”

Tears burned in her eyes and she tried to force them back
, but one slid down her cheek. Michael brushed it away. “If you don’t want me around anymore, I understand, Nikki. I’ll leave now if you wish.”

“Don’t you dare,” she choked.
She tightened her hold on him and buried her face against his chest, fighting back her sobs.

His strong arms wrapped around her.
“It’s all right, sweetheart,” he whispered. “Please don’t cry, I don’t want you to start coughing again.”

Nikki almost barked a laugh.
Here Michael had just ripped open his soul and she was the one crying. But she tried valiantly to get a hold of herself. He was right, she didn’t need another coughing fit.

He held her for a long time, his hands stroking her hair and back.
She relaxed against him, enjoying his attentions. “Michael?”

“Hmmm?”

“I believe you.” She lifted her head and looked at him.

He studied her for a long moment, his eyes glittering.
“I know,” he whispered. His fingers caught her chin and he lowered his head. “You are a remarkably strong woman, Nikki.” He brushed his lips against hers.

Her heart lurched and thudded painfully
, but for once no coughing fit threatened.

For an instant
, he backed away a hairsbreadth, but then cupped her face and fully captured her mouth with his. His lips were wonderfully warm and soft. His mouth seemed to fit perfectly against hers. He deepened the kiss, his tongue sweeping over hers, igniting a firestorm within her. She sensed deep passion within him. When this man loved, he loved completely. A groan curled up the back of her throat as his kiss ravished her senses.

Desire, hot and heady, surged through her. His hands moved down her shoulders and then to her sides, sliding down then back up with wonderful gentleness.
 

He nibbled on her bottom lip and laved at her mouth with his tongue, sending her senses spiraling.
But abruptly he ended the kiss and pushed away. She blinked open her eyes and saw his expression twisted with pain.

“Good Lord, Nikki.”
Michael stood and walked across the room to the hearth. He braced his hands against the mantle and stared into the flames, his spine rigid.

“Michael?”

He flinched. “I—” His voice broke and she sensed him trying to gulp air into his lungs. Slowly, he turned around, his expression agonized. “I want you, Nikki.”

Her eyebrows flew up her forehead.
Hello? What were we doing just a second ago?
Nikki realized that if he hadn’t stopped, she would have wound up in bed with him. Strangely, that idea appealed to her more than ever.

“But,” he said softly.
“I don’t mean...I mean...damn.” He ran his hand through his hair and looked at her again. “I don’t want a one night stand.”

She stared at him, wondering if she heard him correctly.

“Nikki, you are the bravest, most wonderful woman I have ever met. I thought I loved Laura, but nothing I felt for her can hold a candle to what I feel for you. I don’t ever want to let you go. I never thought I would actually find a soul-mate but I have.”

Nikki’s jaw went slack.
Soul-mate?
As his amber eyes locked her in his gaze she understood. Michael spoke his heart.

Joy infused her with a heady warmth
, but it was quickly followed by a sickening, cold reality. She would be gone in a couple of months. Dear God, she couldn’t do that to him.

A terrible sorrow cut through her.
She should have told him before, but her own selfishness had caught her. The memory of seeing Michael behind the jail bars...a man who was so like the wolf and could only live if he was truly free, stabbed her soul and left it bleeding. Especially since she knew the truth now. If she died, even of natural causes, Michael would be investigated and it would be another witch hunt.

If Nikki lost him forever, by telling Michael the truth, scaring him away, it would be worth it, she would not have him blamed for her death. She stared at Michael, her heart breaking with grief.
He wanted a soul-mate and when she died, she would leave him cold and alone. He had suffered too much, he didn’t need to suffer that too.

“I’m sorry, Michael,” she whispered, tears spilling down her cheeks.
“But I cannot be what you want me to be.”

His expression melted from agonized hope
, to shock and slowly to anger. The plains of his face hardened and his mouth pressed into a pale line. He hunched his shoulders and Nikki suddenly felt that if his ears had been pointed, he would have flattened them. As it was, he nearly bared his teeth at her.

“I should have known you would not want a vicious half-breed.”
He strode for the door.

“Michael, no!”
Nikki snapped and jumped to her feet. She purposefully placed herself between him and the door. When he tried to step around her, she planted her hands on his chest and pushed him back. He had been honest with her - now it was her turn.

“Get out of my way.”

“Just listen, please. Give me the same courtesy I gave you.”

Michael’s shoulders slumped.
“All right.” He turned around and walked back to the hearth.

“Michael, it’s not that I don’t want to be with you, it’s that I can’t.”

“Why not?” he growled.

“You know I have an illness.”

He shrugged and faced her. “I know. It doesn’t bother me.”

“But it should.
I can’t do that to you.”

His frown deepened.
“Nikki, don’t you know how long I’ve waited for someone like you? You’re the only woman I’ve met who has the guts to stand up for what she believes. She listened to her heart instead of the lies.”

“Michael, if I wasn’t sick, then it would be different.
You wouldn’t be able to get rid of me.”

“You might have an illness
, but we can still have a life together.”

“No we can’t, Michael.
I won’t put you through that kind of pain.”

“What are you talking about?”

She took a deep breath, her heart screaming.
Goodbye, Michael, I could have loved you. We could have had something very special.
But it was time to let him go.

“I am dying, Michael, by springtime I will be gone.”

He stared at her, frozen for a long instant. The air left his lungs in a sudden rush and he staggered into a nearby chair. His eyes were wide in horror, and his face pallid.

Nikki saw his hands shaking and her heart twisted even more.
“It’s lung cancer,” she whispered. “I’ve only got about another three months or so.”

“Three months?” he whispered.

She shrugged and her gaze dropped to her boots. “Maybe four if I’m lucky.”

“No,” Michael said, his voice strained.
He hauled himself out of the chair. “It’s not possible, I would have known.”

“What?”

He started to speak then clamped his jaw shut, rubbing his eyes. Nikki suddenly realized he wiped away tears. “Nikki,” he whispered, “it doesn’t have to be that way. We can take you to Denver, I’m sure a good doctor will find the truth....If all else fails, there are treatments—”

Rage shot through her and furious tears spilled down her cheeks.
“Don’t you see, Michael? I just came from that. That’s why I moved here. For two years, I suffered the agony of chemo and experimental drugs. But it didn’t work.” Suddenly something broke within her and she was crying so hard she could hardly speak. Her heart filled with rage, pain, and frustration. “But the chemo,” she managed to choke, “was killing me faster than the cancer. When the test results came back and Bradley told me...six months at most. I knew I couldn’t keep living like that. I wouldn’t waste away in agony in a hospital...alone and terrified. So I moved here...I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t even want to be friends with you. I didn’t want to hurt anyone when I died.”

“You
—” his voice cracked. “You should have told me.”

“I know.
I am sorry. I tried but I couldn’t. After I got to know you...I didn’t want to lose you. I didn’t want to be alone anymore.” Tears spilled in earnest down her cheeks. She squeezed her eyes shut and covered her face with her hands. Nikki knew telling Michael was going to hurt but she never thought it would hurt this much. She felt as if she had just torn her heart out and shredded it into tiny pieces.

“Nikki,” he whispered as his strong arms engulfed her.

She sobbed the agony of the past two years against his chest as he held her and pressed his lips against top of her head. Why couldn’t it have been different? Why couldn’t she have met him before?