Yours to Hold: Ribbon Ridge Book Two (22 page)

Yeah, she pretty much hated her job at this point. She struggled to remember why she’d chosen it and recalled that she used to like it, if not love it. Helping people had seemed a noble cause. That she’d chosen something her mother thought was a bad idea had only increased her drive, but now that she’d decided to let the past go, it was time to admit her career was a mistake and let that go, too.

Mom padded into the living room from the kitchen at the back of the house, her bare feet slapping against the hardwood floors. She wore ratty denim cut-offs and a cap-sleeve cotton shirt that was cinched just below her breasts, providing at least a modicum of support for her girls, which swung bra-free. It was precisely the kind of outfit that had made Maggie flush ten shades of red when she’d been fifteen and they’d gone grocery shopping. And normally it would make her uncomfortable now, but she was going to try not to let it.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Magnolia! You didn’t tell me you were stopping by.”

Sonny and Cher ran back to Mom. They’d stopped yipping, but they were still dancing around excitedly.

Now that she was here, Maggie wasn’t sure how to start. “Uh, I wanted to talk to you.”

Nice and vague. Great opening
.

Mom smiled. “That’s nice. Surprising, but nice. I was going to call you. I’m thinking of getting dreadlocks. What do you think?”

To say she’d look ridiculous with dreadlocks as a late-middle-aged Caucasian woman would be an understatement. Again, Maggie considered her reaction. “Uh, I think I’m not the right person to ask. What do your friends think?”

Mom blinked at her. “What, no admonishment? Not even an exasperated sigh?”

Maggie laughed softly. “Sorry to disappoint you.” She sobered. “But, Mom, are you
trying
to provoke a reaction from me?”

Mom’s mouth turned down. “I guess maybe I was. My bad, flower bud. It’s just that you’re always so disapproving.”

“I know.” Here was the perfect opening. Could she take it? She’d driven over an hour so she might as well . . . no, this had been well more than an hour in the making. It had been years. “Can we sit, Mom?”

Mom’s gaze turned dubious. “Sure.”

Maggie offered a warm smile. “I didn’t come to argue.” She’d planned to ask her mother if she’d ever really mattered or if she and Rowan had simply been afterthoughts, but she realized she already knew the answer. If she and Rowan were truly insignificant, then Mom wouldn’t be the opinionated and caring busybody she knew and loved—yes, loved. It was better to let old hurts go and embrace the future. Wasn’t that why she’d really come? “I wanted to . . . apologize.”

Mom sat down and immediately turned to Maggie, who’d perched beside her. “What for?”

Maggie shrugged, feeling strangely uncomfortable. This all felt so personal, and she’d kept her mother at arm’s length for so long . . . “I’ve made a point of shunning your advice, of tuning you out. If I hadn’t, maybe I wouldn’t have made some pretty catastrophic mistakes.”

The gentle touch of Mom’s hand on her knee soothed her nerves. For the first time in ages, she thought of happy memories of Mom tending her scrapes from a bike accident and holding her while she cried after a “friend” had embarrassed her at school. “You haven’t either.”

“Mark wasn’t a mistake?”

Mom patted her knee. “Well, yes, of course
he
was. And I knew that you thought so, too. You don’t have to say things for a mother to hear them, you know. Or maybe you don’t know. You will when you have children of your own.”

Maggie wondered if she ever would—have children of her own—but didn’t want to think about that right now. “My job has also been a total failure. I’ve decided to quit counseling.” It was like a burden had been lifted. She felt . . . liberated.

Mom hugged her. “I’m so glad!” She pulled back. “What are you going to do?”

“I’ve actually been doing some landscape design. Just one job, actually, but it’s a good one and I think it could lead to more.” Having the Archers recommend her would go a long way—but first she had to come clean about who she really was. And to do that, she needed Kyle on board. On second thought, she could be one and done with this gig. She shoved that disquieting thought away.

“That’s great, Maggie. That’s exactly what you should be doing. It’s your calling—and you know, most people don’t have a calling.”

She’d told her that so many times before, but it was the first time Maggie really listened. And she felt very lucky—a word she never would’ve used to describe herself. “You called me Maggie. You never call me that.”

“Don’t I?”

Maggie shook her head, recognizing that her mom was giving her something in return—using the name Maggie preferred for once. “Thanks.”

“Should we go get a beer at the Sasquatch?” The neighborhood bar just down the street was Mom’s favorite place to grab a drink.

“Sure, but are you going to wear a bra?”

Mom laughed, and the sound was as loud and unruly as Maggie’s entire childhood. “No. I am who I am, and you either accept it or you don’t.”

“I can accept it—I
guess
. But, Mom, I don’t have to love it. Your lifestyle is just . . . crazy. Cray-
zee
.”

“I know, dear. And I know it isn’t who you are, much to my chagrin.” She exhaled and stood up. “I think I’ve decided to pass on the dreadlocks.”

Maggie got to her feet. “Why?”

Mom shrugged. “Too much work.”

Maggie suppressed a smile. She couldn’t know for sure, but she thought that maybe just this once, Mom had opted to be a little more mainstream. “Good choice.”

“Let me grab my purse.” Mom disappeared into the kitchen for a moment and came back with her hobo bag slung over her shoulder. She kept her shoes in a basket by the door and dug out a pair of orange Birkenstocks. “Now that you’re going to have your dream job, we need to find your dream man.”

Maggie arched a brow at her as she slipped her feet into her shoes. “Just one?”

Mom laughed again. “I said you weren’t like me, unless you’ve changed your mind. Monogamy is so overrated.”

“No, I haven’t changed my mind. One man is plenty.” Especially if that man were Kyle Archer. He was funny, caring, thoughtful, and he made her feel like she could do anything. “I’m actually sort of seeing someone.”

Mom opened the door for her. “Kyle Archer, right?”

Maggie stepped outside and turned around as Mom locked the front door. “How’d you know?”

“The way he looked at you. Hungry. Possessive. Very sexy.”

Gooseflesh raced across Maggie’s arms and neck, and her stomach did flips. “Really?”

“Oh, yeah. Well done, flower bud. He’s hot.”

Maggie shook her head. “Mom!”

She hooked her arm through Maggie’s and walked her to the sidewalk. “I call it like I see it.”

Hungry. Possessive
.

The words rang in Maggie’s mind during the entire walk to the bar and resonated until she lay down to go to sleep that night. He’d wanted her. Did he still, or was the compulsion over for him?

She wanted to call him but didn’t. Part of that was fear, and part of it was just wanting to give him the space he needed to come around. His plate wasn’t just full, it was overflowing. And she had to accept that there just might not be any room for her.

Chapter Seventeen

I
T WAS A
rare overcast afternoon as August bloomed, but it was still warm. Maggie patted dirt around the batch of perennials she’d just put into the ground. She sat back on her heels and watched workers from Dylan’s construction team putting the final touches on the pergola that overlooked the breathtaking vista of the rolling hills of Willamette Valley. It was going to be a stunning place for Derek and Chloe to be married on Saturday evening, and Maggie almost wished she could see it.

No, not almost. She wanted to come. And not just to see how beautifully it was all going to come together. She wanted to come because she liked these people, who also seemed to like her in return, particularly since several of them had now invited her—just about everyone but the person who mattered most: Kyle.

While she’d kept busy with the landscaping, her mind strayed to him almost constantly. She’d pushed him too hard, had played the counselor too well. He’d also said some pretty obnoxious things. She wished she knew where things stood—she hadn’t heard from him since he’d stormed out two days ago, and she hadn’t seen him here either. Everyone else had been around—Derek, Chloe, Sara, Tori, even Emily Archer, who was now coming toward her, a wide-brimmed hat shading her face.

“I think I’m going to take off, Magnolia,” Emily said, stopping next to Maggie. Emily had spent the afternoon helping to plant.

Maggie brushed her gloved hands on her apron and looked up at her. “Thank you so much for your help today. I think we’ll actually get everything done, thanks to you.”

Emily shook her head. “No, no. Thanks to
you
. It’s our good fortune that Kyle hired you.”

“And mine that I’ve had the opportunity to do this,” Maggie said quickly, always working to avoid having to answer the inevitable question, which, shockingly, no one had yet asked:
how did you and Kyle meet?

Emily smiled, and it reminded Maggie so much of Sara—they were clearly mother and daughter. “Well, you’re quite good at it. I may have to hire you to do some redesign in our backyard. I’ve been inspired by several gardens in France. I’d love to get together and talk through some ideas.”

Maggie tried not to choke. Every moment she spent with this kind woman made her feel like a massive fraud. She was the sort of mother Maggie would’ve liked to have had growing up, and when she thought of the pain Alex had caused her . . . well, Maggie tried not to think of that.

“That would be fun,” Maggie said, knowing it would never come to fruition. The moment Emily and the rest of them learned she was Maggie Trent, they wouldn’t want anything to do with her ever again. And Maggie couldn’t continue this “Magnolia” deception indefinitely—she couldn’t betray these nice people.

“Don’t work too hard,” Emily said. “See you tomorrow?”

Maggie smiled up at her. “I’ll be here.”

With a wave, Emily turned and went to her car at the edge of the narrow road, where they were in the process of carving out a handful of handicap parking spaces. As she drove away, Maggie told herself to stop obsessing over the situation. There was nothing she could do but get through it.

Going back to her work, she focused on the bright spot, which was the relief she felt about quitting her counseling career. She’d tendered her resignation in person that morning and had already started the arduous task of letting her clients know that she was no longer practicing. Her boss and colleagues had understood and insisted on throwing a “retirement” party in a couple of weeks. Maggie smiled to herself, still amused by the idea of retiring.

“You look happy.”

She snapped her head up to see Kyle standing just a few feet away. She hadn’t heard him approach, hadn’t even seen him from the corner of her eye. Her heart thudded, both from the surprise and just from seeing him. He wore a dark blue polo and khakis, and his blond hair was mussed from the breeze. Or maybe he’d been raking his hand through it again. Was seeing her causing him angst?

Don’t get ahead of yourself, Maggie
.

“I am happy. I resigned from my job today.”
And you showing up just totally made my week.
God, she hadn’t even realized how badly she’d missed him. But now that he was here, a palpable ache settled in her chest, and she longed to touch him, to hold him.

He smiled. “You did? That’s great. And totally explains your look. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so relaxed.”

A rush of warmth swept over her at his easy tone. It was the way he used to talk to her, when they’d been flirty and playful. When he wasn’t looking for therapy and she wasn’t trying to “cure” him of his compulsions.

She stood, and it felt good to stretch her legs. “Thanks. I’ve been wondering how you’re doing.”

“Since I stalked off the other night?” He winced, lines fanning around his eyes. “It wasn’t my finest move. I was a total dick, actually. I’m sorry.”

She warmed to his attention, glad to hear he’d been as bothered by their discussion as she’d been. “It was understandable. I was . . . pushy.”

He stepped toward her and tucked a flyaway curl behind her ear. “You’re cute when you’re pushy.”

His nearness sparked a fire in her belly, and the look in his eyes sent the flame lower. She moved closer until they were just a few inches apart. “Did you come by for a reason?”

He ran his fingertips down her bare arm. “To see how things were coming.”

“Running into me was just an accident?”

“A happy one.” He kissed her, and the familiar tide of want and need that he always provoked crested over her. She clutched his shoulders and pressed against him.

His tongue met hers as he palmed the back of her head. It was a thorough, bone-melting kiss. “Missed you so much,” he murmured against her lips.

“Me, too. So much. The bed was delivered to the cottage today,” she said. “But I suppose it would be rude to use it this close to the wedding. Besides, I’m kind of dirty and sweaty and gross.”

He licked at her neck. “You’re delicious. But you’re probably right that it might be in bad taste. I like where your head’s at, though.”

She laughed as his mouth dipped lower toward the V-neck of her T-shirt. “Stop, please. I
am
dirty and gross. Let me go home and shower. You can come over later. If you want.”

He lifted his head with a resigned sigh. “Okay. I wanted to tell you that I talked to my dad yesterday morning.”

“You did?” She quashed an urge to smack him. “You could have led with that information! That’s great. I’m so proud of you. How did it go?”

He smiled, looking more at ease than she’d ever seen him. “Good. He was devastated about Natalie, which I expected, but the police found evidence on her work computer yesterday. She’s been told not to leave the state, but she hightailed it out of Ribbon Ridge. The investigator said she’s staying with her mom in Hillsboro.”

Maggie couldn’t stop grinning. She was so happy for him. “You must feel so relieved. Will they arrest her soon?”

“I think so. They also found some pills and residue in a few baggies stashed in a compartment in her desk. We’re waiting on lab results to see what they are.”

“That’s so incredible.”

“I also talked to my dad about the gambling.” He cracked a half-smile and shook his head. “Don’t look so surprised.”

She flinched. “Sorry. I really am proud of you.”

Wow, he was really doing it—listening to her. Patients rarely did that, at least not fully. They did bits and pieces of what she suggested, but Kyle seemed to be committed to what he needed: resolution. She was sort of speechless. Until she wasn’t. He wasn’t the only one who was making progress in the fix-yourself business.

“It’s thanks to you,” he said. “I knew deep down I had to do it, but you convinced me that I could trust my family, that they do want to help and support me. I knew that deep down too, but sometimes I’m a stubborn prick.”

She laughed. “So I noticed. You aren’t the only one who’s stubborn and making amends. I talked to my mom last night. I realized I needed to take my own advice. She’s tried to be a good mother, butting in even when I didn’t want her to. If I’d only listened to her instead of keeping her at arm’s length because of our differences, I might not have made some of the colossal mistakes I have. She’s a good mom, even if she shirks a bra and thinks monogamy is for swans.”

He arched a brow. “Swans?”

“They typically mate for life. When I was sixteen, I went through a phase where I had swan everything—T-shirts, posters, knickknacks. I even had a swan necklace that I wore every day. It drove my mother insane.”

His eyes narrowed, but with appreciation. “I didn’t realize you could be so conniving. Very hot.”

“Ha! That’s what my mom said about you when I told her we were dating.”

The flirtation leached from his expression. “You did what? Shouldn’t we discuss taking this public?”

Oh, shit.
That had been the wrong thing to say. She hadn’t meant to tell him about that, but then she hadn’t meant to keep it secret either. She was really tired of secrets. “I admitted I was seeing you. She figured it out anyway.” Ugh, that made her sound like a little girl with a weak defense when she really didn’t need to defend herself at all.

“Seems like something we should’ve decided together.”

She wanted to find joy in his words—
we, together
—but he was obviously annoyed. “You mean like couples do? Are we a couple, or aren’t we?”

He turned from her and looked out over the valley. “If we are, you would’ve talked to me.”

Ouch.
“I should’ve talked to you first. I got a little carried away. What can I say? I was feeling good. I’m happy. You make me happy.” Another lock of her hair fluttered in the wind, and she swiped it behind her ear.

He looked at her for a long moment, and then his mouth opened. But she would never hear what he’d been about to say.

“Kyle!” Derek’s call made them both turn toward the dirt track.

As Derek approached, Maggie knew their talk was over, as was any hope for a sexy, happy interlude. She bent and picked up her spade and the stack of empty flowerpots.

“Maybe I’ll see you later?” She peered over at Kyle, unsure of where things were now.

He nodded, but she saw the motion for what it was—noncommittal. She turned to go, waving her spade at Derek in greeting and then hurrying to the parking lot as fast as she could.

She’d messed up. Again. Only this time, she wasn’t sure it could be fixed.

K
YLE WAS TORN
between going after Maggie and staying to talk to Derek. Both options made him somewhat uncomfortable, but for wholly different reasons. With Derek, he had to face a past hurt. With Maggie, he had to try to predict the future and see if the hurt was to come.

Derek came to stand next to him at the edge of the hillside. “It’s a gorgeous view. And Magnolia’s done a beautiful job on the flowers. I admit I was wrong—you completely saved the day by hiring her.”

Kyle appreciated the olive branch and knew it was his turn. As hard as it had been to come clean with Dad, this was even harder. “You got my message?” Kyle had left a voicemail for him earlier in the day. Yesterday had passed in a flash, between the police search and he and his father assisting with the investigation.

Derek nodded as he slipped his hands into the pockets of his shorts. “I stopped by the office, but Rob said you were here. He told me about Natalie. I . . . I can’t believe it. I’m so fucking pissed off.”

A surge of adrenaline coursed through him. It felt good to be on the same side as Derek again. “I know. I am, too.”

“
You
didn’t hire her.” Derek said the words with such vehemence that it sounded like a curse. It was definitely a self-recrimination. “I should’ve hired the woman who cracked gum throughout the interview; then Natalie never would have entered our lives and Alex might still be here.”

Kyle turned toward the man he used to consider closer to him than any of his brothers. “Don’t do that. There’s no point to the ‘if only’ game. How many times did your mom tell you that when you’d say, ‘If only Dad hadn’t taken that extra shift’?” Derek’s father, a cop, had been killed in the line of duty when Derek was just nine. They’d moved from Tacoma to Ribbon Ridge, and he’d been an introverted sad sack, a project Kyle had eventually taken on, but only after they’d butted heads for a while.

Derek blew out a breath. “I’d forgotten I used to do that about my Dad. I couldn’t when Mom died. There had been no ‘if only.’ The cancer came, and there was nothing we could’ve done.” He looked at Kyle, and the sadness in his gaze was deep and painful. “I miss them both so much this week.”

It was like the last four years had never happened. Kyle clapped his hand against Derek’s bicep. He coughed to clear the emotion from his throat. “I get it. I miss your mom, too.”

They were quiet a long moment. The air around them was filled with the buzz of bees, bird calls, a gentle breeze, and the warm companionship that only existed between two people who had known each other a very long time.

“So why did you call?” Derek asked.

Suddenly there was no anxiety, no resentment, just a lingering ache of regret. “To apologize for holding a grudge.”

Derek surprised him by laughing. “Is that what this was?”

Kyle shrugged. “That and you being a dick.”

“Yeah, I was a dick. I’m sorry, too. Really. I just wanted to help.” His gaze was steady, intense. “You know that, right?”

“I didn’t for a long time, but I do now.”

“Is it really that easy?” Derek asked. “We just go from ‘I fucking hate you’ to ‘I love you, bro’?”

“We’re dudes. Once we’re over it, we’re over it, right?”

“That sounds about right.” Derek leaned his head back and smiled up at the sky. “Just in time, too. Now you can be my best man.” He looked at Kyle expectantly.

Kyle hadn’t realized how badly he’d wanted to be until that moment. But there was a consideration. “What about Hayden?”

“He won’t care. He knew he was second choice.”

“I’d feel bad for him, but he’s spending a year in France living a dream.”

Derek let out a short laugh. “Yeah, don’t bother. Emily said he’s got French babes crawling all over him.”