You're Still the One (15 page)

He set his glass on the counter and stood. “I'm heading to bed. Thanks for the whiskey and . . . this. Night.”

She watched him go and finished her whiskey then turned off the television. She wished losing the baby hadn't driven them apart, that it had instead drawn them closer together. No, that wasn't true. She wished they hadn't lost the baby at all.

“M
OM, ARE YOU
sure you don't want to come to the movie with us?” Sara asked the following night after Sunday dinner. She and Tori, and all the female SOs were headed to a chick flick, while the guys were going downstairs to play pool.

“No, thanks. Your dad and I have a date with
Sherlock
, thanks to Bex turning us on to the show.” Mom smiled toward Bex, who was slinging her purse over her shoulder. She looked pretty great in a white V-neck T-shirt, green patterned skort, and wedge sandals, her hair twisted into a messy bun. A few strands of dark hair grazed her neck. Hayden remembered how soft she was there, how she squirmed when he licked along her nape.

Whoa there, boy. Settle the hell down.

Sara waved at Mom. “Okay, see you later!” The ladies filed out, leaving the men with the parents.

Kyle went to the sink. “We'll help with the dishes.”

She waved him off. “No, you won't. Go start your game of pool.”

Derek brought his plate to the counter. “You sure? This will go quick if we all pitch in.”

Mom shooed him away, too. “No, go. All of you. Except Hayden.”

Hayden, who'd been about to refill his beer from the tap, stopped and looked at her. “What'd I do?”

She smiled at him. “Nothing. I just wanted to talk to you for a minute.”

With Dad, who'd also come toward the tap to refill his pint glass. Hayden's gut twisted. Here came the conversation he'd been dreading.

Liam nodded toward Hayden. “We'll warm up the table for you.”

Great.

Hayden filled his glass and walked around the counter so Dad could refill his. “Can I guess what this is about?”

Mom came and sat on one of the stools at the beer bar. “I'm sure you can. We're just wondering how many more Sunday dinners we can look forward to having you here.”

And here came another hard sell.

Dad sipped his beer. “We know you're settled on your decision, but we can't help but see how you've fallen into a routine this week. You've been everywhere—helping me, working up at The Alex, volunteering at the festival booth. We know the pull of the job offer in France, but what about what you've got here? You've got us.”

Uh-oh, they were pulling out all the stops with this one—going for his emotions. “Thanks, Dad. I appreciate you saying that.”

Dad exhaled. “Don't you feel a little tug to come home? We miss having you around.”

Mom's forehead creased, and she threw Dad a worried look. “It's going to be hard for me to watch you go again. Having all of my children here is a dream come true.” She ended with a light laugh, but Hayden heard the edge of nervousness in it.

He hated seeing the pain lurking in his mother's eyes. It reminded him of how she'd been after Alex had died. He never wanted to see her like that again. “I'm mulling options.”

Mom's eyes lit. “There's a chance you'll stay?”

Damn, why had he said that? Because he hadn't been thinking. He'd just been trying to make her feel better.

He almost said,
there's always a chance
, but he didn't want to get her hopes up even more. And anyway, that was a lie. Some things had no chance—a diseased vine, his and Bex's relationship. Where had that come from? Wasn't it obvious? She was right here in front of him, and she'd invaded his thoughts from the moment he'd seen her on that elevator the day after he'd come home.

Dad set his beer down and braced himself against the counter. “Forgive me for being nosy, but I just have to ask. Is there some reason you don't want to come back?”

He chose his words carefully this time. “I won't lie—things are so different. I had a clear place when I was at Archer. When I was here helping with Alex.”

Mom's eyes were full of compassion and maybe a hint of tears. “There will always be a place for you here.”

Hayden smiled at her. “I know. And I
will
come home. If not now, some day.” He could tell this conversation wasn't going the way that they'd hoped.

Mom seemed to relax, and Dad nodded. “We'll stop bugging you about it,” he said.

Mom stood and kissed Hayden's cheek. “Go on downstairs. I love you.”

He touched her shoulder. “I love you, too.” He cast a glance toward Dad. “And you.”

“You too, son.”

Hayden practically ran from the kitchen in his haste to get away. When he got downstairs, he saw Kyle lining up shots of Jägermeister on the bar.

Hayden stopped short. “Jäger? Are you guys kidding?”

“We figured you'd need a shot of something,” Liam said. “Were we wrong?”

“Hell no. I'm just surprised at your choice of booze.”

Kyle poured the last glass. “Found an unopened bottle. Sounded good. What more excuse do we need?”

Everyone snagged a shot. Evan lifted his and said, “To brotherhood.”

They all raised their glass and tossed it back. Then they lined them back on the bar for Kyle to refill.

Dylan smacked his lips. “Good shit. One more, and then we play.”

Kyle poured, and they all retrieved their glasses.

Liam raised his glass. “To coming home.”

Hayden frowned. No one seemed to notice that he drank a bit after them.

Sean racked the balls, and Hayden went to grab his cue. “You have a cue?” he asked Sean.

“Yeah, didn't you know? Tori said everyone agreed to give me Alex's.” Sean looked mildly uncomfortable.

Hayden hadn't known. It seemed “everyone” didn't include him. Maybe she'd asked him, and he just didn't remember.
Oh hell, Hayden, stop giving everyone the benefit of the doubt.
Maybe she
hadn't
. What the fuck did it matter now anyway?

His mood seemed to be tanking. Disappointing your parents would do that.

He took a long swig of beer and decided another shot might be in order.

Kyle took his cue from the rack. “How are we doing teams?”

Evan snagged his cue. “Odd number, so someone's going to have more.”

Dylan chalked his cue. “Age?”

“Archers vs. non-Archers?” Derek suggested. “I'll be a non-Archer, but that still gives the Archers the four-person team.”

Hayden had a thought. “Sextuplets and non-sextuplets.” He looked at Derek and grinned. “That'll give us the advantage.”

Derek smiled broadly in return. “Brilliant.”

Liam shook his head. “That's fucked up.”

“Why, because we have Dylan, and he's awesome?” Hayden glanced at Sean. “Sorry, I don't know how well you play.”

“Pretty well, provided I have the right cue.” This earned snickers from a few of the others, and Hayden knew immediately what had happened.

“You got stuck with The Humiliator, didn't you?”

“Just for one game, thank God. Then I got Alex's.”

Hayden understood now, and he approved. Sean was a good guy. Hayden couldn't think of a better person to inherit Alex's cue.

“Since you have four, one of you assholes gets to break first,” Kyle said. “Make it good.”

Derek gestured to the table. “Go on, Dylan.”

He stepped up and broke, knocking the five down. He studied the table for his next move. “Three in the corner there.” He did exactly as he said and continued for three more shots.

When he barely missed with the eleven ball, the rest of their team groaned. Dylan held up his hand. “My bad. I think I need another shot of Jäger.”

He went to the bar to pour another, and Hayden joined him while Evan took his turn.

Dylan filled two of the shots and handed one to Hayden. “Interesting way to split the teams.”

Hayden shrugged before tossing the liquor back.

“Hey, I know how it feels to be the odd guy out, remember?”

Of course he did. He'd felt ostracized in
two
families, while Hayden had just one. “But you're good now, right?”

It was Dylan's turn to shrug. “Sure. As good as you can be. I mean, I can't change the past, but I don't dwell on it anymore.”

Liam joined them. “Hayden is
not
the odd man out.” He poured a shot for himself and emptied the bottle. “Well, shit, when did a fifth get so small?”

“When you're pouring for seven, dick-for-brains,” Kyle answered. “I don't think there's any more Jäger. Have to move on to something else.”

Behind the bar, Dylan turned to survey the liquor cabinet.

“Where's the single malt?” Sean called out.

Dylan pulled out the bottle Hayden and Bex had been drinking from last night. “Single malt for Sean. What else?”

“Oh hell, get the Patrón,” Liam said just before he threw back his shot of Jäger.

Dylan grabbed the tequila and set it in front of Liam. “We're going to have to pour you into your car later so Aubrey can drive your drunk ass home.”

He picked up his beer with a smile. “I'm pacing myself.”

Kyle cleared his throat. “Evan scratched. Whose turn?”

“I'll go,” Sean said, leaving his just-poured glass of whiskey on the bar.

Hayden finished his beer then went to the tap to draw another.

Kyle came up to the bar, eyeing Hayden's quick refill. “Whoa. That must've been some convo upstairs.”

“Oh, you know, ‘Why aren't you coming home?' No pressure.”

Kyle winced. “Sorry, man. I know what that's like, believe me.”

Hayden wanted to say he really didn't, that their situations were completely different. Hayden hadn't run away, hadn't pissed off half the family. But he didn't want to be a dick. He thought for a moment. Liam totally would have said that to him. So would Alex.

“You don't know shit.” The words fell out of Hayden's mouth, and once they did, he felt good.

Liam slapped his arm around Hayden's shoulders and gave him a firm squeeze. “That's my little brother! I've got your back.”

Hayden flinched. “Really?”

Liam frowned slightly and withdrew his arm. “What? Too much? We're all having fun, right?”

“Sure, fun. I was just starting to think you'd cast me in Alex's place.”

Liam looked confused, which only sparked Hayden's ire. “What do you mean?”

“Now that Alex is gone, you need someone to pair up with, right?” Hayden stared at him a second before drinking his beer.

Liam's eyes flickered with surprise and then understanding. “I guess so,” he said quietly. “Sorry.”

Hayden wished he hadn't said anything, especially not tonight. He'd been looking forward to a night with his brothers. Like old times. Except it wasn't like old times because Alex wasn't there. He realized that's what felt different. They were all together at last, but not. And they never would be. “I miss him.”

The game stopped, and everyone gathered around the bar again.

“I miss him, too,” Liam said, dropping onto a stool.

Kyle shook his head, a faint smile tugging his lips. “He'd hate this. He'd tell us all to stop crying in our beer and play the damned game.”

Evan poured a shot of tequila and held it up. “To Alex.”

Everyone scrambled to arm himself with a beverage and joined in. Their drinks were followed by a moment of silence.

Kyle looked at Liam. “What was in your letter?”

Liam laughed, but it was hollow. “I didn't get a letter.”

Kyle's eyes widened. “Dude, I know you had this weird love-hate thing, but that's cold.”

“It was a video. He went skydiving and filmed it.”

Hayden was shocked to hear this. He'd lived here, seen Alex pretty much every day, but he didn't know anything about that. “No shit?”

Liam nodded. “He's the reason I do that stuff. He asked me if I'd jump out of a plane and record it so he could experience it vicariously. After that he kept coming up with ideas, and I kept doing them. I guess I kind of liked it.”

Light laughter filled the room. “Yeah, kind of,” Evan said.

“Was that it?” Hayden asked, wanting to hear more about this video. “Just him jumping out of a plane?”

Liam stared at his now-empty pint glass. “Oh no, there was much more to it than that. You don't think he'd let me off that easily, do you?”

Dylan took the glass from Liam's hand and refilled it from the tap. “Was it bad?”

“It wasn't good. Like Kyle said, we had this love-hate thing. He, uh, he called me that night.”

Sean leaned forward, his gaze intense. “Like he called Tori? What did he say?”

“He was drunk—or so I thought. I guess he was drugged up from what he took. He told me I could come home.” Liam looked at Sean, his eyes dark. “I'm sorry. I know Tori wishes she knew why he called her, but I don't know either. And frankly, I'm glad she didn't answer. I did, and the guilt . . . well, let's just say that no one wants that.”

“I think we all have guilt, for one reason or another,” Kyle said, grimacing.

Hayden didn't. Well, he did, but his anger had overtaken that. He'd altered his life to be here for his brother. Maybe he would've left with Bex. Maybe he and Bex never would've even come back to Ribbon Ridge after college. But he'd insisted on standing by Alex, and for what? For Alex to throw that gift back in his face by killing himself. But he never said that to anyone. What would be the point?

Liam looked at Kyle. “What was in your letter?”

Kyle huffed out a breath and ran his hand through his blond hair. “Honestly, he absolutely nailed me. Called out my failures but also praised my abilities. He told me exactly what I needed to hear when I needed to hear it.”

“That's a credit to Aubrey,” Liam said. “Alex left her a letter too—along with all of our letters—instructing her when to deliver them. Some of his directions were kind of vague.”

“What about you, Evan?” Kyle asked. “What was in your letter?”