You're Not Proper (13 page)

‘Well, Jesus certainly taught us to love one another and to forgive,' Mrs Seaver said as I sat down. ‘But Jesus would not allow for unauthorised absence from my school.'

Everyone laughed. I joined in as well. Mrs Seaver always managed to find a way of saying things at the end of an assembly that were funny.

I hurried out of school that day. Everyone was staring at me in a strange sort of way. I really wanted to walk out with Laila, but her Dad was picking her up and I was scared of Shamshad. She had many reasons now for getting at me. I saw Jake coming out of the door. He waved at me to stop, but I pretended I hadn't seen him, lowered my head and carried on. Two white boys blocked my path just as I was leaving the school gates. One of them was taller than the other. The tall one had curly red hair and a stubbly face. The shorter one was stocky, with short, cropped hair. They were Year 9s or 10s. I didn't know their names. As I stepped off the pavement to get past them, one of them, the short haired boy, stepped aside and said, ‘You don't need to do that.'

I stopped.

The taller one said, ‘I wish I was as brave as you.'

I was trying to digest the compliment when the shorter one scratched his head, and said, ‘Tony Blair lied to us. Me Dad went to Iraq and never came back.'

‘Year 10 are going on the demo,' the tall one said.

I stepped forward and hugged him.

The short one laughed, ‘I didn't know you did that.' ‘What do you mean?' I asked pulling away. ‘Scarfies and hugging… scarfies…'

‘Oh, get lost,' I said, wiping away tears of relief.

As the two boys left, Jake put his hand on my shoulder. I turned around. Behind him, still in the school grounds, Shamshad was giving me the evil eye.

I couldn't take my eyes off Karen, with Jake's hand on her shoulder. I thought back to what had happened. The whole world knew. It was all over Facebook. When I saw Karen in Manchester, I kept looking back at her. I didn't know how long she had been spying on me, but I was sure she had taken photographs of me with Jake on her mobile. I was going to get them deleted before they went up as well.

I hid in the toilets at the start of the dinner break. I cried, and swore to really, really teach her a lesson. I was sitting in the cubical when I heard some girls talking about a big fight coming up in the playground. I wouldn't have cared, but someone mentioned Laila. I waited until they had left and went into the playground through the back entrance of the main hall. Everyone was walking down towards the other end of the grounds. It looked like East Boarhead was already there and West Boarhead was coming from all over. I was behind West Boarhead. I stopped and thought about turning around. Two long lines had formed. I was about to turn around when Jake came up behind me. I felt so ashamed when I saw him, and lowered my eyes and stared down at the patches of chewing gum splattered onto the paved ground.

‘I need to ask you something,' Jake said.

There was a lot of shouting and swearing coming from the lines in front of us.

‘I swear I didn't do anything, Jake!'

He looked at me all confused. Maybe he doesn't know about all the stuff on Facebook. His hair flew off his face. His earring glittered in the sunlight.

‘You don't know, do you, Jake?' I asked.

‘Why did you write that stuff in the covered area?' Jake asked. I just died.

‘It wasn't me, Jake,' I cried. ‘It was her, that Karen. She saw us together in Manchester and she's jealous of us.' Jake's face turned red. He looked away from me. Someone was calling him.

Turning to me, he said, ‘There is no
us,
Shamshad. You came out to let your hair down and mess about with me mates. That's all.'

‘How could I have said what I just did?' I thought. Jake held my hand and said, ‘We're friends aren't we?' I nodded.

‘I need your help.'

‘Anything,' I said.

He took a deep breath, and said, ‘It's about our Dex. I know your Dad's an important man. Can I come to your house and speak to him about our kid?'

‘Oh no, please don't do that. Don't come to my house. You don't know my Dad. He'll kill me if he finds out about us.' Jake held me by the shoulders, and said, ‘Look, there's no
us.
I've told you. I want some help to find my brother.'

Someone called Jake again. He let go of me and went away. I stood where I was. Ashamed! I had made such a fool of myself.

When I saw her going home that day after the afternoon assembly, I could have killed her on the spot. Everyone was looking at her as if she was something really special. And now Jake was chasing after her as well. I promised myself, there and then, that I was going to kill Karen even if it meant spending the rest of my life in jail. I was going to kill her the next day. But I couldn't wait. When I saw her cooing up to Jake outside the school gates, I knew she could see me and was rubbing my nose in it. I got so angry. I took out a pair of scissors from my bag.

‘Sorry, Kiran,' Jake said, pressing my shoulder.

He was standing under a crab apple tree. I had gone past this tree so many times but only today noticed its bent, leafless branches dangling out over the pavement, shedding its walnut-sized, red apples onto the pavement.

I shrugged my shoulder, forcing him to take his hand off me. His hand slid down my arm and I felt the tips of his fingers on the tips of mine. I moved my hand away and stepped back from him, crushing some of the fallen crab apples under my feet. Jake put his hands in his pockets and kicked some of the fallen leaves. Shamshad was making her way towards us, fidgeting with something in her bag.

I looked Jake in the face. He seemed to have grown older. He turned his eyes away from me and looked at Shamshad. She knelt down and started tying her laces. A brown leaf twisted and turned in the air and landed on Jake's head, perching itself like a feather. He took his hands out of his pockets, brushed his hair, and said, ‘You're welcome back, you know. I mean we're still us. And I gave Donna a piece of mind, for what she did. I swear I did. I don't know why I didn't do anything. I just don't know. Sorry, Kiran.'

I suddenly got enraged with Jake. Oh yeah, I thought to myself I can just see it, Jake. Kiran the Muslim, one of the gang again, like nothing's happened, eh? I'm not who you think I am any more, Jake. Kiran was never WTM. And Karen is dead!

‘I know, Jake,' I said. ‘Thanks though.' Jake nodded.

‘You really know how to say what you feel, girl,' I thought.

‘I don't know what to do, Kiran,' Jake said. ‘You know I'm not for all this war, but he's me brother.' His eyes filled with tears, and he said, ‘Please help me.'

Shamshad was still tying her laces. Her eyes fixed on me. I wasn't going to look away from her. I'm tired of your games, Shamshad, I wanted to shout, really, really tired. Come and do whatever you want. Jake turned towards Shamshad, pointed at her, and said loudly, ‘There's nothing going on between her and me.'

Shamshad stood up and ran towards me, screaming.

I was trying to work out what to do when Jake grabbed her hand. She stumbled. The scissors dropped onto the pavement. She fell, banging her head against a wall. Her hand twisted behind her back. Her books spread out across the pavement. Her hijab stuck in a privet above her. Jake picked up the scissors, and said to Shamshad, ‘What you doing with these?'

Shamshad pulled her knees up to her chest, placing her head on them; she hissed and then started to cry.

‘Serves you right,' I thought. ‘I ought to sock you one right in the gob.'

I stepped towards her, untangled her hijab and gave it to her. She snatched it out of my hands and put it on her head. ‘You could have hurt Kiran with these,' Jake said, waving the scissors in the air.

I held out my hand for her. She took it, and pulling herself up said, ‘Thanks,
Karen.
'

I should have let her fall, but I didn't. She stuffed her books into her bag and left.

There were piles of dried leaves huddled together here and there. A bird twittered in a tree close to me. I looked at a nest, but I couldn't see the bird. It was still singing somewhere close by. I smiled at the thought that I hadn't noticed the clouds clearing. The sun winked down through the leafless branches of the trees that lined the path of School Lane, which led from our school gates down to the main road.

The wind suddenly changed direction. It was a cold, biting wind. It pushed a pile of brown leaves towards us, along the pavement. They were twisting and turning as they came. More leaves fell off the trees all along the lane. Some small, hardly dead. Others, large, larger than the size of my hand. A dog barked somewhere in the gardens, and I thought of Shamshad and shook my head. ‘Oh God, free me from her. Is this too much to ask? This is the first and only thing I have really asked of you. Is it too much?'

‘Come on, Kiran.' Jake brought me back down to earth.

He held my hand and pulled me towards a huge pile of leaves that had collected around a discarded pram. He let go of me and started kicking the leaves. He bent down, picked up a pile of leaves, and tossed them into the air. I ran, stepped into the pile of leaves and started kicking them, shouting with joy. Jake stopped, and asked, ‘What's the matter with you?'

‘Me prayers just got answered,' I said.

‘Barmy,' Jake said, joining me.

When we stopped kicking the leaves, I noticed Mrs
Getoffmystreet
. That's what we called her. She was always there, by her gate, each day, before the start of school and at the end of the day, staring out at us, with her arms folded across her chest like a wrestler, with a look that said,
getofmystreet.
I looked her in the eyes, stuck my tongue out at her, and followed Jake as he ran down the lane. Shamshad was standing on her own at the bus stop, on the other side of the pelican crossing. I stopped.

‘I'm going to give her a piece of my mind,' Jake said, stepping into the road.

I pulled on his hand, and said, ‘Lay off, Jake.'

He stepped back onto the pavement and looked me in the face. ‘Just lay off,' I said.

I pressed the pelican-crossing button.

‘What is it with you girls? Don't you know what's good for you?' A bus pulled up on the other side of the road.

‘Girls are girls,' I said. ‘Yeah,' he said. ‘Yeah,' I said.

The bus pulled away. Shamshad was on it.

The pelican lights turned green. We didn't cross the road. ‘You coming to the willow tree later?' Jake asked.

‘So the mob can make fun of me, eh?'

‘There's no mob anymore.'

I pressed the pelican lights button again. Jake said, ‘We've got a lot of things to sort out and there's…'

The lights changed and crossing the road, I said, ‘No!' Jake followed me, and said, ‘Please. It's not what you think.'

Getting onto the pavement on the other side of the road, I quickened my pace. Another bus was coming. Stepping onto the bus, I said, ‘No!'

There was hardly anyone on the bus. Jake sat on a seat in front of me. I touched the window with my forehead. The glass was cold. It started raining. At first just a few drops. They hit the windows and slid down past my face. Moments later, the glass misted. I wiped the glass and saw Jake's reflection. He was looking at me, pleading with those blue eyes.

When his stop came, he stood up, looked at me, sat down again, and asked, ‘Do you mind if I walk home with you?'

‘Why?'

‘Don't want to see Dad. He drinks even more since Dex went missing.'

‘
Allahjee
, dear God, how can you let Karen humiliate me?' I thought, ‘Why don't you throw a bolt of lightning at her and get rid of her right now?' I didn't try to hide myself from her. I just stood there. I knew Karen knew I was watching her. I tried to cheer myself up with thoughts of cutting her throat with a knife, or putting my scissors into her stomach, pushing her under a bus, or running her over with a car. I laughed when I remembered I couldn't drive.

I was so angry I was trembling, especially when she jumped about kicking leaves with Jake. And what did the stupid, little cow think she was doing sticking her tongue out at that old lady?

I couldn't get Karen out of my mind all the way home on the bus. Killing you would be too easy,
Karen
, I resolved. I had to find a way that would make you feel like I do. I don't know how you've done it so quickly, taking all my friends away from me, but I won't let you get away with it!

I missed my stop and ended up getting off at the top end of Boarhead East High Street. Our house was at the other end, past the restaurants and takeaways that lined both sides of the High Street. My Dad's office was in the centre of the High Street.

Mumtaz Ali Khan, the old man who lived in a house behind ours, Baba Khanu as everyone called him, nodded when he saw me walking past the window of Lala's Kebab House. I flashed a false smile back at him. He was a short, fat man, who had worked at Lala's before I was born. He waved at me with a hand covered in kebab mix and went back to spiking meat onto skewers and placing them into a refrigerated display. The door to Lala's was open. As I walked past it, I heard the meat sizzling on the grills. The scent of the roasting spicy meat made my mouth water. I slowed down.

A police helicopter came out of nowhere and started hovering above. A moment or so later I saw them. Men with masks on their faces, carrying English and Israeli flags, came charging down the middle of the High Street, shouting, ‘Muslim Terrorists out of Boarhead!'

‘Come inside, daughter, quickly,' Baba Khanu said, stepping out of the shop. Before I could say anything, he grabbed hold of me and yanked me inside the shop.

Four policemen on horses followed the masked men towards the town centre. After they were out of sight, Baba Khanu said, walking back behind the counter, ‘Come, let me make you a big, fat kebab.'