Zoolarious Animal Jokes for Kids (4 page)
A: I don't knowâabout 10 miles per hour?
Jack: Do you like that cow over there?
Jill: No, I like the udder one!
Q: What do cats use to do their homework?
A: A meow-culator.
Q: Why did the hornet have to fly back home?
A: Because he forgot his yellow jacket.
Q: Why did the bee visit the barber?
A: Because he wanted a buzz cut.
Bill: Would you like some honey?
Bob: May-bee!
Q: How did the bee get ready for school?
A: She used her honey comb!
Q: What do you get when you cross a vulture and a bumblebee?
A: A buzz-ard.
Q: What is a horse's favorite kind of fruit?
A: Straw-berries.
Q: What is a horse's favorite kind of nut?
A: Hay-zelnuts.
Q: What is a mouse's favorite game?
A: Hide and squeak.
Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A: Because it's too far to walk, and their feet won't reach the pedals on a bicycle!
Cow #1: Did you hear about that crazy disease going around called mad cow disease?
Cow #2: I sure didâgood thing I'm a penguin!
A policeman saw a lady with a hippopotamus walking down the street. He said, “Ma'am, you need to take that hippo to the zoo.” The next day the lady was again walking down the street with the hippopotamus. The policeman said, “Ma'am, I told you to take that hippo to the zoo.” The lady replied, “I did take him to the zoo, and today I'm taking him to the movies!”
Q: What is the best way to communicate with a squirrel?
A: Climb up a tree and act like a nut!
Q: Why can't cats drink milk in outer space?
A: Because the milk is in flying saucers!
Q: What's more annoying than a cat meowing outside your bedroom window?
A:
Ten
cats meowing outside your bedroom window!
Q: What do you do when you come upon two snails fighting?
A: Just let them slug it out . . .
Q: What's the best way to learn about spiders?
A: On a web-site!
Q: What does a frog drink when it wants to lose weight?
A: Diet Croak.
Q: Why did the firefly get bad grades on his report card?
A: Because he wasn't very bright!
Q: Why was the caterpillar running for its life?
A: Because it was being chased by a dog-erpillar!
Q: What do you get when you cross a dog and a snowman?
A: Frostbite.
Q: What is the difference between a fly and an eagle?
A: An eagle can fly, but a fly can't eagle.
Q: When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
A: When you're a mouse!
A duck went shopping at the grocery story and went to the register to pay. The store clerk asked, “Don't you have exact change?” The duck answered, “Nope, sorry, I only carry bills!”
Q: What do you call an elephant that never takes a bath?
A: A smell-ephant!
Q: What is a fish's favorite game show?
A: Name that tuna (tune).
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Bee.
Bee who?
Just bee yourself!
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Owl.
Owl who?
Owl tell you another joke if you let me in . . .
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Aardvark.
Aardvark who?
Aardvark a thousand miles just to see you!
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Amos.
Amos who?
Ouch! Amos-quito bit me!
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Bug spray.
Bug spray who?
Bug spray they won't get squished!
Q: Where do horses live?
A: In neigh-borhoods.
Q: What kind of fish are worth a lot of money?
A: Goldfish.
Q: Where do monkeys make their burgers?
A: On the grill-a (gorilla).
Q: What did one nightcrawler say to the other nightcrawler?
A: “I know this great place down the road where we can eat dirt cheap!”
Q: Why does a herd of deer have plenty of money?
A: Because they have a lot of bucks!
Q: What is a bug's favorite music?
A: The Beatles.
Q: What is a frogs favorite outdoor game?
A: Croak-quet (croquet)
Q: What kind of animal will never leave you alone?
A: The badger.
Q: Why did the bug get up early every morning?
A: Because it was a praying mantis.
Q: What kind of animal always contradicts itself?
A: A hippo-crite.
Q: Where do you put your dog when he's not behaving?
A: In the grrrrr-age!
Q: What do you call a cat with eight legs that can swim?
A: An octo-puss.
Q: Why were the robins eating cake?
A: Because it was their bird-thday!
Q: Why did the pythons decide to get married?
A: Because they had a crush on each other.
Q: What do you do if there is a lion in your bed?
A: Go to a hotel for the night!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snail and a porcupine?
A: A slow poke.
Q: What's green, has six legs, and climbs beanstalks?
A: The Jolly Green Gi-ant.
Q: What's gray and goes round and round and round?
A: An elephant on a merry-go-round.
Q: Why did the raccoon cross the road twice?
A: Because it was a double crosser.
Q: What do you get when you have a bunch of giraffes on the highway?
A: A giraff-ic jam.
Q: What performs at the circus and flies around eating mosquitos?
A: An acro-bat.
Q: Why was the crow on the phone?
A: Because he was making a long-distance phone caw!
Customer: Do you serve turkeys here?
Waitress: We serve anyone, so go ahead and take a seat.
Q: How do fleas travel from dog to dog?
A: By itch hiking.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Gnat.
Gnat who?
I'm gnat who you think I am!
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Moose.
Moose who?
It moose be time to let me in, so open the door!
Q: How do you know which end of a worm is the head?
A: Tickle the middle and see which end laughs.
Q: Why are chickens so bad at baseball?
A: Because they're always hitting fowl balls.
Q: What do you get when you cross a beetle and a rabbit?
A: Bugs bunny!
Q: What do skunks like to eat when they're hungry?
A: Peanut butter and smelly sandwiches.
Q: What do you get when you cross a penguin and a jalapeño?
A: A chilly pepper.
Q: Why can't you trust what a pig says?
A: Because it's full of bologna.
Q: What's large, gray, and has eighteen wheels?
A: An elephant in a semi-truck.
Q: What is a polar bear's favorite breakfast?
A: Ice krispies.
Q: Why did all the animals fall asleep in the barn?
A: Because the pigs were so boar-ing (boring).
Q: Why didn't the snake know how much it weighed?
A: Because it shed its scales.
Q: What does a leopard say after dinner?
