Zombie Rules (11 page)

             
“Call me Janet please.” She smiled at me coyly. It made me nervous.

             
“Janet, would y’all excuse Rick and me for a moment?”

             
Don nodded. “Of course Zach.” Janet looked questioningly at Don but said nothing.

             
Rick and I walked down the road several feet where our conversation would be private. “Well what do you think kid? It’d be nice to have some female company.”

             
“You realize you’re about the same age as her father. She most likely would not be the least bit interested.”

             
“Hey, don’t underestimate a woman who hasn’t been laid in a while. All I can say is if they leave, the chances of me getting laid,
and
you getting laid for that matter, will be absolutely zero. I know enough about math to know that is a damned fact.”

             
I rubbed my face. “You realize we’re only thinking of our carnal desires?” He frowned at me. “We’re thinking with the wrong heads.” Enlightenment dawned on his face. “We’re not thinking of the risks of bringing total strangers into our home. I’m suspicious Rick. I mean, some of their story doesn’t seem to make sense.”

             
Rick looked over at Janet longingly and sighed. “Okay kid, you’re the brains of this partnership. What do you want to do?” We talked it over for a few minutes. After weighing most of the pros and cons, we reached a decision. We walked back to a bunch of expectant, hopeful expressions. They knew what we were discussing.

             
Rick spoke up. “Don, Janet, we’d like to make an invitation to you all. Zach and I were wondering if y’all would like to come back to our house, spend a couple of days getting some rest and food in your bellies. Our resources are limited of course, but you’re invited. Fair warning though, for the past couple of months it has been the two of us and three mangy dogs living in an old house. It’s not the cleanest in the world. And it’s not a luxury spa. We’ll definitely expect help with chores. I want you all to know as well, if Zach or I spot any symptoms of this Zombie plague from any of you, our solution will be simple, headshots. So what do you say?”

             
Don stood and wiped his hands together. “Gentlemen, we’d be honored.” He held out his hand and we both shook it. “And just so you know, I’m a true southerner. I’m a believer of the old saying, houseguests and fish both start to stink after a couple of days.” Janet interrupted when she ran up and kissed Rick on the cheek. Rick actually blushed. She then ran over to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek as well. Julie and Tommy were both grinning. It made me want to believe we were making the right decision.

“Okay it’s settled then, just follow us. We’re about thirty minutes away. We’ll get home and I’ll get the generator going. Tonight there’ll be hot showers for everyone.” Janet and Julie gasped. It confirmed my suspicion that they had not bathed in a while. Don grinned broadly. “It sounds absolutely wonderful.”

              “Look!” Tommy pointed down the road. I looked in his direction. There were four zombies, about two hundred yards away, ambling down the road. I wondered where they came from. Were they able to hear us from that far away, or had they been following the sound of the automobiles? It was food for thought.

             
This time, I got my ears plugged with my fingers before we started shooting. Rick insisted on having the honor. I think he wanted to show off a little bit. He retrieved his Winchester from under the truck, took aim, and made four headshots in under six seconds, excellent shooting with a bolt action rifle. Don looked at him in admiration, and maybe just a touch of concern.

              Our house, in a manner of speaking, was a pig sty. I’m usually a clean person, but between Rick, the dogs, and me, the house was filthy. Cleanliness had not been much of a priority and was now proving to be an embarrassment.

             
The women did not seem to notice. They walked in the door and called first dibs for the bathroom. They spent a lot of time in there, which was to be expected I guess. Rick and I hurried around trying to tidy up. Don volunteered to cook dinner. Tommy played with the dogs while awaiting his turn. He’d really need a bath after rolling around with those mutts.

             
Two hours later, our guests were clean and we were seated at the dinner table. Rick had turned the generator off, so we ate by candlelight and a couple of Coleman lanterns. We had a good fire going which provided the house with ample heat. Julie and her mother had put on some simple sweatpants and tee shirts. They had also taken the time to carefully comb out their wet hair. The effects of the soft candlelight made them both look like goddesses. My thoughts drifted to Macie. I wondered if she were even still alive. Maybe she was a zombie by now. Felix too. Were he and his parents still alive? I suddenly recalled our last conversation. His mother was sick, he had said. I forced myself to think of more pressing matters.

             
“Mr. Frierson?” I asked.

             
Don stopped with a fork full of green beans halfway to his mouth and glanced at Janet. “What’s on your mind, Zach? And please, call me Don.”

             
“Of course. Don, Rick and I never seem to have enough time to get everything done. One of our items on the list is to check all of the houses in the area. You know, check for survivors, search for food, those things. We’ve checked a few, but there are literally hundreds left to go. With your help, we could make some significant headway. Perhaps,” I made a conscious effort not to look at Julie “you guys might find a home which will be suitable for you all to live in. That is, if the FEMA camp does not work out. We can help set it up and fortify it much like we’ve done here. I think I can speak for Rick, we’d love to have some good neighbors.”

             
Don nodded thoughtfully. “I would love to take you up on the offer Zach, and as hospitable as the two of you have been I would like to ask for one additional favor.” He looked at Rick. “Would it be possible to drive to Nashville in the morning to see if this camp actually exists? The reason I ask is, although you two have a pretty good set up, an operation such as a FEMA camp may be able to offer things the two of you cannot, such as health care. Perhaps they have even come up with a vaccine by now and we’ve not heard of it.” He put his fork down and held his hands together. “If that is an inconvenience, I can check on it myself if one of you would be kind enough to draw me a map.”

             
Rick started to speak, but suddenly remembered some long ago forgotten manners. He found his napkin and daintily dabbed at his mouth. “We’re only twenty miles from downtown. Normally, it’d be a twenty or thirty minute drive, depending on traffic.” He held his hands out. “Now, it could be an all-day affair. It just depends on any road blockages.” Rick shrugged and chewed his food thoughtfully. “Yeah, we can do it. Zach has an ever expanding list of stuff we need, so maybe we can do some scrounging around while we’re at it. What do you think Zach? Good idea?”

             
I nodded. “It has potential. But it’ll come with risks of course. Mr. Frierson, Don, we’ve been monitoring the Ham radio and we’ve not gotten anything from Nashville. It’s very possible the whole city has been overrun or everyone is dead.” I looked at Rick. “Now is as good a time as any to recon Nashville. I’d be leery of going in any of the buildings though. Perhaps drive to the stadium just for a visual confirmation of any camp.” I walked over to the desk where the radio and computer sat. I went through my stack of legal pads and retrieved one of them.

             
“What are all of those?” Julie asked. I think it was the first time she spoke since she got to the house.

             
“What? Oh, these are my notepads. I have a bit of an obsessive compulsive personality. I write everything down.”

             
Rick laughed. “I have no idea why he does it. He practically has a photographic memory.” There were a few chuckles, and even Julie smiled.

             
I smiled as well and flipped through my notes. “We definitely need more fuel. That’s a number one priority Rick. Our generator consumes about a half-gallon an hour when it is under a full load. This evening alone, we’ve used three times more than we normally would in a twenty-four hour period. At this rate, we’ll run out within a month. We’ll put all of our five gallon cans in the truck and a hand crank. And then there are all the other secondary items. But don’t worry, I have a list.” I said in mock seriousness. It brought some more laughter. Everybody seemed relaxed, which was a good thing.

             
The sleeping arrangement went like this: Janet had Rick’s bed, Julie and Tommy used my bed, the rest of us were in the den. Rick had his chair, which was fine with him. He had passed out in on more than one occasion. Don was on the couch, and yours truly on the floor. It was a shame we only had two beds in the house, and they were small. I tossed and turned for most of the night. Curly must have heard me. He came in and lay down beside me. He was my favorite, even though he was genuinely stupid. I eventually dozed off but awoke well before sunrise. I held off on starting the generator, it would have awakened everyone in the house. I got my canteen of water and quietly stepped outside to brush my teeth. Curly joined me and jaunted off into the yard to do his business.

             
It was getting colder. There was also a heavy feeling of moisture in the air that gently told you a big snowfall was imminent. I pulled my coat closer and sat in one of the rocking chairs we had on the porch. Waking up before sunrise was quickly becoming my second nature, but I liked to get up early in the morning, and think about what needed to be done in order to survive another day. I was in the middle of mentally calculating how much food was going to be consumed by four extra hungry people when I heard the door open. It was Janet. She had put a pair of my boots on, which were too big for her, and she was wrapped in some blankets. I had no idea if she was wearing anything underneath.

             
She sat down in the rocker next to me. “You’ve got big feet.” I smiled and shrugged. “Are you always an early riser, or could you not sleep either?

             
“Both. But sleeping on the hardwood floor is seldom conducive to a good night’s sleep.”

             
She nodded. “Entirely our fault. We’ll have to do something about that. And by the way, I want to thank the two of you again for taking us in. We’d been in that damn car just a little too long and our food supplies were mostly gone. Oh, and the hot water! It felt so good. I’m afraid Julie and I may have ruined a couple of your razors.” I looked at her. She laughed. “We just had to shave our legs and armpits.” I nodded in sudden understanding. I had never discussed the feminine aspects of shaving with my Grandmother. Nor with Macie. Macie was clean shaven. I found out when I clumsily attempted cunnilingus on her. The night when I thought she was mine forever. I caught myself wondering if Julie and Janet shaved. My reverie was interrupted.

             
“Is it always this quiet out here?”

             
“What? Oh, yeah.” I nodded and forced myself to stop thinking about the silky smoothness of a woman’s freshly shaved legs and, well, you know. “Ever since the world went to hell, it has been. We used to have an owl living out here somewhere. He would give a few hoots every so often, but I think he’s gone now. He was probably lonely.”

             
“Maybe it was a she.” Janet said.

             
I chuckled. “Hmm, maybe.” The contours of the trees were becoming clearer as the sun rose. If you could just forget for a moment of the current state of the world, watching the sunrise was a wonderful moment.

             
“Are you lonely Zach?” Janet asked.

             
I shrugged. “Yeah, some. Rick’s a good man. He’s been like a father to me. I don’t know how I would have survived without him. And of course there are the mutts, man’s best friend and all that, but yeah. I miss my friends. I miss my Grandmother.”

             
“What about your parents?” She asked.

             
“They died when I was very young.” I was about to add some more details, but decided against it.

             
“Oh.” She was quiet for a few minutes. We watched as the darkness turned into a dull gray and pink. I could feel the bite in the air, there was definitely snow heading our way. “I’m lonely too. Sounds weird I know. I’ve got my kids and…and my father, but I’m still lonely.” I understood, I think. I believe she may have talking about male companionship. “Zach, I have a favor to ask you.”

             
I cleared my throat. “Sure, if I can.”

             
“I want to go into Nashville with Rick and my father. I want you to stay here and protect my kids, just in case.” I looked over at her. “My father, he’s…” She stopped and drew in a deep breath. “He’s not been himself lately. Just yesterday we were on the road and there were those creatures walking right down the middle of the road. Don, dad, just stopped the car and froze. I don’t want Rick freaking out if he does it again. Would it be too much to ask?”

             
“Oh no, of course not. You’ll be in good hands with Rick. He can take care of business and he’ll protect the both of you.” I looked back at the window to see if anyone was listening. I lowered my voice and leaned closer to her. “Um, just try to keep him from drinking, at least until you start heading back. And, um, well, don’t take this the wrong way, but keep in mind we’ve not seen any living women in a couple of months now.”

             
Janet laughed derisively. “Don’t worry Zach, I’ve been around men like him my whole life. I know how to handle them. You know, you’re cute. Julie thinks so too.” She tousled my hair.

              Rick was dreaming about Vietnam. They called him Righteous Rick back in those days. It was a testament to his character; he always told the truth, and he always took care of his men. Righteous Rick. Even the brothers called him that, and they did not care for most of their white brethren.

             
It was a mission, just like any other. The Company received orders to perform a reconnaissance mission of a Vietnamese village located near the firebase. Intel had information of VC activity in the area. The Company commander, a captain who drank too much and thought too little, ordered a solitary squad to conduct the mission while the rest of the company was held back in reserve. Rick always thought the term was strange. Reserve was supposed to mean they would all come running to help if you got in trouble. But it never worked. By the time they actually did come running, the shit was already too deep.

             
The platoon sergeant ordered the cherry, the new guy, to take point. It was a standard practice, although Rick also felt it was a terrible thing to do to someone who was fresh in-country. So, Righteous Rick would always give the cherry his pep talk before going on a mission. “I’ll be right behind you. If you hear me make the old ‘psst’ noise, you freeze. Do not take another fucking step. I will come up to you and tell you what to do next. This will keep you alive hoss, trust me. Now, if you hear me yell, it means no more noise discipline because the shit has hit the fan. Do whatever I’m yelling at you to do, and do it quickly. Got it?” Every one of them always gave a nervous nod. “Good.”

             
In the dream, they were slowly making their way along an old but well used trail. He spotted a scrap of rag tied to an overhanging limb. The point man was about to walk right under it. There was a booby trap in the ground under that rag. Rick knew it. It was a common signal for the locals. “Psst!” The point man, a cherry who had been in-country for only two days, stopped and looked at Righteous Rick. Rick held his hand up and slowly started approaching. There. He saw it. A trip wire. Rick pointed at it as he walked up. Then something really, really odd happened. The new guy, whose name Rick could never remember, smiled at him, turned, and started walking forward again. Boom. Rick felt the pain at the very exact moment that he heard the explosion. Cherry took the brunt of the blast, but Rick caught several pieces of shrapnel in his leg. It hurt. Man did it hurt.

             
Rick woke suddenly with sharp pains shooting up his leg. He threw the blanket off - how did that get there - and rubbed his leg. As his senses became clear he heard low voices coming from outside.

             
“Rick’s a good man. He’s been like a father to me.” He peered around the blackout curtains and stealthily looked out of the window. Zach was talking to someone. It was Janet. Bless that boy, Rick thought. He’s talking me up and making me look good for her. Righteous! Rick listened for another moment before his bladder begged in protest, demanding a visit to the bathroom.