You're Gone (Finding Solid Ground) (5 page)

Each one of Madie’s grandchildren had one specially made for them in the tack room. Some of them, like the ones for Jenna and Kevin, had never been used. It seemed to Charleigh that he couldn’t find his, or wasn’t sure which one belonged to him. Gavin wasn’t necessarily a horse-riding enthusiast.

“Well, Gavin,” she sighed. “We both did a few things we shouldn’t be proud of and made some mistakes.”

“You mean I did things that I shouldn’t be proud of. I made the mistakes.”

“No,” Charleigh replied with a shake of her head. “
I
made mistakes too, as far as we were concerned. As far as life goes.”

She brought a hand up to her face. Gavin saw the twinkling diamond on her ring finger.

“Nice ring. Sorry I couldn’t get you anything as fancy as that.”

“It’s not what counts at the end of the day, Gavin. I’m happy with Jamie. Really,
really
happy.”

“Like I said,” Gavin said almost in a growl. He grabbed the closest saddle by the horn, not paying attention that it was too small for him.

“What is
wrong
with you, Gavin?” She stepped back so he could get past.

He took several long strides until he was out in the main corridor. Dropping the saddle to the floor, Gavin took a few more steps and kicked a nearby stall door. “The fact that everyone thinks I royally
screwed up my life. When I climbed into the backseat with Andrea, I admit it, I knew what I was setting myself up for, but I love my daughter, no matter how she came to be.”

Charleigh brought up her arms across her chest and calmly spoke, “
That
is all that should matter.”

Letting out a heavy breath, Gavin turned back to Charleigh. He stared at her as if she was from another planet. He stared at her the same way he had that day when she’d handed him the court order to repossess the truck.

“Well, Charleigh, what do you want me to say? I know I screwed up with you. I’m sorry. Isn’t that
enough
for you?”

The question brought a smile to Charleigh’s face. It was nowhere near being funny, but she did find the situation somewhat coincidental. “You have no idea how many times I asked myself that same exact question, Gavin.
‘Why wasn’t I enough for him?’
” She shook her head. “I’ve come to terms with everything I couldn’t be and gotten on with life. You need to start living for you and do what’s best for Brea, discounting everything else.”

“If you say so.”

Gavin left the saddle where it was on the concrete floor and walked toward the door. Charleigh watched him leave, not sure what to do. There wasn’t anything she could say to make it better, to make him understand that what had gone awry with them was really for the best, if guilt over that was what his problem was. Charleigh had dealt with the pain and the anger, and now it was Gavin’s turn.

For the first time in a long time, she felt it was the truth when she said that she’d accepted all of her imperfections. It had taken a miscarriage, the death of her father, and an emotional breakdown to realize how she’d been living was wrong.

Because of so many things— Charleigh couldn’t quite put her finger on the catalyst; there really hadn’t been just one— she’d built up walls around herself. She’d tried to be something and someone that she could never be— perfect— which only held her back and hurt more than it actually helped.

He
’d made his bed, and he was going to have to lie in it. Charleigh just hoped Gavin didn’t end up holding a grudge against his daughter because of it. After all, if she’d never been conceived then Charleigh would’ve never found out about his infidelity. Really, she didn’t think it mattered. Their relationship had been wrong prior to the betrayal, but Charleigh was certain the marriage wouldn’t have lasted for very long either way, because it was based on a lie.

Oh, well.
No more worrying about Gavin
. There were so many other things she needed to be dealing with— like helping Jamie figure out how he was going to ‘break the news’ of their engagement to his mother. There weren’t enough minutes in the day to do that
and
worry about Gavin.

Slumped down in her chair, Charleigh emerald green eyes were locked with Jamie’s brown ones as they listened to his mother rant and rave over speakerphone that sat on her office desk at their house. Jamie stood close by with a bitter expression on his face. They’d just told his mother about their engagement and upcoming wedding. The good news— or the bad news, whichever way you wanted to look at it— was that Claudia didn’t have a heart attack.

They decided to get married while it was still warm enough to have an outdoor wedding. The weekend of September fifteenth would do just fine. Nothing elaborately formal
. Charleigh’d already been there and done that planning her wedding with Gavin, and it had proved to be more of a headache— and heartache— than a joyous occasion.

Something simple yet elegant, Madie suggested having the wedding in her garden at the ranch.

“… I cannot believe this. If you’re really going to marry that girl, Jamie, you can at least do it in style,” Claudia went in an annoying, high-pitched voice. “We can reserve the ballroom at the Plaza for sometime next autumn.”

“Claudia, it’s their wedding,” Greg interrupted, “If they want to have it at my mother’s ranch, then that’s the way it should be.”

“But what about all of my friends? I can’t have them coming to Podunk to attend my son’s wedding. It’s bad enough that he has to marry that ‘Ellie Mae.’ Her family is practically something out of
The Dukes of Hazzard.
”

You don’t even know my family, you old bag
, Charleigh wanted to scream into the phone.

“I’m sorry,” Jamie mouthed to Charleigh when he saw her shoulders sink even lower. She only closed her eyes, shook her head in response.
             

“Ellie Mae was a character on
The Beverly Hillbillies
not
The Dukes of Hazzard
, Claudia. That was Daisy.”

“Whatever, Greg.” Claudia’s voice was filled with venom.

His parents went back and forth for a while. Jamie couldn’t care less as far as his mother was concerned. She could come to his wedding and keep her mouth shut, or she could just stay at home. Either way, he was marrying Charleigh on Saturday, September fifteenth.

He watched his bride-to-be squirm in her chair, with aggravation from a horrible sunburn. She also had red splotches all over her arms and legs. There were several on more Charleigh’s neck and stomach and other places on her body that would remain unmention
ed. Sunburns. Poison oak. Sunburns
and
poison oak, Charleigh thought the combination tied with Claudia for the most gruesome thing in the world. Jamie ranked a close second on that list because he wouldn’t let her scratch it.

He’d dragged her kicking and screaming to the doctor’s office for some ointment earlier in the day because of the rash, where she ended up having to get a shot in the rear. Where Charleigh’d become infected with the pestilent, bothersome… disease, she wasn’t sure. Maybe she touched it when she went fishing with her cousins earlier in the week. Maybe she’d gotten it a few days before then. Maybe the calves she’d helped to sterilize had come in contact with it. It didn’t really matter because she was cussing it all underneath her breath.

“I couldn’t care less if any of your socialite friends come to my wedding, Mother,” Jamie interrupted his parents. “It wouldn’t be the end of
my
world, and if you find that insulting, then you’ll just have to deal with it or stay at home yourself.”

“Well, I never—” Claudia gasped as if she’d never been talked to so antagonistically. She probably hadn’t.

“Deal with it. I’ll call later with the details.” And Jamie hung up. He looked up at Charleigh and smiled.

“I’ve never found you sexier than I do at this moment.”

“You’re just saying that because you itch.” He laughed. “Do you need me to put some more of that cream on for you?”

“I’d rather scratch it.”

“That’ll only make it spread more.” Jamie picked up the tube and rolled his eyes. He’d picked up that annoying habit from Charleigh somehow during their time together. “Doctor Cahill said that shot would take some time to kick in. Take off your shirt.”

“No. Not unless you ask.”

“Fine.
Will
you take off your shirt?”

“Nicely.”

“Will you take off your shirt,
please?
”

Charleigh wore only a cotton tank top and a pair of lacey, green boy-short panties.  “I don’t know why you don’t have this, too…”
The rest of her words were muffled as she slipped the shirt up over her head.

“She said I might not be allergic to the poison oak. I’ve never had it so I wouldn’t know.”

“Aren’t you just special? Do you want a cookie with your name on it?” Charleigh turned her head so Jamie could put some on the hives just below her left ear.

“A gold star would work just as well, thanks.” Jamie tossed the cotton ball in the trashcan at the end of the desk. He headed to wash his hands but stopped in the doorway. “Do you want some soup or something?”

“That would be nice.”

It was something of a
Deja vu moment. Jamie returned to the living room with a serving tray piled high with grilled cheese sandwiches and two bowls of tomato soup. Although it wasn’t a difficult meal to prepare, it was an improvement for Jamie’s cooking skills. What counted was that he was at least trying, and he was getting better.

“It seems like we’ve been here before.” Charleigh put the television on mute and proceeded to sit up on the couch.

He put the tray on the coffee table and sat down on the love seat. “I was thinking the very same thing. Although, the difference is that, this time, you’re not wondering if I put something in your soup.”

“Actually, you’re wrong. I am wondering that.” The comment caused Jamie to sit back and look at her. Charleigh only smiled. “Did you remember to put the milk in it?”

“
Yes, I remembered to put the milk in it,
” he mocked and tossed a throw pillow in Charleigh’s direction. Barely dodging, she laughed.

“Now, I was thinking about wearing boots with my wedding dress. What do you think?”

Lifting his spoon to his mouth, Jamie stopped and stared. It seemed like a casual enough question. His bride-to-be asked it straightforwardly, never taking her eyes awake from her food. However, he didn’t think of it as simple.

“You have got to be joking.”

“Nope, I’m as serious as the plague. I found a dress in one of these magazines.” Somehow, though Charleigh had no idea how, she kept a perfectly straight face. “It’s really pretty, and lacey. The front hem is kinda short but the back is long and comes down to make a train.
And
it pushes everything up.” She cupped her breasts and pushed up to demonstrate.

Jamie stared. He had to clear his throat before he could speak. “That would be fine with
me, but… My mother will just love that.”

“I’m counting on it, solely for that purpose. It’s no secret that she hates me. I figure that I might as well give my future mother-in-law an actual reason.”

“You’re not going to start anything, are you?”

“Of course not.”

“Charleigh,” he warned.

“Why would I
need
to start anything?” She flashed a brilliant smile Jamie’s way, but he saw the sparkle in her eyes. “Odds are: she’ll see my wedding dress and do it all by herself.”

“But you’ll be dangling the bait.”

“What do you take me for? A ne’er-do-well?”

“A ne’er
-do-well? Unh-uh. Pain in my rear? Yes.”

“But you love me anyway?”

“I certainly do,” Jamie sighed. “For reasons I’ll never understand.”

             
Charleigh leaned over for a smooch. “You better not question it, either.”

“Your flattery is endearing.” He laughed. “Are you itching again? Do you need me to put some more ointment on it?”

“No, I’m on fire. Pass me the Aloe Vera, will you?”

***

It was strangely the most erotic thing Jamie had ever done, and yet it had nothing to do with sex. He sat back on his haunches beside Charleigh on the bed as she lay on her stomach. The French doors in the bedroom were open to let in a slight breeze. The cool air was helping to alleviate some of the burning sensation, but not enough, which was why Charleigh was topless. The material of the tank top was rubbing against the sunburn, making it more painful.

“Does that make it feel better?” Jamie asked, spreading the gel around on her back and shoulders. She only let out a satisfied moan as an answer. “You know I can’t stand when you do that.”

“I’m sorry.” She kept her eyes closed, moaned again. “You just keep your mind out of the gutter and on the task at hand.”

“Then stop making all those noises.”

“You know you’re kindness is greatly appreciated and will be…” She paused to sigh. “… rewarded once I’m back to normal.”

Jamie tossed the Aloe leaf— Charleigh had a plant in her kitchen for this specific reason, she told him— into the trash before going into the bathroom to wash the crud off his hands. When he came back, he laid down on the bed beside Charleigh and kissed her poor, little sunburned nose.

“I love you,” Jamie said when she opened her eyes.

Charleigh smiled. “I love you, too. You’re a dream come true for me.”

“I can’t say the same, Char, because I never quite pictured myself with anyone like you.”

“Am I supposed to thank you for that, um… generous comment?” The smile faded into a look of confusion.

It made Jamie smile. He pushed a curl back behind her ear. He loved to watch her face transform with emotion. “You’re better than anything I could have dreamt up.”

“Thank you,” she yawned, closing her eyes.

“You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. You know that?”

“Unh-uh.” It was no louder than a whisper. She was beginning to drift into a peaceful slumber.

“And I’ll always be here for anything you need. All you have to do is ask.”

Charleigh didn’t hear the last part. She’d fallen asleep with her face in the crook of Jamie’s neck and a hand covering his heart, which he covered with one of his own. He could feel the warm, steady air from Charleigh’s breath as she slept.

To watch her resting, eyes closed was Jamie’s favorite activity. The silky, golden skin of her face held a rosy blush from the burn. Her long chestnut curls were splayed over her pillow. The long, lean line of her body that ran alongside his own. The breast that was pressed against his chest. To Jamie, she was an angel. Maybe some people wouldn’t think of Charleigh as worthy for the cover of
Vogue
, but, in his opinion, she was perfect. His own, personal share of heaven on earth.

He’d been thinking a lot about what Charleigh had told him about God on their campout the previous weekend. It was a subject Jamie couldn’t completely understand. He was still a little confused, but he couldn’t help thinking that there must be a God out there somewhere, because only something or someone as powerful as Him could bring Charleigh into his life.

He knew he wasn’t nearly deserving enough, and… yet there she was beside him.