Zombies and Chainsaws (Book 2): Dark Roads (13 page)

“You got any idea how long it will be before he gets here? Billie here isn’t too resourceful in the ways of violence.”

“Hey," Billie said, "I just don’t believe in violence
—
I'm above it.”

“Well, Billie, you might want to readjust your way of thinking, because if one of them there things grabs onto you, they're going to rip a big ol' chunk out of you, and if you don’t get eaten completely, then you're going to come back as one of them. How does that sit with you?” Maria asked.

Billie said, “You got anything I can use?”

“No, I have a couple twenty-twos, but if you don’t know how to shoot, then you aren’t going to be learning with Jude’s ammo. The shotgun is almost empty. Like Jude said on that news program, you need to smash their heads open or cut them off.”

“Oh, Aunt Maria, that is really disgusting.”

“Yes, it is Patrick, but you know what? We need to help all these dead people go back to Heaven, where they belong.”

Patrick scratched his head while thinking about this. “So we send them back to Heaven by chopping their heads off and smashing them open?”

Maria sighed, thinking of how to answer. “Well, when you get older, you’ll understand. Now just sit there and play with your cars, honey.”

Patrick did as he was told, and she felt instantly jealous that he could ignore an entire zombie apocalypse by smashing two cars together on her front seat.

Billie said, “So you really think we can just go and hide on the outskirts of town and, by some miracle, your brother-in-law is going to find us? What magic thing is going to happen once he shows up? I mean, he is just a man, right
—
he doesn’t have any super powers, does he?”

Patrick never turned around or stopped playing with his cars. “No, but he ain’t scared of guns, and he knows how to use a saw better than anybody you’ve ever seen. He can chop the head off of all those dead things walking around, and we can go back to normal good ol' living.”

Billie was ready to snap from the stress of what was happening, but told himself quickly that yelling at the people who just saved him might not be the greatest idea.

“So we just drive outside of town and hang out for a few days," Michelle said. "I guess things could be worse; I mean, what would happen if you two would have already left this morning? The two of us would have been dead because
someone
doesn’t believe in knowing how to protect himself.”

Billie said, “Would you like me to learn how to shoot one of those damn guns—is that what you want, woman?”

Michelle, barely missing a beat said, “Are you kidding me? Are you really asking me that the very day when it's too late? If you would have just learned years ago, maybe you’d be a fighter
—
not someone waiting to be saved. You aren’t gonna be able to learn now, because about the only way you'll be able to get your hands on a gun now is if you take it from a dead person. Anyone who has one is going to treat that damn thing like it's precious gold. What do you have to say for yourself now, Billie boy?”

Billie leaned forward to just shy of Patrick’s ear and said, “Hey, kid, don’t ever, ever get married, no matter how good they look.”

Michelle slapped him across the shoulder. “Are you kidding me? In the middle of our drive through hell, that is the one thing you think is most important for this little kid to know?”

Billie sat back in his seat, arms crossed and shaking his head. “I don’t care what you say. There ain’t nothing I can do to learn how to shoot one now, anyway. So I don’t know why we need bring up dumb shit like that. I mean it, why can’t you just leave well enough alone?”

“Because maybe, unlike you, I want to survive this damn thing.”

Billie said, “Well, if you could just refrain from busting my balls on a daily basis, then maybe I'd want to live.”

Maria turned around in her seat, ready to explode. “Would the two of you please shut up? I'm going to get in a car crash, having to drive with you screaming like that. You realize this is kind of a stressful situation I need to drive in, right? I mean, if you think it’s
—
“

“Aunt Maria, look out!”

She turned around, already swerving the wheel. A small horde of the dead were in front of her, and she'd swung in the wrong direction. Seeing what they were going into, Maria put an arm out to Patrick and leaned across him, pulling the lap belt across his legs and clicking it seconds before the Thunderbird went down front-first into the ditch, toward the river.

The four of them screamed as Maria slammed on the brakes, praying it would stop in time. The rear wheel drive slid out of control and veered, thankfully away from the river, but directly into a massive oak tree older than the four of them put together. When it hit, the car halted at once, and everyone but Patrick was thrown into the object in front of them. A few minutes passed before Patrick was able to wake his aunt. He was shaking her wildly, screaming and crying at the same time. “Aunt Maria, you got to wake up, those things are coming down the hill! Those things are coming, Aunt Maria, they're coming!”

Maria pushed up slowly, not having her bearings back just yet. She looked at the leather seat and at her hands. Maria could feel something sticky and warm on her forehead, and raised a hand to it to see that she had split her forehead open. Patrick grabbed a dirty shirt of his from the floor and handed it to her. She pressed it up against her forehead, wincing immediately from the pain. When she realized they had not been alone, she looked into the back and asked, “Billie, Michelle, are you two okay back there?”

Billie screamed, which took care of that question. “My knee, I broke my knee. I ain’t going to be able to walk on this for anything.”

Maria remembered when she’d let him in, how he had just barely fit into the backseat. The chances of Michelle and herself moving the large man were slim to none. Michelle said, “I'm okay, I just hurt my wrist, I think, when I put my hands out to stop myself. I guess we should have been wearing our seatbelts.”

Billie snapped, “Well, it ain’t like it’s a law. I wouldn’t have needed the damn thing, nor would I have gotten hurt, if sweet-ass up there would have kept the car on the road.”

Maria yelled, “Oh, you have to be kidding me, right? You smug son of a bitch. I wouldn’t have ever looked away from the wheel if the two of you would have just shut the fuck up while I was driving. Do you know how bad it is dealing with all this and then having to scream at the top of my lungs for the two of you to act your age?”

They both shut up at this, but only for a moment. Michelle saw the horde coming and asked, “What are we going to do with them coming at us?”

Maria turned the car over and was thankful when it started. Billie said, “You ain’t ever going to be able to get this damn car back up that hill. Where you want to go, for a drive through the woods?”

Maria nodded, flooring the gas and taking them deep into the woods, bouncing the car up into the air as it went across the uneven ground. The scraping branches made it almost impossible to see. When they passed a fir tree that had blocked their view, all four screamed—Maria had driven straight into the Raccoon River. The water was flowing quickly, and took the car down the river, spinning it in the current.

Patrick went left to right, looking out the window. He screamed, “Aunt Maria, you drove into the river. What’d you drive into the river for? Dad’s right, you are a horrible driver.”

“Patrick, if I wasn’t driving
—
”

Billie said, “You are floating, sweet cheeks, you aren’t driving. The kid is right: you are a shitty driver.”

She let go of the wheel, realizing that she was just along for the ride. She looked to Patrick and said, “I’ll have you know that this is the only time I’ve ever had, or will have, this happen.”

“Yeah, that’s great, sweet cheeks," Billie said, "but what are we going to do to get out of here?”

Maria smiled. “Well, first thing I want to say is that if you call me sweet cheeks one more time, as soon as we get somewhere safe, where you aren’t going to get eaten, I’m going to kick you in the balls.”

Patrick was giggling next to her, pointing at Billie. “She said she’s going to kick you in the balls.”

“Don’t say balls, Patrick, and you are most definitely right, I will kick him in the you-know-what if he says that again. Now, you want to know what we're going to do? I say we ride this damn thing down the river until we run back onto land. Wherever we end up is as good as anyplace to camp. We just need to do our best to get to land and get you two out of the car. We ride it until it stops.”

Michelle said, “I’m sorry, but what are you trying to say, exactly?”

“Nothing that isn’t the truth, Michelle. If you think you can fit through the window, then just speak up.” Michelle said nothing, and Maria continued. “We just need to open the doors and float out. But the first thing we do need is to be getting the tent and cooler and supplies from the back. Patrick and I will get out first. When we're ready, we'll signal for you, and then you two climb up over that front seat and just push the door open. From there, we just need to get to shore. That sound good enough to the two of you? You just won’t have a shit-ton of time once you open the doors, because that’s when it's guaranteed to sink.”

They both nodded slowly, not really excited about the plan. Billie said, “So you two get out first because you aren’t challenged in the width department. Then, once you have everything you need, we get to fight our way out, is that pretty much it?”

Maria scooted out, pulling herself up so her feet were on the edge of the door. She motioned for Patrick to come to her and, when he did, lifted him out and placed him on the roof. Maria hopped up with him, and he said, “This is like Indiana Jones, Aunt Maria. I can’t wait to tell Dad about this—he’s never going to believe me when I tell him.”

She scooted to the edge of the trunk, popping it, not thinking of the intake of water which would take place as the car bobbed up and down. The car hit a log in the water, throwing her off-balance, and she clung to the car for her life. She looked at the gear, wondering how in the hell she would be able to get it and Patrick to the shore. She emptied the duffle into the oversized cooler, thanking God that the guns fit in it. Maria clicked the cooler shut and tied a rope from the trunk to it, as well.

Patrick yelled, “Whatcha doing there, Maria—why’d you jump in the water? Is it cold?”

Maria didn’t respond. When she was ready, she pulled the heavy cooler out, praying that the plastic would be buoyant enough that it would not sink beneath the water along with all of their gear. She pulled out the tent and, when she was close enough to the shore, she chucked it as hard as she could, depositing it just barely on dry land. She slammed a hand down on the rear window of the car. Michelle and Billie each gave a thumbs up. When Maria looked up, she saw a bridge up ahead. A bridge filled to the brim with the dead.

Maria screamed through the glass, but Michelle and Billie did not seem to understand her urgency. She gripped Patrick, jumping off the side of the car with Patrick in one hand and the cooler in the other. The two of them floated, Maria kicking her feet with everything she had. They just barely, by the grace of God, stayed above the water.

“I can’t hold on, Aunt Maria!" Patrick cried, "I can’t hold on!”

Maria let go of the cooler; instantly the two of them sank under the water. Patrick was kicking and clawing, and she gripped him around the chest, under his armpits, and kicked off her shoes. She kicked as hard as she could, and the two of them fought their way to the shore. She gripped hard onto a handful of roots growing down into the water, and Patrick climbed off of her and up onto the bank.

Maria clutched at the ground, ripping fingernails, until she was safe. Patrick patted her, saying, “You okay, Aunt Maria?”

Maria pushed up, hugging him until she was worried she had suffocated the child. “Yeah, I think so—just happy that you're okay, that those things didn’t get us, and that we got away.”

She stood, watching as Michelle and Billie clumsily got into the front seat. Maria screamed
No!
at the top of her lungs, but they were too far down the river to hear her. She covered Patrick, pulling him in close, and whispered, “Don’t watch, honey.”

Michelle and Billie were both trying to force the doors open, but were finding it difficult against the force of the river. Just as they reached the bridge, Michelle tripped, hitting the horn. The dead took notice and jumped from the bridge. Michelle jumped when the heavy thudding hit the hood and roof, then saw the dead through the windshield. "Billie!" she yelled. "Billie, what do we do, baby?”

“I don’t know, woman.”

The dead crawled around the side; the first of the five reached for her, and she and Billie both gripped one of the dead, pulling it into the water. The dead disappeared and did not resurface. The next two reached for the couple, gripping tight and using them to hold on to the car as their bodies slid into the water. Michelle and Billie screamed, each looking to the other for help as one of the dead pulled itself into the car. Michelle had nothing but her hands to bat at it, and that did no good at all. Billie gripped it around the neck, not realizing that he could choke it for a year and it would not pass out. When his hands grew numb and let go, the dead lunged itself further into the car, ripping into Billie's double chin and pulling viciously at the neck. Blood splattered the inside of the windshield. The couple's screams echoed as they were feasted upon while the car made its way down the river, until it finally sank beneath the water’s surface.