Peter said nothing. He concentrated on the food and tried to figure out how he was going to convince Grace to come back to San Francisco with him. He’d already decided it would be to her benefit if she left the area altogether. He thought he might convince Miranda to join him and act as chaperone for Grace. He didn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea, and Miranda’s presence would surely put an end to any gossip.
Of course, if Martin Paxton caught wind of it, the matter might not weigh well for Peter’s father. That troubled Peter only momentarily, however. Paxton would have no way of knowing of Grace’s departure.
Not if they did it right. Let the
man search for her and believe her to have gone farther north.
Let him assume she had tired of the cold as winter came on the
area and had left for warmer climates
. He didn’t care what Paxton thought. He only knew a fierce desire to protect Grace at all costs.
‘‘Captain, would you care for dessert?’’ Grace asked him softly. She smiled warmly and extended him a piece of cake.
‘‘This is indeed a party,’’ he declared, eyeing the treat with great interest. He hadn’t had a decent piece of cake in a long while.
‘‘Well, it is Jesus’ birthday,’’ Leah offered.
Again Peter said nothing. He wasn’t inclined to wax theological with a child, and no one else appeared concerned with the matter. He returned his thoughts to Grace and how Paxton had talked so harshly about marriage.
Peter watched her from the corner of his eye. She was so graceful and even-mannered. Even when Jacob dropped his cake, making a big mess on the floor, Grace only laughed it off and handed him another piece.
‘‘Why don’t you and Leah take your cake over by the stove,’’ Grace suggested as she knelt to clean up the cake. ‘‘You can play checkers while you eat and give us a little time to talk to Captain Colton about his departure.’’
‘‘Talk business on Christmas Day?’’ Doris questioned.
Grace laughed. Her brown eyes seemed to twinkle. ‘‘No, Aunt Doris, I wouldn’t consider it. I merely thought to find out when the captain intends to return to Seattle. I had hoped to send a Christmas letter to my mother. I’m hoping she’ll be back home in Chicago by now. I know she told me not to write to her just yet, but I figured that if we pass the letter through Karen’s sister and tell nothing of our whereabouts, then even if someone should intercept the letter, it won’t give away our location.’’
Peter nearly choked on his cake. He coughed for a moment, gratefully accepting a glass of water from Grace.
‘‘Are you quite all right, Captain?’’ she asked softly. Her hand touched his as she took back the glass.
‘‘I’m fine,’’ he replied. He cleared his throat. ‘‘I would like an opportunity to talk with you alone. Perhaps later.’’ Grace nodded, and Peter turned his attention back to the other ladies. ‘‘The youngsters have certainly thrived under your care and attention. They look healthy and well-adjusted to the harsh conditions here.’’
Karen nodded. ‘‘We’ve had our moments.’’ She lowered her voice. ‘‘It hasn’t been easy, especially with their father leaving them.’’
‘‘Leaving them?’’ Peter questioned. ‘‘You mean while he works?’’
Karen sighed and shook her head. ‘‘No, he’s gone north. Gold fever got the best of him and once he collected enough to put himself in good standing with the officials at the border, he took his leave.’’
‘‘And deserted them?’’ Peter asked, looking past Karen to where Jacob laughed at his sister’s antics as she set up the checkerboard.
‘‘Mr. Barringer stated in his letter that he intends to come back for them,’’ Grace offered, pouring Peter a cup of coffee. ‘‘But we wonder if that will truly happen. The children have been very upset.’’
‘‘Yes, but I think making peace with God has helped Jacob to make peace with his father’s actions,’’ Karen said, stacking several of the dishes to make more room on the table.
Peter thought of the things Grace had said to him in the past. Such talk of God and of making peace with Him and celebrating His birth were fairly foreign to Peter. He’d gone to church long ago as a child, but for as long as he’d been able to work aboard a ship, he’d been away from religious gatherings.
Without thinking, Peter asked, ‘‘What did he do to make peace with God?’’
Karen smiled. ‘‘What does anyone do to make peace with the Almighty? He accepted that he was a lost soul without Jesus and repented of his sins.’’
‘‘And that made him feel better?’’ Peter questioned. ‘‘Seeing how bad a person he was in the eyes of God gave way to making peace in his soul?’’
‘‘But of course it did,’’ Grace said, sitting down beside Peter. ‘‘Has no one ever shared with you the forgiveness and love of God, Captain?’’
‘‘I know God to be judge over all,’’ Peter admitted. ‘‘I believe Him to have set things in motion, perhaps even nudged them in a particular direction, but I don’t concern myself with the extremes of such things as love and joy. Emotions seldom result in reasonable decisions.’’ Even as he said the words he thought of his own emotional heart. He thought of the way Grace made his blood run hot and his heart pound with a maddening beat. Just sitting near her made him both uneasy and elated. Then his mind went back to the conversation he’d overheard between his sister and Paxton. A sinking feeling washed over him.
I sound just like that man
.
‘‘What of truth, Captain?’’
‘‘Please,’’ he said, looking to each woman. ‘‘We needn’t argue.’’
‘‘Who’s arguing?’’ Karen questioned. ‘‘Does talk of God and spiritual matters make you so uneasy that you instantly give it over to argument?’’
Peter pushed back from the table and shook his head. ‘‘No. It’s not that. I merely meant to say that it seems a very weighty subject for such a festive occasion.’’
‘‘But Jesus Christ is the reason for this festive holiday,’’ Karen countered. ‘‘I wouldn’t think it a bit out of place to discuss the need and purpose of God’s direction in our lives.’’
Peter reminded himself that his real need was to discuss Grace’s circumstances and Martin Paxton’s arrival in Skagway. Not feeling he could wait any longer, he said, ‘‘I really should be heading back. Supper was very good. If you ladies give up the mercantile business, you could easily open a restaurant.’’ He stood, hoping that Grace would take the opportunity to speak with him alone.
‘‘I’ll walk you out, Captain,’’ she said, smiling shyly.
‘‘Don’t forget your coat, Grace,’’ Doris called.
Grace looked up at Peter and smiled. ‘‘I won’t forget.’’
Peter lost himself in warm chocolate brown eyes. Indeed, she would need no coat if only he had the right to hold her in his arms.
They made their way outside and Peter was relieved to find the wind had died down. The cold was more bearable and the night skies overhead were clearing out to allow just a bit of moonlight. Perhaps it wouldn’t snow, after all.
‘‘What did you wish to tell me, Captain?’’
Peter fought the urge to pull her into his arms. ‘‘Something’s come up. I felt it was important to come see you myself.’’
Grace smiled. ‘‘I’m glad you did.’’
He sensed her approval and pleasure in his singling her out for a private moment. She showed no sign of fearing his company. She certainly bore no hint of the terror she’d felt for Paxton. He could still remember the look in her eyes as she conveyed her feelings toward the man who was to be her husband.
‘‘Will you be leaving tomorrow?’’ Grace asked.
Peter nodded. ‘‘That’s part of what I wanted to talk to you about.’’ Just being this near to Grace caused him to consider running away with her. He could imagine them making their way under cover of darkness. He could see himself fighting Paxton to the death for her honor.
No longer thinking of the information he needed to relay, Peter pulled Grace into his arms. She didn’t resist, and in feeling her yield to his touch, Peter tilted her head to meet his ardent kiss. He touched her lips gently at first, then more insistently. He held her tightly and although he felt her momentarily melt against him, he could also sense her tensing— pushing away.
He knew he had to let her go, but it was the last thing he desired to do. Loosening his hold, he allowed Grace to slip from his arms.
‘‘Captain Colton! That’s quite uncalled for!’’ She raised her hand as if to slap him, then halted in midair. Her expression softened as she lowered her arm. ‘‘The holiday spirit has made you forget yourself. I shall not be cross about it—however, you must promise to never take such liberties again!’’
She left him standing in the street without any hope of explanation. Peter felt the urge to go after her but held himself in check. He had frightened her. He had treated her no better than Paxton had. Growling in disgust, Peter pulled down his cap and headed out in search of a place to spend the night. He had no desire to return to Skagway, and fear for Grace told him he’d be better off to stay close by.
‘‘I’ll tell her the truth tomorrow,’’ he promised himself. ‘‘I’ll tell her I know all about Martin Paxton and that he has come to take her back.’’
GRACE SCARCELY SLEPT a wink all night. Touching her lips, she kept remembering what it felt like to be kissed by Peter Colton. Her heart pounded at the memory of the experience. She had lost all reasoning in that fleeting moment— that moment when she’d known without any further doubt that she belonged to this man, heart and soul.
How was it that two men could be so different? Peter’s kiss had filled her with wonder and anticipation. It was the complete opposite of the horrible treatment she’d received from Martin Paxton.
Comparing the two men made her remember the past and in the darkness of the night, she worried terribly about her mother and father. What if Paxton hadn’t left them alone as they had hoped he might after Grace’s departure? What if he were punishing them for Grace’s actions?
She knew things couldn’t be right because of her mother’s last letter. The tone had been so bleak, but worse yet were the things her mother hadn’t said. Reading between the lines, it was easy to see that their problems were far from over. Grace realized that as much as she loved this wild land, she wanted to go home. She wanted to see for herself that her family was safe—that Paxton hadn’t hurt them in her absence. Yet she knew she’d come this far and must stay in order to see it through; otherwise everything they’d done would be for naught.
There was also another matter. Peter Colton had created a complication she’d not planned on. She hugged her arms to her body and remembered his embrace—so strong and warm. She thought of the look in his eyes, the desire and passion that she recognized when he’d touched her. She felt the same desire. Had he known?
Grace was embarrassed for how she’d reacted to his kiss.
I
should never have been so harsh, especially when I wanted the
kiss as much as he did
. She rolled uncomfortably to her side. The cot was a most unbearable companion and did little to afford her any real consolation.
By the time she fell asleep it was quite late. Her dreams were haunted with visions of Paxton and Peter Colton. Always she was caught between the two men and always Paxton’s cruelty won over.
She awoke in a cold sweat. A dim light shown under the closed door and glancing at the empty cots, Grace realized both Doris and Karen were already up and about their business. She yawned and stretched. Her muscles ached terribly.
‘‘Oh, I’m already old at twenty.’’ A thought came to mind. ‘‘I’m soon to be twenty-one.’’
Sitting up, Grace remembered her birthday was in a few short days. She hadn’t even considered this matter since coming north. On the thirty-first she would be twenty-one. Her father could no longer assert his authority in a legal manner, and therefore Paxton would no longer be a threat. The thought gave her a moment of excitement. Perhaps she could go home.
Thinking of home, however, caused her to wonder what she would find there. Had her parents been forced to sell off all of their possessions? Had they been forced to sell the house itself? She’d not considered this before. Perhaps that was why her mother had told her not to write to the Chicago address. Perhaps Paxton now owned the house and her parents were left to find a new place to live.
‘‘Perhaps I could go to Seattle and stay with Karen’s sister until I locate Mother and Father,’’ she said softly. Even if they’d lost the house, they could start again. They were a family, after all. Perhaps she could even convince them to come north. Martin Paxton would never think to look for any of them in Alaska.
Besides, once she was twenty-one, Paxton would have no reasonable hold on her. The fact that she might have once married the man simply to keep her father in good standing was no longer a worry to her. If Paxton had carried his threats through as her mother had implied, there was probably nothing to worry about anymore. Everything he could have done to hurt them, he would have already done.
The idea gave her a new energy. Perhaps she could talk to Peter about allowing her passage to Seattle. Her cheeks heated up at the thought of Peter.
I love him,
she thought.
I love him so much that I could
have forgotten myself when he kissed me. Oh, God,
she prayed,
what shall I do? He’s not a man who seeks after you
. She knew well enough from years of hearing Karen speak on the delicate matter of marriage that the best ones were made of like-minded people. She and Peter were not like-minded. At least not in spiritual matters.
The idea of losing Peter before she really even had him caused a dull ache in her heart.
But I love him, Lord. I love him
so and can’t imagine my life without him
. The strength of her emotions was a surprise, even to Grace.
I live for his return
each time he goes away. How can I leave Alaska and venture
away never again to see him?
But what if he changed?
She considered the idea for a moment. Surely she could help him to see the truth. Perhaps that’s why they’d been allowed to come together. Karen always said that nothing happened by chance. Everything is carefully ordered by God.
That would have to include my falling in love
with Peter
. She smiled and felt a warmth of hope, whispering, ‘‘I could lead him to God. I could help him to see the truth, and then we wouldn’t be unequal in our thinking.’’