Zombie Mage (21 page)

"Fools!" she yelled. "Look at this
skull.  This was a man whom I cursed to die a most painful death.  He
came-"

"Mistress," Marvin interrupted. "May I
have a quiet word with you?"

"Quiet, Marvin.  You'll speak only when spoken
to. Now, where was I?"

"You were telling us he came somewhere,"
Gull said.

"Ah yes, he came to me asking for forgiveness so,
to end his suffering, I lopped off his head and animated his skull.  I'll
happily curse you both in a similar manner if you don't leave right now."

Olligh rolled his eyes. "Really?"

"I think now might be a good time to make a quick
apology and a tactical retreat," Gull remarked.

"Nonsense," Olligh said. "I'm rather
enjoying this."

The hag eyed Olligh suspiciously.  She didn't look
quite as confident as portrayed by her earlier demeanour.  "You're
what?"

"Well," Olligh continued, "I've already
spoken to Marvin and I know exactly how he died.  I also know you've ripped his
rotten corpse apart and manipulated him in an attempt to bolster your circus
sales.  Like you, your act is a sham!"

The hag scowled and stomped on the canvas floor.
"Marvin! You fool! Why'd you tell them everything?"

"You know me, Mistress. Honesty is the best
policy unless they're paying guests."

"I ought to smash you into little pieces!"

Olligh shook his head. "Marvin, why do you put up
with this?  Come with us and we'll help you acquire a better life."

Marvin sighed and pondered Olligh's words. "You
know, perhaps you're right.  I deserve better than this."

"Indeed," Olligh agreed

"I'm an exceptionally talented
individual..."

"Don't push it," Gull said, a goofy grin on
his face.

  "Whatever!" Marvin continued.
"Besides, I'm making her lots of money but getting nothing in return. 
That can't be right."

Without warning, the hag shoved Olligh out of the way
and burst out of the tent screaming for help.

"Oh, great - now we're in trouble," Marvin
said.  "She may be short-sighted but she's got a fully functional set of
lungs. We need to leave quickly before she brings the heavies back with
her."

Olligh grabbed Marvin and stuffed him down his tunic.
"Don't worry - we'll be out of here quicker than you think."

Just as he was about to summon the energies of the
cosmos, Marvin shrieked.

"What is it?" Olligh asked.  "It's not
that bad down there, is it?"

"My eye!  I need my eye!"

Olligh glanced upwards, checking to see if it was
dangling from the top of the tent.  "Where is it?"

"I can hear lots of shouting," Gull said.
"We don't have time for this."

"Hey, Freaky Face," Marvin replied. "I
don’t know who you are but you've got two eyes in your head and I've got none. 
I need my eye back otherwise you'll be giving me one yours."

"Well, I never." Gull frowned. "My name
is Gull, not freaky face. If anyone's a freak here-"

"Stop this now!" Olligh interrupted.
"Marvin, where's your eye?"

"She's nailed it to the side of the drawers over
there."

Olligh spotted the eye and lurched forward to retrieve
it.

"Careful with it.  It's delicate.  I don't want
it accidentally torn."

Gull's nose wrinkled. "Eurgh.  How'd she manage
to nail it without damaging it?"

"Ah," Olligh remarked, fumbling with the
nail. "She's penetrated the optic nerve.  The eye itself is fine... Well,
it's fine for an eye not attached to a physical body that is."

Somebody entered the tent while Olligh struggled to
pull the nail out. 

"Look out, it's the strong-man!" Marvin
yelled. "We're all done for."

Olligh peered back and noticed a huge, muscular man
standing by the entrance, wearing nothing but tight red shorts; he grinned
evilly and cracked his knuckles. 

"Gull!" Olligh said. "I need your help.
Can you keep him off me while I finish with this?"

"That's the most idiotic thing I've ever heard
you say," Gull replied. "He'll tear my half in half."

Olligh sighed and turned to face the colossal
adversary.  The strong-man's head almost reached the top of the tent and his
arms resembled tree trunks. Quickly, Olligh concentrated on the mystical
energies and spoke some words of power while moving his hands in a circular
motion-

Linkthus Shethkin!

A shimmering shield of pure energy formed before him. 
The strong-man's eyes widened with surprise, but not for long; they soon
changed to fierce intent. Not deterred by the strange magic, he lumbered
forward and began pummelling it with his fists.  The shield shuddered with each
blow but continued to hold fast against his assault.

"Good, good.  That should do it," Olligh
uttered, returning his gaze to the nail.

"He's a determined bugger, that's for sure,"
Gull said, holding tightly to Olligh's shoulders.

"I'm surprised he hasn't broken it yet,"
Marvin remarked.  "You should see his act.  When he lifts two lions up
over his head, it's phenomenal."

The strong-man continued to batter the shield,
grunting with each mighty blow.  Olligh was beginning to panic and continued to
fumble with the nail but he couldn't pull it out.  "This is impossible. 
I'm going to have to change my method."

"What do you mean, change your method?"
Marvin asked.

Without warning, Olligh grabbed the squishy eye and
yanked it down from the nail.  Marvin screamed in agony. "Argh! I felt
that!"

"Sorry about that," Olligh mumbled, placing
the eye in his tunic pocket. "As needs must."

"That bloody hurt," Marvin continued,
"and now I can't see!  I'm blind!"

"Don't be silly.  You're in my pocket."

Gull tapped Olligh's shoulder impatiently. 
"Erm... You'd better get us out of here and rather quickly too."

Olligh turned and watched with surprise as the
strong-man changed tactics and prised his hands underneath the shield.

"Oh, no," Olligh said. "He's trying to
lift it."

 Not wanting to take any more chances, Olligh
concentrated on the cosmic energies once again.

"What's happening?" Marvin asked.  "Has
he got through?"

"That's another silly question," Gull
uttered. "If he'd managed to get through, we'd now be getting pummelled to
death and, as far as I'm aware, the only person screaming with pain around here
is you."

Olligh had to act quickly.  He willed the energies to
surge towards him with increased vigour while the strong-man grunted and
strained with the magical barrier.  Unexpectedly, the barrier rose from the
ground and the strong-man managed to heave it over their heads.  He grinned
wickedly and reached for Olligh but, just as his hands were about to close over
his neck, Olligh's efforts were rewarded and he promptly vanished. 

The green mist of the cosmos was a most welcome
relief.  While Olligh travelled towards the next Walker, he decided that he
really needed to find a way to improve the effectiveness of the ridiculous
shield spell. Who'd ever have thought it could've been manipulated in such an
obvious way?

Olligh finished his journey through the cosmos and landed in complete
darkness in the new world.  Unfortunately for Gull, the mage also landed hard
on his back.

"Ouch! You're crushing me!"

Olligh sat up and sighed. "Sorry, Gull, but when
leaping between worlds I can't anticipate how I'll land at the other end.  Are
you okay?"

"Aye, I shouldn't grumble really.  At least I can
still feel things."

"Hey, it could've been a whole lot worse,"
Marvin said. "Imagine if you were hanging on to him from this side. It'd
be soggy kisses everywhere."

"Indeed," Olligh uttered, struggling to his
feet. "Now, I wonder where we have landed?"

The new world wasn't anything like Olligh had ever
witnessed before.  His first thought was that he'd appeared in a large, dark
cavern but he soon realised he was actually outside. Dead trees twisted up to
the dark, empty sky, their branches thin and miserable.  The land felt desolate
and inhospitable with an unusual, eerie quietness.  Strangely, no stars
shimmered in the evening sky and no moon provided a welcoming glow.  Only a
single lantern, dangling from a tree branch above them, provided the light they
so dearly needed.    Olligh noticed he was standing on a wide circle of
concrete but, elsewhere, long wild grass grew amongst the trees.

 "Please tell me I don't have to spend the rest
of my days stuck down your top?" Marvin asked.

Olligh shrugged. "Where else am I supposed to put
you?"

"Here," Gull said, unclipping a copper
necklace from around his neck. "Wear this and attach the skull to
it."

"Hey, Freaky Face," Marvin complained.
"I do have a name, you know."

Gull grinned. "Aye, but you haven’t got much else
going for you."

"Thank you," Olligh said, accepting the
necklace. He fed it through one of the skull's eye sockets and fastened the
clasp around his neck. "At least this should make things a bit easier for
all of us."

"Hey, someone's coming!" Marvin said.

"Where?  I can't see anyone."

"Somewhere out there.  Olligh must've dropped my
eye as we twisted through the horrid green mist.  Thankfully, it must have
followed through."

Gull chortled. "Aye, that's one advantage to
having nothing below the waist.  I won't have to suffer that indignity
anymore."

"Eww," Marvin said. "That's way too
much information."

Olligh scanned the area, searching for movement.
"Please, would you cease the idle chatter?  This is important.  Can you
still see the people, Marvin?"

"Erm, actually one of them has spotted my eye and
picked it up... Hey, wait - now it's gone all dark.  I hope I haven't been
eaten."

  Olligh stroked his chin, thoughtfully. "What
did they look like?"

"Hard to tell.  I just saw shadows mainly. 
Whoever they were, they all carried canes."

"Hmm," Olligh said. "Did the canes have
a faint red glow?"

"Yeah, how'd you guess?"

"Well, it wasn't a guess.  Look over there - it
appears we've got visitors."

Olligh pointed over to a huddle of humanoid shapes
advancing towards them.  Some of them waved their canes over stone pillars and
a red path lit up beneath them, leaving a long winding trail behind.

"Fascinating," Olligh said. "Their
canes appear to have an alternate effect on the physical world.  It's as though
they store a specific spell within them rather than a vocal incantation."

"Yeah, lovely," Marvin said sarcastically.
"I'm more concerned about my eye. Would you ask them to return it to me,
please?"

The figures reached the stone circle. In total there
were four of them, all dressed identically with dark waist coats, trousers and
top hats. Their faces were extremely pale, as if white powder had been used to
reinforce the effect.

"You there," called one of them. "Can
you speak?"

Olligh frowned. "I'm certainly not a mute or
illiterate if that's what you're asking."

"Ah, good.  And the funny fellow on your
back?"

"What do you mean, funny fellow?" Gull
retorted. "Do you find it amusing that I've been chopped in half and my legs
are now sliced up and probably mashed to a pulp?"

"Not at all, good sir.  It was a rather
unfortunate use of terminology.  My name is Renfer and I watch over this circle
of power to greet new citizens to our society."

Olligh stepped towards the edge of the circle.
"Citizens?  What do you mean citizens?"

"Stop right there!" Renfer ordered. 
"You haven't been cleansed yet."

Olligh wrinkled his nose. "Cleansed? Why do we
need to be cleansed?"

"You're new arrivals.  We need to wash any traces
of your previous existence away from you.  Don't worry though - we're specifically
trained for this task.  I'm sure it'll be an unusual experience for you all and
I know you'll have many questions."

"Yeah, like where's my eye?" Marvin asked.

Renfer gazed at the skull, a bemused expression on his
face. "Oh, there's another one of you in the group.  My, my, I’ve never
witnessed anyone in such a desperate state of decomposition."

"Yeah, well if I had my eye, I wouldn't be
looking this desperate."

Renfer turned to his colleagues.  "Has anyone
found an eye on the trail?"

One of them nodded and reached inside his waistcoat to
retrieve the eye.  It blinked as he handed it over to Renfer.