Young Annabelle Series: Young Annabelle, the Truth About James, What My Heart Wants (55 page)

Latisha’s phone beeped, she checked the screen before answering me. “Donna doesn’t own me.”

CHAPTER
44

“Dinner’s ready.” Charles informed after knocking on my door. I’ve been on my bed for the last hour and half, wondering, deciphering, everything that’s happened today.

My mind was going crazy.

But my heart…it was hurting too, and not for reasons you might think. It was because of Jenna. My best friend, my ride or die, in the entire world had given me the cold shoulder. For the first time in the history of our friendship, it’s never, ever, gone there.

The betrayal, I’m so angry at you zone.

Her, not me. But, actually, if I was being honest with myself, I was disappointed in her too. She was supposed to be my best friend, but she was off comforting someone else.

I thought best friends stuck with each other through anything and everything, no matter what? What the hell was the point of having a best friend, if you couldn’t even make a mistake when you were around them?

Which I didn’t today. Just pointing that out.

She acted like I stabbed her in the back.

Didn’t she understand what I was going through?

“I have your plate Annabelle.” Mom said as soon as I entered the kitchen, shocking me. We were back to her serving me meals again? I’ve controlled my dinner size/options for the last little while. Maybe yesterday’s calorie crazed dinner was a fluke, a result of too much guilt weighing on her mind, making her lose it for a brief moment in time. It was back to calorie minded meals. Not that I minded. But it wasn’t going to be like the last month and half. It was going to be about eating in moderation, the healthy, body nourishing way. I sat down at the table beside Katherine, who was happily munching her bowl of Caesar Salad.

“Did you have a good day Katherine?” I murmured to her. She murmured a ‘yes’ back, barely looking from iPhone as she stabbed salad. I smirked, she probably had a better social life than I did.

“Here you go.” Mom pushed a plate of mashed potatoes and gravy, with a giant steak right beside it, with a large glass of Coke next to it. My jaw dropped as I slowly gazed up and faced her.

“What’s this?” I stammered, shell shocked at the amount of food she put in front of me.

“Dinner.” Mom said like ‘duh’. “It looks delicious doesn’t it?”

I was feeling that control…..sink away. I blinked back at the food. “It looks like it’s full of calories. You know I can’t eat this.”

“Just eat it, it’s good for you.” Mom ordered, barely blinking away from her tall glass of ice water, pretending like everything was fine. Which it wasn’t.

How come she got to have ice water and I had to have a large Coke? I glanced at Katherine’s plate mom had pushed in front of her after mine. It was half the size of mine. I looked at Charles’ next and mine was still bigger.

And he was a growing boy.

I did not need this right now. Why couldn’t she just back off for once? 

“Hello everyone.” Dad exclaimed walking inside the kitchen. “Yum, is that steak I smell?”

“Sure is sweetheart, what size plate do you want?” Mom asked, getting up from the table and kissing him on the cheek.

How come Dad got a choice on the size of his dinner?

“Give me the same amount as Annabelle.” Dad said, taking a seat next to me and rubbing my shoulder. “How’s my Anna banana doing this evening?”

“I’m okay.” I muttered, eyeing the food.

“Looks good, you better eat it before it gets cold.” Dad said.

I sighed and pushed my fork around the mashed potatoes unsure what I should do. I couldn’t eat all of it.

Mom pushed Dad’s plate in front of him and sat down. “Eat Annabelle, its getting cold.” Her plate was the same size as Katherine’s.

“I want some salad too.” I said.

“I’m sorry, we only had a little bit left and Katherine asked for a Caesar salad when she came home from school. I promised her it. I’ll buy more lettuce tomorrow.” Mom gave me a small smile and returned to her tiny plate of food.

This was bullshit.

After five minutes of just sitting here, not touching my plate, Mom glanced up.

I exhaled a deep breath and pushed my plate away, and leaned back into my chair, eyeing her defiantly. “I’m not hungry.”

“Kids,” Mom said all of a sudden. “Go finish your dinner in the family room.”

Charles and Katherine grabbed their plates and quickly left the room, leaving me with Mom and Dad.

“You’ve been barely eating lately.” Mom said, trying to sound ‘motherly’. “And we’re becoming increasingly concerned.”

“She’s right,” Dad added. “You barely eat anything, well except for salad and water and maybe a piece of actual food here and there.”

It was bullshit!

Complete and utter bullshit.

If I had a problem, which I don’t, it was because of her!

I inhaled a deep breath, feeling angry. “And whose fault is that. You’ve been drilling my head for the last few months” I snipped. “This is what you wanted.” I eyed Mom, feeling my eyes water. “All Summer, you harassed me, pried into my personal space, made me keep a food diary. I’m doing what you want.”

Her jaw dropped.

“This wasn’t what I wanted.” Mom shook her head. “I didn’t want you to starve yourself and just eat salad.”

“You didn’t?” I practically yelled. I took a breath and let it out. “Last Summer…...EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU found out that I didn’t eat anything from your precious food manual you practically threw a fit.”

Mom shook her head, eyeing Dad like she was being falsely accused. “It wasn’t like that.” She stammered.

“It was.” I snapped. “It was like that every day.”

“Annabelle,” Dad warned. “Mind your tone.”

“Oh I’m sorry, didn’t hear something you liked.” I snipped again, not caring if it got my trouble.

“Annabelle,” Dad warned again. “You will respect your mother.”

“I am, that’s why I’m not eating bad food, just like you drilled into my head all these months.” I sneered and then pointed to myself. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

“No it isn’t.” Mom shook her head. “I spoke on the phone with your nutritionist, she said that you’re losing weight too fast.”

“Oh now I’m losing weight too fast, it wasn’t too fast last week when you were jumping with joy that I broke the 150 lbs. mark!” I snapped.

“I was wrong.” Mom said.

“You were wrong?” I repeated, incredulous.

Mom nodded. “I was wrong.”

“Well it is what it is.” I muttered, feeling every single ounce of energy drain out of me. “I lost another pound this morning.”

Mom blinked. “You’re 147lbs now?”

I shook my head. “No, I’m 145lbs now. I weighed myself again.”

I heard mom gasp. “What?”

“How?” Dad murmured, sounding confused. “Isn’t that too fast.”

“It’s what you wanted Mom, it’s what you wanted.” A tear slipped from my eyes, but I quickly wiped it away. There was no room for crying here. “Most of my clothes are loose on me, even the new clothes you bought are going to be loose soon.”

“I’m sorry.” Mom said.

“Yeah, well I’m not.” I said. “I’m going to my room.”

Dad got up in front of me. “You are going to eat.”

“But I told you I’m not hungry.” I told him as he blocked my way out.

He shook his head and pointed at my food. “You’re going to eat at least half of that, or else you’re not going to be going anywhere. You hear me?”

I sat down and ate slowly. Half way through the mashed potatoes, I pushed my plate away. “Happy?”  I said bitterly.

“No,” Dad said. “Eat your steak and finish your drink.”

My jaw dropped. “What?”

“You heard me, now!” Dad roared.

I did as he said and eyed mom who was staring into her ice water. If they had a problem with how I was acting, they should pat themselves on the back for that one. They did this. They created this situation by being pushy and by not staying out of my business in the first place. Maybe I would have stayed at the same weight of 175 lbs. but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t have been happy.

“There, happy now?” I said, showing them my empty plate. “Can I go now?”

Dad pushed his chair out of the way and I moved past him.

I hated them!

I ran to my room and slammed the door shut.

I should have taken that steak, the mashed potatoes and the plate and smashed it into the walls. Mom would have had to spend the entire night cleaning that mess up!

She deserved that.

They needed to know that they couldn’t control me!

I wasn’t a puppet for them to treat however they saw fit. I was a human being and I wasn’t perfect. Yeah, I have problems, but who doesn’t. Do I need to sort out my issues, hell yeah I do. But in my own time, and definitely not by them trying to make me because they’re feeling guilty all of a sudden.

I held a hand to my heart and it was thundering at an unfamiliar pace. It scared me how fast it was beating. I slumped down on to the ground, leaning against my bed, and closing my eyes to steady my heart rate back down.

Calm down…I needed to calm down.

They were acting like I had a huge problem, a big problem that they needed to help me fix. I didn’t have a problem.

I have no problem.

I grabbed the Twix bar from my bag and ate it without another thought.

I did not have a problem with food. I’d eat if I wanted to, not if somebody was forcing me too. They weren’t allowed to control something like this. What I put in my body was up to me.

I had that power.

Damn…..

My stomach ached and I rubbed it, hoping it would help soothe the pain. It’s been awhile since I had that much food inside of me.

And if I was being honest…it freaked me out. Freaked me out to a point where I didn’t know what I’d do next to ease the anxiety that followed.

“It’s going to be okay.” I told myself. Just as I was throwing the empty wrapper into the garbage bin underneath my desk, my phone beeped.

I grabbed my phone off my side table, pulling it from its charger, and eyeing the screen.

It was James.

There were three other messages from him earlier during
lunch. But I was going to read his last text first.

Tiger:
Baby, you know you’re the only one…

I wish I could believe you…..

I was going through all of this alone. My best friend was ignoring me in favor of her team. I wanted to believe his words. Right now, to have a supportive boyfriend, one that would help calm my heart rate down and tell me I wasn’t crazy for snapping at my parents, kind of sounded…amazing.

I couldn’t think anymore. I’d read his other texts later, maybe I’d even respond, but right now, I needed to shut my eyes and brain off, and go to sleep.

CHAPTER 45

“My girl,” James murmured.

“My guy,” I whispered back
, squeezing his hand.

In
this moment, as his green eyes melted into mine, he was worth it.

“I’m never letting you go baby.” He murmured,
looking very serious as he led us away from English. “I’ll tell that to you a million times a day.”

“Really?” I gushed, practically swooning.

“
Really. I don’t want to let you go,” James murmured, tightening his hold over my hand. We stood beside a row of lockers as students trafficked hurriedly to their next class. We didn’t have a lot of time. Sadly, our next classes were in separate hallways in the opposite direction of campus.

I sighed. “You’re going to have to. I’ve already missed enough class this week.” I grinned, shaking my head at his lost puppy dog expression.

“I don’t want you away from me.” James declared, seeming irritated all of a sudden. “What if some dip shit tries to talk to my girl again? I won’t be around to kick his ass.”

“See you at lunch.” I smiled, trying to pull away, but he held on.

“On no you don’t,” He grinned, pulling me in and kissing me. I felt my face heat up, because this time our kiss was witnessed by practically everyone in the hallway. He let go after a few seconds.

“What was that?” I mumbled, barely coherent.

He grinned and shuffled backwards. “That was my goodbye kiss.”

“You
r goodbye kiss? How many do you have?” I smirked.

“You’ll see,” James smirked. “Later, Fireball.”

I don’t know how long I’ve been sleeping, but when my phone beeped for the second time, my eyelids struggled to open.

“What?” I muttered, with one eye open as I reached for my phone. Even with one good eye, the brightness of the screen was too much for it to handle. Before I could turn on my side lamp, my phone started ringing.

“Hello?” I answered, warily. Who the hell was calling me at this time of night? I checked my alarm clock, it was just past midnight.

“Hey,” The familiar voice hummed on the other end, making my heart beat faster.

“James?” I whispered, snapping up into a sitting position. “Why are you calling me?”

“I’m outside your house.” He informed nonchalantly. I flew to the window and peered out through the blinds for his SUV on the street. My eyes widened when I saw it right in front of my neighbor’s house.

“Why are you parked near my house?” I asked him, quietly.

I could hear him breathing on the other end. “Because…I want to talk to you.”

“You want to talk to me?” I asked, incredulously. “I have nothing to say to you at this time of the night.”

His breathing becomes hoarser. “You’re going to come out. Either you come out and we talk, or I’m ringing your door bell. You choose.”

“Is that a threat?” I hissed, in disbelief. Who the hell did he think he was? Ordering me around like I was his slave!

“It’s a promise. You get your cute ass out here in the next ten minutes or else I’m coming for you.”

Dial tone.

My jaw dropped. Did that asshole just hang up me? And did he just call my ass ‘cute’?

I plopped down onto my bed, and rested my head into my hands. That was the second time this week a guy, who claimed to be into me, hung up on me. And I was sick and tired of it.

I was finishing this tonight!

I already finished things with Dean, now it was officially James’s turn.

Careful not to make any noise, I got out of bed and grabbed my zippered hoodie, putting it on. My pajamas tonight were a pair of shorts and a tank top that showed a bit too much cleavage. I didn’t think about it seeing as I was so angry. I grabbed my phone and keys, placing them in my pocket. I opened my door and the hallway was dark, just as I’d left it. I wondered if mom and dad were working in the basement. I didn’t take into account my stomach, which was still filled with food. But in a weird way, it didn’t bother me as much as before. I felt full in a good way. But I also needed to use the bathroom. I quickly used the bathroom, feeling even better afterwords, like I had extra energy.

I creeped silently down the stairs and saw that the basements lights were off. Mom and dad must have gone to bed. It’s a good thing too, my parents weren’t light sleepers, it took a lot for them to be woken up.

I slowly unlocked the front door, thanking Mom and Dad for canceling our security system. They’d ordered a new one from another company and the installation guy was coming in a few weeks to install it. Apparently it was the newest technology. It was a good thing we didn’t have it now, or else there’s no way I could sneak out. I tiptoed out, closing the door as quietly as possible. I ran on the tip of my toes across the lawn towards his SUV.

I came up to the passenger side door and heard the door unlock. I opened it and slid in. “You better make this quick. I already got into a fight with my parents tonight, if they catch me, I’m really going to be dead meat.”

“Let me drive us somewhere where there’s a little more privacy.” James said. His hair was all messy and he’d worn just black jeans and a grey t-shirt.

Even this late of night…..he looked so good.

I sighed. “Fine, but not too far away.”

He started the car and drove down four streets to the twenty-four hour McDonald’s. My stomach grumbled as I smelt the salty greasy fries.

“You hungry?” James asked after parking his car. The parking lot was surprisingly full. I guess everyone was hungry for a late night snack tonight.

“No,” I lied. “Let’s just do this. Why am I here?”

“I wish the answer was simpler. But it’s complicated.” He said, gazing off at the Golden Arch.

“It’s complicated? You’re still using that?” I repeated, incredulously. “And you still think you can love?”

“You’re all I think about.” James confessed. “I love you like crazy. That’s the honest truth!”

“Bullshit.” I hissed, scowling at him. “You don’t know anything about love.”

“I do!” He growled. “I repeat, last Thursday was the best day of my life. I won the game, and I got my girl back.”

“Then you got into a fight with your dad and needed to get away. Yes, I’ve heard all this before.” I snipped. “But, what happened on Monday had nothing to do with you fighting with your dad. No matter how many times I tell myself to forget it and forgive you, I just can’t.”

“She controls a lot of people in this school.” James said, all of sudden.

I jerked my head back in confusion. “Who controls a lot of people at school?”

“Donna.” James answered after a few seconds.

“Donna?” I repeated.

“It kind of shocked me when I first met everyone. Nobody really said
no
to her.” James explained. “She started coming on to me last summer, but I’d met you and blew her off.”

“Okay.”

James exhaled. “She wouldn’t take no for an answer and the guys on the team kept jeering me on to do something about her, or else I’d look like a pussy. They didn’t get why I was saying ‘no’ to her.”

“Okay,” I cringed.

“I’m no pussy. I just like what I like and she wasn’t it. But everyone was always concerned about her feelings. I didn’t know what to do.” James explained. “Last weekend when you called, I wanted to answer, but she kept staring at me. So I sent your call to voice mail.”

“Why didn’t you text me earlier?” I asked.

“She never left my side. I mean, you saw the video. She wouldn’t leave me alone. When I texted you Friday night, she kept looking at me weird, like I was doing something wrong.” James said.

“Why are so scared of making her mad? Is being popular that important to you?” I asked.

“It has nothing to do with being popular, baby.” James said. “It’s so much more than that.”

“Then what is it?” I asked, still not hearing what I needed to get past this. “I need more answers. It wasn’t just last weekend James, it’s been like this our entire relationship.”

“It’s complicated.” He muttered, closing his eyes.

“It’s complicated?” I repeated. “You keep saying that.”

Silence.

“Why were you so mean to me?” I whispered.

“Because I’m a stupid asshole, that’s why.” James muttered, opening his eyes, revealing a misty sheen over them. “I could have punched myself for talking to you like that on Tuesday. On Monday, I couldn’t think straight after you telling me it was over, and then after school when I saw you flirting with Tom, I lost it.”

“Why wasn’t I good enough to stand beside you?” I blurted out angrily. “I look just as good as those girls you hang out with. Especially now that I lost weight. You know how many guys notice me now? A lot. I don’t get you.”

“Who’s noticing you now?” James growled, his green eyes blazing like a meteor. “Who? That idiot in the hallway yesterday morning or those jerkoffs from the lunch room? Which one? I’m going to kick the shit out of the one who was looking at my girl.”

I guess I shouldn’t tell him about my little altercation with Matthew today. Seeing as there was serious tension between the two, it would have definitely driven James to do something crazy.

For the sake of his place on the Baseball team and my sanity, the Matthew incident was to never be discussed…ever.

“Calm down.” I told him, exasperated.

“You. Are. My. Girl.” He stated, growling the words with his mouth barely moving.

I wasn’t normal…because the way he said it had an immediate effect on me.

“I’m your girl?” I murmured, confused, yet exhilarated.

His eyes melted into mine. “Always.” James murmured back, his voice humming with sweetness. “I’m a stupid, dumbass. When I get mad or things don’t go my way, my brain shuts off and I do things normal people don’t.”

“Like yesterday during English, with your little performance.” I reminded. I still couldn’t believe he did that in English.

“I was pissed off. Finding you dressed to kill, flirting with that jerk off, asking you what class you had next as if he were going to wait outside and walk you to your next one. I should have punched his face!” James growled before giving me a pained look. His voice turned tortured. “Baby, you looked so good yesterday. I was walking around with a hard on all day.”

Okay, now there’s really something wrong with me, because for some reason, that last sentence came across as heartwarming. “Really?”

“Really.” James assured, leaning over and pulling my hand over, placing it on his face.

I caressed the side of his face. “I can’t go back to the way it was before.”

“It won’t be like that ever again.” James assured, rubbing his lips against my palm. “Please.”

“This is so messed up.” I whispered, feeling a million different emotions, one of which was pleasure from the brush of his warm kiss.

“What do I have to do?” James murmured, staring deep into my eyes, leaning the side of his face into my palm. The light stubble that trailed his jawline tickled my palm. For a reason, deep in my heart, I knew I could never have enough of these soft caresses. Denying myself…of him, suddenly becomes unbearable.

“You can start by holding me.” I whispered, getting up. He wrapped both of his hands around my waist and pulled me into his lap, just like in the parking lot at school today. But this time, we were touching chests as I turned to straddle him, hugging him tightly with my face nestled in the side of his neck.

“You know, you’re my everything.” James whispered into my neck, squeezing his arms around me.

“I hope so.” I chuckled lightly against the warmth of his skin. “Because, you…you dumb idiot…you’re my everything too.”  

This was all so messed up. The time for over analyzing everything wrong about ‘this’ situation was over…well for now at least. Being back on the same cloud as James again was….crazy.

But, that’s because….I was crazy….about him and…….I loved him.

I did.

And didn’t love make people do crazy things? Like forgive.

*~*~*

“There’s more to this story isn’t there?” I asked, staring into his eyes. We were still in his car in the parking lot of McDonald’s, but instead of sitting parallel to one another in the front seat and drivers, or me straddling him, we layed down together against the back seat.

It was kind of private, especially with the tinted windows of his SUV.

“Monday was the worst day of my life, baby.” James murmured, caressing my head, which was resting on the inside of his arm. “There’s a lot more to the story, but I don’t want to stress you about it. It’s over now.”

“For real?” I asked, tucking my body closer against his, feeling an instant sizzle stir inside of me. It’s been awhile….and my body was relishing being this close to him.

“Yeah.” He whispered, grabbing my right hand and placing it over his beating heart. “My heart pounds like crazy whenever I’m with you or near you, and when I hear your voice.”

“Me too.” I whispered, not taking my hand away. It was good where it was.