Your Bed or Mine? (12 page)

“Not Jen,” Charlie boasted. “Jen tells me everything.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not in touch with my feminine side the way you are,” Joe said. “And just for the record,” he added, “I happen
to like it that way. There are some things guys are better off
not
knowing.”

Rick said, “You mean like why the girls are gossiping about Alicia tonight?” He brought his beer bottle to his lips.

Charlie and his feminine side said, “Alicia asked Zada to invite her over tonight to share sexual fantasies with the Housewives’
Fantasy Club.”

Rick spewed beer all over the table.

“But Zada refused to invite her,” Charlie said. He frowned at Rick, then grabbed a napkin from a stack sitting by the snack
tray Tish had brought them and handed it to him. “I guess Zada was still pissed about her coming over to welcome you back
to the neighborhood.”

Rick took the napkin and started mopping up the beer.

Joe said, “Too bad. I can’t think of anything sexier than a bunch of women sitting around sharing their sexual fantasies.
That’s one conversation I’d sure like to hear.”

Rick knocked the whole bottle over this time.

“Geez, Rick,” Charlie grumbled. “What’s your problem?”

Joe teased, “Yeah, Rick. What’s your problem? Other than no sex for six months. Man, I’d shoot myself. It’s hard enough going
without all week while I’m traveling.”

“Yeah, but you make up for it on the weekend,” Charlie said.

Joe said, “How do you know?”

Charlie grinned. “Remember? Jen tells me everything.”

“Would you drop the sex subject?” Rick said, looking at Charlie. He looked over at Joe. “And aren’t you supposed to be keeping
an eye on the twins?”

“Whatever you say, dear,” Joe joked, and turned the monitor back on.

Except laughter blared through the speaker this time, and it
wasn’t
the twins. They all three stared at the monitor screen. It was Jen, Tish, and Zada, sitting around the kitchen table.

“Sorry, wrong channel,” Joe said and pushed a button.

The picture changed. They were back to the twins’ room again. Both boys were in bed now, the TV off.

Joe looked at the monitor for a second, then back at Rick and Charlie. A sinister grin spread across his face.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Oh, yeah. I’m thinking it,” Charlie said.

Rick’s blank look said he didn’t have a clue.

Joe said, “You told us earlier how you plan to outplay Zada by turning up the sexual tension, Rick. One push of the button
on that monitor and you’ll have the inside information on what she’s planning to do to you.”

“No way,” Rick said, finally getting it. “There’s no way I want any part of eavesdropping on the girls.”

“Technically, it wouldn’t be eavesdropping,” Joe argued. “Technically, I’d only be doing what my lovely wife instructed me
to do. Being in charge of the monitor tonight. It’s not my fault Tish forgot about the new camera in the kitchen.”

Rick said, “Wrong.
Technically
what you’d be doing is called unauthorized surveillance.”

“Dammit, Rick,” Joe complained, “just once, could you switch off that straight-as-an-arrow side of your brain and be a regular
guy like the rest of us?”

Rick flinched.

For the second time in two days a good friend had complained about him not being a
regular
guy.

First, boot-camp mentality.

Now, straight as an arrow?

When Rick didn’t answer, Joe switched the channel.

“I’m outta here,” Rick threatened.

“Rick’s right,” Charlie said. “I don’t think we should eavesdrop on the girls.”

“Then I guess I’ll see you both later,” Joe told them. “I’m not stupid enough to pass up an opportunity like this one.”

Rick pushed his chair back from the table and stood up.

Charlie did the same.

“Do you know how you can tell if a man is ready to have sex?” a voice asked.

Charlie frowned. “Hey! That’s Jen talking.”

“Yes,” another voice said. “He’s breathing.”

The cackles that followed were deafening.

“And that comment came from Zada,” Rick said dryly.

“Maybe you two wimps
should
leave,” Joe said, grinning at them. “We wouldn’t want your iddy-biddy feelings hurt, now would we?”

Wimps?

I might have a boot-camp mentality.

And I might be straight as an arrow.

But I’m no damn wimp!

Rick looked at Charlie.

Charlie looked at Rick.

They both sat back down.

“Okay,” Tish said. “Enough of the man-bashing jokes. It’s time the Housewives’ Fantasy Club lived up to its reputation. I
officially call this meeting to order.”

Tish looked at Zada, then back at Jen.

Her bad-girl grin was more than mischievous.

“If I remember right, Jen,” she said, “you were the one who said you would match your sexual fantasy against mine any day
of the week. Why don’t you go first?”

Jen rolled her eyes.

“Isn’t that right, Zada?” Tish looked over at Zada. “Didn’t you hear Jen say those exact words?”

Zada said, “Yes. Jen said those exact words.”

Jen retorted, “Why don’t you go first, Tish? Then I’ll see if I really can top your fantasy.”

“I thought you’d never ask,” Tish said and reached into the pocket of the palazzo pants she was wearing.

When she pulled out a sticky note, Jen laughed and said, “Only you would sticky note a fantasy.”

Zada lifted her wineglass. “Let’s hear it for our beloved Queen of Sticky Notes.”

Tish said, “And the Queen of Sticky Notes wants you to sit back, get comfortable, and close your eyes.”

Jen said, “Tish wants us to close our eyes so we won’t see her blush.”

Zada laughed.

Tish said, “Don’t be silly. I want you to close your eyes so you can visualize the fantasy better.”

Jen closed her eyes.

Zada squeezed her eyes shut tight.

Going in the sexual fantasy direction could backfire, and possibly put her in serious jeopardy. She’d argued that point, but
Tish wouldn’t listen.

Please, Rick,
Zada thought.

Please be asleep when I get home.

“Your back is pressed against the cold marble column in a darkened section of the museum,” Tish said, her voice dropping low
and sultry. “He has your arms pinned above your head with one hand, while he runs his other hand under your skirt and slowly
up your thigh.

“He grins when he finds you aren’t wearing any panties, just as he instructed.

“You whisper, ‘We can’t. Not here.’

“He ignores you and slides his hand between your legs.

“You bite down on your lower lip to keep from crying out as his fingers keep exploring. His hot mouth stays buried against
your neck. His fingers grow bolder. Move faster. Probe deeper.

“You finally give in and lose yourself in the moment, unsure of what excites you more—his willingness to pleasure you in public,
or the danger of you being caught.

“He increases the tempo.

“You arch your back, pressing harder against his hand.

“The sensation overcomes you, the pleasure enhanced even more as your eyes stay glued to the full-length mirror you’re facing
on the opposite side of the room.

“The mirror that allows you to see the handsome security guard standing just around the corner. The same security guard who
could glance over his shoulder at any second and see the reflection of the two of you, there in the shadows, hidden from view.

“Slowly, the guard turns his head.

“Your breath catches in your throat.

“His eyes meet yours in the mirror.

“You know you should push your lover away, but you don’t. You’re much too selfish to be cheated. Much too close to fulfillment
to care.

“Your breathing becomes faster now.

“Your heart pounds harder.

“Still, the guard keeps watching.

“His lustful look says he knows what you want.

“The smile on his lips dares you to take it.

“Yes. Oh, God. Yes!

“Your head snaps back.

“Your body stiffens.

“Spasm after delicious spasm rocks your entire body.

“Satisfied at last, you look back in the mirror.

“The security guard is gone.”

No one said a word for at least a full minute.

“Wow, Tish,” Jen finally said. “I don’t think there’s any danger of you ever losing your hot-and-spicy reputation. And I take
it back. I don’t think I can top your fantasy.”

Zada said, “I’m still shocked shitless you got all of that on a sticky note.”

Tish held up the sticky note. “I used the front and back sides, silly.” She turned the note over as proof.

She looked over at Jen. “Okay, Jen,” Tish said. “Your turn.”

Jen picked up a napkin and pretended to fan herself. “No way,” Jen said. “After that performance, I think we need a serious
break.”

Zada said, “I was thinking more along the lines of a cold shower.”

“And a cigarette,” Jen said. “And I’ve never smoked a cigarette in my life.”

R
ick could use a cold shower, himself. And the fact that Joe and Charlie suddenly seemed to be extremely interested in the
cards they had snatched up from the table the second Tish finished her fantasy, suited Rick just fine.

He didn’t want to look at them right now, either.

“Well,” Charlie finally said.

He didn’t expound on “well” what.

“Trust me,” Joe said, his eyes still fixed on the cards he was holding. “That security guard was older than dirt, blind as
a bat, and he wouldn’t have been able to hear an elephant fart if he was standing under its tail. There was never any chance
of him catching us.”

Rick and Charlie both burst out laughing.

Joe said, “And that’s all I’m going to say. The subject is closed.”

“I think we should close the subject for good,” Rick said. “No more eavesdropping on the girls. I’ve proved I’m not a wimp.
I say we turn the monitor off.”

“Wrong,” Joe said. “I sat here and took it like a man through Tish’s fantasy. Let’s see if the two of you are man enough to
do the same when Jen and Zada take their turns.”

Will Zada take a turn?

It surprised Rick when he realized he wasn’t sure. He and Zada had always been so hot for each other, they’d never had time
for fantasies. Or maybe fantasies didn’t kick in until after you’d been married for a few years.

Married for a few years.

Sadly, something he and Zada would never know.

What if Zada did share a fantasy with the girls? And if, say, Zada’s fantasy didn’t involve him? Could he take it?

“Jen won’t go there,” Charlie said with confidence. “So I don’t have to worry about whether or not I can’t take it.”

“Meaning what?” Joe thundered. “That Jen is more sophisticated than Tish?”

“No, I didn’t mean that,” Charlie started, but his head jerked toward the speaker again.

“It’s late,” Jen began. “And you finally hear the garage door open, signaling he’s home.”

“Turn it off,” Charlie yelled.

He grabbed for the monitor.

“Over my dead body,” Joe said, laughing.

Joe jerked the monitor out of Charlie’s reach.

And wasted no time turning up the volume.

Jen said, “You’re alone tonight, but he doesn’t know that yet. You haven’t told him the grandparents are babysitting.

“You slip out of the silky robe you’re wearing and walk barefoot through the house, wearing nothing but the skimpy black panties
you purchased especially for this occasion.

“Everything else you need is already waiting in the garage. The pail of warm, soapy water. The soft sponges. A fluffy dry
towel for later.

“He’s still sitting in the car when you open the kitchen door and step into the garage.

“He looks up and sees you.

“His eyes widen as they travel over your bare breasts.

“You let him look for a second, then turn off the light, knowing the full moonlight streaming through the garage windows will
be perfect for what you have in mind.

“He starts to open the door.

“The look you give him tells him to stay where he is.

“And he does.

“You dip one of the sponges into the soapy water, then squeeze the sponge over your bare breasts, enjoying the feel of the
warm water as it trickles between your breasts and runs down your stomach.

“You enjoy the desire you see in his eyes even more.

“He loosens his tie as you walk toward the car.

“You lean forward and run the sponge, slowly, seductively over the hood of the car.

“He begins unbuttoning his shirt just as slowly.

“You ease yourself onto the hood of the car and lie back, your head turned to face him.

“He smiles as you run the soapy sponge down your neck.

“You move the sponge lower.

“Between your breasts.

“Down past your stomach.

“His eyes stay fixated on the sponge.

“You spread your legs wide.

“You move the sponge even lower.

“You hear him moan from inside the car.

“He moans again when you arch your hips and move your body against the sponge.

“Slowly, at first.

“But his enjoyment at watching you increases your tempo.

“Faster.

“Faster.

“Faster.

“The sensation finally overtakes you.

“Your eyes meet as you shudder with pleasure.

“He smiles and opens the car door.

“This time, you don’t try to stop him.

“He’s beside you in an instant.

“He grabs you by the ankles and pulls you forward.

“You gasp as your wet body slides across the hood.

“A hot, hungry kiss covers your mouth.

“A forceful tug rips off your panties.

“He unzips his pants.

“Grabs your hips.

“And plunges deliciously deep …”

“Jesus, that’s enough!”

Charlie grabbed the monitor and turned it off.

“Holy shit,” Joe said. “I know exactly when that happened. I came over the next morning and you gave me some lame excuse about
why you didn’t finish washing your car.”