Zenith Rising (19 page)

Dear God, she just slept with her… what?
Handyman? Delivery man? The jack-of-all-trades man? She just
indulged in unexpected, unplanned sexual relations with him in her
office. At work!
During the day!
After receiving the worst
news she’d gotten in years. What happened? Why? Why did he do this
now? And why did she let him?

She kept her head pinned to his chest so she
couldn’t see his eyes. She whispered, while toying with the collar
on his shirt, “Why did you do this?”

“Why did you?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t expect anything like
it. Not this. I never foresaw this between us.”

“You were crying,” he said simply, as if that
explained everything succinctly.

“You could have just patted me on the
shoulder.”

“Figured there were no words to console
you.”

She closed her eyes and stifled a sigh. For
someone who was so emotionally sealed off, and totally incognizant
about his feelings, he simply told her what she felt.

“A patient, who is also a dear friend, was in
car accident today; and she’s brain dead.”

He stirred under her and let out a deep
breath. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

“They tried for ten years to get pregnant and
finally did. I was upset because I have to do a C-section on her to
save the baby. I hate thinking about removing it from her comatose
mother’s body. As soon as her husband arrives, who was in
California, they’ll take her off life support and allow her to die.
And this woman is, or was, my friend.”

Spencer’s arms were still around her and his
muscles tensed. “My God.”

“You can’t tell anyone. It’s privileged and
highly confidential. I just… I needed to say it out loud to find
the motivation to do it. I have to do it and I will do it. I just
don’t want to.”

“You’re fucking amazing. No one else I know
could do that. Just you.”

“I don’t feel too amazing.”

“You’ll do it because it’s what’s right for
your patient. No matter the cost to you.”

She finally sat up and felt ready to face
reality. She knew how to perform microscopic surgery on babies in
utero, and could treat cancer, and deliver babies; but for the life
of her, right now she couldn’t look Spencer in the eye. Not like
this. With half her clothes still open, and in disarray.

“I have to get back to work,” she said,
although she still straddled him. He lifted her off him and her
skirt fell into place as he stood her up on her feet. He adjusted
his pants, and was all zipped up and pulled together in two seconds
flat. She jumped when she felt his hands on her again. This time,
they slid under her blouse, onto her bare back, where he rehooked
her bra. He did it all without saying a word; then his hands fell
off her. There were no innuendoes, or derogatory remarks, but also,
no softness, or kind words to ease the situation. There was simply
nothing else from Spencer.

She quickly did her blouse up, and located
her underwear, which she found by her desk. She slid into them with
as much dignity as a woman could, caught in the middle of her
office with a man who made her uncomfortable just by staring at
her. Or watching her. Erica wished he’d put his hand out, or touch
her, or hug her, or hold her. Anything to ease the embarrassment
she felt. The sudden alienation she received from him bothered her,
when barely five minutes before she was sitting on top of him and
as open and hot as she’d ever experienced her entire adult
life.

“Spencer?”

“It was just sex. Don’t make anymore of it
than what it is.”

Her eyes flew up to his, but his face was
expressionless and unmoving. Uncaring. God! What a fool she just
made of herself! He only screwed her because he felt sorry for her.
And she let him! Her humiliation was now complete. He wanted
nothing from her and never had. She already knew that about him.
How could she have forgotten it? It had to be the heat of the
moment. He caught her at her lowest point and she wasn’t thinking.
So naturally, feeling something, especially something that good,
was like a lifeline being thrown to a drowning woman.

“What are you doing, Spencer? Just making the
rounds at the office? First Tamira, then me… Who’s next?
Marge?”

“Not hardly.”

“I fell for it, but I knew better. It’s not
like you didn’t warn me yourself.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and his
jaw muscle tightened. “Do you want me to quit?”

“No! No, of course I don’t want you to quit.
It’s your job. And besides, like you said, it was just sex, right?
Same as with Tamira, and you still manage to work with her just
fine. Why should we be any different? Isn’t that right,
Spencer?”

He was silent, but his jaw clenched and
released several times in obvious reaction to her words.

“I have to go,” she said as she swiftly
passed by him. She went to the sink, washed her hands, splashed
some water on her face, and turned away from him. Then she grabbed
her stethoscope off the counter, and looped it over her neck,
taking comfort in returning to work, and her own world, where her
life was more or less under control.

She finally felt prepared to deliver the baby
from a mother who would later die and never get the chance to see
the child she tried for more than a decade to conceive.

Chapter Twelve

Erica was never so emotionally spent in her
entire life. She was thoroughly exhausted. The surgery and post-op,
then facing the grieving husband and father lasted until early
morning. At six o’clock. She was numb, and almost too distressed to
feel anything. She did her job. Her hands were steady, precise,
controlled, and without any emotion.

Now it was over and she could walk away. But
Beth couldn’t. Beth’s husband and daughter would have to live with
this day for the rest of their lives. Erica’s only clothes were the
same one’s she wore yesterday. She couldn’t bear putting them back
on. They still reeked of sweat from nerves, grief, and sex with
Spencer. Was that really just yesterday? She couldn’t conceive of
it yet. Or what it meant to her… or him… or her future life. She
put on a fresh pair of scrubs before trudging out the hospital
doors. The blinding sunlight was rude and unwelcome to her sleepy,
grief-stricken eyes. She wanted darkness. Gloom. Rain.

Starting towards the parking garage, she
headed for the bottom row. As she rounded the corner, she stopped
dead in her tracks. Blinking once, then twice, no… she wasn’t
seeing things, Spencer was on her car, but his image couldn’t
compute in her brain. Why would he show up here?

He was sitting on the hood of her car with
his long legs drawn up, and his feet resting on the wheel well.
Sunglasses that were black and rather small, covered his eyes. She
couldn’t see his eyes through them, so she had no idea of his
expression besides the usual, cold, stony look on his face. He wore
jeans and a t-shirt, again, as usual, with varying logos, colors,
and mottos on them. He watched her walking up.

“What are you doing here?”

Lowering one foot slowly to the pavement,
then the other, he straightened up to his full height and stood
there, looking down at her.

She audibly sighed her unprecedented
exhaustion. “No games today. What do you want?”

His eyes scanned her from head to toe. “You
look tired.”

“No, exhausted.”

He nodded. “Get in. I’ll take you home.”

She paused, biting her lip. “You want to
drive me home?”

“You don’t drive too well, even when you’re
feeling good.”

She bristled. “How do you know that?”

“I’ve seen you pulling into the clinic often
enough to know. Just get in.”

Still, she didn’t move. “How did you know
when I’d be leaving work?”

“Didn’t.”

What? Had he been waiting here for her
indefinitely? Why? Why would he do that? He made it quite clear to
her how much she meant to him yesterday. Why would he do this
today? She was so muddled, and mentally drained, she couldn’t
fathom why. She was, however, extremely glad that he had, since she
felt like she was about to wilt.

Falling into the front seat of her car, she
was so spent, she didn’t even bother putting her seatbelt on. She
leaned her head against the window and stared dully out of it.
Eventually, she had to shut her eyes from the glare of the
beautiful, bright, summer morning.

Keeping her worn out eyes closed, she didn’t
move an inch when the car stopped. She didn’t even feel the tears
that rolled down her cheeks until his hand touched her face before
wiping away the wetness beneath her closed eyes. She didn’t react
or open her eyes, but remained leaning against the window.

“Beth is dead,” she finally told him. “She
died an hour ago.” Her voice was hollow.

“And the baby?”

“I delivered the baby. She survived, but I
wish I could’ve done more. It wasn’t enough.”

“It was enough,” he said quietly.

At the sound of his door opening, she finally
looked out again. Her eyes were red and swollen with unshed tears.
After allowing Spencer to open her car door, she commanded her body
to get out and stood there on trembling legs as he slammed it
shut.

“Tell that to her husband. Or the baby in
three years. It’s never enough.”

“You did all you could. No one could have
done more. You knew that going in.”

She shook her head as her tears streamed down
her cheeks, unchecked. She rubbed them away and sniffled the snot
that was filling her nose. Leaning against the car door, her
unending tears made her entire body convulse and tremble.

Then… she was suddenly against him. He had
his hands on her shoulders as he pulled her closer. She pushed away
from him. How could the man who so callously announce she was just
a temporary sex partner three minutes after having sex with her
even dare to try and comfort her? But… he was there. Now. And
holding her. His arms tightened over hers and he won the battle in
her mind. She was no match for his strength, emotionally or
physically. She collapsed into him, wrapping her arms around him,
and clutching his back for support. She pressed her wet cheeks
against his t-shirt, and heard his heartbeat. And felt his
breathing. She closed her eyes to inhale the clean smell of his
shirt. And feel the radiance of his warmth. His seductive vitality.
She wanted him simply because he was there. But why? She didn’t
know and couldn’t care less. He was there, right now, for her.

Somehow, she managed to release him. They
didn’t say a word, but simply walked in sync to the elevators,
exiting on the floor of her condo. He made no attempt to explain
why he waited for her or what it meant.

Erica set down her bag in the entry of the
condo. She looked around, and suddenly felt at a loss of what to
do. Nothing had changed. Everything was exactly the same as it was
yesterday morning, when she left for work. There was nothing
different. Yet, it all felt different to her now. She wasn’t sure
if that was because of Spencer, or the tragedy of losing her dear
friend. Everything was altered, and she had no idea what to make of
that. “Why do you suppose that after ten years of trying, someone
gets pregnant, but dies barely a month before she can deliver and
see that baby?”

“It was an accident. Nothing more. Nothing
preventable. One had nothing to do with the other. Except for how
tragic it all is.”

“You have no idea how many tragic events I
encounter. How many times I witness it just to wonder why. Why did
that happen? How could that happen for no good reason to good
people? I hate my job sometimes.”

“But no one deals with it better than you do,
right?” he said quietly.

She shook her head. Why was she sharing such
intimate thoughts and grief with Spencer? No one knew the darker
side of her job. She never shared it. With anyone. Not Nick
Lassiter, or Roy Bennett, not even Joelle. She kept all the things
she dealt with inside no matter how much it might make her
sometimes wish she was not who and what she was. And now, she was
telling Spencer Mattox, of all people. The most remote, emotionally
vacant man she’d ever known. And she was sharing her private
thoughts with him.

Erica questioned whether she was seeing him
with new eyes. For someone who seemed to hate all successful
people, and concealed his emotions so well, she sometimes believed
he didn’t feel anything, Erica wondered why would he come to her
aid now?

Her large, airy condo was decorated in soft
hues of yellow, green and white. It overlooked a beautiful
cityscape that encompassed the distant waters of Puget Sound, as
well as the proximal, quiet, quaint little neighborhoods and city
blocks, dotted with green swaths of parks. It was an expensive part
of town, with clean, tree-canopied streets. She loved it. Or did
before she found herself coming home all alone, or with Roy, and
feeling frustrated. She didn’t know if her frustration was
increasing because of Roy, or her inability to find the one thing
that every other couple seemed to have except Erica and the men she
dated.

In a fog, she couldn’t make up her mind what
to do or even muster the energy to put one foot ahead of the next.
She could’ve sunken right into the floor then and there and gone to
sleep. She didn’t care how pretty her condo was, or how beautiful
the July day. It no longer mattered to her that she was healthy,
successful and accomplished.

She was horribly alone. Lonely. Lost. Her
friends were all pairing off and moving on. For some reason, Beth’s
untimely death seemed to magnify that notion in Erica’s mind.
Today, she felt it more than usual, creating a gaping hole in her
life.

“I don’t know what to do,” she said absently.
Looking around, the tears filled her eyes again.