You're Always in the Last Place You Look (21 page)

Chapter Twenty-Four

Merrill and my dad had drawn up a permission slip of sorts allowing Zane to stay at our house anytime he needed to, provided he informed Merrill of where he would be. I doubted it would hold up in court, but they all signed it, and copies were filed at each house, as well as the one Zane put in his backpack. I couldn’t believe my father had suggested it, yet I wasn’t about to question his reasons for doing so. Having my boyfriend living with me for even a short time was nothing less than spectacular. My hormones informed me that having him sleeping directly above me, however, was more than frustrating.

I fell asleep hard, and surprise, I woke up the same way, wondering if I had gone soft even once throughout the night. This was a problem I definitely wasn’t accustomed to. And seeing your boyfriend sauntering down the hall with only a towel wrapped around his narrow hips didn’t help at all.

“You did that on purpose!” I accused, receiving only a waggle of fingers over his shoulder as he made his way upstairs. “Bastard,” I muttered, tormenting myself further by watching him until he disappeared into the upstairs hallway. I was still dumbfounded I found a guy beautiful, but I did, and he really was.

“I heard that...” he called back.

“So did I...” Dad chorused from the kitchen.

“Sorry...” I grumbled loudly, and dove into the bathroom.

I was in a more sedate state following my shower, feeling I could even handle whatever waited at school with some sense of dignity at least. That is provided Gary kept his hands and lips and tongue off Zane. I felt for him, I really did, knowing I might be in the same mental state when Zane moved back to Chicago, but that didn’t make pawing someone else’s boyfriend acceptable.
Boyfriend
. Such an odd word to describe what Zane was to me. He was that last match in the dark, chasing away the shadows of irresolution, showing me there was something else, something I could hold and feel and want and desire. And he was made of flesh and blood, and so much more.

Gary was all apologies again when he saw us, and kept his distance respectable. Lily, on the other hand, hugged and kissed us both enthusiastically.

With big, excited eyes, she said, “My mom is such a badass bitch! God I love her.”

I laughed, imagining her mom not letting the administrator get a word in edgewise. “Yeah, I’m kinda feeling the love too.”

“Me too. Tell her thanks. That was cool of her,” Zane added.

“Me too—I mean three,” Gary said, waggling his pale eyebrows. “My mom got robbed of her chance to yell at me. It was awesome.”

“Hey, where’s Tye?” I asked.

Gary grimaced. “Wisdom teeth.”

We all cringed for him. I remembered ralphing for three days when I got the first two out last year. The other two could just stay in there, if I had any say.

I frowned. “That’s odd, we’re supposed to practice after school.”

Gary snickered. “Oh, he thinks he’s still going to make it.” Shrugging he added, “He might, but maybe don’t count on it.”

“If he shows, he shows, and if not...” I would be totally happy to spend the time watching my dad torment Zane during his first riding lesson.

Yesterday’s Earth Sciences assignment was still scribbled on the whiteboard, so Zane and I leaned over our science books, rushing in the hopes of turning in some semblance of an acceptable paper before the end of class. Dirk squeezed in behind us, pinning me against the edge of the steel table. I cringed when he slapped his hands onto our backs, expecting that beating I’d been waiting almost two years for. He squatted down until he was wedged between us, level with our heads. I didn’t dare move, keeping my eyes firmly on the scribbles in my notebook. Maybe if I played possum he wouldn’t biff me, or slam my face against the table like he slammed Doug’s face into a locker last month.

“That was freakin’ awesome yesterday,” he said in a charged low tone. I turned my head and stared, wondering if someone had spiked his Cheerios or something. Dirk wasn’t known for being overly friendly—not even to those he considered friends. He continued in a quiet, reverent way. “That took guts. I could never do anything like that.”
Um
,
okay
. My eyes narrowed as I continued to stare at him slack-jawed, and wondering if I had missed something. He looked from me to an equally curious Zane, and began shaking his head. “Oh, I’m not gay or anything. Gotta have boobs.” He actually shimmied his chest. “But what you did...ya know, maybe...maybe it might benefit someone later.”

“Ah, yeah, okay,” I stammered, still confused over his visit.

“Brother?” Zane asked with quiet regard.

Dirk looked to the floor. “Possibly. He’s only eleven, but he looks at these weird gay comics and shit.”

No way
! I tried to imagine Cameron gay, yet the idea was so out there. He was a miniature version of his brother, and just as prone to picking fights. But then no one had thought Gary was gay either—just big, and quietly fierce.

“Doesn’t mean he’s gay. He could just be curious. Be there for him, dude. It’s the best thing you can do,” Zane said. In awe, I blinked at him. I never could have come up with an answer like that. Of course I couldn’t unstick my tongue from the roof of my mouth right now—probably remnants of my terror—so I was better off leaving the talking to Zane anyway.

Dirk nodded at Zane. “Trust me, anyone messes with Cam and they’ll get me.” He slapped our backs again as he stood up, and I swear I felt a rib crack. “I’m just glad Gabriel here finally found someone, so he’ll quit drooling over me.” He rolled his eyes while shaking his head.

I about died right there. “I...I...”

“Yeah, you do, or did. No biggie. Gay guy drooling over me? I was kinda flattered actually. Why do you think I always used to take the shower next to you? Figured if you gawked at anyone else, you might get beaten to within an inch of your life.”

I slumped down. “Trust me, I thought I was going to be.”

“Naw.” He ruffled my hair causing me to duck. “You always looked so terrified about it. I couldn’t see making it worse by letting you know I knew. Anyway, I only wanted to let you know I support what you did. I think a lot of people do.”

Zane bumped fists with him. “Thanks, man.”

“Ah, Dirk? Thanks for being cool about everything.”

He gave me a smirk and a noogy to go with it. When he let me go, my scalp burned. Yep, there was the Dirk I knew.

“Quit laughing!” I rubbed where Dirk’s monster knuckles had dug into my head.

Zane shook his head slowly. “I am in total awe right now—that you would actually stare at someone like Dirk. Wow, ballsy.” He shifted uncomfortably, adding under his breath. “Maybe a little intimidating too.”

I laughed, and ruffled his hair right as Mr. Taylor came through the door. He made a beeline for us, his face all scowly.

“Boys, I’m not going to need to separate you am I?”

We gave him a negative head shake. “No, sir,” I answered.

“See to it.” He gave our workstation a pat. “Bell to bell, boys.”

We nodded quickly. As Mr. Taylor walked away, Zane leaned in, whispering, “Bell hasn’t rung yet.”

Chuckling, I shoved him. “Don’t you dare get me suspended.”

Everyone knowing I had a boyfriend, and being out all in the course of a few days, I would like to say was liberating, but honestly it was strange and tiring. People actually looked at me—looked at us. I had never been one to draw attention, kind of a wallflower actually, but we had become a curiosity; something to be stared at, giggled over, talked about, and cooed at. The kissy noises from guys were the worst. I tried to remain aloof, however in the cafeteria, as we ate the chicken salad sandwiches my mom had packed for us, the goading was taken to a whole new level by the basketball team at the table directly behind us. Zane gave them the finger a few times, while Gary waved off the lurid sounds and sexual suggestions. Lily, on the other hand, found it all intriguingly educational in a giggle worthy sort of way.

I glared at her, not feeling the love at the moment.

“What? At least they’re not hassling you!”

I shook my head and ate my applesauce.

Despite the spurring, there wasn’t one malicious act that day other than Chuck’s half-hearted ‘faggots’ comment when he’d pass us. It seemed standing up for our rights had garnered a certain amount of respect from the majority of the student body. Who ever would have imagined—in Idaho no less?

In became swiftly apparent, however, the faculty wasn’t so accepting. Even Gary came under close scrutiny, something I hadn’t noticed when he initially came out. I guess
three
gay boys were just more than the adults could handle. Maybe they thought we were planning an orgy on school property or something. That would probably please the basketball team, and based on their overt curiosity, they’d probably want to turn it into a fundraiser.

As we broke from the underbrush across from the driveway, we saw Dad had Grace and AJ tied to the trailer while Tye warmed up Gator in the arena.

“I guess a nap is out of the question...”

I sighed. “Yep. Welcome to the life of a cowboy.”

“But I’m a city boy, and we take naps when we’re tired.”

“You sound like you’re fifty! Start callin’ ya old man.”

He gave me an amused sidelong glance. “That makes you perverted.”

I shook my head. “No, it makes you the pervert.”

“I didn’t say pervert, I said perverted, for dating a much older man.”

“Whatever—too tired to argue that.”

Tye rode up to the corner of the arena, and turned Gator to walk with us. I gave him a rather underappreciated look. “I thought you had wisdom teeth removed today?”

“Did. Great things, painkillers.” He grinned and shrugged. “Dental work doesn’t faze me much, but at least I got out of school for the day.”

I gave him the finger, more for the fact he was way too chipper after his
procedure
than anything.

“Oh, cra-abby.”

“No, you just suck. Took me three days to recover from mine.”

“
That
, my friend, would be you.” He loped off, Gator jackrabbiting around when a tumbleweed skittered under the fence right in front of him. I wasn’t sure what he meant by that until I glanced at Zane and he had his lips sucked between his teeth trying not to laugh.

“Gross!”

He did laugh then. “Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it, cowboy.” Zane sauntered—hips swinging and everything—down the driveway, then threw over his shoulder, “Or someone else does it to you.”

I blinked at his back. And now I was thinking about
it
. Or more accurately his last comment. Which had me wondering exactly how experienced Zane was? I mean, he’d had a steady boyfriend right? So of course they would have done things. Like Dad said; two boys with all those pesky hormones raging—I groaned. Yeah,
those
hormones, the ones I didn’t know I even possessed until the tattooed, slightly cocky, and cute-as-heck city boy needed saving from a killer bumble bee. That had been the moment—the moment I started falling for him. How was I to know I had been doomed from the beginning?

The phrase had never made sense to me, but it did now. Falling for someone was like a continuous tumble. Every first had your insides plummeting, your body descending as the world tilted, and the only thing keeping you from crashing was the sheer gravity of that other person. And suddenly I had an inane desire to run after Zane, and latch myself around him, but I didn’t. Doing so might require an explanation, and I didn’t have one I could give.

“You’re such a cliché.” Tye pulled Gator up. “Town pastor’s son, gay, and you fall for the bad boy.” Tye had his head cocked, eyes squinted against the dust.

“He’s not bad.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. He’s just drawn that way. You need new material, man.” He leaned down, resting his arms on the saddle horn. “You didn’t defend the fallen part.”

I frowned at my feet. “I know.”

“Definitely a cliché. Pretty sure he’s falling with you.” Tye reined Gator around. “Get your horse before these pain pills wear off.” He trotted the bay gelding away.

I went to glare after him, but my eyes stuttered on Zane. He was standing with Grace’s black tail in one hand, brush in the other, staring at me. I was about to look away when his cheeks flared brightly. Then he bit down on his lip ring, turning away so quickly he stumbled, and landed against Grace’s wide backend. Thank God she was kid safe. AJ wasn’t as forgiving, and probably would have nailed him with his size two shoe.

And with just that look the day faded. Everything faded, and when I found myself standing in front of him, I latched my hand around the back of his neck, and pulled him in for a kiss. I heard the soft plop of the brush hitting the ground. Dad cleared his throat, but I ignored him for a moment, searching until I found what I had seen in Zane’s face.

When I encountered that soft bewilderment, I smiled, and let Zane’s lips go. “Thank you.”

His black eyebrows drew down. “For what?”

“Not beating me up that first day.” I chuckled at his confused expression, and left him to ponder that while I saddled AJ.