Yours Always (19 page)

“How?  Did you buy her a box of tissues?”

“No, I didn’t have to.  We women have our secret ways of handling such things.”

“Secret, huh?  Have you been holding out on me?” He removes the breakfast tray and sets it on the dresser.  “See, I’ve always thought that your exquisite breasts were all natural, but now you have me wondering.  I’m going to have to closely inspect them to make sure you’re not hiding something from me.”  He slowly pulls down the sheet that is tucked under my arms.

“Fletcher,” I fuss, yanking it back up, but failing miserably.  Though I start off laughing at Fletcher’s extensive list of “tests” to prove whether or not my breasts are up to par, I end up enjoying the lovemaking that follows, and we stay in bed until just before we’re due at Julia’s.

We have an incredible time at Julia’s, and I really feel as though Fletcher’s on the mend.  Maybe he just needed to let his secret out of the bag before making forward progress?   A day of laughter, delicious food, and swimming is just what the doctor ordered.  He’s refreshed, relaxed, and anxious to start a new day.  At least that’s what he tells me as I’m leaving for the hospital the next day.

A huge smile is plastered on my face when I finish my clinical shift, and I can’t wait to get home to Fletcher.  My optimism quickly dissolves when I find the house looking like a herd of water buffalo have crossed through.  Everything is always neat and in its place.  That’s just how Fletcher lives, but this?  Something is wrong.  Fletcher’s fast asleep on the sofa, and I need answers.   

“Fletcher,” I softly whisper as I try coaxing him awake.  Nothing.

“Fletcher, honey, wake up,” I say a little louder this time while shaking him.

He flies from the sofa and pins me to the floor before I can scream.  One hand covers my mouth while his forearm presses into the soft flesh of my throat.

“What do you want from me?” he demands in a low gravelly growl.

I gasp, desperate to draw air into my lungs, but I can’t.  I try hitting him, pushing against his face, but nothing is working.  His eyes are black with anger, and his face is contorted into a snarling grimace.  Instinct takes over, and I knee him in his groin as hard as I can.  He rolls off me, and I eagerly suck in a lungful of sweet, precious air.  My energy is zapped from the struggle, so I’m unable to stand, but I do manage to roll onto my knees and crawl away from him.  He snatches my ankle and pulls me to him.

“No, Fletcher, no more.  Please!  It’s me,” I croak. 

He’s back on top of me and about to lower his fist when reality crashes back to him.  His eyes soften, his face goes pale and slack, and as I lie there sobbing, he props against the sofa and puts his head in his hands.

“Tell Julia to make the call.  Also, please ask her if you can stay with her until I leave,” he says, deep sadness in his voice.

I crawl to him, and I try pulling his hands from his face.  “I’m okay.  Look at me.  I’m okay.  I don’t want to leave you, Fletcher.  I’m not going to Julia’s or anywhere else for that matter.  I’m going to stay here with you, my husband, and we’re going to get through this together.  If you think the treatment center is best, that’s fine.  We’ll make that call, but I’m not going anywhere, Fletcher.  I love you too much.  I can’t desert you when you need me most.”

His eyes are red from the tears he’s shedding.  “I almost killed you, Savannah.  Twice.  Oh, my sweet girl, look at your throat,” he says in nearly a whisper.

“I’m fine.  Fletcher, I shouldn’t have startled you like that.  I should’ve known better.  You were in a deep sleep, but the house is trashed...  Anyway, it’s my fault.”

“No,” he says, reaching for my face, “it’s not, baby.  This is my problem.  I’m broken again.  I can’t believe that I hurt you.”  He cries harder, and I pull him tight.

“The only pain I’m feeling is the hurt in my heart because of what you’re going through.  I want to take away all of your pain, all of your terrible memories.  I want to help you get better.”

“But you can’t take it away.  No one can.  It’s deep seated in me, Savannah.  It’s a part of me now.”

“I know it is, but with some work, you’ll be able to control it again. It won’t consume you.  I’ll call Julia right now.  Why don’t you take a shower?  Okay, sweetie?”

He nods then drags himself to his feet.  “You’re my everything, Savannah.  Please tell me that you know I’d never hurt you on purpose.”

“I know, Fletcher.  I know that with all my heart and all my soul.”

He nods again before trudging off to the bathroom.

I give Julia a brief rundown of what has happened, and she insists on coming over right away to see for herself that everything is okay.  I let her in, and she gasps when she sees my neck. 

“It’s just red from the pressure.  It’ll go away soon,” I tell her.

“Where is he?”

“In the shower,” I answer.

She pulls a sheet of paper from her pocket and hands it to me.  “This is some information on the facility and the contact info for the doctor who treated him the last time.  You can keep this copy for yourself.  I’m going to call right now.”

She paces up and down the living room as she explains to the nurse what has happened, how long it’s been going on, and all of the other information the nurse requests.  The nurse tells Julia that the earliest they can accept him is Tuesday of next week, but if we feel he could be a danger to himself or others, we should have him admitted to a local facility until then.  I vehemently shake my head. 

“He only hurt me because I startled him.  I’m not going to have him committed for that.”

“I understand, but think about it long and hard before you say no, Savannah.  Are you supposed to walk on eggshells the next week or so?”

“I won’t have to.  He’ll be fine.  We’ll be fine.  Thanks for coming over, but I’m sure I have it from here.”

Julia looks hesitant at first, but she finally rises to leave.  “Of course.  Call if you need, okay?”

“I will.  I promise,” I say before showing her out.  My next call is to Ben.  I explain the situation, and once he realizes how intense it is, he tells me to expect him and Lizzy the next day.  They’ll spend the days with him while I’m in school, and the evenings, they’ll spend at his lake house.  I thank him profusely for the help, and then I go to check on Fletcher.

He’s in the bed, nervously twiddling his thumbs.  “Julia’s arranged for your stay.  We’ll fly to Colorado on Monday, and you’ll check into the facility on Tuesday morning.  Ben and Lizzy are coming into town.  They’ll be here tomorrow.  Ben says he’s going to spend the days with you so I won’t have to miss much school.  Plus, he’s excited to see you.  It’s been a while since you two have just relaxed and had a good time.”

“So I get a babysitter until I leave, huh?”

“No, you get a wife who loves you and wants to spend as much time with you as possible before you leave.  You also have a dear friend who wants to do the same.”

He sighs.  “This isn’t fair to you, Savannah.  You didn’t sign up for this when you agreed to marry me.  Are you sure you don’t want a divorce?  I won’t contest it.”

“Why would you even ask something like that?” I straddle him so I can look him in the eye.  “Fletcher, I love every ounce of you.  This is just a setback.  Every couple has them.  This is ours.  I’m going to be there when you walk into that facility, and I’m going to be there the day you’re released.  Let’s promise that we’re going to spend the next week looking for the positive in this and that we’ll try to have fun.  Going to the facility is a good thing.”

He gives a half smile.  “Okay.  If you say it’s a good thing, then it must be.  I’ll try my best to stay positive through this.”

“You’re going to be fine.  Who knows, maybe you’ll be even better than you were before once you complete the entire course of treatment.  You WILL complete the entire course of treatment this time, won’t you?”

He nods.  “I will.”

“Okay,” I say, kissing his forehead before lying next to him and situating myself in the bed.  Once the light is off and I’m still, he drapes his arm over my hip.

“Savannah, I’m so sorry for all of this.”

“Stop apologizing, Fletcher.”

“You know I’d never hurt you on purpose, right?”

I roll to face him.  “You’ve already asked that.  I assure you, if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here.”  Kissing him softly, I take his face in my hands.  “I know the real you.  I know your heart.  You’re a good man, Fletcher Reilly, and despite everything, you have to know that you’re my savior.  You freed me from my personal hell, and you showed me how to live life the right way.  Don’t forget all the good because of what’s happening now.  This is only temporary.”

“I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.”  One last kiss and we sleep for the night.

I call in sick to class the next morning, partly because I don’t want to leave Fletcher alone, and partly because the redness on my neck didn’t go away as quickly as I’d hoped.  Fletcher has moments of obvious anxiety, but he only seems to get lost in that terrible dark place when he is left alone.

Ben and Lizzy arrive around lunch time, arms laden with Triceratops bags.  “Someone call for delivery?” Ben asks.

“Get in here, silly!” I say, taking some of the bags from him and Lizzy then giving them both a welcoming kiss on the cheek. 

“Fletcher,” Ben says, hugging him tightly and giving him a few slaps on the back, “I see you’re just as fugly as ever.”

“You’d know all about fugly wouldn’t you? Lizzy, you should’ve seen some of the girls he dated before you.”  He lets out a howl, and Ben laughs.

“It’s good to see you, man,” Ben says.

“Thanks for coming.”  Fletcher kisses Lizzy on the cheek.  “And thank you for coming, too.”

“It’s our pleasure, plus I’ve been dying to spend some time with Savannah.  I’ve missed you so much, and I have tons to tell you.  But first, who’s ready to eat?” she asks with a huge smile.

We dive into our oversized combos, and after one bite, I remember why Ben is so successful with his business. 

“Best burger ever,” I say, taking as big of a bite as my mouth will allow.

“Others seem to think so, as well.  We’re expanding again!  Four new stores coming to Houston and three in San Antonio!”

“That’s wonderful news!  Congratulations!”  I exclaim.

“And you, don’t you worry about anything.  You’ll still get full salary while you’re in treatment.  It’s company policy, so don’t think I’m giving you preferential treatment or anything.”

“That just took a huge weight off my shoulders,” Fletcher admits.  “Thanks, Ben.”

“Savannah, you’re so close to graduating!  I’m so proud of you,” Lizzy says.

“Well, I still have about five months to go, but I know I’ve made the right choice.  I love it, and I hope to find work in the nursery or somewhere else that involves pediatrics.”

“I can’t believe how far you’ve come.  How far we’ve come!  So much has changed since our Pole Co. days.”

“Absolutely.”

“Well, sorry to cut this visit short, but we’re going to get a little shopping done to restock the lake house.  Fletch, if you’re feeling up to it, how about we play a round at the golf course tomorrow?”

“That sounds good.”

“I’ll come by about eight, and we’ll get some breakfast before we hit the course.”

“See you then.”

After Lizzy and Ben leave, Fletcher and I spend the rest of the day lazing around the house and working on projects.  I curl up in a chair to study while he works from his laptop on some things for Triceratops.  Things are nice and quiet until he slams down the lid of his laptop.

“What’s wrong?” I ask with concern.

“I’m just feeling a little… it’s hard to explain.  I feel like I’m letting you down.”

“Fletcher, stop.  We’ve talked about this.  Beating yourself up over something you have limited control over isn’t going to help you.  You have an illness, and you’re going to a facility to get treatment for that illness.  You haven’t let me down.”

“There’s so much that I want to do with you.”

“And we’ll do it, but it’s going to be later.  We couldn’t do much anyway with me being in school,” I say, kneeling on the floor and resting my head in his lap.  He softly strokes my hair.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“I don’t deserve YOU.”

“I love you, Savannah.”

I smile at him.  “Ready for bed?”

“Shower first?”

“You read my mind.”

The patient load is minimal during my hospital shift which gives me plenty of time to think about Fletcher.  I try my best to be upbeat, stoic, and compassionate around him, but the truth is I’m terrified.  What if the treatment doesn’t help him?  What if he has another violent outburst and I’m unable to stop him?  What if he decides to leave treatment early again?  So many doubts and uncertainties plague my thoughts, so I slip away to my special hiding place in the hospital’s deserted playroom before going home.  I need a good cry to relieve the negative thoughts, and I can’t do it at home.  I’m in my tiny chair, my face in my hands, sobbing when the door opens.

“Aww, you beat me…  Savannah?  What’s wrong?” Dr. Goodman asks, squatting next to me.

I try drying my tears as best as I can with my fingers while shaking my head.  “It’s nothing.  I’m just having some personal issues.”

He digs around in his pockets and produces a few two by two squares of gauze.  “I’m sorry it’s not tissue, but it’s all I have.”

“Thank you,” I say, accepting his offering.

He tries sitting in one of the tiny chairs, but once again, he fails miserably.  Instead, he sits on top of one of the play tables.  “I’ve been told by many people that one of my best qualities is my ability to listen to problems and offer sound advice.  Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”