Zoo Breath (4 page)

Rubin wrinkled his nose. “Ho, man! Something died in here, or what?”

Julio nodded. “A new stink for our list around every corner.”

That rotten boys’-room air and those stalls of peed-on toilet seats gave me an idea. “I just remembered something. I got the first big stink we can study.”

“Couldn’t smell more worse than this bathroom,” Julio said.

I clamped my hand on his shoulder. “My house. Tomorrow. Ledward’s bringing it over.”

T
he next day, Saturday, my mom’s boyfriend, Ledward, and his big hairy pet pig, Blackie, came cruising down our street in Ledward’s old army jeep. Blackie sat in the passenger seat, and a brand-new toilet sat in the back, bright white in the morning sun.

Streak’s ears popped up like toast. She tilted her head and woofed.

Julio and I were lounging on the grass in his front yard.

Julio eyed Blackie. “Man, that just looks weird. A pig and a toilet in a jeep.”

Today Ledward was taking our old toilet out and putting in a new one. I’d called him the night before and told him about our project. He thought it was hilarious.

The jeep puttered closer.

Streak studied Blackie and let loose barking.

“Hush.” I pulled her close.

Ledward raised a finger off the steering wheel as he drove by.

I lifted my chin, Hey.

Ledward was a good guy. He was part Hawaiian, and six feet seven inches tall. Mom came up to just under his shoulder, if she stood on her toes. In platform shoes. On a box.

I jabbed Julio with my elbow. “So, here’s the plan. Ledward is taking out the old toilet and putting in that new one.”

“No kidding? You can just take a toilet off the floor?”

“That’s what Ledward said.”

“What happens with the … you know, the hole?”

“Got me.”

Julio slapped his knee. “Genius, Calvin. This might be the worst stink you can find on the planet, ah?”

I grinned. “Let’s go find out.”

We hopped up and ran after the jeep as Ledward parked in our driveway. My house
was the last one on the street. The river sparkled in the sun at the bottom of our sloping yard.

Ledward got out and dipped his head. “How’s it going, boys?”

“Good,” I said.

Julio gawked at Ledward’s pig. Blackie was getting big. One day he’d grow tusks.

Streak whisked around the jeep, sniffing. Blackie didn’t exactly smell like flowers. Hey, another stink to research. Pigs.

But today Blackie was spotless and gleaming in the sun.

“How come your pig is so clean today?” I asked.

Ledward put a finger to his lips. “Shhh. He doesn’t know he’s a you-know-what. In his mind he’s a dog.”

Julio started to laugh, but stopped. “Serious?”

Ledward chuckled. “I hosed him off.”

Julio inched closer.

“He won’t bite,” I said.

But I had to admit Blackie did make you think twice about getting too close. I mean, he was once wild, and everyone knew that wild pigs could tear you up bad if they wanted to. Ledward had found Blackie when the pig was a baby, wandering alone in the jungle up near his house. Ledward said some hunter probably got Blackie’s mama.

Ledward read my mind. “Blackie’s as friendly as a tired old dog.”

Blackie grunted and Julio jumped back.

Ledward untied the ropes around the new toilet. “Meet your new throne.”

“Throne?”

“Like where the king sits.”

I laughed at the picture in
my head: a king wearing a crown, sitting on the pot. “What do you do with the hole when you take out the old one?”

Ledward looked sideways at me. “Hole?”

“Where the … the stuff goes after you flush it.”

“Ah, the sewer pipe. I show you. Little bit stink, but.”

“Perfect,” Julio said. “We’re studying stinks.”

Ledward chuckled. “That’s what Calvin said.”

He made a loop with a rope and slipped it around Blackie’s neck. “Usually he won’t run away because he’s basically lazy. But better to be sure, ah?”

Since Blackie was too big to hop out of the jeep by himself, Ledward had to heft him down. The veins in Ledward’s neck popped up like ropes. “Ooof!” he grunted.

Streak darted away and circled back, ears perked.

Blackie blinked, then huffed, like a sneeze mixed with a grunt. He stood almost to my waist.

“Let’s find Blackie some shade and water,” Ledward said. “After that, we go to work.”

Ledward tied Blackie to the spigot under Darci’s bedroom window. He filled Streak’s water bowl and glanced at Streak. “You two can share, ah?”

Streak settled on the grass, tongue drooping in the heat.

Ledward went back to the jeep and got something wrapped in newspaper. “Aku head. For the dog.”

He tossed the tuna head on the grass. Its mouth was open and the big black eye stared up at the sun. Streak snapped it up and took it down the slope toward the river. She loved fish heads.

Ledward wiped his hands on his shorts. “You boys ready to see what’s under that toilet?”

L
edward put his big arms around the toilet and lugged it off the backseat. “You boys grab my toolbox and hold the door open.”

Julio got the toolbox.

I ran to the screen door and held it back.

Ledward squeezed by. We followed him in. “Stella! Darci!” I called. “Ledward’s here!”

Mom worked Saturdays at Macy’s on the other side of the island. She had ordered the new toilet, but she didn’t know Ledward had picked it up and was putting it in today. He wanted it to be a surprise.

Stella was on her knees sorting laundry in Darci’s room when Ledward huffed by. Darci’s room was a mess, and Mom had asked Stella to help her clean it. Mom had also asked Stella to see if her lost black leather sandal was in there somewhere.

Stella glanced over her shoulder as we walked by.